I had always wondered where emotions come from.
Why. When I listen to the soundtrack from Tron legacy, am I reminded of the time I was living at my parent’s house up in Vancouver, Washington, and had decided to go out alone one evening when I couldn’t sleep.
I went to a club where there was far too few people out for the neighboring population.
I’d taken the bus there, and left early, and couldn’t figure out why there was a bus stop which sat in the opposite direction of the street. It made no sense whatsoever.
Three police cars roared by, sirens blazing, all driving within a foot of each other at nearly 70 miles per hour.
In my mind, I had voices echoing there, saying “This was a training program for a time cop”
It’s a lonely feeling, hearing parts of that sound track.
One in which I’ve come to realize – the things I have seen and experienced are not a product of fiction because they are.
It is actually because most people’s minds are ill equipped to understand the sheer magnitude of possibilities that this concept called infinity presents. How I and we came to be as a species, let alone a planet is nothing less than a miracle by every definition of the word.
And I realized the emotion from the music I had listened to comes from me.
Time and space mean nothing to energy.
To me, I transcribe a record of when and where and what happened, that’s my way of assigning and defining meaning for my life.
I never know when I’m going to want to feel something again.
Or when I am going to need inspiration.
When I turned 18, I made it a fact to visit Yorba Linda, California with my ex wife, Donna.
I was infinitely curious how my former friend’s lives were going.
The smells. The feel. All brought an indescribable feeling of emptiness with it though.
And when I played the song “Lady,” by Kenny Rogers.
I would cry.
Heck I am fending off tears right now just thinking about it.
For years, I had lived with an addiction to cocaine.
I am convinced my mind was stuck in a very real black hole, and the only way out of that black hole was to gain control of my own mind and temporarily assign a label in which I was a victim of something I didn’t fully comprehend, and a story which started me on the path of believing in something greater than me.
This is where I am convinced atheism combined with modern science leads.
Somewhere in there. I met a being named Jackie.
Who forced me to remember a song which will forever live in my mind and put a smile to my face.
“Rehab” by Amy Winehouse.
And I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was this instance with Jackie that music and song has created such an amazingly powerful positive memory which will forever change the course of my life.
Where does emotion come from?
And music is just one of the many things I leverage which provides me direct access to those memories.
I don’t need it to remember.
But it helps.