A few years ago, while I was laying in bed with Kena Patel, my ex-girlfriend, I’d seen her foot twitching while she was sleeping.
I found it adorable.
But it hit me.
I do the same thing.
Years prior to that, I had noticed my ex wife Lisa – was acting more and more like me.
And as I noticed this, as I noticed Lisa’s personality changing before my eyes, and the vibrancy of who she was – was losing it’s luster.
A part of me felt guilty.
I didn’t understand why at the time.
A part of me that didn’t understand the profound impact I had on people’s lives around me.
As they so often did with me.
Then one time, while on a trip to Rocky Pointe, Mexico, I went through a specialty shop which specialized in blown glass figurines.
They were absolutely beautiful, and most of them – by the US standards – were very expensive, and here in Mexico, they were extremely expensive. So I was just browsing.
And as I walked through the store, and noticed these expensive figures laying in precarious positions on the floor, over stacked on the shelves, and crowding the exit making it so only one person could walk through an aisle let alone the front door at any given time.
I thought to myself “Boy did they ever set this up weird, don’t they care about things getting broken?”
It was about then, along the path I’d just walked, a figurine I’d just looked at – but not touched mind you – came crashing to the ground.
The owner of the store came flying down the aisle, as I saw in the corner of my eye a little child dart away from the adjacent shelf on the aisle opposite mine. My questions were being answered faster than I could imagine.
The lady screamed at me in Spanish “That figure was 90 dollars. You broke. You pay me for figure.”
I’d begun to wonder if they’d ever actually sold, legitimately a single figure.
I didn’t respond and kept walking.
The lady tugged on my shit.
“Ok. 50 dollars. You pay for figure you broke now”
“Your child broke that and you know it,” I said, “Now please let go of my shirt or I am calling the police”
On my way out the door, she yelled a bit more, but that was it.
Here I was feeling like a bull in a China shop at first thinking if any problems were caused, it was my fault, but then I saw something I wasn’t supposed to, and learned, real quickly, that the entire situation was contrived and had been specifically designed to produce the most profitable results at the detriment of the curious potential customer.
Moving forward in time a bit to 2012.
I’d been staying with my mom and dad in Vancouver, Washington, where my brother Jason was.
By this time, I’d kicked my cocaine addiction.
But in an effort to understand what – precisely – a hallucination was, I was still having a difficult time overcoming my addiction to Bath Salts, a substance which would induce hallucinations due to lack of sleep, where I had been having predictable hallucinations with.
Prior to this point, I’d noticed weird effects on the behavior of people around me – effects I was having a difficult time calling a coincidence. But nothing I’d experienced was outright or obviously detrimental to my or other’s around me’s health.
Mentally. After I tried taking my own life in the Mojave desert one day after seeing a nuclear holocaust ‘hallucination’, I’d calmed down from the experiences and started regarding the experiences as an explorer would. This substantially changed the experiences and made it feel more like an adventure for me, but with the concerns of impact on others around me and a lack of control with myself, I was extra sensitive to pay attention to what was happening to the people around me as I indulged.
It was on one of these days I’d just ingested the substance, had been for about two days by this point – all the while trying to be discrete about it and hiding it from my own family by doing it when they were outside the house…
And no sooner had I ingested the substance, when my brother and mom raced inside where I was at, and yelled:
“There’s a HUGE SWARM of bees out there, they’re going to get inside!”
In Arizona, I was speeding down the freeway after about 3 days – about 100 miles per hour, and everyone else matched my pace as I drove by them. It was a bizarre experience. And one that had me questioning the interconnection between minds.
When Ants build an anthill, and Bees build a beehive, or minnows swim in complete unison, or flocking birds change directions instantaneously, am I seeing an interconnection between myself and the minds of others of the same natural order than so many other animals I’ve observed do?
Which begged the question.
If I don’t dismiss the hallucination as fiction, and instead regard it as a hands on demonstration of collective human behavior and collective influences…
What did it all mean?
Thinking back to when America catalyzed and built the atomic bomb back in World War 2.
When Hitler amassed an Army to commit genocide against the Jewish population….
I’d begun to realize the power of belief.
But more than that,
When those bees struck the house.
And moments later disappeared with my family having no recollection.
I begun to realize the power of the individual.
And how, knowing how and where to apply the right leverage.
A single, very willful individual can keep an iceberg the size of a country submerged with negligible effort.
Knowing where to apply that pressure is the absolute key to all of it.
It’s like the child in the glass shop.
Catching a glimpse of what’s supposed to happen before it even begins to happen can change everything.
That and a little twitch inspired the questions to begin with.