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The Fury of a Timelord

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Somewhere around 1997, I went on a skiing trip to Telluride, Colorado where me and my ex wife, Lisa Milot aka Gregory aka Pearman aka whoever she is now – and we stayed with her aunt.

Her aunt had a son who was staying with us in the same house with Down’s Syndrome.

He was 21 at the time.

One day, he laughed and laughed and laughed at the show with the two little girls on it.

Full House I think was the name.

I remember thinking to myself.

What – how – was he seeing and thinking that made that show so damned interesting to him.

I’d done that most of my life.

Tried figuring out perspectives.

What would it be like to be the President.

To have everyone catering to you. To be advised on what to do, who to talk to, be told what to say.

Even your speeches. I mean. It seems at face value the ultimate position of leadership.

But is it actually the ultimate form of slavery?

The two appear to almost be indistinguishable at that level.

I  did this with my friends.

Asking questions about friends like Spencer such as “What makes cocaine an acceptable choice”.

And questions of other friends like Jeff such as “What in his experience and background as a person shaped him to be the man he is today.”

I found myself doing that everywhere.

Imagining life from their perspective.

Bill Gates: “What would it be like to develop the most popular software in use on Planet Earth, and how would it feel to visit a place like France and have a pie thrown in the face.”

I saw his grimace. I knew he was seething inside when I saw that photo. But he smiled. Acting like it was ok.

But I knew he wasn’t ok with it.

And wondered why.

With my former co workers. Keith for instance.

I’d ask “What would make a man so brilliant with his home and home life so utterly mediocre in his job and perfectly content with that mediocrity?”

If he’s reading, that’s not intended to be a judgment, I actually came to massively respect him and realized I had my priorities all screwed up and wasn’t giving myself enough me time.

Even the women I was with. “How can Kena have said and legitimately believed her God visited 1000 years ago”

And then there were leaders such as Richard Branson “How can such a fantastic man have so many interests and maintain such a strong family relationship”

Now I had spent a great deal of my life trying to make sense of this really weird creeping feeling.

The feeling of – where did I end and others begin.

It was confusing. I was stressed out. And I was unable to tell what i felt, wanted, and desired, and what was a result of the influence of others.

So I did this research and understanding of self and perception and other’s perception out of simple self preservation.

And then.

When I really started digging into it.

And taking it a step further.

Asking “How can I make their actions right in my mind? No matter how ghastly. How wrong. How morally corrupt these people I have had wax and wane throughout my life. How can I justify their actions”

I came to understand and find explanations for Hitler.

And then came to interestingly understand how Gandhi could actually have been an oppressor to many.

And then.

I really stepped it up.

I started doing the same thing with fictional characters.

One time. Doctor Who did some things. That I questioned.

But when I learned the truth about what he did and why.

I understood.

From that dialog:

He never raised his voice. That was the thing. The fury of the timelord. And then we discovered why. Why this doctor. Who had fought with Gods and Demons why he’d run away from us and hidden.

He was being Kind.

He wrapped the father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star.

He tripped the mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there, forever.

He still visits the sister.

Once a year, every year it’s wondered if one day he’ll forgive her. You see. He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at a reflection and see something move behind you just for a second. That’s her.

That’s always her.

As for the worst offender.

He was suspended in time.

And the Doctor put him to work standing guard over the fields of England as a scarecrow and their protector.

They’d all wanted to live forever.

So the Doctor made sure they did. 

He never raised his voice. That was the thing. The fury of the timelord. And then we discovered why. Why this doctor. Who had fought with Gods and Demons why he’d run away from us and hidden.

He was being Kind.

He wrapped the father in unbreakable chains forged in the heart of a dwarf star.

He tripped the mother into the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy to be imprisoned there, forever.

He still visits the sister.

Once a year, every year it’s wondered if one day he’ll forgive her. You see. He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at a reflection and see something move behind you just for a second. That’s her.

That’s always her.

As for the worst offender.

He was suspended in time.

And the Doctor put him to work standing guard over the fields of England as a scarecrow and their protector.

They’d all wanted to live forever.

So the Doctor made sure they did.

And then there’s Q.

There came a time I began questioning.

How. If he sees the world as he does. Why would he put humanity on trial? And what would it take mentally to make it possible to shift something through time and space by 100k light years at the speed of thought?

Here’s the thing about perception and the mind.

The mind is wonderfully equipped to understand ANY perspective.

When you take time. And history into account.

So much so.

You don’t just empathize.

You become.

 


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