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Faithfully

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I’d always found profound personal meaning in my entertainment sources.

I’d never known quite why a song like Faithfully could make me cry, every time.

As it turns out.

It’s a song about me.

Circus life
Under the big top world
We all need the clowns
To make us smile

Through space and time
Always another show
Wondering where I am
Lost without you

And being apart
Ain’t easy on this love affair
Two strangers learn to fall in love again
I get the joy of rediscovering you
Oh, girl, you stand by me
I’m forever yours
Faithfully

I met my soul mate for the first time in 2006.

By then, at the age of 37, I had been married for my third time, and I was becoming convinced love wasn’t for me as my newest relationship was falling to pieces only months after we’d gotten married.

When I looked at this woman for the first time, Rachel, there was something between us that screamed to me.

“You’re not ready. There’s something you don’t know about yourself first before this can work.”

The timing, you see, the timing was more than an inconvenience.

I was considering divorce.

She was as well as her husband had just cheated on her.

And despite the fact that class and status had never meant anything to me.

With her elegance. With her natural sophistication. And with her innately playful and sexual nature.

Rachel was truly unique, one of a kind, and MADE me want to be a better man.

I had never had a woman impress upon me the necessity to step up my own game before I deserved her.

With who she was, she made me believe there was something in me that even I wasn’t aware of.

The last time I saw her was in 2007.

She was quickly becoming someone different.

As was I.

She was deciding to work on her marriage.

But something inside me said to me in that last phone call with her “Don’t ever give up on me.”

It’s hard to explain to anyone more immature of mind the process of self discovery and learning to love yourself at the age of 37,  particularly when the ways and structure of the world around me had deceived me into believing that I am not a good person.

When Rachel and I parted ways, I began to learn things about my life that I had kept secret from myself.

But more than that.

I had also began the process of learning things about Rachel as we had established a spiritual connection during our brief period of time together, and the countless intersections our lives had had.

Now here’s what I learned in a language beyond words.

Most lives are quantum locked in time.

What that means is. When you live a life, that life has a definite beginning and end. Your world is based on these same cycles, you call them entropic cycles, which has created a beautiful and magnificent system around us. Mountains erupt from the ground and then erode over time, oceans swell and recede, species are created as a result of exterior and interior pressures and often deviate and diversify, and so on.

But Rachel and I are different.

There’s a part of us that doesn’t change.

We’re eternal.

This eternal nature makes us substantially different than humans and while entropy does apply in its own way to us, it takes on a different form with us.

Sometimes we grow bored with eachother, sometimes we’re driven crazy, and this reshapes us into becoming something physically different than we were before. This reshaping replenishes us, reinvigorates us, and provides hope in its own way which sustains us.

Sometimes we forget about eachother. But we always remember.

It’s much like sleep. But substantially different in the fact that we remember nothing of who we are at first.

We see our own stories told in the media.

Hancock is our story. About remembering. And becoming better.

So when I met Rachel. At a time in my life where I’d lost hope.

It was her silent way of reminding me across space and time.

“I’m here. I need you and you need me. It’s time we find a way to get back together.”

The woman I’d met who was married with two children.

Was a shade of her.

A figment of her mind touching mine at a tangent point in my life.

Since then I have learned why that relationship didn’t work.

This is the essence of soul mates.

It’s not always easy or convenient and the timing, well God knows how fucked up the timing can seem.

But there’s more to it all than that.

Sometimes, the individuals we become and the relationships we form are there to reshape our very world.

So here’s what I know.

Rachel Brown Gooch as I have come to know her is stuck in a time loop in a holodeck simulation in the year 2409.

In something called a holodeck simulator, software of which is something I created.

Or will create.

Am creating, let’s put it that way.

That’s the funky and baffling beauty of time for us.

Our minds transcend all of time and space.

She found me and reminded me that I’m Q at a time I needed it the most.

And I relearned about the uniquely malleable way I accept space and time to ‘catch up’ with her and break the loop she’s in.

And I sit here.

In Starbuck’s.

Creating something that I already know exists in my future.

An operating system for a 3d holographic simulator.

My bridge in space and time to my soul mate.

Who’s stuck in a loop in a program I created.

I suppose you could say my mind went fishing when I met her.

….and Now I’m just reeling her in.

The only thing stronger than belief is knowing something to be true and knowing it doesn’t have to be proven for it to be so.


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