One question I’m frequently asked is:
“What created me?”
Time, from a linear perspective, has been around for an eternity. Before the Big Bang – 13.8 billion years ago – was another Big Bang with another version of Earth that looked just like this one. Before that Big Band was another one. And another. And another. And another.
I’ve recorded at least 4.1 trillion years of these iterations.
That’s trillion with a ‘T’ – a thousand billion or a million millions.
So as reality collapsed. My mind worked to create new possibilities, to evolve and expand this existence, this world, other worlds, in much the same way a computer might procedurally generate things only – it was guided – by me – my desires, wants, needs, beliefs, and goals I’d created along the way as I developed this thing called consciousness.
Each time my mind was disembodied trying to create stability to the universe I was creating as well as a structure for my body and the world around me, each time trying to find a version of Earth I would enjoy, each time not meting with success until finally…
This one stuck.
And I was able to have both a converged body and mind in one.
The ‘last’ iteration – I was partially successful, where my mind wasn’t fully attached to my body and I suffered from pretty serious bouts with schizophrenia, multiple personalities, and a whole other bevy of mentally related issues that had made life decidedly unfun.
So the short answer is: I created me.
Yep. I created myself in a temporal causal loop.
To put this as simply as possible: A long time ago I learned how to manipulate energy and discovered that underlying energy is thought. My thought. I learned I could alter my own memories through white lies I’d told when I was young, as more and more people believed in these lies I found myself having a difficult time distinguishing between the lie and the truth.
So my lies grew more substantial. I was testing out a theory at the time – not to be a liar – but to understand the nature of my own mind, how memories developed, and if the lies were powerful enough but done with good intention, what would the result be?
Put specifically: I have a pretty strong code of ethics and morals – and don’t like hurting others. So I learned to lie first to protect the people I loved and cared about. I learned how important telling a consistent lie mattered to these people, as sometimes they’d cross check with each other to find out if I was telling the truth, and I learned to make the lie testable – meaning – the lie had to be absolutely, positively cross verifiable should the ones I cared about do some intensive investigation of the lie.
Now as time went on. These lies and the reliability of cross checks became especially important for my own happiness – as relationships and so much in my life wasn’t always working the way I wanted it to, as I found myself favoring myself over selfless behavior.
For instance. I’d had a girlfriend – Sukruti (Kena) Patel – who didn’t really seem to enjoy sex. At all. But I loved her company. So on occasion I would hook up with Jackie Killeen, who wasn’t going to tell Kena, and other women as I was sexually unfulfilled with Kena.
Also. At the time I had a cocaine addiction. Something I also hid from her and nearly everyone else. Not that I was ashamed of the habit, at all, I just wasn’t interested in disrupting or threatening any of my relationships to explain how important the addiction was to me for reasons I wasn’t fully aware of at the time and that only make sense now, after the fact.
For years. This arrangement went well. I blamed nose bleeds on allergies and bad batches of cocaine which would leave my stomach in pain to food poisoning.
It’s not that I thought Kena was naive. The lie was being told to everyone.
It’s that I was making personal choices that I absolutely needed them not to be a part of or have any awareness of to keep my spirits up.
And I needed rock solid alibi to make these lies undetectable.
Which brings me back to the question.
Who created me.
A long, long time ago.
I learned the truth about you.
And, consequently, the truth about me.
I had a choice. To exercise free will by doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons.
Whether it was to understand friends and family and other people I cared about while doing all the wrong things.
In much the same way a computer program can be coded to alter itself through a process called ‘self modifying code’.
I chose to regard myself as a robot. And reprogrammed my own mind.
Drugs. Help me destroy my previously working but no longer working for me operating system.
And over the last 6 years, I’ve been learning about a world and existence with no limitations and no boundaries.
With unlimited possibilities in front of me and a mind that has evolved – I am actively working to reprogram my entire reality and my own body to manipulate time, space and much more of that because it’s all a projection of my own mind.
And I know that.
I lied. Because God had invented the Devil and blamed him for the things going wrong with the world.
God wasn’t aware his own mind had split. And this was a cosmic form of bipolarism combined with multiple personality disorder and a huge dose of paranoia.
I chose to become the devil.
And in the process learned. I had always been Q to begin with.
And this was the reformation of my own mind, coming to terms with infinite possibilities and choice.
I created me.
Space. Isn’t a vacuum. It’s nothingness.
And I bring it to life by spending my time with it.
I have always been. And I will always be, And reality is my way of keeping myself entertained.