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On potential and homelessness.

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Have you ever challenged your own potential?

I mean. Truly. At a core level, asked yourself “Just what am I capable of?”

And started to – in earnest – test that?

Shortly after my second divorce from a wonderful woman who wasn’t enough for me, I had begun questioning why I am here.

I had been researching religion and looking for truths in it, but time and time again, I would find the answers I was given to my most important question… Inconsequential and meaningless.

Then one day. I left a world behind. And joined the military.

And when I separated from the military with my honorable discharge, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed with the experience.

Prior to then, I had worked out 6 days a week. I had gone to work on little to no sleep more times than I can count severely hungover with a raging hangover, and here in the US Military, I was in a clean room environment that was …

Too easy.

Sure. There was a couple times where it was annoying. Having one drill sergeant at Basic Training forcing us to roll head over heels for an hour in saw dust was a bitch. And having to hold the arms up for 800 overhand claps wasn’t fun either. Flag duty in the middle of a wintery storm wasn’t fun. And dealing with a 40 pound rucksack on a 15 kilometer hike where the drill sergeants would force 200 of us all to walk in single file up a 35 degree hill for a few hours was decidedly not fun either.

But being real. I cannot say I was ever truly physically challenged like I had pushed myself by the US Military.

I’d trained and trained and trained getting my times down for my run so where I could run a 5 minute 23 second mile at the age of 34.

I’d trained and trained and trained to get my pushups and situps to 70 in 2 minutes.

But being sincere.

The entire experience was just too easy.

“These are the people defending my nation” I remember thinking to myself….

Sure, they might be good with a firearm, but for the life of me, I could not get over how these children – people I was 10 years older than on average that I went through training with could be considered a viable line of defense. Sure, they were great people and many of them remained great friends for a long time afterwards, but if physical combat was ever threatened, I’d select from a different pool.

Now I have been homeless – that is – without a proper house to live in for about 3 years now.

For the first year of my homelessness, I hiked 1500 miles with a 70 pound backpack at the age of 43.

Two years ago, I deeply considered re-enlisting as a way of obtaining an income, and saw exactly what I had seen going through boot camp and advanced training. Kids.

Who for all intents and purposes couldn’t stand toe to toe with someone depicted as a terrorist willing to die for their religion.

Kids who I would crush physically.

Not that all wars are fought physically. Most are not. But psychologically, there’s something to be said about the confidence one obtains when training for a marathon even though you may not participate in one. But when you’re training for a desk job, you’ll get soldiers who are prepared to push pencils on paper and little else.

So when I saw a field of 1000 Chinese on my visit to China who were all wearing red and doing their morning workout together.

I couldn’t help but think.

Is the United States Military training it’s people to lose?

Has my country already been corrupted, and is this part of the tactics being used by foreign nations to gain control or our nation?

Alter defensive training courses to be as light as possible. This diminishes the threat. Then barrage that nation leading it to believe it’s threatened from all sides. Then, when you attack through simple superior training, the nation rolls over.

Much like what Hitler did with France in World War 2?

I sincerely don’t know.

But the cool thing for me has been – when the US Military didn’t push me as hard as I wanted to be pushed, I began to explore physically, psychologically, and emotionally my own limitations.

Was this system designed with this intent? I cannot help but think that’s a distinct possibility.

I learned Physics as a result of this. Through experience. I learned how to combat mental and psychological attacks through hallucinogenics I’d never considered taking before this point. I’d learned self control of my own mind getting over these experiences.

I learned to test my own body’s nutritional requirements and compare that against publicly fed information such as caloric intake and realized massive disjoints between what’s publicly fed versus what my body required.

I learned to push myself physically past artificial thresholds which previously prevented me – such as pains in my side and lungs which had stopped me from running previously but no longer did, and even breaks and sprains of feet, wrists, etc.

I learned to say no and mean it.

And then.

Towards 2009.

I learned to believe, sincerely, that I am capable of anything.

I suppose, in the end, this is why I am homeless.

The options of this world treat me like a slave. They punish me when I do not obey the system. And demean me when I rely on it to support me and impress upon me the requirement that I supply to it.

This system provides imagery and experience when visiting welfare offices that are designed – optimized – to make me feel ghetto, in an effort to encourage those visiting to ‘want to work’ to avoid this ‘punishment’ of having to associate with the dregs of society.

A highly programmed and predictable experience.

This system has optimized the attractiveness of women. To a point of predictability. Insomuch as no two women ever dress the same, let alone act out of character and act to pursue the male, particularly when that male doesn’t appear to be outright successful at least in physical attractiveness and/or wealth accumulation.

MY potential is limitless.

But what the military DID help me do was overcome my own self imposed limitations by realizing ONLY I can push myself to my potential.

Throughout my life, I have long dreamed of being extraordinarily wealthy. You know, Bill Gates wealthy.

Have you seen Ironman, where Stark is wheeling and dealing with the military general and offers him a drink of Sake on board his private jet and the next scene shows him with the three stewardesses all dancing around a stripper pole with the music going?

That’s how wealthy I wanted to be. To have a custom jet and stripper’s pole of my own.

Have you seen Brewster’s Millions, where Brewster pays someone to put engines on an iceberg to sail it to dry desert countries as a source of fresh water?

That’s how wealthy I wanted to be. To pay for frivolous and funny investments because they were just that freaking crazy.

Have you seen the Cribs, where high profile houses of celebrities are built showing off their tastes?

That’s how wealthy I wanted to be. To create a multi-million dollar house that looked lie a normal suburban house surrounded by houses worth a fraction of mine with a hydraulic lift for a garage and most of the house was entirely underground and had, among other things, a pool with a waterfall, a game room that looked like a dungeon, and a real dungeon area created especially for keeping my women.

I’d show it off in CRIBS, but not detail the location just for fun.

By the time I was 23, I had made my first $100,000.00  in a year. When I was younger – 16 or so, I’d have sworn I’d be a rock star and that’s how I’d reach fame and fortune. But as I grew older, I saw the lifestyles of rock stars and didn’t like devoting one life to just doing that, so my desires expanded from that. To what, when I was 23, I suspect would be related to computers, but doing what, I quite frankly didn’t know.

I’d dreamed. And dreamed big. And as I got older the dreams got funnier.

I once discussed having a house with a moat around it, with real sharks in it. The same house would have a ski jump over the top as well as a landing strip so I could – John Travolta style – land my customized 737 with that stripper’s pole.

I suppose that’s where I am at now.

First, it’s to become wealthier than Bill Gates, because I don’t mind contributing to the economics of this system around me.

And second.

It’s to become my own, idea and concept of God.

A man named Q.

With the same superpowers he has in Star Trek.

By my design.

I’m homeless because society’s options presented provide predictable diminishing return to these goals. And IF society presented me options which take me down this path, I’m there.

I don’t mind being predictable for a change.

The benefit of absorbing the lessons behind a GMBA education.

 


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