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The Mulligan

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A few years ago, I used to play the game Links on the PC and was introduced to a term I came to love.

“The Mulligan”

I had never really been a golf player in real life, but the mulligan is when you have screwed up a shot so badly that your empathetic and compassionate partner grants you a “I will pretend that last shot didn’t happen and just go ahead and do it again.”

As with the real game of golf, I sucked just as badly at the digital game which let me abuse the Mulligans.

This actually got me to enjoy the game of golf both digitally and in real life.

No longer was I looking at a scorecard with abysmal scoring.

I had a scorecard that looked at the very least – average.

My game in real life improved as well.

Because of the mulligan, I didn’t have to be perfect every time. I found myself taking the lessons I learned from the digital world and began paying attention to angles and wind speed and club choice, and of more import – prudence.

Prior to the mulligan, I’d go for distance every time just to try to beat par in the game and risk the hazards.

BUT oddly enough, with the mulligan, I had the opportunity to take a less direct approach and practice my aim.

And more importantly.

I found myself able to relax and enjoy the game when my friends would invite me rather than feel like I was the anchor making the game last far longer than it should have had I not been there.

While I’m no golf pro and can certainly use more practice, I learned some things recently which put perspective on my life.

I’d been raised to believe there were no ‘do overs’.

That a decision I’d made was immutable.

I’d believed there were no mulligans in life.

Like golf, I had chosen to selectively participate when I had to.

But unlike golf, I wasn’t aware there was a mulligan.

Now to be clear to whoever – and whatever is reading this.

I feel the pressure to ‘vacate’ this existence and make room for what’s next.

I’ve felt it my entire life without knowing where it came from and why.

This lack of knowing is partly to cause for my decisions. I never really had free will, something was manipulating me that my mortal mind was simply incapable of comprehending, and to this day is capable of comprehending albeit with severe limitations.

I’m asking you – my mind – or whatever you are – to help and assist me to relive, re-experience, and enjoy different paths in my life.

Clearly a form of time travel technology and advanced simulation is necessary to achieve this, even if it is a product of my imagination manipulated by you. Perhaps this is where this ‘disjoint’ and lack of free will all stemmed from to begin with.

I’d like a mulligan.

Not on my entire life.

But just key moments in time.

Now here’s the thing.

There’s a comic book by the name of “What If” where the primary character – “The Watcher” asks what would have happened IF events had turned out differently in the comic book universe.

While many mulligans I would like to experience in my life are sexual, some are not and I am curious how my life would have ended up had I made other choices. “What would have happened” if I’d followed ‘x’ path and made ‘y’ decision instead?

Here’s the list of my ‘What if’s and mulligans…

  1. There was a camping trip that included my cousin and rest of my family, but I’d been unable to arrive on time because of work obligations, and it was the last time I saw my cousin – Scott – alive. He apparently had ‘gone crazy’ and threw an ice chest. Not that I don’t believe that’s what happened, but there always felt like there was ‘more to the story’ than I’d been told.

    Was there?

    That and even if it did happen precisely as I’d been told, I would simply like to be there to see if the events turn out differently.

    The what if mulligan I would like to have is to arrive to that camping trip with my girlfriend, Lisa, on time.

    Would events have turned out the same? How would my life and the lives of everyone I knew have been different?

  2. Jackie danced for me for four hours one night in what goes down as one of the most fun and entertaining nights I have ever had. She’d been nude for most of it, and proceeded in undressing me when I got cold feet.

    As difficult as this is to admit out loud to anyone, I have had a problem with my anal region for about ten years. Toilet paper usually results in bleeding and discomfort, itchiness, and despite how much I attempt to ‘keep clean’ down there, the moisture and delicate touch I tend to keep to avoid bleeding results in *ugh* it still smelling afterwards. Yeah, I just said that.

    So Jackie asked me to take off my pants. I was beyond turned on. But not only was I afraid of coke and alcohol dick (inability to get it up), but I knew my ass smelled and I would have been just as turned off by the two combined. So I said no to her. Putting the kabash on what was a truly wonderful time.

    While the ‘problem’ still isn’t rectified, I’m a tad less self conscious about it and not on cocaine any longer so I’d have no problem whatsoever getting it up. And would love to simply say yes instead of saying no that night AFTER watching her dance again.

    Would ANYTHING have changed with us as a result of this? I doubt it but I am curious. What if….

  3. Rachel. There’s several occasions – opportunities – where I dropped the ball something fierce. Amazing woman. Passionate. Stylish. Classy. And more, so much more. With opportunity after opportunity after opportunity she presented me with, I blow it in such epic ways that I was convinced for a while afterwards there was something seriously wrong with me.

    I know better now.

    But I also suspect that had I not blown it with her on ANY of these, that I’d not have wound up with the awareness I have today.

    So here’s the mulligan list with her.

    The day she came over and stripped nude and got into my bed. I’d like a mulligan to simply enjoy myself with her sexually.
    The night she asked me, at Ra, to dare her to do anything and I had her kiss another guy. I’d change that in a number of ways with a couple mulligans. I’d ask her to give me a kiss first. Then I’d ask her to go under the table and give me a blow job. Then I’d ask her to go and give the other guy a blow job – right there in the bar with everyone watching.

    I am curious. How far would she – and I have taken things?

    I’d love to have watched.

    Would ANYTHING have changed with us as a result of this? I doubt it but I am curious. What if….

  4. Lisa. Now here’s a mulligan I would have to get some of the ‘frolic and fun’ out of my system first, for obvious reasons, but there’s a time when Lisa and I took a trip to Kingman with Bill and his girlfriend, where I made the mistake of trying to alleviate my guilt for my affairs by telling her.

    It ruined our relationship.

    I now know the desire to be honest with her was influenced by our mutual desire to pursue an open relationship. However, me still having control issues nipped that in the bud and set a course off the edge of a cliff by my honesty.

    The mulligan is simple. To not tell her and enjoy the weekend. To introduce the possibility of an open relationship afterwards. And to simply become a partner with her altering our definition of marriage to make it work for us.

    And then. As the open relationship continued THEN tell her about the affairs. Not choosing to be dishonest about them, just choosing to put time between them and spin our relationship accordingly and hopefully help her understand why I chose not to regret my experiences.

    Would ANYTHING have changed with us as a result of this? Would we have had a better relationship? I am curious. What if….

  5. Jackie and Amy. One weekend, I flew Jackie and Amy out to Las Vegas for the weekend. Two girls. One guy. I’d alluded to my friends afterwards that something happened, but in all honesty, not a damn thing did. I played the nice guy and cannot explain why I never just went for it.

    The mulligan is simple. I’d walk in to take a shower and walk out with a hard on asking if I could have some ‘help with this’

    Now I suspect with the way this reality works they’d have no choice but to jump on it, literally and figuratively, and I’d have a wonderful story to tell that was based in reality. But this is conjecture. This what if mulligan moment serves as a time of “why was I so darn timid?”

    That and SHOULD something happen. Follow the timeline out from there. What would have changed with my life and the world afterwards?

  6. Suicide in the desert. One thing I can sincerely say I regret is trying to take my life in the Mojave desert. I was afraid. I had pushed things too far intellectually and mentally, and hadn’t given myself downtime to ponder everything I’d hallucinated up until this point.

    If I had prudence at my side. I would have NOT tried to commit suicide and assured myself this is not some evil plan, and that I am being introduced to a life of possibilities.

    I sincerely did NOT want to do it anyways. But I felt compelled to for reasons I can’t fully explain.

    Would I have been ‘left’ in this holocaust world had I not tried the act?

    Follow the timeline out from there. What would have changed with my life and the world?

  7. Movies. I know this is petty. But Bill and I were supposed to go to Transformers and I bailed out on him in favor of cocaine.

    The mulligan is simple. To show up. One version of me stays home. The other without a drug problem shows up and watches a movie with an old friend.

    I sincerely doubt much of anything would have changed as a result of this simplistic action. But would anything have changed in my life or his because of it?

  8. Lori Foster.

    What would have happened if I would have dumped Donna and gone with Lori that evening?

    What if?

  9. Ricardo Escalante

    What would have happened if I didn’t talk him out of going to Ethiopia?

    What if?

  10. My mom and dad.

    What would have happened if I had never lent them my Wii?

    I mean I truly doubt anything would have ever come of this one, but what if?

  11. The NSA.

    What if I had never told them yes and held onto my company?

    Would life be different?

  12. Geico.

    What would have happened if I accepted the offer they made in DC?

    Would life be different?

  13. Intel.

    What would have happened with my life if I had accepted their full time offer to take Keith’s place?

    Where would my life be?

  14. Microsoft.

    What would have happened had I taken the full time gig working for Microsoft?

    Where would my life be?

  15. Kena and my trip overseas.

    What would have happened with Kena and I and my life had I not taken the trip overseas after graduation?

    Where would my life be?

  16. Cocaine.

    What if I had always said no to it?

    Where would my life be?

  17. Two women in the Scottsdale bar.

    Years back, I was approached by two strippers who wanted to have a threesome, and I said no.

    If I’d said yes, would life have changed?

  18. The Lexus RX450H I bought in Gulfport, Miss.

    I’d always suspected something ‘weird’ was up with this car. I loved it, absolutely loved the car – hands down my favorite car EVER.

    Would life be different had I not gotten it? What would my timeline and this world’s timeline be like? Would it change at all other than me not taking a trip there?

  19. Tiffany.

    What would have happened had I met her at the front door naked with cocaine  on my hard cock?

    I’d love to ‘experiment’ with a number of things with this girl just to see her responses.

  20. The Easter Egg in the Encore project.

    I created am Easter Egg in the hotel reservation system I created while working for Encore with Ron.

    While I doubt it, Would life be different had I not done that? I am curious.

  21. Hacking Encore’s router.

    I hacked the router’s proxy connection while working at Encore and routed all SMTP and POP emails through my system before it got sent out to the real world in a loopback.

    While I don’t remember anything of significance in the few emails I looked at, I was doing it mostly to see if I could do it without anyone noticing.

    Would life be any different had I not done that?

  22. The Bungee Jump with Calvin Chin.

    Would life and the world be any different had I not done that?

I suppose you could say my ‘what ifs’ about this world have less to do with historical deviations than they are about me changing bits and pieces of my own life and seeing if there’d be any change in the world and my own life as a result.

To some degree, I could really care less if JFK is or isn’t a part of my history. He makes a good story. As does Hitler. As does Gandhi.

But what’s important to me is my own life’s events. These shaped me. Made me question the possibilities. Enticed me to explore the world and want and pursue more.

What’s important is the stable ground of ‘this world as I know it’ I am in no hurry to make disappear.

I merely want to experiment with the possibilities of my own life.

To see them. Re experience them. See different deviational paths should I have made different decisions.

And so on.

The ‘real world’ is my home.

But the possibilities.

What are they?

WHERE are they?

I know they exist.

That suicide mission in the desert proved they are available to me.

To you. Whoever and whatever is reading.

I don’t want to have to be pushed to suicide to experience these other possibilities.

If you need a holodeck tested and futuristic fully immersive VR tested.

I’m your man.

No, I wont try to destroy your world.

But you can bet your ass that what I’ll try on my own life may cause unexpected things to happen in the real world.

While I appreciate the possibility of being a drone pilot.

Step it up. Why not a holodeck tester?

YOU KNOW you need it.

  • Q


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