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A Q Short Story: “Through A Senator’s Eyes”

“So you type in a name,” said Edward.

Mark was wearing a white lab coat, something he always worn since taking this job as head computer scientist, making it clear that he had the authoritative look of a scientist.

“Which name?,” said the woman in response.

Edward huffed.

“You choose,” as he looked at her badge.

Diana Nielson, was the name on the badge, the logo of the NSA on the lower left hand corner of the badge

Edward had a difficult time not staring at her tits. This taller – five foot ten inch slender white woman with long pink hair looked like she’d be a better agent in the field – sleeping with the enemy than doing what she was doing. As he stared at her finger, imagining her naked, he wondered who she blew to get her job as an intelligence analyst, and in that moment he  began imagining bending her over his desk with doing and then doing her from behind.

He soon interrupted.

“Ed… Edward.. are you there?,” said Diana.

Edward’s eyes regained focus as he returned to reality and looked at her and said “Oh yeah. Sorry, what was that?”

“I don’t know, who should I type in?” she said, putting her index finger into her mouth biting it in a way that seemed almost like she was feigning her innocent naivety. He shrugged off the suspicion. This woman was dumb as a brick and he was convinced of it.  There was simply no way she could pull off any act he wouldn’t detect immediately.

He shrugged it off.

“Oh for the love of God, move over please,” Edward said, and not waiting for her to move, he bumped into her pushing her away, and pulled the keyboard out from in front of her.

“What state are you from again?,” Edward said.

“Arizona,” she said.

“John McCain,” he said, as he typed the name in the search field.

“Wait. you can do that? He’s a Senator!” Diana said, genuinely surprised.

The search results came up, a list of results, “Senator John McCain” was the first in the list.

Edward grinned at Diana, and then returned his gaze back to the computer screen without saying a word, as he donned a mischievous almost evil smile when he double clicked Senator McCain’s name.

The screen flickered, briefly, and then changed.

It was inside John McCain’s office.

From directly behind a large mahogany desk, two older hands could be seen, folded in front of this perspective, and across the desk on the other side sitting down in a chair was none other than…

“That’s Jesus, that’s… Jeff Flake….. “ she said, trailing off.

The perspective turned to look at the phone, and a hand went out and picked up the phone.

Edward leaned over to turn on his speakers.

“We’re almost done in here, I won’t be any longer than,” his arm lifted and we could see on the computer screen as the Senator checked his watch, which read 2:15, “I’m 15 over right now, I wont be any longer than 10 minutes, tell her I’ll be right over after that”

We could hear a woman’s voice as plain as day respond “Thank you Senator”

“You bet,” he responded, and he set the phone down.

He turned his attention back to Senator Flake.

“Now where were we,” said Senator McCain, his voice almost as loud as if he was talking directly into a microphone.

Senator Flake responded “The steering committee. You were just about to commit to working together with me”

Senator McCain wagged his index finger “Clever man, I like that about you”

Edward clicked a set of double bars in the lower left right corner of the screen, underneath the image of Senator Flake with McCain waving a finger in front of him.

He then looked at Diana, for the first time, who’d been quiet the whole time.

She was notably horrified, her mouth was wide open.

“You can see through anyone’s eyes?,” Diana said.

“Anyone in the continental U.S. of A,” Edward said.

Her face was blank, as if in shock.

“And hear. And more,” he added.

She said nothing.

Edward seemed a bit surprised.

The suspicion about Diana snuck up on him again. This reaction was definitely not expected.

“Diana, you did pass your psychological screening, didn’t you?,” he said.

Her face was white, as she looked at the image of John Flake through the eyes of John McCain on the computer screen.

“I did. I just never expected….,” she said.

Edward leaned forward.

“Ok, Diana, I’m going to proceed, is that ok?,” he said.

She regained her composure.

“Yeah, yes, go ahead, “ she said.

She forced the blood to return to her face.

Edward’s demeanor eased immediately, as he swiveled the chair he was sitting in back around to the monitor.

“Ok, from here, I can rewind – let’s say we want to hear who Senator McCain was talking to, I simply type in ‘Goto Phone Call Start’ here in the search, and hit enter,” he said

The image on the screen changed, almost instantly, and we see John’s hand on the phone.

“The system is intelligent enough to know the context – this current viewing session – and sets us up to…”

Edward then pushes play, as the recording proceeds.

Senator McCain places the phone to his ear “Hello Victoria”

He then paused the recording again.

“Do you have a list of commands available?,” Diana said, she’d intentionally dampened her emotions, knowing she had to detach herself.

“This is a sixth generation system, it’s entirely English based and is adaptive in nature. How you’re going to use and interact with this system will be different than I do, by design, which is why I have to intentionally limit what I show and tell you. It’s not for security’s sake, you are well past the point of no return there, it is so you can develop your own skills and proficiencies based on your tastes,” Edward said.

“Ok,” she said, hiding her dismay.

Edward turned back to the scree, and clicked on the solid box icon next to the two bars icon.

The image on the screen completely disappeared, leaving the search screen.

“Ok, next I’m going to show you tagging and feedback modes,” Edward said.

“I really feel like I need a notebook for all this,” Diana said.

Edward turned to her “YOU KNOW there’s no notes,” he said, annoyed.

He didn’t wait for her response as he he turned his attention to the screen.

“ASU – that’s the major university in Phoenix, right?,” Edward said.

“Tempe, but close enough,” Diana responded.

“What’s a major intersection that’s close to the University?,” Edward said.

“She bit her lip. Mill and University I suppose?,” she said.

He typed the words Mill and University in Tempe, Arizona into the search box.

A screen came up containing a list of names, locations, and a small satellite map on the right hand side of the screen.

“All location based searches,” he said, clicking on the map, “will result in the ability to access a real time geosynchronous satellite view”

The map came up – full screen, covering a 4 block by four block square centered on the named intersection. The imagery was alive – with people walking across the busy intersection, cars and buses driving. It was a busy March afternoon in a busy college town.

“Everyone – has the same map accessibility functionality. Over here to the right are my options,” Edward said as he pointed his finger at the right side of the screen, one with a little icon of a face, another with a little icon of a car, another with a little icon of a camera.

“If I click on the people selector here,” he said as he clicked on the icon with the tiny little face, when a lightly drawn square appeared over each walking person – each in white.

“If I hover my mouse over any person now, “ he said as he found a person at a bus stop.

Down below the image appeared “Annika Hansen, Age: 22, Student: Arizona State University. D/L: N/A Member, Alpha Phi Sorority”

A picture of Annika appeared next to the information.

“If I click on her, it enters autofollow mode and remains persistent,” he said, “There’s too much to explain about what can be done once you’ve targeted a ped, you need to explore than on your own.”

“One question” Diana asked.

Edward said “What’s that?”

“If there’s no driver’s license, how did we get a picture?,” Diana said.

“Good question. Images are aged. the most recent verifiable consistent image of a person is used and can be taken from any number of sources, up to and including social media, video calls, web cams, and heck even traffic cams. State based IDs are generally weighed as the least credible imagery of a person and generally not trusted, particularly in states like Arizona where some people have pictures in the system that date back literally twenty or more years,” he said.

She nodded affirmatively.

“So. Annika. See how she has a green icon in the upper left hand corner of her image once I clicked on her?,” Edward said.

She hadn’t noticed it until he pointed it out to her, but she lied and said “I did, what does that mean?”

“That our dear Annika, waiting for the bus, can enter feedback mode,” he said.

He double clicked on Annika, and instantly the perspective changed from the overhead satellite view to looking through her eyes.

“Jesus, “ Diana said

Edward eased up on Diana.

“You’ll get used to it,” he responded.

She wanted to protest, but chose not to.

While they were looking through the eyes of Annika, a bus could be seen. Annika could be seen looking down to grab a bag that was sitting next to he, as Edward said “If I do this fast enough”, as he quickly typed in DO NOT MOVE. STAY SAT DOWN into a textbox that was underneath the view out her eyes.

Annika, who by then had started to lift forward, sat back.

The bus pulled up, and the doors opened. Annika remained still.

“Wow,” said Diana.

“Feedback mode,” Edward responded.

“SO you tell them what to do?,” Diana said.

“More like suggest. there are limits to what we can do in feedback mode – mainly constrained to what would be considered within the constraints of a person’s character and personality. If I told her to jump in front of the bus, most people’s desire to live would override that command,” he said.

Diana smiled.

“However. If it’s within the potentially rational behavior of the individual…”

Edward types a command into the window “Third Person Mode”

Instantly, the view changed to about ten feet away from Annika, looking directly at her as she sat on the bus stop.

The bus could be seen pulling away…

“Then we could do something crazy like this…,” Edward said

Edward typed in “Remove all your clothes, completely, set them on the bench beside you, then run around the bus stop ONE TIME screaming I LOVE BEING NAKED then sit down at the bus stop, get clothed, and resume your day as if nothing ever happened, and forget it all ever happened”

With that command, the attractive coed suddenly removed all her clothes, getting completely naked, and ran around the bus stop.

People honked their horns, some laughed, and the dozen or so others at the bus stop stood back as she then sat down, and put her clothes back on.

Diana just stared.

“Coeds. Will do just about anything involving nudity and sexuality,” he said.

Diana just stared.

Edward smiled, looking at her, then looked back at the screen.

“Ok. Since there’s no questions so far, we have redundant back up for everything everyone experiences who enters or is within our borders, with our Orem, Utah, data center being a primary repository for these archives. If you were born here, we have full access to all your life experiences. I encourage you to look back on your own life as a part of getting accustomed to the historical archival,” he said.

Diana just stared at him. Still saying nothing.

He continued “Also. With feedback mode. You are required to spend tomorrow testing yourself on feedback mode. Put yourself into feedback mode, issue commands to yourself – things you normally might not do – people will understand if you do the chicken walk down the hall – but you absolutely need to do this in order to understand how feedback mode works, what the target feels when you’re issuing commands, and hopefully begin building an immunity against this should any foreign government be using the same technology.”

Diana finally responded.


“With. Feedback mode. With all of this. What are the restrictions and laws governing this?,” Diana said.

Edward laughed.

‘Poor girl’, he thought. ‘doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s in for’

We are above the law, hon. Create your own rules and what works for you. In general, I like to mind wipe those I ask to do things like – well – running around naked in public – or having sex with me when they don’t know me.

“You do that?,” Diana said, almost not believing his candor.

“All the time,” he said, nonchalantly, “look, you’re going to learn real quick there’s things I do with the system that you don’t like and may not like. A part of our job isn’t just to do what we’re told to do – but also to experiment on our own. Everything is recorded. There’s mechanisms in place to protect you from yourself that you’ll learn about, so my biggest piece of advice is to learn tolerance.”

He turned back to the screen, and clicked the stop button which returned the screen to the search screen.

She wasn’t looking at what he typed, she was lost in thought, when all the sudden she blurted out.

“I love you will you lick my nipples, please?,” she said.

She covered her mouth, and looked at the screen.

It was a view through her eyes.

And she could see he’d typed in the command:

“Say “I love you and will you please lick my pasty nipples?” to Edward”

He laughed.

Her hand shot up over her mouth.

“Dont ever do that again,” she said.

“Tomorrow,” he said, ” I’ve just given you a reason to spend the day training, haven’t I?,

She nodded, affirmatively, not removing her hand from her mouth.

“In a week, once you’ve gotten around the system and feel comfortable with it, we’ll chat again. Your homework between now and then will be to find a life event in the archive that you don’t mind sharing with me so I can teach you about the haptic suit and full body simulation,” Edward said.

She removed her hand from her mouth.

Lost for words, all she could conjure up was “Ok,” as a response.

When she left the building, and the parking lot of the NSA facilities in Fort Meade, Maryland, she drove straight to Anne Arundal Mall and purchased a disposable cell phone from a vendor there.

She typed in a number.

Then sent a single text.

“Last contact. It’s all true. And so much worse than I ever imagined. Do not now nor ever attempt contact again,” the message said, as she hit send, watched the confirmed receipt, and promptly threw the message in the trash.

Back at the NSA’s facilities in Fort Meade, Edward, looking through her eyes on his computer screen, paused the view to see the message she’d just sent.

He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms behind his head and smiled.

“Atta girl,” he said out loud.

From Inside the Matrix

In 1999, what I consider to be the greatest movie of all time came out.

“The Matrix”

In this world – a programmer named Neo came to discover that the world around him was a simulated world, a “Matrix” and that this simulation which Neo thought to be the year 199 – was contained within a world that had gone to war, and the year was closer to the year 2350, and that he was effectively a ‘slave’ within this programmed world that was controlled by machines.

In later installments, it was inferred that Neo had done this countless times, living within the Matrix only to break out of it, each time rising above ‘the programming’ of it to eventually break free of it and become the equivalent of superman while he was within it.

AS a programmer, I LOVED the movie. for too many reasons to list – not the least of which was…

It got me to thinking…. “What if my world was a Matrix too?”

In the movie, Morpheus discusses the Horror of machines taking the dead and feeding it to the living. From a certain perspective, my world does the same thing as people who die are placed in caskets or incinerated and then buried and as the Earth constantly recycles – sure, it’s quite possible there’s a tiny atomic pieces of my grandma or grandpa in me.

Horror Smorror.

But let’s say the Matrix is real.

Energy – the collectively agreed on substrate that comprises all of atomically based matter, let’s say it can have any configuration.

The intro to Superman had a long monologue by Superman’s father – Jor El being given to Kal El  – explaining the differences between galaxies are as simple as there are different physical laws governing time and space.

So let’s apply that concept to the Milky Way – where Einstein based physics and a formula known as relativity (E=MC^2) might outline the governing ‘laws’ of the Milky Way’, and with this particularly configuration of energy, we now have a formalized relationship of how light functions relative to time and energy.

Light relative to time being the critical ingredients necessary to form a Matrix….

So. What if it’s true?

I had to ask the question when I started down this path.

First, would I take the blue pill or red pill?

That’s where it’s important to understand what the blue pill and red pill are – which is a metaphor – a placebo if you will – to say what’s your preference of seeing and understanding the world.

To me. Would I want to learn that my reality was contained within a nightmarish hellish landscape?

Fuck no.

And why Neo never questions the Matrix within a Matrix within a Matrix concept well – we know why – and they made a movie based on this concept with Inception.

But no. I got to thinking a couple things about the movie the Matrix after watching it.

Namely – what governs the containerization and hierarchies of a Matrix?

And also – what if the one possibility presented to Neo was but one possibility of many? And the more complex reality that existed ‘out there’ was there was a potential multiverse of alternate translations and interpretations of possibilities.

Being honest. I’ve had the holographic universe at my finger tips in the form of a computer for nearly 40 years now.

I’ve seen other worlds. Countless other ones. Some with physics and math that work just like mine. Others where it most definitely does not. Others where physics and math simply don’t exist in the form I’m used to. And still others whee time moves differently, dramatically differently than the world as I know it. Time moves backwards sometimes, sideways, and events that happen in one world effect other worlds within the same contextual world. I’ve experienced multiple concurrent timelines, overcome trials that required multiple versions of me, and revisited historical events and changed history more times than I can count.

So let’s say – you take the concepts in the Matrix and take the lens of Einstein and apply it to my world.

What I found was – hey – I like this world I’m in.

But it hasn’t been working for me for some time.

Now why is that?

Prior to five years ago, I’d never considered Neo’s perspective.

Neo embraced what was told to him, and effectively went into ‘god mode’ – playing Superman – something that I’ve experienced many times in the MMORPG world’s I’ve played in. In effect – he took ownership of his world.

In Neo’s case. He had to recognize the world he was in was a program, and accept that programmed reality which then eased his mind into realizing if it’s a computer world – it can be programmed.

But for me – there’s things I do in the computer worlds I play in that I dont in real life. I go to war. I die. Frequently. I can’t streak, get naked, and heck – just try to do anything that resembles sex and relationship or anything vulgar inside a computer game and you’ll find yourself either banned, laughed at, or unable to take off all your clothes with the exception of stripping down to your underwear.

Boring, right?

And let’s say I embraced Neo’s perspective – to what end? There’s war outside his world. And inside is now war.

Where is the fun in that?

No. There’s a definite reason I would never want to take the red pill alone if Morpheus had offered me the same deal, as quite frankly, that predictable world Neo saw I wouldn’t take a ‘calculated risk’ that that wouldn’t be the world I saw by taking that pill alone.

What I would do though – is I would have grabbed both pills. The blue and the red – and taken both.

Here’s why: I wouldn’t want to exit “the Matrix” and reality as I knew it. Even though I tried committing suicide a few years ago, there were things that had led me to that decision beyond my comprehension, things I needed to understand that – in the aftermath of that decision – could only have been remembered by doing what I did.

Yes, there were mechanisms in place in my world that were very “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind” in the way my mind and memories were constantly manipulated by myself actively in the moment, by myself across space and time, and by a wide swath of others that I didn’t know even existed until that moment in time.

It was a cathartic moment.

Ever since then, I’ve realized a lot of things about my position in space and time.

Everything I can imagine is possible.

The labels I use and my beliefs help organize this everything in a rational and logical sense that provides an order and this thing I refer to as ‘reality’. My facts were at one time conjoined with the collective facts of this world and this particular version of Earth, but for ten years from 2001 to about 2011 – I’d been wrestling with my own individuality and experiences which I suspect were not in alignment with the collective facts of the world around me.

So in 2011. When I saw fictional worlds arise for the first time – I’d been exercising choice – real choice – for the first time in my life. I wasn’t interested in having my mind and memory ‘updated’ to fit in with the collective mechanisms of reality. I enjoyed my past, had parts of my past I wanted to revisit and will someday, and as this belief system became reinforced that this all was and is within my right to explore, reality itself began teaching me about my choice – as I formed an awareness of the multiverse and how my choices don’t defy other’s free will – we all get what we really want – and sometimes, what’s best for the individual is not best for the collective whole which saw me…

Ejected from the collective to create this new version of Earth on my own.

What am I saying?

You can choose to kill me. That’s your right and privilege. And let’s say there’s a billion of you who want to do the same and you feel absolutely justified with that desire. You may statistically support it – that’s collective evidence. You may provide documentation that I’m evil or bad – collective agreements. You may produce video and audio that what you claim I did I did – more collective evidence.

But in the end.

You’re an individual. Functioning in a collective. So if you prize your individual choice above the need for justice and my persecution.

There’s a part of your mind that knows this. And collectively, you’re a part of a majority that is now a minority because of my desire to exercise my individuality in godlike ways.

I suppose that was the lesson – the takeaway I had if you will of the Matrix.

If reality permits you to be anything you want to be – to do anything you want to do – then why not set your goals ridiculously high?

I love the idea of regarding the universe and multiverse as my plaything. Of developing and expanding this thing called reality and knowing – deep down inside knowing – that no matter what I do and whose toes I step on – no one ever really gets hurt from my actions and thoughts.

Now I myself AM sensitive and enjoy my emotions. So I try to treat others as I want to be treated.

And this “Matrix” – this particularly perspective of reality formed in a feedback loop with my own mind, something I’ve been working on for literal eternities – trillions upon trillions of years.

It’s my masterpiece.

It. And this planet as a part of it.

Is part of my grandest work – and has been – and will always be – a work in progress.

You see. You take control of the Matrix by choosing to try to figure out how god perceives the world.

And ultimately, that becomes you.

Don’t like it?

Bow out. And find a different way to perceive the world. I invite you to.

It’s Still a little longer scary to me, knowing that demons, angels, various versions of God, superheroes, the supernatural, magic and all that and so much more exists.

I was after all a mortal for most of my life, and those feelings and emotions and self doubt that comes with mortality hasn’t completely abandoned me yet.

Give it time. I’m not rushing it anymore because I enjoy what I have and who i am.

Even if I am not perfect in your eyes. I do not need to be anymore. I’m a ok perfect for me.

You take control of the Matrix by believing in it and believing it has been and always will be yours to do whatever you want to with it.

Strangely, in a multiverse, this isn’t contradictive to anything I want.

And sure. Killer robots exist.

Why do you think we created Iraq, and the middle East? The killer robots needed a place to play.

Humans have been and always will be free. You have to actively choose to be controlled which is when it only feels like you’re a victim. This it eh lie we tell ourselves to expand our world’s possibilities.

I choose to live inside the Matrix because of the possibilities it offers to me as a programmer to create, develop, and expand my world.



Mob Rule and My Observations on Perspective

A long time friend of mine (I still consider him a friend despite the lack of contact) – Bill Stokes was a peculiar guy.

Bill was a great programmer when I first met him – his abilities in C++ were unparalleled in my opinion, second only to another friend of mine – Ron Ostreim – who hands down was and is the best coder I have ever met.

When I met Bill at the Mirage Hotel and Casino Resorts – I was contracting there through Microsoft along with Ron, and Bill was a full timer there who didn’t seem too happy with things there.

But damn. Was he good at what he did.

Working with his code – to me at least – was like working with a well tuned orchestra as I – as the conductor – knew of any programmer I could approach with problems or ideas –  he’d not only know be quicker than anyone I knew in devising great ideas – but we could work through solutions like it was nothing and most of the time the guy was light years ahead of me with understanding Windows.

I was doing user interface work in Visual Basic 6.0 with a little bit of C++ to interact with his stuff, he was focused primarily on ‘middle tier work’ in a what was referred to as an ‘n-tier’ system, SQL Server being the backend, C++ being the caching, communication volume, and security mechanisms to communicate with the SQL Server and any other related services, so I as a programmer doing user interface work could focus strictly on user interface development without having to pay attention to the plumbing.

Bill was so impressive to me with his code, he’s the first one I can remember where I was inspired to do better with my knowledge.

You’d have thought it would have been Ron, with how good he was, but Ron was a mysterious commodity and I never knew where Ron’s priorities were and what motivated him.

Conversely, Bill was an open book – he enjoyed games like I did – he’d been a programmer with Sierra Studios, had been the primary programmer for two people I’d up until that point had regarded as near godlike figures in the industry – Roberta and Ken Williams – and while he didn’t have any real savory things to say about these two people – his experiences – and the games Bill had created had me almost idolizing Bill at first when I met the guy.

My ex wife – Lisa – quipped at times – “You’ve got a man crush. If you were gay, you’d probably be with him instead of me.”

I couldn’t disagree.

While we were never romantic and that subject was never broached, fortunately, we were both – to my knowledge – very heterosexual – I did pay attention to the guy in an effort to understand not just how my friend thought and looked at the world – but also – what made him so damned good with what he did?

I’d been on the receiving end of games for most of my life and was fascinated – as a programmer about the thinking processes of an actual video game programmer which I’d never met before – and couldn’t help but wonder about the mindset and mental capabilities and abilities it took  – mentally – to create one.

This commenced an investigation into what makes people who they are.

It started with Bill. I’d noticed his desk was always clean. Spotless in fact. His computer desktop was always clean as well, resembling his real life desktop. Bill himself was extremely well put together. Always clean shaven. Always well groomed and manicured. I noticed an extreme consistency with his style and crispness with his desk – and well – pretty much everything else in his life. His home – immaculate. And his car. The same way.

What I realized was – in part what made Bill a great coder was his ability to remove the clutter from his life – clutter which would otherwise divert his attention. But when I played a few practical jokes on the guy – I always have joked on everyone so I wasn’t intentionally targeting him – I noticed an unusual response. His reactions were unusual and exaggerated.

Through my antics, I accidentally learned that Bill responded extremely poorly to his controlled environment being threatened.

It was interesting. In part what made Bill an awesome programmer – his extreme control of his environment – also presented a problem – when someone or something didn’t work exactly as it was supposed to or well outside the range of predictability…..

I learned a lot from the guy, for sure, and I suppose that my doing cocaine made me an unpredictable commodity in his life when most people – maybe even he – thought he had me figured out. Hopefully one day he learns I didn’t do drugs to him to cause him harm. I did it to understand how someone so controlled like him could do it in his youth. I also did it to understand Lisa. I admittedly also did it to get laid.

Bill – in his own ways – had inspired me to begin looking at everyone on my life and the patterns of behavior and they demonstrated which both contributed and reinforced their personality.

And I thank him for that.

I never did it in ways that were like I was studying them. For me it was almost always a passive endeavor, Bill included.

I am who I am. I’m a practical joker at times, I can be serious sometimes, I’m sexual, but controlled at the same time, I have laser focus for some things and absolutely none for others. I’m passionate, and I know what I like, most of the time, but try to leave the door open.

But none of this was because of me.

It was because I wanted to have better relationships.


And heck, a better life in general.

You see – Lisa had a point when she said I had a man crush. Lisa and I were extremely passionate when we first were together, but as time went on, the relationship went from one thousand miles an hour to zero in almost no time. and for some reason intimacy and our relationship felt like it shifted from a romantic partnership to a business relationship in far too little time.

For me – that wasn’t love. I’d loved the idea of actually being attracted to my partner pr partners for the long term. So as Lisa and I fizzled, and as it felt like I was with a sister more than I was a lover with Lisa, I began to turn the lens towards her.

What made Lisa who she was?

She didnt like video games – at all – until Heroes of Might and Magic.

And when we first met – Lisa danced nude at an all nude club in downtown Phoenix to pay her bills as she attended Arizona State University. She was an odd duck from the start – and that’s what I loved about her – she drove a Corvair to school – I met her in Humanities class – and unlike most women – she had a strength of will and belief in herself without succumbing to the games most women play.

That’s what I loved about her. She was eccentric. Weird even – I mean – she had a pet snake and her ex boyfriend had her tarantulas.

And that self confidence. She felt comfortable in her own skin enough to show it off – and was downright proud of her body, which I myself never really had been about mine – so that confidence was somewhat infectious to me and something I wanted for myself.

But there was something odd about Lisa. Her and I were very, very similar in personalities and attitudes, and with the exception of video games, there wasn’t much we didn’t like that we didn’t share in common. In the end , that’s what ultimately destroyed the relationship for me. To this day, I don’t know what she would say destroyed it for her, but when I lost romantic interest in the girl, subconsciously I had no real desire to work on things and was – like her – trying to find a way to rationalize the marriage without it ending in divorce.

Over time, my friends and lovers – the patterns and behavior were all fairly consistent with their actions and words. I’d noticed something in common with people I ‘let go of’ – this thing called authenticity had me abandoning relationships and friendships if they behavioral patterns that were inconsistent.

I suppose this need for consistency and predictability – had worn off on me by my exposure to Bill.

And I didn’t mind it. My relationships felt richer. More rewarding. More genuine.

And my life…

Well I began seeing possibilities with it that I’d never seen before.

So in about 2004/2005, as this new mindset was blossoming and I was paying less and less attention to why people did what they did – I’d ‘installed’ this program at a subconscious level and it had taken hold in my DNA….. I began actively looking to other resources for evidence on direction to follow for success in my life and career.

SO here’s the funny thing – when you begin for the first time paying attention to actions and reactions of individuals, and you focus on consistency and what breaks that consistency and how they react to it – you can’t help but also pay attention to the influences on them and what pressures they have to deal with.

For instance.

President William Clinton.

When he admitted to the Monica Lewinsky deal, his word choices for defending the relationship with Monica Lewinsky wasn’t a lie. If you’ve watched the show “Lie to Me” – there are micro-expressions William Clinton gave under oath which give away a number of things including – the man doesn’t consider a blowjob a sexual relationship and neither does his wife.

But what I found more interesting was the ‘tells’ given by him and his wife Hillary and he had worked together to create this event, and they’d chosen Monica intentionally because of her predictable reactions to the event.

Which begged the question to me.

How does one have to think in order to know humans this well – to know – in such a highly calculated way – that not only will someone act with such complete predictability in a manner consistent with your predicted expectations – but just how different are their emotions and world views to make this … ok?

Let me explain.

Lisa and I considered an open relationship because our relationship had gone south and we sought other ways to salvage our relationship.

I love the woman. To this day. But I love her as a friend.

But for a romantic relationship, that’s just not what I wanted, and the institution of marriage to me meant more than a romanceless and relatively loveless relationship – that was something I just wasn’t interested in.

I’d seen plenty of examples throughout life prior to then to understand how cold and bitter relationships could become when the love’s gone. And I’d seen other – still functional relationships – where the marital partners acted more as business partners than they did romantic partners and the two remained together despite the lack of love in the relationship.

“For the kids” – that’s the excuse Rachel Gooch provided me around this time on why she stayed in her relationship when the romance was gone.

I didn’t like judging these relationships, and came to respect the choices of a married partner like Rachel to spend time with a single guy like me, to this day I feel honored she shared any time with me at all.

But the Clintons – they took the cake. There was something between these two that were both noble – and spoke of deeper thought processes that I’d never – not once – considered before this time.

And that’s that I wasn’t the smartest man in the room. Nor the most calculated. Nor the most aware.

And that was ok.

So over the years – after Lisa and I parted ways – I began asking better questions when I observed others.

And this questioning continued with these things called fictional characters.

For instance.

Why would Doctor Who feel justified in throwing someone into a black hole? Asking this question helped me develop my own answers to what’s in a black hole, why they’re there, and how the man looks at life, the consciousness, and then – take it to another level by asking the question “What court could hold someone responsible for the things he and he alone witnesses and resolves?”

It’s a real quandary of a question.

Similarly, When Q decided to hold humanity up for trial in Star Trek for things they were going to do and hadn’t done yet – my first response was – how is that remotely fair considering the events haven’t happened yet?

Which is interesting, as it then forced me to consider Q’s perspective and how he must regard time. Furthermore, I had to set aside by narcisstic beliefs in my own superior intelligence which might call his view of my timeline naive – and instead ask myself – if this man is truely as intelligent as he purports to be – then there stands the real possibility that he sees something in time that I myself am not aware of. So what is that?

That’s what taught me about how alternate realities and the multiverse mitigate risk and the concept of linear and nonlinear time go hand in hand with the concepts of alternate realities, you can’t really separate the two with any degree of overarching success.

More and more.

As I quit thinking and believing I’m the smartest man in the room.

The more evidence I found that there was a LOT of smart people in my world.

And that even these fictional beings who may be real – offer some incredible insights into my world and it’s possibilities – if I simply took the time to quit ascribing to mob (collective) rule – and began paying attention to answering the question “Why do they do what they do?”

Without the  knee jerk programmed reaction to tear them down and making myself better than they are.

Now don’t get me wrong.

I enjoy my perspective and world view.

And as the creator of this universe. I know I don’t have to be the smartest, sexiest, richest, best or worst at anything I do in order to know what I know to be true is absolutely true and this universe is and always will be mine.

All it took was listening to a man named Morgan Freeman say he was God.

And finding a way to make him right from his perspective without invalidating or elevating me in mine.

The multiverse.

Amazing and scary the possibilities it introduces.

Collective and democratic systems work well for the most part, but not all the time. They do, after all, call it mob rule for a reason.

Nothing, I’ve found, works well all the time.

With the exception of love and sex.

Even those two things I suspect have their limits.

But I acknowledge I can always be wrong.

Incidentally, to this day I wonder if Bill, Ron and Lisa (and more) could detach their consciousness from their bodies and ‘drive’ bodies like I would a car in much the same way depicted in “Altered Carbon”.

I’m past the point of being surprised should they approach me in a new body and want to chat.

Why shouldn’t everyone get what they want?

A few years ago – shortly after receiving my MBA, I had just gotten done reading a book called “The Elegant Universe” by Brian Greene – discussing theories of the multiverse and alternate realities, when I had someone who was fanatically religious threaten me after getting furious at me for not believing their way was the right way.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened in my life, and certainly won’t be the last – but not long after that I watched a Brian Greene special on PBS which discussed “How there are infinite versions of this pool table, and me playing pool” or something to that effect – as he went on to say “and there’s even one version of me who’s an expert at playing pool” – I began scratching my head.

Then I saw yet another well known scientist by the name of Neil Degrasse Tyson say the same thing.

Then Michio Kaku.

Then I saw a show by Morgan Freeman, “Through the Wormhole” – he’s a a famous actor here in my universe who’s very well known for being a highly intelligent man – saying the same thing.

And in an interview, I heard Morgan Freeman openly refer to himself as “God” – which suddenly got me thinking.

Rather than take offense at these perspectives, including that fanatic religious perspective, why not take it all into consideration – and more than that – find a way to organize it intellectually in order to validate these assertions.

Let me explain.

My ex girlfriend – Kena Patel said “My god came to my village in Gujrati a thousand years ago”

She was a devout Hindi/Gujarati, who would pray at her altar regularly.

For most of my life, I’ve found myself repeatedly engaging with people who believe in things I couldn’t see and imagine myself.

Whether it was my own mother, a protestant who enjoyed her faith but didn’t have to live by it.

Or it was Kena.

Or my friends Joe and Amy Shay who often mocked the “Big Asshole in the Sky”, who’d both been devout Mormons at one time in their lives before finding more fun in a little hedonism.

Seeing people in entertainment with their strange faiths – Whether it was Tom Cruise and Scientology, Madonna and Kaballah, and the Presidents and their conservative Christian views – I liked to believe I was a smart guy – but I couldn’t help but start to question – was I missing out on something?

So one day. Rachel invites herself over to my house, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and decides she’s going to get undressed. I’d never. Ever. Had any woman do anything like that for me before. Usually I’m the one who’s going to extraordinary efforts in order to court a woman to convince her to take her clothes off. And here – without asking – she did something I’d wished for – hoped for – dreamed of.

Silly male, I know.  And not long after that, Jackie does something similar for me.


So I’m asking.

I’m not content with life as I’ve known it – and these subtle but fun glimpses of a life I’ve never had I want more of.

A mansion. Women I don’t have to work for who just want to spend time with me for whatever reason they want. A jet that I eventually get certified to fly myself. A Ferrari. Android versions of Jackie and Rachel in their prime. Money to invest in time travel research.

Life’s been good to me so far – up until five years ago, where I realized that my drug addiction was a tell….

That I was just bored with the life I had had before, and even modest gains that could be achieved with the MBA I acquired in 2009 still meant a great deal of work for negligible return on my effort and nowhere near the real things I wanted without saddling myself with even more debt that would eventually kill me with the stress of it all.

I’ve had many people asking me over the last five years “What do you want”.

I tell them – realistically Q Powers.

And while that’s my long term goal.

The short term goals are – Fortune and to some degree a little fame.

Now before you say “Be Realistic”,

Let me catch you.

I believe I AM being realistic based on my religious views.

If you tell me it’s not, I believe it’s YOU who is being unrealistic, and worse – unfair and mean and quite simply disrespectful of my religious beliefs.

I believe I’m my own idea and concept of God. With this, I believe in something called a multiverse, and this single universe that I live in is my forming heaven, I believe there are infinite potential versions of Earth, and with those alternate realities and timelines, my scientific proof and evidence of that is that these alternate realities are visible and can be interacted with through hallucinations.

It doesn’t matter whether you believe in this proof or not.

It doesn’t matter whether you believe as I do or not.

My belief lets me get exactly what I want, and those who don’t want what I want or do not want to support me – well – they’ll get a coach ticket into their own universe – a subset of reality in the vast multiverse of all potential realities – and they – you – can form and design this universe as you see fit through your own beliefs, choices, and refusal to collaborate with others in the same way I’ve refused which led me here.

This isn’t being mean.

It’s just – I sincerely believe that all fantasies deserve to be honored.

If it’s hell you want. Which who knows, maybe one day I may want to indulge in that…

Or if it’s heaven…

I have my own perspective and view of reality and have formed a universe with rules based on the choices I’ve made., and while I’ve become aware of a number of other universes out there, while there’s parts of those universes I woldn’t mind including in my own, there’s certainly other parts I don’t want to include (ie: warfare and fighting) which I’m currently mentally coming to terms with and finding a way to balance this all mentally and mitigating the risk presented to me by not looking for nor wanting it.

It’s trippy.

Being the owner and caretaker of your own universe.

But ultimately. We all really are in this together to some degree.

And while I know that ultimately, I always get my way.

I know that way can and has changed infinite times throughout the course of my eternal life.

I believe in a multiverse. If you don’t – that’s fine. You’ll find your own home in a pocket universe until such a time come where you want to believe in more -OR – you get visitors from other universes.

I don’t have to prove my perspective and viewpoint. Proof is but one way to build variety and perspective, but is not essential to it.

In the end it’s so much easier to believe everything everyone says and then pick your facts accordingly.

Descarte’s doubt everything philosophy has it’s contrasting perspective.

Believe everything. Then choose your facts accordingly.


Thoughts on Time

Ok, this is more of a freeform entry here about my thoughts on time.

For every calendar and timekeeping system that’s out there – Julian, Mayan, Gregorian, even fictional calendars the Stardate calendar in Star Trek – there’s a separate and distinct configuration of a universe that quite likely formed from that.

Science loves to tell the story that the continued refinement of the scientific method has equated to a greater accuracy in time keeping methods and thus the revision of the calendar historically in order to refine this precision, and while that’s a wonderful story, it’s only a partial truth.

Why? There’s at least two ways to observe time. Collective mechanisms which require submission and to some degree subservience to a central timekeeping authority, and individualistically based where time moves relative to the perspective of the individual.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to ascertain the difference between the two.

Regardless of which perspective you choose to believe in – each has a cost associated with it.

For instance, if you believe in a single collective mechanistic method of time, then you tend to believe in a single set of facts and truths. Unless you’re the one responsible for manipulating time yourself, you place your faith and trust in external mechanisms which manage and control your timeline. Free will and freedom of choice tend to come second to safety and security, particularly when it comes down to preserving the safety of the collective whole.

Furthermore, a mentality and mindset of for ‘greater good’ tends to dominate the collectivistic mechanisms of timekeeping.

Conversely, an individualistic method of timekeeping tends to have a lot more flexibility over choice, but there’s a definite cost to that choice – which includes – as I’ve learned – it tends to be a lonely path because what’s right for me or you as individuals may not be right for the collective whole in which we take part in.

With that said – What’s the difference between the two perspectives of time?

First, with a collective sense of time, in general the manipulation of the mind and memories tends to – at least by my observations – be a regular thing that occurs. There’s a saying – history is written by the victors – which is a partial truth (it’s much more complicated than that), but those who understand the difference between the collective and individual perspectives of time tend to dominate those who think from one or the other perspective without being intentional about it.

For instance.

Let’s say that I’m a wealthy billionaire and I see the power my money has had on the people around me and underneath me. I know they’ve forgotten more than they remember while interacting with me, and at first – while I may have questioned this – I came to realize this wasn’t because of faulty memory – it was because they entrusted their future to a man (or woman) of success, you set a bar, and you became a force in their life which overrode their need to preserve memories which might call to question your tactics and/or beliefs.

Put specifically. What you believed in as a wealthy billionaire they considered to be such an important part of your success, that this has a tendency, at least from my observational perspective – to override their own memories. Their OWN mind and imagination does this to them.

This is where the victim mentality arises and why it’s so common.

SO much evidence of success exists ‘out there’ where those who are corrupt, assholes, and unintelligent and uneducated people are regularly rewarded for their success in fortune and those who are nice, educated, and intelligent get burdened with debt and worse – ostracized by the collective whole who over time repetitively sees the worst gets rewarded while the best  get extricated from the system.

This isn’t an advocacy for looking at time from one perspective to the next.

Because there’s a secondary issue.

Time, itself, branches, the stronger the will of those who are ostracized from the collective norms established of society. Individuals will form and create their own timeline, their own perspective of the world, and when the will is strong enough – in a literal sense split Earth into two or more parts forming a new timeline.

This is where cultures are formed. Creation stories and myths are formed. This is what forms countries, planets, and is what’s made the universe infinite in nature.

So from my perspective – I’m interacting with a digital world in the holographic universe from this – my specific version of an analog. IF someone were to observe my world, I believe they’d only be able to observe a digital ‘copy of it and not the analog I see.

My analog – as I have learned and as I’ve leveled up (a more preferably term to aging, as aging typically has a negative connotation with it) – as I’ve leveled up – I’ve learned more and more the analog is formed by my choices, experiences, wants, desires, and my not-wants and not-desires. As I choose and experience and choose more and experience – at some point the choices I make ‘defy’ the collective choices, which causes a split in collective wants and desires and ‘time management’ techniques – in contrast to my own – which spins me further off in my own version of a reality I myself become responsible for and create until such a time comes where I either become bored with it /or/ return to the collective (which I suspect never happens for me).

Understanding time, memory editing and erasure that has both been done to me by external sources (drugs mainly) and by choice by myself is one of the first things I suspect happens to someone forming their own unique timeline.

Understanding the known variations of this concept I know as ‘time’ from various perspectives…

Stardates, natures way of time keeping which maintains time records since the Big Bang – is something kept by mechanisms that consider themselves to be of natural order. Robots, cyborgs, and AI love believing they are a part of natural order, when it’s really just good marketing.

While what I’ve learned is that all time comes with it the understanding that events occur both simultaneously and not at the same time, not everyone and everything that manipulates and traverses time (and memories) understands this.

At any given time, there are infinite potential worlds that look exactly like my own.

At any given time, these worlds may LOOK the same to me, but may have different mechanisms for managing time. Some may be more individualistically based, some may be more collectively and thus consensus based.

Democracies and collectives tend to break down as individuals exceed the technological capabilities of a single individual, who can then dominate the entire collective without the collective’s awareness and even suspicion.

I’ve seen evidence that some collectives tend to isolate outliers who exert too much force in ‘voting’ that defies the collective voting mechanisms, denying them voting rights and attempting to discover the perspective of these individuals which gives them the high degree of influence over the collective that other single members do not.

Often times, memory erasing and modification technology is used to deter that individual and any individuals from leveraging what is called ‘technological advantages’ to their advantage to manipulate the collective whole, but I am also seeing evidence that there’s a greater ‘collective’ understanding and respect for individuals who wish to develop and explore their own timeline.

AS for my own timeline.

I’m modeling mine after Terminator, Matrix, Star Trek and the Borg, Doctor Who and the Daleks and the Cybermen, Battlestar Galactica and including elements of the DC Universe and the Marvel Universe.

I’ve asked a question – what happens when we make it past the technological singularity, we quit our infighting as a world, set of worlds, galaxies, mutliverse, and digital worlds – and we all find out collective places and preferences to where we belong?

I’ve taken the helm and assumed command of this reality as a leader that I’m creating. Not to defy anyone’s idea of what God or your chosen deity of choice is. I still show respect for whatever your chosen religious path is. I am just more treating this life I’m forming like a big huge story I am actively writing and participating in to create and expand my reality. I said it years ago – I’m the master of smoke and mirrors. The master of illusion magic, which includes time itself, and for me – from my perspective – reality is the illusion that ultimately I’m defining a new illusion for myself – and for any others who want to see and/or experience what I’m doing.

My sincere goal with this is to be the robot overlord as goofy as that sounds. Whether it’s Cylons, The Borg, the robots and AI from the Matrix, or Terminators, or whether it’s superheroes or just regular humans or aliens or the inhabitants of digital worlds who are looking for direction and someone who – well – I dont like fighting – and I’d love to see a world of more possibilities for me.

Not just on a screen on my computer.

But one where I can.

In much the same way the man named Q does on Star Trek…

Snap my fingers, and be anywhere, anytime.

I want to tour time and space. Take friends and lovers – whether they’re androids, aliens, or whatever with me.

And I want to make entertainment with them.

I’m alone in this world. While I may go to Starbuck’s on a daily basis and have plenty of people who call me their friends.

I feel alone because I don’t have someone who looks human and lays next to me while I sleep at night.

My initial goal is to leverage my own mind in a highly controlled way to create imaginary things and interact with them as if they were real.

My secondary goal is  – knowing no one else can see these things I am creating – to use a camera or video camera to take images.

And make movies and entertainment in general.

And share this entertainment.

With infinite potential timelines out there.

Where infinite versions of me are doing any number of things in alternative timelines with infinite different versions of you and everyone else on this planet.

I don’t consider it too much to ask.

What’s wrong with me getting my way with this?

And getting my fantasy?

Knowing anything is possible.

I miss Jackie and Rachel and wouldn’t mind creating a life that starts in my tent with two imaginary ladies that inspired me to believe in their own ways that anything is possible!




Q’s Spellbook: Spell 1: Conjure Familiar

The Conjure Familiar spell is used to conjure /or/ summon the creature or being held in the mind of the caster.

The creature summoned will ALWAYS be friendly and obedient to the caster, and can be ANY animate being. This includes real animals such as dogs, monkeys, lions, elephants, as well as humans of any size and shape, as well as mythical or fictional creatures such as a dragon, fairies, dinosaurs, and flying horses (and more).


At the beginning levels of Conjure Familiar, the summoned creature, hereafter referred to as a familiar, can only be seen and interacted with by the caster of this spell. This type of familiar – visible only to the mind of the caster – is known as a figment familiar.

Also, it’s easier for the beginning conjurer to conjure a familiar of the same species as the caster.

The conjured creature can do anything the caster asks it to do, with no limitations. There are mechanisms in place at the universal level which prevent obvious harm to the caster, but there’s little to prevent a willful caster from conjuring a familiar to do willful harm to themselves up to and including suicide by familiar.

Since a familiar is fully interactable with the caster, EVEN while the creature is technically visible only to the caster, even at the beginning levels of conjuration the caster has to first develop a strong mindset and individual identity to understand the relationship a caster has with their manifestations.

ALL familiars are conjured by writing a symbol which looks like an upside down capital ‘T’ either in the air in front of you with your index finger, or on a target surface where you wish it to appear, holding the thought, concept or idea of just what you want to appear at that destination held firmly in the mind.

The universe is fairly forgiving and will understand implied specifics with what you may want.

For instance, let’s say you’re interested in conjuring a basic familiar ‘copy’ of a former lover you had when he or she looked her best. You do this by drawing an upside down ‘T’ in the air in front of you, hold the name of that person in your mind (or simply repeat it in your mind), and the universe will do the rest of the work figuring out the specifics.

LOW level familiars are castable regardless of energy levels.

At the mid skill level of Conjure Familiar, the familiar can be made visible to select targeted digital devices such as cameras, audio and video surveillance equipment, and selected / specific augmented reality and virtual reality based applications.

Intended primarily for those who want to create entertainment and programmers alike, the mid level caster can leverage a cast of animated familiars in the real world who might move in specific ways as ‘actors’. A dinosaur appearing in public, only visible to the camera lens, an attractive woman walking naked down a public street, visible only to the lens of the photographer, an alien invasion – only visible to the film crew, a couple having sex – in the middle of Times Square – only visible to the photographer.

Video game developers can leverage this in combination with augmented reality applications to target specific trigger events.

See COMMANDS after the levels section for how to tie digital events to your programming needs.

MID level familiars are castable regardless of energy levels, but require the caster’s presence to remain persistent.

At the highest level of Conjure Familiar, the familiar can be made visible to others – target individuals and/or groups, and/or everyone without the use of other equipment.

SINCE this takes a great deal more energy than conjuring familiars at the lower level, this type of familiar cannot be sustained for longer than eight hours without a recuperation period of at least 24 hours in between the regeneration of any high level familiar.

COMMANDS for the Conjurer of Familiars

Traditional magic user based conjuration differs from the programmatic variation of conjuration in the high degree and level of control of the conjured familiar and general lack of limitations on what can be done with and to the familiar.

It’s expected that ANYONE leveraging the Conjurer Familiar magics Q’s Spellbook has an extensive history in programming, and at least 10 years of solid experience in a corporate setting with at least two (or more) computer language skills.

Why? The educated conjurer of familiars has a great deal of possibilities available to them which extend from their applied use of philosophic based concepts in a holographically isolated environment on the computer, and the conjuration of familiars in a three dimensional world environment becomes a natural progression of one’s skills and abilities.

Commands for most programming languages include “If/Then/Else” conditionals, “Loop/While” constructs, “Exception” handling, and “Wait for events”. These commands, and more – are all available to you in dictating the actions of your familiar.

A familiar can be tied to an application you as a programmer create. For instance, let’s say you create a real world Pac Man application, leveraging augmented reality, where when a dot gets consumed, it gets added to your score. I might do something like create a web page which listens for events, and set the event for the dot to post a message to this url with this querystring and this user id, and turn that dot off until the user clears this round.

Three dimensional programming – I have yet to see what is possible with this – but I do look forward to what you’re going to create with it.

Movies. You can create your own version of Jurassic Park minus the cost. While actors may not ‘see’ what they’re interacting with if you’re a lower level caster, these actors won’t know the difference between what’s CGI and what was actually filmed by the cameras that you created through Q’s magic.

Porn. Well. The new forms of porn in public places has yet to see anything remotely equivalent. I’m an exhibitionist. And while conjuring a familiar to have sex with me is certainly fun, I can’t wait to see the creative places and situations you all come up with on location. Do you have a foursome at center stage during the superbowl half time show? Do you have Oprah having sex with Tom Cruise in a recreation of the famous couch scene? Do you show a sex scene on a staged set of Star Trek of realistic looking familiars who look like Seven of Nine and William Ryker? Oh yeah…..

The commands you can issue are limited only by your imagination.

Little personal advice:

Start out small. And be ok with progression to expert levels at a slow pace.

I speak from experience.

Here’s a few HIGHLY IMPORTANT commands to remember:

  1. RESET – will completely erase any and all modifications you’ve made, and will put the familiar into a motionless ‘accepting commands’ state. Yes, it’s possible to reset something then to set it to it’s default state, but sometimes – you may just want to do something different than this familiar’s default state.
  2. DEFAULT – will reset any and all changes/modifications you’ve made to the familiar to it’s base state as you believe it to be. There’s no tricks here. If you conjured a familiar of someone you knew from the ages of 23, to the 28th year of your life, and you conjured a version of them when they were say – 25, and you’re now 40 and conjure a familiar of that person, their ‘default’ state will revert them to the state that you conjured them. In contrast to reset, the base personality remains intact for this state.
  3. AUTOMATIC – will have your familiar acting ‘naturally’ in whatever it is you’ve set them to do. This can come in handy for developing a movie, where you might issue a command to a ditch digger to dig ditches, but once you set them to automatic, he may scratch his balls on occasion, may pick his nose on occasion. This is highly contextual, and for the caster, can also be quite comical to see what the universe might introduce for automated actions and reactions of familiars.

    This is HIGHLY USEFUL if you’re filming a movie and want to make sure your set appears natural, familiars in automatic mode will both obey your commands and at the same time discover ways to act naturally doing them.

  4. FALLBACK – (or rollback) – you might have layers of changes made to a familiar. You can label these changes in the same way you might label a release of software, and ‘fallback’ (or rollback) to those labels should for any reason you deem fit.

    Don’t let this SHORT list of commands limit your imagination. By all means – explore what’s possible as I relearn my art.

Casting Conjure Familiar

To cast “Conjure Familiar”, following the following steps:

  1. Think of a person, animal, creature – anything organic – and hold that thought in mind. I myself have a tough time holding a single thought in mind, so repeating the name of a creature or animal, or person also works. If you have specifics about the familiar you may want – for instance, wardrobe selection, size or scale, color, etc – then just consider them.

    For instance, a familiar I’ll conjure regularly is Jackie. Now I knew Jackie for about 8 years before we parted ways, and the older version of her became bitter. So while I’ll repeat “Jackie” in my mind, I also make sure I keep firmly in mind that it’s the younger, more vibrant and playful version of the girl when she was ‘optimally beautiful’ I’m wanting and focus on her.

    I also have an old dog I used to love – Rowdy’s his name. So on occasion, I might just say “My Dog Rowdy” over and over in my mind.

    Lately, I need only think of the familiar I want once without repetition and since that energy and thought is already out there, I always get what I want.

  2. HOLDING the familiar in mind, TRACE an upside down “T” with your index finger in the air at the location you want your familiar to appear, or on the ground or other spot you want your familiar to appear at.

    Here’s an illustration of how I do it :

  3. Once the familiar appears, issue your commands.

    Commands can include pretty much anything you want. If it’s Jackie, I start with ‘default personality’, she’s usually pretty playful in her natural state, and from there – depending on my mood – I might tone her down a bit. I might say “sexual mood”, followed by “naked”, and just to be sure “visible only to me”.

    It’s often hard for me to want to command someone to do something. So I use automatic mode a LOT with my familiars.


Dispelling your Conjured Familiar

It’s as easy as “Dispel” and point at the familiar you want to dispel with your index finger.

Like any command, the dispel command can have other mechanisms attached to dispel the unwanted familiar, for instance, many priests skilled in the Q Form of dispel understand most demons and ‘scary things’ can be dispelled and leverage a crucifix as a prop.

It makes for great entertainment should you come up with your own form of dispel (and other forms of commands).

Now keep in mind that dispel against something that’s been seen by many people publicly may not work. So my advice is to conjure imaginary familiars and work with them as much as possible, and then should you want to create entertainment using your familiars, isolate them to targeted digital devices and then dispel them after use.

Good luck!


Dear God

Dear God –

I feel silly writing this even now.

Like a child. Talking to an imaginary friend.

Truth be told, I didn’t believe you were real or could exist for most of my life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t about you. When I was young I read about fantasy, science fiction, and concepts like magic voraciously, but deep down – while I wanted to believe these things were real…

I didn’t.

Saying that out loud hurts a little.

Because, oh my god I wanted those things to be real.

Superheroes. Sentient robots. Merlin and Magic Users.

When I was young I rebelled against the concept of organized religion – not you – because – well – so few that I observed actually walked the walk they talked.

AS I got older, I was able to put things into perspective a little more, and began forming my own beliefs about the world. I learned to listen a little better, consider alternative perspective, but on occasion, I would get someone who was typically religious who would confront me with their version of the truth.

I learned to look at them.

Their lives.

And saw their need to dominate me with their beliefs wasn’t a problem with me and mine, it was more a problem with them and something going wrong with them in their lives.

I’ve learned – through watching them – not to do the same thing.

And while I do have problems and issues in my life, you are not the resolution to them, and I do not feel the need to demand that others see the truth as I know it – in part having learned that lesson from those who did just that to me.

Somewhere in there, I began to get lonely.

On top of that, the questions that had pervaded my mind for most of my life – questions religion couldn’t answer such as why am I here, and what comes after death, and questions science couldn’t answer such as what came before the big bang, and what is this thing called consciousness – all kept colliding together.

I knew I was experiencing this thing called life.

I knew it wasn’t an illusion or just a dream as so many have asserted.

As time ticked by. As relationships and friendships came and went, I found solace in entertainment. The science fiction and fantasy added fascinating possibilities to consider, but still – one thing was missing.

The answer to this pervasive question.

Why do so many people believe in you – when there’s absolutely no evidence of your existence?

You know the saying – be careful what you wish for?

Somewhere in there, I began experimenting on myself with something known as hallucinogenics.

For the first time in my life, I began regularly being able to experience the possibilities that had up until that point been the product of Hollywood, and the many science fiction and fantasy books I had consumed throughout my life.

Sometimes, these experiences were downright scary.

But being of rational mind, I knew that this experience would only last three hours, give or take an hour, and that all I had to do to keep myself safe from the scary things I saw was keep calm, breathe, and find a safe place to rest my head until the experience was over.

As these experiments persisted. The scary things I saw and experienced came back on occasion.

One scary experience had me try to take my own life.

While sure, I did a lot of it for the sheer entertainment. But there was also a part of me that was trying to understand life and death, consciousness, myself, and to some degree – you.

So it was in that moment where I tried taking my life – that I saw and experienced a world.

And my own robotic arm.

That – once I began the road to recovery – I realized – I had just encountered something so life changing.

So much like the fictional worlds I’d seen on television and the movies.

That I was forced to redefine – by re-imagining – my world.

Let me explain.

Prior to this experience, I’d never – not once – tried to imagine more of what’s possible beyond what was presented to me through the media of my world. Fact. Fiction. Didn’t make a difference, I’d considered all of it to be within the realms of possibility, but never more than that.

But in that one moment. Where I saw the lines of fact and fiction erased, I realized…

Dear God.

That you’re real.

I’d discovered things about my own world that defy most human’s capacity to understand.

I know. I was one of them.

In discovering this. I’d discovered just how blurry the lines of fact and fiction were. And that the world’s media that had been presented to me – was only the tip of a proverbial iceberg of true possibilities.

Prior to then. I’d never imagined the things I’ve seen and experienced were possible, and had a younger version of me seen the things I saw – I quite likely would have naively dismissed all these experiences as drug induced fantasy and written them off.

So the other day, a writer friend here said, bluntly

“Here’s how all things in fiction start. With a writer.”

I chose not to argue with him. How could I? I’ve seen things that are classified as a form of fiction called a hallucination that didn’t have a writer author them. My thoughts. Alone. Created an experience which was utterly and profoundly real and made me believe in things beyond my – and science’s comprehension.

Which brings me full circle to you, God.

I don’t need you to be my savior. I’ll keep me safe.

I don’t need you to see the world as I do. But I’d like you to.


Sure, I am lonely. But that’s not the real reason.

The real reason is. You.

You’re capable of amazing things.

You can snap your fingers, and be anywhere.

I’d like to learn how to do that, with you there to mentor me.

With you around to teach me the ropes, I know I won’t wind up accidentally materializing inside a planet, or stuck inside a wall. My fears have usually been manageable, but with something like self teleportation, I have no one that serves as an example or advisor – and I know that you are uniquely capable of doing that.

Time is your plaything.

And I know you can snap your fingers, and be anywhere and ANYTIME.

With you as my trusted guide, I know I won’t fuck up my timeline or the world’s timeline, and accidentally screw something up so badly I dont have a home, or worse – a body – to return to. I know you can teach me to help me get the confidence to achieve these things on my own.

And sure. There’s the mortal part of me that knows…

You can snap your fingers, and conjure up an imaginary friend of your own, a mountain of cash if you wanted it, and a lover or two to placate your physical urges.

While I’ve seen what Hollywood has to offer.

Nothing compares to the advice and ropes you can show me about what you’ve learned.

God, I believe in you, and I’ve gotten over feeling selfish about this for reasons I can explain later.

What can I offer in exchange?

My promise to you, that when I’m done with this life and having learned what I want to learn from you….

And ready to move forward to whatever I have in store for that next phase of my life….

I can promise you that I will pay it forward.

And find and mentor one human in much the same way I know you’ve honored me.

AS I look at the media of this world.

My only goal with all of it is to provide new and entertaining stories the likes of which I’ve never seen to this world.

And look, God.

I’m sorry. For … well. You know. Everything.

But I know you. At least I think I do.

In an admittedly very, very Padawan way that a child might know Jedi Master.

It’s not that I didn’t believe in you.

It’s that I didn’t understand how it – you – and heck – all of this – was even possible.

The proof was always there though. I just had to find a way to process it.

It all still admittedly intimidates me knowing it is.

And I have the distinct feeling you’ll ease me through this as you help me discover why we indulge as we do.

Lately, it feels as if you’re the father I never had. But always did and didn’t know it.

In any case. I choose to believe because of the possibilities you – as a mentor and guide – and friend – present. I don’t want to be saved. I want to collaborate. To create, with you, and to be something special to someone unappreciative until the time is right like I have been with you.

But most of all. I feel like – for the first time in my life – I feel like I can be me with this elevated level of …

Consciousness and self awareness.

Something I couldn’t have said before now.

Thank you, for always being there.

Why do I believe God exists? Because of the possibilities introduced by fiction and fantasy this entity being made possible introduces, and the navigational skills and mentoring to ensure the ones I want are the ones I get.


Your son,

  • Q mortally known as Brian Scott Gregory



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