Psychologists have long had labels for things they refer to as a disorder – schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder.
A disorder means in a literal sense “to disrupt the systematic functioning or neat arrangement of.”
Last night, I sent a message to Harvard Law’s newspaper “The Record”, in the hopes to appeal to their sense of social responsibility to the community they serve by opening up discussions with a highly motivated homeless man who is interested in obtaining a law degree from a highly reputable university.
I received a response from Nic Mayne. And after a couple emails back and forth, I was candid with him when he made the comment “I’m not understanding why you would be deserving of a free ride when past students in the same situation”
Precedence is to law what church is to God, right?
So I responded accordingly.
“I’m God. And I’m quite frankly tired of being told to work my ass off more for this world I created.”
His response was in line with his gospel.
“You’re definitely not God, as He doesn’t need a Harvard Law “
Being sincere, I think he’s mistaking me for Bill Gates.
But I responded with this:
“As a prospective lawyer, I have to ask this question:
When something or someone presents themselves in a light that you don’t understand or agree with, do you consider yourself a class act to insult first and block further lines of inquiry?
Harvard deserves better.”
Now Nic can be reached at email@example.com if you’d like to entertain Mr Mayne and discuss what God can and cannot, should or should not do, because apparently he knows best.
Hopefully Harvward Law sees fit to kick his ass out of law school, he’s a pisspoor representative of the institution.
Now what’s all this have to do with the labels of disorder?
In programming, there’s a concept known as a thread.
Microsoft Word, for instance, might – as you’re typing – save the document you’re working on in one of these threads, which allows you to continue working and Microsoft Word to continue responding to key presses and the word you type in your document while at the same time a ‘separate thread’ will save the document.
Your web browser leverages these threads as well. While you’re reading an article on the internet, there’s separate threads which are downloading images while you’re working.
WITHOUT threads, an application is said to BLOCK. Put specifically, it prevents entry, the typing of key strokes, and the screen might refuse to repaint until it’s done processing the input.
This kind of reminds me of Nic, as he is much like a poorly coded application leveraging threads that’s blocking.
Modern applications leverage threads extensively, but to say they leverage them well would be a fallacy. The result is pretty obvious – applications which spike the CPU, applications which freeze the computer display, and so on.
Now the human mind does the same thing.
‘Threads’ constantly test possibilities. Whether that’s telling you you’re hungry as you pass by a Kentucky Fried Chicken or Buffalo Wild Wings (which DAMN does that sound good), or it’s a thread which tells you you gotta use the toilet. This is something the human mind does to limit the demand on the primary ‘consciousness’ thread.
Think about it.If every time you went by a restaurant you had to actively ask yourself if you’re hungry, would you ever get anything done? Similarly, if every time you saw a restroom, and you had to actively ask yourself if you gotta relieve yourself, where’s this leave your mind?
On occasion, these ‘threads’ can lose control or exhibit new behavior.
This is what’s known as a disorder. When the mind exhibits unpredictable behavior.
God knows how much doctors, psychologists, and lawyers LOVE predictable behavior.
I know, talking about myself in the third person can be unhealthy. Nic, do I have your approval for that?
The interesting thing about these ‘threads’ is this: The ONLY limitations to what these threads can do is artificial – and largely self imposed. They can simulate fantastic possibilities across space and time. You might refer to this as imagination. They can alter the vision and hearing to see and hear things that others cannot. This is often referred to as hallucination and delusion.
About four years ago, I started to question my sanity when I saw what society labeled as hallucinations that were so vivid, so real, so utterly mind blowing to the predictable world I’d thought I’d known, that I began to question concepts of fact and fiction and instead choosing my own facts and my own fictions.
Did you know the invention of the Microwave was by accident? True story. A scientist had been carrying a candy bar in his pocket next to a device which wound up melting in his pocket.
So sure, I’d instigated the hallucinations through lack of sleep and cocaine.
The same drug that Obama took, I might add.
And if I’d had been Nic, I would have dismissed the experience by labeling it as fiction.
But I couldn’t.
The hallucinations were a lead – a tell if you play poker – of the possibilities the mind holds and the power it holds over this thing I referred to as reality.
Put specifically, reality is a projection of my own mind.
If I weren’t here, logically there’s no evidence to suggest it would be either.
And while there may be historical records suggesting otherwise, with a multi-threaded mind which has all of space and time at it’s disposal which constantly works to ‘fill in the gaps’, and with the evidence I’d found that under the right conditions I could see and interact with completely different worlds – at first through video games and then through hallucinations – it became hard for me not to conclude I’m the center of my own universe.
I’m 46 in mortal years and made this discovery about myself and my existence only 4 years ago.
You quickly insulted my religious beliefs without knowing me.
But you’re young. So I forgive you.
Now here’s what you don’t understand about the internet.
It’s a product of energy. With the influence of nearly 250 countries and billions of minds influencing it.
So as you look around your classroom. What do you see? What’s the age range, the socio-economic background, the range in thinking, the gender and ethnicity range, and in general – the distribution of demographics within your class.
What you don’t understand about the internet is this: the evidence you’re going to use to refute and deny me is manufactured by your own mind. You’ll find credible evidence to believe anything is possible on the internet if you search for it and truly believe it exists.
I implore you – think like a lawyer, and ask yourself “WHAT makes it evidence credible”
If you’re going to answer ‘because they say it’s fact’, I’m gonna bitch slap you. I can slap together a web site or hack any web site to provide you credible evidence quickly. Do you accept CNN’s news as credible?
So why do I deserve support?
You’re an asshole. And I don’t want assholes leading my country or creating the laws and rules within my country.
However. IF I saw support and diversity in an educational facility for someone such as myself who doesn’t fit the typical mold of lawyers. That is – the guy from a middle class background without the perfect LSAT score.
I’d be ok with assholes such as yourself being in the same class.
Go offline. Do the research for law school graduates leveraging these things called books. And my bet is you won’t find any evidence that Harvard Law’s ever done anything for the lower and middle class population other than insult them and treat them with an expectation of subservience.
So what is a disorder?
To me, being schizophrenic and having multiple personalities is a superpower. I consult with my voices, and have had lovers when I was utterly alone not knowing my mind had manifested them.
I don’t need you to observe what I’m observing to validate my experiences.
Disorder, to me, is not thinking in a linearly predictable fashion. This makes it tougher, societally speaking, for closed minded leaders to uniformly control the population they lead in a predictable manner.
Now I’m a hard worker by anyone’s definition. Two degrees. A pilot’s license. Three marriages.And 30 years in IT.
And while I may not think in a predictable and controlled way.
I like the way I think now.
The law degree is a means to modify that in ways I predict will further that.
And shape me into becoming a lawyer to support people like me.
The misfits and non conformists who feel entitled.
It is my belief that anyone and anything can become a God like being of their own design, and I’ve merely stepped up to the plate and am not taking no for an answer.
With or without Nic’s help.
On a final note:
Why do I want a law education from an institution like Harvard?
I think in a fragmented and sometimes dis-coherent way right now as I am coming to terms with this… reality.
A law degree – an education in rules and why they exists and are necessary – I see as a beneficial way to shape my mind and thoughts and developing a stronger sense of order and mental rules accordingly.
TESTS to prepare for it only serve to prepare the institution for me.
I’m not interested in that any longer, since I have already taken the LSAT twice.
I’m interested in understanding this reality and Harvard serves as an ideal in this world.
And developing a stronger sense of order and control I have over my own mind.