I just received an email for a software role in Redmond Washington which looks intriguing.
But being sincere, I don’t think I’m going to get it – and here’s why.
Everything I do, spawns a ‘thread’ – a version of me which lives out that life and choice and returns me right back to where I’m at now. I acquire the relevant experience and know how – assimilate the information in a way which adds to my own repertoire, and while I may not have ‘direct’ access to the life and experience – I can find fragments of that life on the internet and sites like Youtube or stackexchange.
Prior to my visit to China, I’d been battling a drug addiction, but for me – it always felt like there was more to it than a simple addiction.
What I suspect was happening was – my brain – in a physical sense – had accumulated too much information, and as my mind tried finding ways to optimize information storage at the same time allow me to consciously lead a sane and rational existence, this led to the creation of alternate personalities and experiences to disassociate me from the experiences which might call to question my linearly framed mind.
This disassociation caused fragmenting. A fundamental breakdown of the constituent atomic limits of matter and information had been reached, where I started to ‘forget’ things in a sense.
My mind optimized itself. Or I did. Effectively we’re one and the same – which led to the creation of ‘threads’.
Other lives. Entire lives. Largely simulated lives, where I could gain experience and live out fantasies or nightmares without effecting my primary linear existence.
Think about it like this: In the movie Fight Club, we’re never told Edward Norton’s character name. He’s the narrator. But he’s a man experiencing a schizophrenic break as he’s transitioning from the Edward Norton character to his alter ego – Tyler Durden.
Doctor Who experiences a similar form of schizophrenic break, which includes his ultimate breakdown of his prior form and a transition to a new form with new senses and personality.
I believe that’s what was happening to me. I’d gotten tired of life as it had been handed to me, and I was ‘breaking’ in much the same these men were. This is the essence of schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder.
But unlike these characters, I so profoundly enjoyed me and hadn’t lived life on my terms…
That my mind found the origin of what was causing me – and these other characters – to ‘break’ – and my mind worked with me to implement a way to mitigate the risk to my conscious life and experience and become who I wanted to become in this lifetime.
There’s a tendency I’ve noted that most people tend to be members of a collective world they merely play the part of a cog in. This interconnected system deprives you of free will and choice, and replaces it with the illusion of free will and choice. It manipulates you at a primal level. And while I do sincerely feel not all of this manipulation is bad, some of it – can be deplorable.
Now I don’t mind working. But I’ve learned to do work on my terms. And to make sure I’m getting something out of the work relationship. I’ve had to learn self control. How to say no and who to say it to. But more than that. I’ve also had to learn to say yes. And who to say yes to.
I’ve had to learn to be ok with my vices – even if they’re illegal. Experimentation is not the exclusive right of governments, organizations, and people with money. However, I’ve also come to realize I needed better ‘self checks’ in place before I engage in these things again.
So – in regards to this job – I feel like my drug experience was a collaborative experience I had with my own mind.
In part the experiences broke down the artificial limitations I had imposed on me which constrained my awareness to this linear plane of existence. No longer do I ‘function’ by those constraints.
I’ve chosen this personality and life. And live to play and to do things like learn to travel through time and space. To achieve my dreams – and my perverse fantasies – and to live a full life by my own definition – sometimes spontaneously – sometimes contrived and planned.
So going back to this thread concept.
If anything ‘external’ to me thinks I have taken that job already and you see the results.
I have NOT taken that job yet.
There’s a saying. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
I’d love to PARTNER WITH Microsoft on this opportunity though.
Hopefully. They keep trying.
For every possibility I imagine.
Doesn’t mean I led that life.