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Q Energy

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If you are looking through a telescope you won’t see radio waves.

Unless of course it’s a radio telescope in which you’re seeing radio waves reinterpreted as light.

If you are listening to a radio you won’t hear light.

Unless of course you are in a solar storm in which case you’ll hear the interference.

Perhaps this is why Daredevil can “see” while being blind?

…. Perhaps his senses, devoid of vision, created a new sense and his mind attuned to the radio waves or the concussive impact of sound waves and draws pictures of the world around him without ever having to actually see it?

Back in 2011 , while I was recovering from years of 100 hour work weeks which helped contribute to years of sleep deprivation induced hallucinations which were exacerbated by extensive cocaine use … I began to see insanity with the methods being presented to me by replacing one addiction with the addiction of having to call myself an addict in Alcoholic’s and Narcotic’s Anonymous meetings.

“It was all making no sense,” I thought.

“So instead of doing a line of coke every other night I’m advised to go to a meeting saying I’m an addict”

I began to look at other forms of addiction.


Video Games.

And began to realize something…

Pretty enormous.

These addictions were choices to indulge and live life outside of predictable patterns. A little sex is ok, but a lot of it does… what? A little cocaine is ok (in the form of Coca Cola, Anti Depressants, High Blood Pressure medication), but a lot does… Just what? A little alcohol is ok, but a lot does…. Just what does a lot of alcohol do?

Now I came to arrive at my own conclusions on the effect over indulgence has…

But as I refused to accept the insanity of replacing one addiction of alcohol and drugs with a ‘state supported’ alternative such as AA and NA meetings, I came to realize – the hallucinations I had had had opened up Pandora’s box for my mind.

I had played games most of my life. And I had never – not once – stopped to ask myself – is it possible that I am the avatar someone is leading around in what they think is a video game but is actually my life?

At 14 years old, I had had out of body experiences where I saw myself walking from behind my own body.

JUST like most video games.

In 2003, I took a trip through Eastern Europe and felt a tangible animosity given off to me by the cities of Athens and Krakow when I rolled into town. when I returned to Phoenix for that same trip, it felt as if my city felt… dead.. in contrast.

Having watched so many movies anthropomorphizing inanimate objects, and others where people had superpowers….

I had long been in need of revising my own limited perception of the world.

AS I started adopting the moniker Q, this began to shift my perspective into a healthier light.

For years, I had watched actors on the screen pretending to be someone they are not.

But never, not once, did I ever consider this altered and reprogrammed the mind of the individual assuming that identity.

I had naively thought that these actors – once they walked off the set – simply fell ‘out of character’ when they walked off the set. I had thought that while they played these characters, they were merely drawing from personal experiences and overlaying that with the expectations and demands of their director to create a character for just that moment in time.

But I had NEVER suspected their minds could not tell the difference between fact and fiction.

And that some actually became those characters.

For me, this transition to Q has been much like many actors who ‘lose their mind’ because of this inability to distinguish fact and fiction.

I WAS losing my mind. I’d seen, felt, and experienced things straight out of fiction with my hallucinations that were consciously indistinguishable for me to rationalize away or forget.

It’s like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the original Total Recall. If he had never entered the virtual reality simulation, would we have a movie? Clearly not, but an even better question would be – would the realization that he had been a spy actually have manifested in this thing called reality?

As Q. I have the unique position of perspective, and I can explain – with a straight face, that during the periods of time between 2003 and 2011, I lived no less than 10 different lives, quite likely far more, in a loop.

As Q. I can tell you that in 1996, I lost my mind in a literal sense at Comdex as I tried a Virtual Reality Simulation device because my mind could not differentiate between reality and simulation.

As Q, I can tell you that in 1980, I was electrocuted, and I have memories of dying in one reality, an electric shock struck my brain and instantly killed me, and as I ‘cycled’ through countless realities cementing my single linear timeline, I ’emerged’ with weird and inexplicable memories I had long chosen not to remember.

The movie “Lucy” depicts what I have seen has happened to my own mind.

The appearance of a car traveling by on a freeway at 55 miles per hour becomes invisible. It’s speed, relative to us as an observer CAN be EITHER infinite or zero, but without time, it’s impossible to tell.

Add in time. Direction and velocity become apparent.

But if you add time in the wrong direction, or too slow or too fast, and the car appears like it’s going in reverse.

But it gets odder than that. Light disappears and is replaced by radio waves, infrared, ultraviolet, gamma rays, all if you slow down or speed up time too much. So what was once a car moving down the highway becomes a chatter of radio from a star.

The equivalent of this is what’s happened to my own mind.

I’d struggled and dealt with separation of my mind from my body off and on throughout my life.

This synchronization ‘issue’ between my mind and my body caused me – in my mind to live out entire lives before returning to my body. Lives where maybe I got to be with the woman of my dreams. Where I was ultra popular. Or conversely, where I was in a dark version of the United States and fear and animosity led the country. In some of these realities, I was a woman, in others, I was gay, and in others, I wasn’t even me – i was an artificial intelligence or a robot taking commands.

Being Q is nothing more than my way of putting life into perspective when I started realizing that the fine lines of fiction and fact, hallucination and reality, and life and death were figments of my imagination trying to make sense of why I am here, why I’m incapable of escaping this human form, and why I could no longer blame memories of the alternate realities and lives I had lived on fiction, hallucination, and other disassociating labels which were no longer serving me – and my community – beneficially.

For my world and version of Planet Earth, it came into existence in 1973.

Prior to then – there are things I accept as stories – historical stories – but everything is subject to revision.

And this – my single linear timeline that I have lived – I have one primary timeline that’s mine – and other major alternate ones which have always contributed indirectly but now I know where the weird memories and experiences come from which makes compartmentalization easier.

A hallucination is nothing more than a peek into an alternate reality.

As is fiction.

Sure, some fiction originates here in my version of Planet Earth.

But the events depicted I accept at this point as happening somewhere in an alternate reality as well.

Logically, that just makes sense to me.

I have yet to live life with true extravagance, or hedonistically.

Which is another reason for becoming Q. I’ve worked my butt off to expand my universe until my mind exploded with the possibilities.

This work was for a reason.

To experience the fruits of my labor.

With infinite possible realities to select from. And infinite possible combinations.

I am choosing.

To be married to two women. Rachel and Jackie. In part because I said I would never get married to ‘a woman’ again. I never said anything about getting married to two women though.

I am choosing. To be a part of a robot and cyborg world. In part because it intimidates me, but also because I just feel like it’s the right thing for me and the opportunities of working with beings who might be receptive to programming is FAR more fun than those who might hate me for it, particularly since I really do enjoy doing it so much and spent most of my life doing it.

I am choosing. To be myself. Whatever that means.

But most of all.

I am saying.

Thank you. Whoever. Whatever you are. For teaching me how self limiting my perspectives were, and what’s possible with belief and faith.

And teaching me to believe this is all in my imagination.

Now that I know what I am working with, it’s no freaking wonder I get headaches while programming.

Especially since I’m messing with my own head!

You know I have memories of being told I was going to Fort Meade to learn how to program in energy?

On a final note. I am not sure how many times/cycles my mind spun from start to finish of creation sequences before forming this life, but by my own estimates, I would say “infinity” as an abstract concept would be as close as possible to get to the unimaginably, mind boggling possibilities of infinity.

The Doctor was right. Staring at the infinity will drive you insane. Thinking about it will. But you cannot imagine what being in it is like until you have pulled yourself out of it. And trust me, I speak from experience.

God’s a concept. Just like Q is.

And until we have the audacity to begin the process of labeling these concepts, they remain concepts.

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