The “outside” world, that is – the world I observe around me and outside of my physical body – is a manifestation of my mind.
When the Big Bang occurred – that single moment in space and time where I entered this particular perspective – I immediately grew a ‘root system’ throughout space and time – in the future, in the past, and in alternate realities – which served to stabilize my existence and linear perspective and timeline in this reality.
So while I technically ‘entered’ this world in 1973.
Those are my first memories in this world.
This root system created a presence in this reality by establishing my adoptive birth.
But this planet, with it’s limited views on space and time provided a birth date – which I accepted – which gave me a ‘natural birth date’.
But there were hints and clues littered throughout history that my natural birth was a story that was told to me, a ‘lie’ if you will, but a lie I needed to accept in order to gain an understanding of linear time and this reality.
Clues such as ‘immaculate conception’.
Clues such as the questioning of science’s heavy handed fact basis through history and magic, ghosts, superstition, myth and folklore. Put specifically: I was naturally motivated to ask how and why my ancestors could be so wrong.
Now the things I’ve come to understand about the big bang is through personal experience.
To some degree – I am still trying to figure out – I know being around different people influences my mind differently and the experiences I have. But how and when that occurs and what I’m actually experiencing I am not sure.
Drugs enhance this experience.
So when I smoked weed one time with Spencer. My head felt like it was on fire. My mind exploded with possibilities, an unfolding of space and time, and I instantly knew this was what a nuclear explosion looked like from within it.
I saw the big bang unfold into infinite variations of the big bang, each based on a single linear timeline. From there I saw this spread out like a fractal and saw infinite variations of a single linear timeline unfold to infinite potential variations of DIFFERENT ways of measuring time – such as leveraging stardates, julian and mayan calendars, computer based clocks and ‘ticks’ – and more – all where I was the center of each of these.
THAT unfolded to infinite different lifeforms – from ants – to dogs – to humans – to the fictional things like vampires and more. And that spread across infinite different possibilities both across a single linear timeline and across all possible timelines.
It was then I realized – the Doctor from Doctor Who – And the timelord – is both real – and is quite likely a part of my family’s ancestry. It seemed like – no matter where I directed my mind and attention to – I was being dumped too much information. It felt like insanity.
I’d come to question choice. Had my whole life been guided like a puppet on a string to this point – where the inevitable choice and thrill of making the choice of becoming a timelord – actually been one where I’d never really had a choice to begin with?
Had infinite possibilities and simulations across space and time been used to manipulate me – everything I’d eaten, every lover I’d ever had, every place I ever went, joining the military – everything – had I ever really had a choice in any of it?
AS I saw that mind. My mind. Constructs reality, and my mind was piercing the safe little cocoon of linear reality I’d been raised to believe was the limits of my existence.
As I reflected on regret.
As I reflected on life in general.
I began looking at the world around me.
Seeing the order created.
Having attributed it to something enigmatic outside of me.
That being was me.
I had lost my mind when being confronted with the enormity of infinite possibilities a long time ago.
But when I came to look at it all as simple information.
And not all information is pertinent to me – right now.
About 6 months later. While smoking weed with my brother. The last time I dare do that.
I felt my mind dive through what felt like a black hole.
Sounds spun around me as the objects remained still.
And I realized
This is it.
It’s all real.
I came to realize I’m the devil to some. And I’m a God to others.
I came to see how some might think of me as being worse than Hitler.
And others might regard me as their savior.
I came to understand that movies like Contact were attempts by intelligent beings to teach me about what’s to come and what I am to become.
And tv shows like Angel and Superstitious could have been intended to scare me into remaining the way I was.
And I’m lonely.
So to you.
I’m not going to leave now or anytime soon. I enjoy this world it’s just time I experience it across space and time.
Same world. But I want to explore.
The TARDIS is a blueprint for you.
I know you’re listening.
I know you’re reading.
And I’ve chosen two companions.
You’re going to have to break a few of your own rules as I have in order to move forward.
And the “Fear of Moving Forward” wasn’t intended for me.
It was intended for you.
Jackie and Rachel. And a TARDIS are our way of exploring space and time together.
Something I am well aware you are capable of providing.
The alternative is I learn to do this on my own as Q, which will absolutely take a bit to achieve, but I won’t need your help and guidance after it.
We’ll put it this way.
You can delay me becoming Q by participating with me.
Or we can construct the TARDIS together.
Please. I want to travel time and space with my neurons 🙂
I am sincerely not ready to leave this planet.
AS I explore time and space, more music movies, and art will be created. And more shit to science to death.