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The Pitch

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Let’s say you have a really smooth flat stone.

And you stand at the beginning of time.

You stand back, wind up your arm like a pitcher in a baseball game, and throw it as hard and as fast as you can.

It skips through time.

The first time it lands, the dinosaurs on Earth barely see it coming in time. And are destroyed by it when it lands the first time some 66 million years ago.

The second time it lands in Japan, 1945.


And with that was a pisspoor throw, it abruptly lands in Roswell, 1947.

You were hoping for more distance than that, and have been working on your curve.

This time you find a really smooth rock.

You spit on it. And rub it a little to give it a glossy sheen.

You point to as far as you can see to the crowd you’re imagining who’s watching you pitch this magnificent game.

And then, in a spectacular display of sportsmanship, it first collides with a Death Star, in a galaxy far far away.

You put your hands and arms over your head, almost afraid to see where it’s going to ricochet next – as you weren’t expecting that.

The dinosaurs are just cleaning up the mess you made on the first throw when it lands smack dab in the middle of the same crater you’d made before.

The dinosaurs are officially toast.

It then makes a weird ricochet through a star.

Moving right through the star as if it wasn’t even there.

And then slams some lady named Mary some 2000 years ago in the Uterus.

Such an odd place to hit a woman you think to yourself.

And from there, it then ricochets off Russia, in a place called Tunguska in the year 1908.

Oddly enough it skips sideways a few years and hits Japan again in 1945.

Before coming to a rest at a small place no one had ever heard of before called Area 51 in 1971.

You sit down. You imagine the crowd booing at your performance.

You wave your hand out as if to say “I’m sorry”.

Someone captures a photo of this and distributes it to the internet referring to it as “The Hand Of God”.

You laugh. “Yeah, right” you think to yourself.

You walk around.

And find this odd shaped rock.

It’s a perfect pyramid.

You think to yourself “This rock is clearly the absolute worst rock for the job.”

You smile to yourself, and then think to yourself “Perfect”

And then you think to yourself.

“This one’s going out of the park”

You stand up.

You look to the stars that are not yet formed.

You look at the crowd you’re imagining is there.

You close your eyes as a hush falls across the universe.

You wind up. You’ve been practicing this pitch your entire life.

And something in you knows. This is it.

You throw the most amazing pitch you’ve ever thrown before and something happens.

You have thrown the rock so hard and so fast, that it separates into three pieces.

Three pieces that still look like pyramids.

One lands in Mexico, 1000 bc in the Yucatan, and lands perfect up right.

The world eventually comes to recognize this location and Chitzen Itza.

Another one lands in Egypt. 2550 B.C.

The world eventually comes to recognize this location as The Pyramids of Giza.

And the last one lands in the year 2200 AD.

On a small red planet some know as Mars, in a region known as Cydonia.

And others on the same red planet they refer to as the planet Vulcan and the Temple of Amonak.

The crowd bursts into a cheer.

You bow to the crowd.

And look forward to the day you’re going to visit your creation.

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