While engaging in self experimentation with stimulants, alcohol, and lack of sleep based hallucinations, one of the weirdest things I had happen wasn’t weird visions of alternate realities.
It was – “Why am I seeing a correlation in the amount of cocaine I ingest and the amount of spam I was receiving in my email inboxes for every email address I had?”
At the time I had 5 email addresses spread between various organizations.
One I used for surfing porn. On an isolated machine.
And the others. Business and personal emails, some I never used. At all.
But the correlation was clear. I left the United States for 6 months for work, and noticed the volume of emails dramatically subsided. I came back and immediately on re-engaging with cocaine, the volume of spam increased.
For the longest time I thought I was going crazy, imagining these things.
I mean. When it comes down to it – it’s hard not to question your own mind when experiencing what I was.
But wax and wane, I had observed a very real correlation over an extended period of time between the volume of spam emails I was receiving and my imbibement.
Sometimes. It’s easier to dismiss thing and label oneself or others as crazy rather than taking the time to understand.
“What’s really going on here?”
The conclusion I came to was simple.
My mind creates reality and the world around me.
At the tail end of my addiction. When was decidedly not happy with my decisions and how it was effecting my relationships, I began to see through the mirror – and began witnessing, firsthand, the reflection of my own activities.
The computer, a projection of my own mind.
My mind. Under attack by the drugs I was ingesting.
And the spam.
Was a metaphor, translated to the computer for what was happening to my own mind.
I stop ingesting.
The spam subsides.
And I began the process of healing and thinking clearly again for the first time in years.
When dealing with energy, the world around me is a reflection of everything I do, say, want, need, and desire.
Conversely. When the world attacks. me.
Pushes me down.
The result it sees in itself is no different than the energy it put towards me to begin with.
Energy is reciprocative like that.