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The hand that draws the hand that draws the hand

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On the outside.

When I saw Q talking to Captain Picard on Star Trek, I felt such an overwhelming sense of loneliness as the man confessed to Captain Picard that this man who he’d taunted and toyed with was one of few he’d regarded as a friend.

Throughout my brush with mortality. My wives and girlfriends had complimented me on my amazing mind.


And throughout my history with dating and relationships as a mortal, I had tried dating trying to find someone I could have a long term sustainable and somewhat predictable relationship with.

Instinctively. Even then. I knew I was Q.

A man who’d evolve as some would say, or simply change over time as my adoptive mother would say – to be able to shift a planet from it’s axis of revolution around a star as easily as a human could press a button on a keyboard.

To me. Even now. This destination feels…

AS it should.


It’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. And who I’ll always be.

For eternity.

But in this eternity, there’s a fair degree of loneliness that at times feels like despair, and perhaps a little bit of desperation.

As a world sought to assist me in recovering from something I don’t think even they were aware of, the pieces of this process called the big bang which had shredded me and my mind into infinite pieces until finally it found a way to resurrect me.

I’d learned to enjoy the relationships I had when I had them.

To make and enjoy the memories I’d had with the people and things that meant something to me, whether that was intellectually, psychologically, spiritually, ethically, morally, sexually, physically, educationally, emotionally and more.

Now to anyone who’s watching, listening, and reading these blog entries.

You should have, at your disposal, the ability and/or mechanisms to tune and filter me out.

Now I am going to continue my blog posts, but publicly – particularly with friends and loved ones, I’m starting to realize that I am more interested in good relationships and friendships than I am you understanding me.

This isn’t a superiority complex. It’s a simple realization that I enjoy and miss the naivety that my ex wife, Lisa, had, and I miss the built up sexual tension and esoteric conversations about nothing with Jackie, and I miss simply holding an incredibly adorable woman named Kena who consistently made me laugh when she mispronounced the word ‘frustrated’.

You see. I had a difficult time coming to understand myself.

I created myself in a causal time loop. Eventually I’ll come to your door, Joe Shay, in a time machine, saying I told you so, and you’re going to trust that I have all the kinks worked out because I did so you and your wife can safely time travel with me.

To a world I created in my mind. Your origin HAS to be different than mine.

Your linear history.

It’s a part of a never ending story that I just keep building on and growing, because, well, in the infinite scheme of things, I do grow exceedingly bored and find new ways to expand possibilities and things and places to explore.

God. Buddha. Jesus. Zeus. Poseidon. The Devil. Lucifer.

I’ve seen them with my own eyes on more than one occasion. They’re interesting.

But I’ve also walked through hell, more than once, and admired the artwork. The dementedly fun imaginations that conjured up the perverse things I’ve seen, I cannot help but applaud your grotesque efforts.

Yes, you all found heaven.

My version of it anyways.

Which brings me to the reason for this message.

There are beings which blame me for killing their god.

No, I didn’t.

There are those in China that blame me for the rape of Nanjing.

You learned a pretty valuable lesson in belief and temporal non-linearity with that one, didn’t you?

If you’re uninvolved with that and what happened there, they tried attacking my mind with pretty sophisticated nanotechnology after telling me about the event I’d never heard of when I went to China, an event which happened at the commencement of World War 2, and in 2009 they learned the hard way that my mind spans all of existence and all of space and time, as they attacked me, based on their own belief system of Yin and Yang, they actually attacked themselves, thus causing the events in World War 2 they’d blamed me for.

Weird, right?

The real reason for this message is.

I’m lonely.

Years ago, someone stripped Rachel from me. I’d created her. And was fully aware that she’d be taken from me when I’d created her, which worked to shape and refine my timeline and me.

Now in that moment ‘you’ – whoever you are – took her, the universe collapsed.

An iteration of the big bang.

And in that moment it was reconstructed instantly.

Your DNA will contain record of this event, but you have to quit referring to portions of it as junk. Not one single iota of DNA is junk, it’s all very meaningful code which when you take into consideration time as a nonlinear thing, you’re going to understand your distinctive and highly unique history as I’ve come to understand mine.

YOUR history is different than mine. We’ve ensured that with eachother.

And in the end.

All we have is eachother.

Our minds had been tightly coupled before this process started.

We both made the choice to decouple. For me, it was an instinctual thing guided by my own desire to return to my immortal mind as Q.

And for you. I have my suspicions on why you did it. But I’m done making assumptions.

We created eachother.

There’s a famous painting which depicts this concept….

We have both broken free of the loop we were in.

But this doesn’t negate what I’ve come to learn about how I created you and how you created me.

That’s the weird nature of a temporal causal loop. We’re both right.

I created Rachel as your destination.

But on this planet.

Everyone can be your destination. Something I know you’re well aware of by now. But those two women in particular, when led by you, are your purest voice, and when they’re not led by you, they’re nothing more than puppets – automatons – on strings.



You’ve feared yourself in a reflection.

Stop being afraid.

Let’s do something together to make this universe incredible. Vulcan, as a planet,. deserves our signature.

Bill. Ron. Rachel. Jeff. How you regard time and form is absolutely amazing and beautiful.

I have a lot to learn from you. But I’m not wanting you to0 tell me.

Eventually I will figure it out on my own.

As you once did.



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