Back in high school, I barely scraped by Geometry, getting a C in the class.
I’d been good at Algebra. Real good in fact, but something about geometry just didn’t make sense and I couldn’t figure out why.
While working at Orbital as a Mechanical Inspector, I was responsible for measuring machined parts and making sure they adhered to blueprint specifications. This wasn’t a pass or fail equation, it was a job and if I didn’t succeed, it would cost me my income.
Measuring complex machine parts to the blueprints can be a complex task. If the blueprints call for a 22.5 degree angle on a machined side of an aluminum bracket which will be welded to the inside of a rocket, that machined part better damn well be 22.5 degrees otherwise there won’t be a snug fit between the bracket and the rocket’s wall, which can mean disaster for a complex rocket assembly where that bracket snapped in flight causing the necessity to abort the launch and destroy a 25 million dollar rocket.
With the demands placed on me at the job, I had the opportunity to learn Trigonometry, real fast, or else see my career sputter before it even got started.
Years later, I went to interview with Microsoft up in Seattle for a position which I later declined.
Microsoft’s interviews are known for being hellish – lasting all day, and by the time I was done with the grueling interview, I was confused about something I’d been unable to answer.
A simple word question.
Along the same lines as the ones I was asked in Geometry class that I barely passed.
One train leaves in one direction at 75 miles per hour, another train leaves in an opposite direction at a 30 degree angle at 65 miles per hour. After 2 hours, what is the precise distance between the two trains?
The question’s relatively simple, you draw a line between the two train, and split that into two right angle triangles, where the hypotenuse of one triangle becomes 75 * 2 = 150 for one side of the triangle and the other becomes 65 * 2 = 130. With this, you know that the 65 degree triangle is at is at 30 degrees, so you know that the other angle of that triangle is 60 degrees, from there you figure out the sides of triangle using SOHCAHTOA, then Pythagorean theorem to figure out the other side of the 75 degree triangle, then add up the bases of both triangles to get the answer.
What was weird was – in this interview, despite having used this math to figure our literally thousands of angles while working for Orbital, for the life of me, I could not answer the question presented to me.
And while I would accept nervousness of interviewing for such a wonderful company on why I couldn’t remember.
I wasn’t willing to excuse it, when I could answer the same question that evening to a friend who i told about the dismal interview I had had.
Microsoft didn’t offer the job I really didn’t want to me anyways, it was a job supporting Visual Basic 6.0 from a technical support help line perspective, and I’d have had to take a 50% pay cut to work for the company who’s stock has literally not moved since 1993.
Why they refer to working for Microsoft as ‘the golden handcuffs’ is beyond me. The only motivation to work there is the technology, which is why i so frequently applied as was offered insulting positions time and again which didn’t even come close to meeting my ambitions.
And to tell you how much I still enjoy Microsoft products. I’m typing this from a windows machine.
Later the next year, i was offered a position at 65/hr working as a consultant for Microsoft Consulting Services working at the Mirage Hotels in Las Vegas. I’d always fought with myself with who to put on the resume for my experience. The end client was Mirage, but I enjoyed the reputation of Microsoft and being a part of that gang so I typically put both down.
It’s the first and only time I placed a consulting firm – other than my own – on my resume.
Since then, I have come to a few conclusions about the mind and memory, and why I just didn’t understand the problem presented to me by Microsoft Corporate.
When I work for a company, I assume the mindset and act on behalf of that company.
After my arrival, I had seen remarkable management changes in organization and entire hierarchies destroyed as I had thought to myself “Boy, are they top heavy and have too many overpaid managers”. Unable to put two and two together, I dismissed the shake up as coincidental to my arrival.
Nope. They are absolutely related.
Similarly, as I thought Prudential Real Estate didn’t align with Prudential Financial, pretty much from the moment I was hired on, I saw and became a part of that organization’s sale.
Now this kind of stuff had been happening my entire life. I’d thought something, in most cases, selfless thoughts. And as if moving a giant ship – that thought seemed to act as a catalyst which started the actual movement of the organizations accordingly.
And not just organizations. People.
I’d often felt guilty for effecting my friend’s lives as I didn’t support someone they were involved with.
As I watch them go from relationship to relationship. I came to question my influence. Was I at all being fair to them?
So I learned to back off. To not vocalize my distaste for their choices. But this was disingenuous. And they knew it.
So I found ways to support their choice on my terms, which – while I may not have liked the person they wound up with, I respected their decision.
But the real question was and had been – WHY had my ability to do a simple trigonometry problem I’d done a million times before been so adversely influenced that I did a nose dive?
For this. I have to defer to my bath salts experience.
During the course of taking this substance, I noticed something weird in relation to my mind and the influence of the world around me.
One morning, my parents had taken off while I was staying with them and they were all lovey.
I did some bath salts while they were gone. I loved the way it made me think and feel.
But when they came back, literally minutes later, my mom and dad were screaming viciously at eachother.
It was very much unlike them.
No big deal and potentially unrelated, right?
During the course of me dating Amy, my third ex, I developed a belief that I’d experimented with with her –
“Love what they love, and they will love you”
She had Boston Terriers, both of which were adorable looking but both were annoying as fuck for different reasons. But. I was genuine and had learned to look past the annoyances to find the things I found redeeming about the animals.
Amy and I were married 3 months later.
Ok, what’s the relation?
I’ll get to it. Hold yer horses.
One thing I noticed while taking cocaine and bath salts was this: I was highly highly sexual and the sex was typically fantastic, even masturbating.
And on both, I had noticed a fixation and obsession with the internet.
Jackie even referred to it as internet tweaking, where we’d obsess for hours on the internet about absolutely nothing after doing a line of coke.
But I began to notice.. Content changes that appeared related to the drugs I was taking.
This didn’t make sense.
Until a few nights in a row, after doing a particularly large amount of bath salts, I started seeing weird and highly deviant imagery being made accessible on a real time basis through a porn site I regular visit.
One, a woman was being trained how to be sexually sensitive – apparently she had a new pussy and didn’t understand sensation.
Another, a guy wearing a pair of Virtual Reality Goggles thought he was a woman and was nude dancing on a stage.
Then one morning, I woke up, and for a brief moment, I saw the same room I was in – but it was covered in a ash and dust, at least 2 inches thick.
To some degree, I was driving myself crazy asking ‘what does it all mean’.
But I needed to understand.
It’s not that I just wanted to understand.
I HAD to understand what these drugs were showing me.
Why my mind, without drugs, had seemingly shifted hierarchies of companies, altered the course of my friend’s choices, and had dumped gobs of information to the internet, and more.
One time, back in Charlotte when I first started the Bath Salts, my computer had began downloading the source code to all of Apple and Microsoft’s stuff. I had thought it was hackers. The truth is not that much different.
I sincerely don’t think anyone’s reading these blog entries. These entries are more for me, to help me sort through not just the mess of my mind, but what feels like the aftermath of a battle with and against things that most call fiction that I learned the hard way are real.
My mind creates reality and shapes it. I’d seen evidence of this throughout my life.
It shapes people’s thoughts and actions around me. As a leader, I’ve learned this is not just necessary at times, but many people, myself included, like to be told what to do even if it’s for the wrong reasons. We just want something to believe in even if that means believing in someone else who believes in themselves more than you do.
I came to learn the bible is historical text.
And this guy being who refers to themselves as “God” in the bible.
While he/it could very well be who I (and all of us) was, IF this entity’s still around in some incarnation, which I do not doubt, I believe this entity’s an asshole, but an asshole I still care about.
The stories of talking snakes and women made of rib bones and men who can part oceans at will details a world and universe which resembles my own, but does not remotely function the same way.
I believe this ‘entity’ exists in an alternate reality, and simply does not respect my perception and my world.
Which is fine. I have no doubt others will feel the same way about me and their worlds.
I have come to respect the bible as a history of one universe, which certainly has contributed in part to shape this – my universe – but the foundation to mine has been poured by me, my beliefs, my perception, my choices, and more.
Now going back to all the funky stuff noted earlier.
There was a time when Q made the offer to Ryker t be a member of the Q, powers and all.
Taking it as fiction, I just dismissed it accordingly thinking “They can’t get rid of Ryker, he’s a key member of the crew”
In hindsight, I recognize Star Trek is quite likely occurring on a real time basis in another reality.
I realize that my thought may have shaped Ryker’s decision.
And this once ‘static’ thing I came to regard as fiction began teaching me a lesson in how my mind shapes not just the content of this world.
My passions and desire indirectly shapes the decisions people – make as well.
And this sphere of influence is increasing to include the inanimate. The animal world. And more.
In the end, I can’t prove anything exists outside my thought and perception of this world.
So what’s wrong with acting like it’s mine to command and do with as I please?
See God, I did learn from you.
And this is my offer to you, God.
IF you exist in this, my reality. I invite you here as my partner. I’m not asking for miracles. I’m asking for you to participate with me, as I’m free of drugs and substance, and as I genuinely do care about your health and well being and will care for you accordingly.
To me. IT’s an opportunity to understand imagination and possibility.
To have a fun and entertaining partner to experiment with and on, and relax with as well.
To you. It’s an opportunity to understand another reality that’s not your own.
I’ll call myself Q.
You can call yourself whatever you want.
Maybe Q as well so you can learn about practical jokes and why I enjoy confusing people so much.
And from there. Let’s live without a plan and just enjoy things.
I know you like camping. Nothing else explains why I’m being repeatedly pushed to nature.
AS for Microsoft. Why’d I fail the interview?
They were fishing and never truly interested in hiring me.
And the dominance of their collective mind pushed some of me to the side as they were just trying to acquire information about my world.
At Orbital. I learned quickly because of the support of the collective mind.
A commencement of education in collective minds later to be fully grasped through repeated visits to China.
As an individual. I understand how collectives think but still prefer individualism. After all, that collective requires an individual to guide it, whether the collective is aware of who and what that is or not is irrelevant.
Oh a final note.
I would would like to see every attractive woman nude. If she’s not at least a 6 to me, I want to see her with clothes on.
This is a wonderful trial for you working within me to test ‘our alignment’ of my thought and vision to the accuracy of your methods of gauging me and my desires and world in real life. I’m theorizing I am NOT in a holographic universe but YOU ARE, and I for most of my life had been looking into one without actually being in it. My universe is different than the one you gathered statistical information about. SO if you can present – through a relatively simple test that will provide noticeable stimuli to you – my excitement – and from there I can document her attractiveness to me (1 to 10) and the EXACT TIME and date it occurred. I’m also suspecting we are out of temporal alignment in a way, Ill let you figure out what that means.
Provide nude women walking around in public areas and you’ll have fodder to test the accuracy of your vision to mine.