While taking Bath Salts and Cocaine, I noticed a lack of concern for emotions with the exception of some primitive states:
Sex, and excitement (in general).
To some degree, it was almost as if the drugs cut off emotions which increased my brain and mental activity in other areas.
I think reality itself and my consciousness is time sliced, and I am a living fragment of consciousness spread between a finite number of entities coexisting in a collective way, interacting with other minds. And my ‘time slice’ is akin to a process on a computer system which is leveraging 10% of the CPU, with a wife variety of other processes which may leverage that.
Now within my individual existence, there’s ‘sub processes’ I have going on all the time – things I do autonomically such as digest food, have a small electric charge in my body for the organs which need it,then there’s other processes such as breathing, farting, erections, etc, which require some effort and conscious agreement. Each takes up a percentage of my allocation.
So what I think what led me to the drugs was simple unhappiness with life, and my mind needing food for thought in a literal way to ascertain what I/we could do to increase my happiness and thus my potential lifespan.
Emotions had been manipulating me, and these emotions were being manipulated by external stimulus much to my detriment
MOST of these emotions being manipulated were through consumer based control – impulse, guilt, shame, and negative emotions in particular.
But shutting these emotions off wasn’t enough. I was excited. Enjoyed the trip as an adrenaline junkie.
And as this continued. My power to control the world around me increased in exponential ways. Weird ways.
I’d drive down the street at a high rate of speed, 100 mph in moderate traffic, and quickly found literally everyone going 100mph with no stragglers.
I’d been able to contact women I’d wanted for a long time and they obediently came over on demand and we would have sex.
And at it’s height, I turned the planet on it’s axis, and saw the stars shift 90 degrees.
Most of it I felt like I’d been living ‘as a puppet’. I was emotionally detached and did these things out of fun. With the exception of the ex, it is not like I got anything out of the experiences with the exception of the things I saw. But there were no emotional fulfillment from any of it.
That’s what I needed.
I suspect that’s part of the reason my mind and I decided to stop my heart.
I’d learned emotion wasn’t something created by ‘the heart’ my heart had just become a definitive easy to find location where others could influence me, especially emotionally, and that was breaking down my physical and mental well being.
There’s some physical problems not having a beating heart causes. I get charlie horses quite frequently in my legs and lower back when I go to wipe my ass, which I suspect is from simple lack of oxygen flowing through my system.
Why did it stop beating?
The body is a physical manifestation of thought and of mind.
It really is that simple.
The brain is a symbol of thought and the processes of logic and reason embodied in a physical form.
The heart is a symbol – a metaphor if you will – of emotion and thus reason for being.
The liver is a symbol of the ability of the mind to process and segment the toxins and poisons which enter our mind.
And so on.
Sometimes, the autonomic systems, ie: the processes which ‘run’ the body begin misfiring. I’d made myself a victim not understanding it was me expanding my own world and as fear and demons and hell was introduced this caused physical problems which is where this expansion stops.
But mine couldn’t.
Something was very different with the way I thought which made it nearly impossible to address mental concerns and issues through my body which is what human health is predicated on.
Look, I recognize there’s been an effort around the world to ‘save me’ from myself.
And I do appreciate it.
I need to quit eating. Period end of story. There’s a point where Q refers to eating as a vile human habit in Star Trek. There’s more reasons than that, as a physical body eating weighs me down and anchors me in this reality and as an explorer I want to explore other worlds.
But I needed to learn how to be calm, which is where I’m at.
Now I am hoping to those of you manipulating ‘the world’ around me.
If you can work with my mind to stave off the hunger and related emotions, that would be great.
If you could work with the state to prevent further welfare payments for food, while I hate asking for that, I know I need it. I won’t go in and renew.
My heart was shut off to provide more ‘processing power’ to my mind, and because of problems it was introducing with my psychological health and well being, particularly since I’m well aware there are infinite potential realities and it’s confined to one or two.
Whoever, whatever you are, you may need to re-engineer my heart accordingly to prevent the oxygenation and sustenance distribution related issues. distribution in energy probably makes more sense, to which I suspect you’re working out the kinks.
The Doctor has two hearts, which works fine and dandy with duality, but with plurality, AND me intending to leverage one primary form/presence fotr this – that may not be amenable.
I do NOT intend on stopping drinking. Whether that’s coffee with sugar, or the occasional alcoholic drink. And ultimately, while immediately I want to stop eating, I would like to make it so where eating is something I do FOR PLEASURE not because I have to.
Sex. Again. Not something I do for sustenance. I do it for pleasure, and wouldn’t mind more of it – involving women!
Now as we diminish the food intake, please take a look at how the stomach functions and if there’s anything abnormal in the entire process of ingestion. From the point it enters my system through my mouth to the point it leaves my body, please monitor the entire process and help resolve irregularities.
- I feel occasional pain as I eat some things as it has a difficult time ‘sliding down’
- I feel pain while digesting and am really sick and tired of the burping.
- My ass. Bloody and raw on all too many occasions.
On that note:
I am NOT concerned about my physical weight. What I am concerned about is my image. If you could all work to slim me down, physically, and provide the appearance and health/physique of me when I was in the military – I’d be happier.
This provides you an opportunity to test and experiment with density and does it effect my environment around me.
Now I send this blog entry out not really having any clue what/who is receiving it, but I have no doubt you are capable of helping me achieve my own physical, physiological, psychological, and mental goals.
Please quit judging the drug experience. In the end, it has helped enabled me to overcome my own limitations, and will provide you much more information which I suspect is what you’re interested the most in.
A final note:
The Magicians, Episode 11, the team took their emotions and placed it in a vial and became highly effective at magic – especially battle magic.
I suspect the same thing occurred with me when I took bath salts and cocaine. While it did ostracize me from my emotions and made me that much more in touch with the world around me, it also put life in perspective and made me realize how important those emotions are to actually enjoying that life. I suspect there’s a balance WE can achieve, even if you’re not interested in the emotions yourself.
On that note.
When I commanded women. I’d like to start working with you to command women around me. Just for fun. But without speaking.
Through thought. There were two attractive women here yesterday, both who were flashing me from different angles, one who covered up when Bennett dropped by, the other who seemed like her legs were magnetically gravitating towards me.
I’d like to experiment for the next week, only, with issuing mental commands to women who come in here. Most of it will be discrete flashing, just to test it out, but once I get that ‘down’ I’ll try other things and experiment.
Most obvious would be the flipping the hair trigger at spot ‘x’. They all already do that as they pass by that spot.
I’ll find trigger words as well that they respond to words with actions.
Only for the next – let’s say 8 days – from today until a week from Friday let’s play with this.