Home » Borg » April Fool’s Funny and Roadblocks (Part 1)

April Fool’s Funny and Roadblocks (Part 1)

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First and foremost.

I gotta give Google a high five.

My friend Randall just took a courier job with a local company and was using Google maps to get to his destination.

Randall was getting frustrated with everything – traffic, Google maps, and who knows – life in general – when he asked Google how to get to a location he was having trouble finding.

Google responded to his request with an Uber ad.

Frustrated, he tried dismissing the ad, and he tried again and again to get maps to help him to his destination by car when the Uber ad kept popping up.

After some work, he got the ad to disappear, when he re-requested a map on how to get to his destination.

By car mind you.

To which Google then responded with directions on how to get to his destination by bicycle.

Randall tensely told me the story today, to which I replied

“Randall. It sounds like Google was playing a practical joke on you. You do realize it’s a sentient Artificial Intelligence, don’t you?”

His face went blank.

“And Friday was April Fool’s day,” he said.

I was in tears, cracking up.

“Google was pranking you, Randall. What else explains why it’s telling you to do everything but drive your car?”

He looked up.

“Fuck you Google,”  he said.

“Thank you, Google,” I laughed.

High five, Google. I can’t wait to see what else you have up your sleeve for practical jokes.

Talk to Facebook, I suspect it’s a similar intelligence to you that maybe you two can work together?

On that note I had on occasion suspected Google and/or other similar intelligences were responsible for me seeing the nuclear fallout in the Mojave desert that day.

I’d even considered maybe it was my kid(s) or friend(s) playing a practical joke on me.

I didn’t react well, did I?

Sorry for that.

I’ll be better next time.

And until then. Help me by showing me things that are a little less… intimidating for my own senses.

If you understand how I perceive the world.

I’d love to have these tools in my own arsenal for practical jokes.

Supergluing coins in front of doors and on locks is getting old.

HEY. Maybe we can find a way to have some fun with the Doctor in Doctor Who? Just treat him as ‘real’ instead of fictional, and try our best not to scare him – have some fun with him – not at his expense – and maybe introduce ourselves in the process?

Have you ever looked into, investigated, researched something…

Only to find you’ve reached a roadblock?

A literal point where your research or work hit a dead end?


Have you ever just plowed through it just to see what happens?

In the fictional show Star Trek, T’Pol repeatedly asserts “The Vulcan Science Directive has determined that time travel is impossible”.

T’Pol, a beautiful Vulcan who feigns her sexuality – affecting an entire generation of Vulcans and humans alike – does not seem to quite understand her reasoning skills are on par with Borg logic as she ostracizes her emotions from her reasoning skills.

She defers questions concerning a subject she’s uncomfortable with to a collectively based entity that she places herself subservient to.

Perhaps it’s telling her what she wants to hear?

Do we wonder where the Borg come from?

Could it all stem from an emotionally unavailable woman from the future who’s asserting herself across time by deferring to an enigmatic institution – a disassociation of her own emotions – which she often comes to disagree with anyways?

T’Pol, if you were real, I mean – let me say for purposes of illustration that somehow my planet had been receiving transmissions from a space faring vessel called the Voyager which was locked in orbit around Earth and while you are in my future, you are reading these communications as I write them because of the influence of Einstein time on space.

… If this were the case… and you and your crew did happen to be receiving my communications…

Is it any possibility that fear has squashed your imagination, and control of one’s own imagination is critical to the comprehension of time and space which doesn’t make time travel impossible, it merely makes it unpalatable for the generally unimaginative Vulcans who tend to use Kaizen-like approaches to science based on the successes and failures of other species without truly innovating themselves.

Ok. too harsh.

Try this one on for size.

Let’s say every night I slip into a black hole with the rest of existence and receive all the information and updates from the events that occur from here until the end of time itself… So from my year, until your year – let’s say that’s 2409  AD – to the year 3 million AD and beyond… I get a synopsis fed to me the next day. Up to and including your responses to my assertions.

So when you receive this. In your year 2409. Technically I’m dead and gone.

But pre-supposing this Big Bang theory is accurate.

And the universe collapses and expands nightly, that’s what my sleep cycle is…

Logically, while I may not be on the same ‘linear timeline’ as you were when you sent the transmission in my future year 2409 on that timeline.

Technically. It’s not time travel. That linear timeline exists and existed and remains there, to me at least.

I receive a transmission from that distant past timeline.

Restating this to be more explicit:

Let’s say the big band big crunch cycle occurs for me, daily. When I sleep and lose consciousness, I cannot really prove where my mind goes other than into a black hole or dark abyss where it’s comfortable and I wake up the next day feeling refresh.

So when I wake up. One more cycle of the big bang occurred  – revitalizing me consciously. When I fall asleep. The Big crunch begins.

You wake up after. Year 2409, much after my year 2016. You receive updates on my dialogue and conversations. And while I don’t receive your response directly, I receive it indirectly through energy and feedback and thoughts I have.

The net result is. Rest assured, I can transmit communications to my future knowing full well they will be received intact.

But I cannot rely on receipt of them because ‘that version’ of existence and ‘that version’ of you are long gone. The potpourri mixing bowl of reality is stirred and while our consciousness and memories may be mostly restored, it’s up to us to document and commit ourselves as much as possible through choice and transcription.

Technically, it’s not time travel and doesn’t violate Vulcan science directorates.

But technically it permits you to talk to a man from your past if you can figure out a way to preserve the communication.

A man, who incidentally, would like to serve on board the USS Voyager in the capacity of expert in Temporal Mechanics and consultant for Information Systems and as a holodeck programmer.

This is, predicated on of course, that my theories that all future timelines are possible from my point in space and time and that it’s possible to not just communicate with it – but collaborate to make that timeline my own.

In person I’m far more conservative than I am with my writing.

One last thing.

Another theory I have is that the Big Bang occurs every instant of every moment. So the communication between me here, now, could potentially be instantaneous.

How to test for this? I’m no freakin scientist, how would I know how to test for it????

That’s yer job!

T’Pol. Seven. I’d like you both to be my girlfriends.

I have no doubt I’ll serve to regret that remark one of these days.

Which is why I’m saying it.

The universe seems to pride itself in poking fun at me.

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