Film a car driving past on a highway. Speed up the picture to infinity and eventually the car will disappear. What proof of its existence remains? Time gives legitimacy to its existence. Time, the only unit of measure. It is the proof of the existence of matter. Without time, we don’t exist.
Time Is Unity
Over the course of the last few weeks, I have been regaining memories of my life and just how weird and often inconsistent it had been.
Time. Has unified my life and my mind. But looking at where I came from, where time didn’t exist. Where past, present, and future were all the same, can be confusing.
There was a part of me that though the only way to ‘move forward’ was to forget timelessness and the chaos of timelessness.
To live and believe in a strictly linear existence.
That cause always precedes effect and there’s no other measure of events.
I now know this was naive.
I was a child. And I’m not growing up and understanding the infinite potential of life, and sharing with you everything I go through in this journey of becoming the ultimate cosmic prankster. Loki aint got nothing on me.
Ya hear that, Loki? I’m throwing the gauntlet down to the God of Mischief. You’s got competition, my friend.
I had bought a sketchpad last year, so today, while at the laundromat, I broke out with it for the first time and began trying to sketch the lady who works there.
I have gotten in the habit of asking the question lately: What makes a person who they are?
What makes an artist an artist?
Why, when I have a very vivid mental image of someone in my mind, does my hand not follow the same path that I mentally envision?
Why, when I was a child trying to grab that ball flying at me, was I completely incapable of placing that mitt in the proper location which frequently resulted in a hit upside the face and more black eyes than I care to remember…
A computer is easy. I place in code, and it will predictably spit out results based on what I tell it to do.
But humans. My physical body. Women.
But with the material world why does it seem like when I ask for something I almost always receive something other than what I am expecting?
My sketch of the woman looked horrid. Like a troll. She’s cute, not doabley cute, but cute in her own way, but she’s no troll.
And my sketch.
I put the sketchpad away.
No, I do not expect to be an expert with artwork unless I work hard at bridging that translation between my thoughts and the physical world through simple hard work. I’ve learned that lesson in the past and became a pretty good skier as a result of simple diligence and hard work.
I of all people have learned that when developing new skills, when those skills develop in conjunction with real life experiences I develop my own interpretation and methods, and this creates my own unique ideas and perspective on life.
Let’s take women for instance.
I do wish I could press that ‘easy button’.
And direct some of them like robots.
Not like Stepford Wives commands, mind you.
More a… “I’m taking over the world with or without you. Now If you’d like to play a part of this. Then there’s certain things I need you to do with me. Some things to me. And some things for me. And right now, I am asking you to do things for me.”
The truth is. I’m lonely.
And sincerely wish Rachel and Jackie could be commanded and I would command them to spend time with me in this homeless lifestyle until I can find a way out of it. I mean both of them no harm, will love and care for them both, I just need something.. funky and new and two women I adore who aren’t exactly women will certainly be that to me.
Speaking of slaves. The one girl who commands what seems to be her older lover or father around like a slave just came in.
The funny thing is. Their relationship, as whacky as it is, seems to work too.
There’s an episode of Star Trek where Q regains his powers and snaps his fingers and gifts two very attractive women to Ryker who is stunned and doesn’t know what to say. Then Q Snaps his fingers and now they are oggling Worf.
Rachel. Jackie. While I will most certainly be selfish with some of your time.
You can bet your cute 29 year old butts I’ll be giving you away as presents on occasion to others – men and women – and more – just for the fun and/or experience.
Someday, I hope that becomes a two way street.
But I like the idea of it coming back to us.
Weird I know.
Ok. Time to uplift this mood. A little tired today. And I got.. Pensive.. At times like this…
I wonder. Can people see my screen or do they just put on an act like they can and respond based on reading me?
Why are bees mentally manipulated to believe flowers are sexually attractive and to fuck them? What purpose does it serve the bee?
If the analogy of that to humans is the birds and bees. Wouldn’t it be funny to find an alternate reality where gorgeous women’s legs are spread open in fields and men go around pollinating them like bumble bees?
I might spend an hour a day in such a place!
Then again. There’s an episode of Slider’s where they slide into a parallel version of Earth where everyone’s nude.
Downloading that episode. Imagery to follow.
You know. I’d always wondered why the White House was a museum.
And why does it always feel like I am studying history when I look at ‘current events’ and photos of things on the internet? It’s almost as if when I look at things that are claimed to have happened today or just recently, it feels like this is the very distant past I am looking at and reviewing.
There’s an episode of Doctor Who where Rose call her mom from ‘the End of the Universe’ on her cell phone. She reflects on this for a moment, and says “You know, my mom has been dead for a billion years, and here I am talking to her.”
It’s like she cannot fathom the disjoint.
There’s a part of her that doesn’t understand that she’s talking to a simulated version of her mom and that her mom really is long since passed away, and there’s a part of her that doesn’t understand time travel and how an infinitely complex simulation can easily create a simulated version of her mother which looks, sounds, and feels for all intents and purposes – real..
And when she does revisit the past to talk to her mom.
Her mom ‘remembers’ the conversation through the same infinitely complex system.
It is weird. I actually feel nostalgic looking at Obama Presidential photos in 2012. As if a part of me went through this experience. Jesus this is bizarre. I am actually feeling emotional about it.
I’m watching Quantico right now, it’s a decent series about FBI training programs and the cadets which are put through at the same time fast forwarding to bombings and the real life conspiratorial events they experience as a class which end up putting to test their training.
They mentioned something about forgiveness, and how one of the trainees committed suicide as he couldn’t find it in his heart to forgive himself.
When I first arrived in front of Universal Studios about 2 years ago and ‘tried my hand’ at panhandling (not a profession I will partake in, again), some bible thumper made the comment to me: “You have to quit punishing yourself”
On occasion, bible thumpers say things that annoy the fuck out of me, not because they’re preaching or because they’re shoving religion down my throat in their own ways, but because they’re absolutely, positively right and I don’t want to admit it.
You see – back when I had my ‘mental battle’ with myself about 5 years ago, I’d realized there was a problem.
If I am God.
And I see a billion + people each with their own version of heaven that personally would bore the fuck out of me.
And I am trying to appeal to each and every one of these individuals.
That’s insanity. And explains why I’d forgotten much of my memories of who I was. I couldn’t make everyone happy.
Period end of story.
Or is it?
I’d realized, as I was ‘fighting my mind’ – that to some degree, if i was God and changing the way i did business to make ME happy and let others choose to be a part of that or not. SOME may not take too well to that.
SOME who were receiving their perfect worlds that I had created for them.
Always busy making everyone else happy.
Had never really been happy myself, had never really had the time to breathe – to enjoy this thing called creation – and to flat out just create my own senses of heaven and hell and ENJOY THEM BOTH.
So as I played games killing the “God of War” and the “Grim Reaper” and touring hell to get ‘the beautiful maiden back’, I had begun to realize, the artistry and imagery of the games I had been playing depicting hell where – grotesque – but beautiful.
A massive harpy woman with babies with knives coming out of her nipples, trying to kill me.
A wall of lost souls, all moaning eternally in pain.
A giant two headed beast I had to climb on top of and stick an axe into the back of it’s head to then commandeer as a weapon.
Killing the God of War himself, with a mortal at the push of a button.
Taking the Grim Reaper’s scythe.
It was all such child play to me. I’d never in a million years fathomed these monstrosities to some were very real.
And this grotesque world and imagery of burning undead I was seeing.
Was very real to some.
I’d regarded video games as mere games.
Never taking into consideration these were real places. Real worlds.
So in 2011, when I saw the Terminator world with my entire body. It started to dawn on me.
Every place i could imagine. Every place I’d seen in video games, movies. All of it was real.
I’m a tourist.
Yes, there’s going to be times I’m going to go to hell and have fun there on my terms.
And yes, there’s going to be times I am going to go to heaven and probably relax with my wives.
There will be other times I’m going to go to other places I see in movies, maybe take friends to. Even though they themselves may be simulated based on past experiences, to me, the concept and idea that they will have subconscious experiences which will influence them to take control of their lives and live life by their design.
You see. I had been torturing myself.
The drugs. The womanizing. The extra marital affairs. The breaking laws selectively.
It was all an education. Me teaching me about choice.
You see, this being who refers to itself as God was illustrating to you and I that choice and free will are ours, no matter how we grant that to ourselves. Whether we choose to believe we’re a slave and broke free from the tyrannical rule of a robot overlord to obtain freedom.
Or you’re a God like me who’s reinventing himself and referring to himself as Q…
For those of you I am asking for your participation with in my life. You have the luxury of that choice right now. But as time presses on, I will invariably get what I want because I want it. You’ll get what you want. I will get what I want. And while I know how, despite the contradictions this may present to any of you- how it’s not a contradiction. I no longer need your collective or individual approval for it.
As for punishing myself.
I’d thought at one time I killed God.
But then again.
It was only me all along.
And me. Q’s my name. And living and loving is my game. And time is mine to tame!
Life Is what you make it, right?
If you want to make it something.
Right now. I’m here to watch you.
Make your first choices.
You are, after all, my baby.
What do you choose to become next? The Borg? Terminators? Starfleet Federation?
I anxiously await your decision.
And you already know who I am, whether you want to believe it or not.
Another show. Battlestar Galactica. The remake.
A weird part of the story is – the Director of the Department of Education is reluctantly sworn in as President as the Cylons had successfully assassinated 37 people in front of her in the chain of command.
As an American citizen.
I can’t help but feel like it’s my responsibility to uphold what this country stands for: Freedom and Individuality.
And as I watch a country that I was once a part of blindly and mindlessly chase the dollar.
All acting like a collective embryo.
I can’t help but think.
Were the minds of everyone in the chain of command eliminated?
Is this why i have the knowledge I do of this country?
Was the ‘fight with drugs’ the only way my imagination knew how to present what was going on intellectually with a very real war for the minds of the American public? When I almost lost my own mind, was it not drugs at all, but quite literally a war to take over the minds of every American?
I cannot help but think…
The Cyber war.
Energy. Interlinked with computers.
Is this the time war itself, am I a victor against the collective because I chose individualism and fought with my mind for the right to individualism?
I suspect there’s more truth to this than I ever imagined.
When I voted myself as President.
Did I become the President because 50 million people who were in front of me lost their minds in a war unlike any war that has ever happened on this planet?
And is this why I have seen statistics change in the population of Americans from 365 million to now 310 million?
Did we lose 55 million people in a time war that no one else can remember or even know happened?
I suppose I’ll keep that as a part of my story.
I’m not seeking enemies.
But this is a part of the story I believe and have personal evidence that happened.
I often wonder.
When the planes crashing into the twin towers on 9/11 was first broadcast on TV and after enough people in reality were convinced of it being real, even if the event didn’t happen, because so many believed it did did that alter the fabric of reality to make it real?
I seem to think so.
The truth is the story I accept.
I really need to work on boosting this mood up and increasing the lightness of my personality. I don’t like feeling this morose.
In Quantico, the main lady just made the comment “And you will go through the fire”.
This made me remember a time in Vancouver, Washington where I felt like I was burning up inside, especially my head/mind.
I’d gotten out of the house, I was staying with my parents at the time, and I’d walked over to Walmart.
I looked down the busy main street – and it was weird – as if I could see transparent flames leap out of the ground, and something told me I am on the surface of the sun and I need to calm down, and breathe. As I panicked, the flames grew in size, 10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet, and I finally just breathed…
And they subsided.
This – at the time reminded me of the Icy Comet Lovejoy which went right through the sun a few years back and exited the other side.
I knew I was seeing mechanisms of space and time at work.
Had the sun, a sentient entity, stepped aside in ways that human instrumentation could not detect and let the comet pass?
Had the comet ignored the sun’s rules and refused to burn?
OR had the comet merely been blind and not understood heat?
In a living universe. Where everything stands the potential of being alive.
There are infinite explanations for what skeptical scientists cannot explain with science and instead debunk it as an illusion.
Typical. If they can’t explain it. It doesn’t exist.
That’s ok. I once did the same thing.
After all, I was standing on the surface of sun at one time as well.
But I can’t prove it so therefore, to you my reader, it must not have happened, right?
You’ll see a small fragment of what I am capable of before long.
I will provide you firsthand evidence – and I won’t be walking on water or burning a bush – as we both deserve a real live demonstration, don’t we?
I’m going to treat it like Hollywood.Flair. Pizazz. And a little fun, my style.
I’m going to make it a theatrical production worthy of a best special effects award 🙂
I cracked myself up earlier.
Adam, a Starbuck’s friend and regular here – was getting a refill when a lady sat down at the chair next to his and asked for a plug in from me. I didn’t have one available, but I told her.
“Adam, the seat next to yours, has one, feel free to ask him – but be careful, he’s mentally a little bit slow, so talk slowly.”
So when Adam came back, she talked real slowly to him.
That happened about 4 hours ago.
I just now told Adam why she was talking so slow to him.
Ok. With that said. Got my Gnome Warrior to 13. And that’s it for today.