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Painting mental pictures

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It’s been a good day so far…

I arrived this morning, successfully staying dry despite the rain yet again, and got into a good conversation with a writer – Dave I think is his name – who had ‘eavesdropped’ on me making yesterday’s blog entry and apparently something I said piqued his interest.

For me, it was my usual conversation. I explained my concepts that when you as an actor watch a television show and see that person exit stage left and return the next day, you make the assumption the character is an actor and they walk off the set and the director calls ‘Cut’.

But many times, I ‘fill in the picture’ mentally and – if it’s a show like Star Trek – I often paint a mental picture of what happens with the character when he walks off the bridge…

Sometimes, he goes to ten forward, to grab a bite to eat, other times he might head to the holodeck and put in a relaxing beach simulation or a tennis or squash simulation, or if he’s a captain like me – he chooses a sexual simulation for half an hour to an hour and then chooses to stroll around a busy city like Hong Kong or to unwind. Sometimes he or I may say ‘holodeck, please take me to an Earth bound city that you think would be of interest to me’, and other times we might say “Oh just put me in a coffee shop off the coast of California, I have some writing I want to do today.”

What I was telling him was – As an actor or director you have a tendency to believe the stage is the limit of the lives of those we watch.

But as I explained, I have found evidence to believe that we’re seeing imagery from alternate realities and across space and time, which has inspired me to actively wonder – and paint pictures – of what these people – and I – would do when I left the ‘scene’ I saw.

That is. In the 24 hours since Captain Picard issued his orders to Ryker, where we as observers see nothing but Ryker, what is Captain Picard – the character – and not Patrick Stewart – the actor – doing?

Anything imaginable is possible. This is the realm of storytelling, we’re referring to.

For instance, we could be extreme and tell a story of Picard and the entire set is on a Borg ship, and the Borg, absolutely bored out of their minds, are trying their darndest to inspire humans to become individuals again. So as Locutus of Borg walks off that stage he goes to his ‘docking bay’ and falls asleep for 24 hours until he’s needed.

But that’s a pretty dire story.

Then there’s the story of Captain Picard, the wine enthusiast. Maybe he spends two hours, daily, in the holodeck taking lessons on wine-making from one of my favorite singers – Maynard from Tool – so when Captain Picard opens up his own winery, he’s an old hat at it by then and makes great wine from the start.

Or Maybe, he and Q are in collusion, and maybe he walks off screen where Q instantly transports him to his domain and the two focus on evolving the story telling processes for sentient beings throughout the universe.

Or maybe he’s a closet freak like I am (well, I don’t exactly hide it, do I?), but a tad more creative with his endeavors, and he writes sexual mysteries where the goal is to have sex with a political figure’s wife. or Daughter. Or both, at the same time.

So I asked Dave – When you play a game, where are you playing that game at?

I phrased the question poorly, and he responded “Well at home, I play my XBOX”

I was happy to hear he had an XBOX. but I rephrased the question “No, I mean – where is that world?”

His response was predictably what I was looking for “Well, on the board and chips and processor of the machine.”

I responded with “That’s the story you – we – as a society have been told, right, but what if there are other perfectly accurate stories that get eliminated through consensus and a collective voting mechanism gone awry, stories such as your commands are being issued to a real being in an alternate reality and your machine is nothing more than a conduit?”

He wasn’t getting it.

“It’s like this. We’re told stories of what to believe, and sometimes the most difficult habit to break is believing the stories we’re told so we can tell new stories. Put simply. I believe many shows, like Star Trek – are real, and the lack of real scripts available for the show in contrast to transcripts of the show leads me to believe I’m right. “

We weren’t really going anywhere with the conversation by then, and he was called into work at about that time.

But I write these blog entries publicly for a reason.

As I explained to Dave “There’s nothing I can’t do ‘inside a computer’ via programming, which leads me to believe that there’s nothing I can’t do outside of one as well. I chose the name of Q as a model of a man similar to who I want to become which is why I refer to myself as Q. I enjoy the idea of experimenting and playing with time travel and alternate realities.”

There was something else though.

Something weird that happened on the way in to Starbuck’s.

As I walked in this morning, I saw a truck being towed on a flatbed.

This triggered the oddest memory.

Back in 1994ish OR 2001ish, I cannot remember which, I was driving back from the Point Hilton at South Mountain, when I had some alcohol in my system – and a van pulled in front of me on a slick road and I went sliding into it at 50 miles per hour.

That truck was distinctive. One of a kind in fact. It was a Toyota 4×4 with a triple primer grey roll bar in the back.

But the impact of this collision smashed the front end of the truck all the way up to the front windows.

The steering column lay on the driver’s seat.

The truck was totaled. I even got a payout for it.

I’d forgotten all about that memory.

AFTER this. In 2004ish, when I returned from Europe, I somehow had the truck WHICH WAS THEN stolen while I was asleep one evening while I was living in Mesa.

What’s notable is – the truck was recovered. Nine months later, near the Mexican border of Nogales, which me and my father drove there to pick it up. Not long after this, I sold the truck to a hispanic man for cash.

Two distinctive memories for that truck’s outcome.

One lifetime.

Life really is that intriguing at times.

Sometimes I wonder.

Is there another being walking my shoes in Arizona pretending to be me in Arizona, and that’s why I am forced to the streets and ostracized by my community, family and friends? They see another man and accept him as me?

Does he have all my belongings and act like they are his own?

It’s funny though, the tricks the mind plays on me to support my beliefs. Prior to this. memories which might call to question the linearity of time and my life were largely neglected. The discontinuous events  had always been there, all along, I just had to learn to look at my life with a more receptive thinking model.

Or since I’m Q.


How I explain the discontinuity.

I’ve lived this life twice.

Two timelines, overlapping. Two lives, conjoined in ways that defy explanation, yet separate and distinct.

In one life. I was in the NSA. In another. I was not. That explains the weird memories from 2003 to 2011. In one timeline, memory modification technology was used on me by them. In another, I was simply doing drugs.

Which one is accurate? Both are.

Which one is more accurate.

Neither. Both events, contradictive as they appear, were meaningful to me in my life. Both contributed to who I am today and I like me.

I am currently finishing up with my Contract Law course from Harvard (I like name dropping), which has been ongoing for about two months now. It’s been a good class, but there’s certainly some points of difference I have in contrast to the way it’s presented….

For instance:

Let’s say you have a contract with a landscaper who agrees to landscape your backyard. He does so, but in the process destroyed your wall to access the backyard and parts of your front lawn. You foresaw this. And had written in the contract that he’d be obliged to repair access damage as a part of the contract work. On completion, the landscaper refuses to repair the wall and lawn.

To me – the contract is simple: Actions were written in the contract. And while the cost of performing the repair may exceed the expected costs to the landscaper, even if the landscaper is working at a loss, it’s their contractual responsibility to do the repair work.

Now according to this class, there are documented instances where the landscaper (as an analogy) – has gotten a depreciated appraisal of the market value of the house – with and without the work done, and gotten away with paying the difference in market value. So let’s say the market value with a ruined lawn and gate is $100k vs $101k with it fixed, even if it costs $5k to fix the wall and lawn, the landscaper got away with only paying $1k.

They refer to this as ‘damages’, which is what the instructor (from Harvard) claims this is all that courts are in the business of doing.

To me, this seriously stupid logic calls to question what damages are.

To me, the damages are simple. A contractual obligation to do something and the failure to uphold that contractual obligation results in damages of the action not being fulfilled.

To me, I think this professor, and the courts who side with market value damages, are neglecting that the damages are the performance of an action. Not the diminished value of something as a result of those actions not being taken.

Why? Claiming that market value alone is the solitary consequence of that action NOT being taken and associated damages are limited to that is erroneous at best. Not only is THAT property affected, but the value of all the properties around it are as well. Also, future value is affected as well, which can diminish long term returns which can be substantially higher than the cost of doing the work itself.

Here’s a simple analogy I take from my past:

I used drugs, largely in isolation, I thought I was doing no one any harm. I was willing to pay for the consequences of doing these things, but unable to comprehend (at the time) the implications of my usage on my community – friends, and family.

Since then, I have realized just how much it did effect the world around me in ways I cannot explain with words. This is like the lawn and broken gate. The effect on surrounding properties and valuation can be enormous.

So – to be fair to BOTH parties. You have to limit your losses and risk. THE ORIGINAL contractual amount is what those losses are limited to for the landscaper.

Stapling it to Market value – if this became a two way street – can cause MAJOR problems for the landscaper should the property’s value appreciates dramatically in the next year and they won the case based on market value. The landholder can THEN turn around and sue the landscaper for REAL market value loss, which can then magnify the losses the landscaper had.

Make sense?

Put simply: Let’s say the market value of that property over the next year went from 100k to 1 million. But let’s say an appraiser comes in, the property owner wants to sell, but the damage to the property is now estimated to devalue the house by 100k. At this point, the house owner can then turn around to the landscaper, and sue based on something called Lost Future Market Value – which had not been taken into account when the initial verdict was rendered. And now, using market value precedence which the landscaper initially did to diminish their costs, turns around to bite them in the ass and now the court can require the landscaper to pay 100k for the lost property value.

Now if the landscaper had ONLY just paid the 5k OR completed the work as originally agreed on, there wouldnt be any problems.

But the landscaper, in a bid to decrease their short term costs, confused the law and introduced ‘market value’ as damages, and unfortunately, the plaintiff didn’t understand the differences.

It’s much like my case against the NSA. I had my personal assets seized in 2011 to the tune of about $3.5 million USD. I also had $8 million contractually that I was owed for selling my portion of the IP of Touchscape to them.

Since I cannot find a lawyer to take a case against the government, my costs are mounting as I receive my legal education, and ‘damages’ for being forced to be homeless and live a lifestyle which is not for the faint of heart are increasing.

As time goes by. Damages are increasing. Exponentially. And as a government agency, my goal will become to take over the US Government itself leveraging it’s own court system and methods through damages – to my reputation, to my credibility, to my financial and personal livelihood, and more.

Now the NSA, as I figure it, can limit it’s losses. It can come forward and pay me what I am owed, + a little hush money to keep the settlement off my blog and out of public consciousness and I quietly retire and tour the world.

Or. I keep writing. I keep explaining my position. People come to understand that while yes, I do think differently, this doesn’t make me crazy, and it certainly calls to question my history and my relations to the government, and when I finally do sue them, there’s no doubt whatsoever to anyone of who I worked for and what I did, and it becomes a matter of PUBLIC COURTS to calculate damages.

Now here’s the cool thing.

I can sue the United States government directly, and NOT the USA, because of what’s known as a Third Party beneficiary. Ultimately my contract was between me and the US Government, and the NSA was merely a conduit for them.

One’s like a pinprick. The other’s like a baseball bat.

Now you hopefully understand my goal with taking law classes.

I will represent myself and take a court case against the NSA in public courts. And demand it’s in public out of public and personal interest because private contracts, and private arrangements with the NSA are clearly a problem with people like me who deserve more from our government.

Ok. Enough of that. Off to finish this video “Unique Value and Specific Performance”…

The difficult thing about becoming “Q” is this – recognizing the power of my mind to influence not just the people around me, but reality itself.

The relationship is simple. My mind IS reality. There’s no separation. I’m just a part of it. And much of my life’s conflict had gravitated around the separation of me from reality to expand this thing called existence and the possibilities I could choose from and indulge in, until such a point came where I just couldn’t mentally take any more OR I had found enough experiences I wanted to indulge in where I put the brakes on expansion.

Now this relationship comes with a pretty uncomfortable shedding of my naivety, as I know that everything and everyone is acting and reacting to me in coordinated action based on my thoughts, desires, experiences and whatnot. If anyone tried finding order in it all, they’d go stark raving mad. I should know, that’s what led me here.

Personally, I’d lived a life largely in what could be considered a self-sacrificial mode of operation. I had punished myself for ‘enslaving’ others before this, and for a myriad of conditions I had blamed myself on without having the purview of a full picture at my disposal. I’d blamed myself for causing harm to my friendships, relationships, and in a circularly logical error, assumed I was to blame for my problems and failures without considering I’m also to blame for their very existence too and the things that HAVE worked.

So the difficulty is – to be ok with how people act and react, and choosing to consider there’s any number of possibilities influencing their actions, and I HAVE to absolve myself of responsibility and choose – actively – to indulge and enjoy life.

Set my compass accordingly. Lift people up who deserve it. Kick others in the groin (figuratively speaking) when they deserve it.

But most of all.

To KNOW. And I do mean KNOW. That while I will ask and tell people to do things I myself wouldn’t do. That while I will absolutely enjoy time and space and do things unexpectedly on a whim. That I will also find comfort in the small things.



And the ‘normal’ relationships which reground me.

Ultimately, For Bill, Spencer, Jeff, Ron, and Kevin – I do hope one of these days you gentleman can forgive me for what I went through that you may have been subjected to in order for me to become me. I seek forgiveness and can say the ‘change’ that I have undergone has been simple communication with those I refer to as friends about what I am going through is the one major change that I will stick to.

For the women of my life – Jackie and Rachel – even Lisa and Kena to some degree . You’re all so very different. I’ve set you apart for a reason. I don’t want to tell you stories. I want to live stories with  you. I want HOLLYWOOD to understand that not all stories are acted and scripted. That some of us live lives that are worthy of stories by choice. And that my story – the story of who I am AND who I am to become includes you in gender based roles because I for one respect this system, and you – and would like to perpetuate it’s existence through LIVING fantastic stores most will regard as fiction.

Our ‘little secret’ will be that every story we SHOW of time travel and alternate realities will be our real lives.

As for the men. I’d simply like to be there for each one of you, maybe make something of an organization with you.

Invariably. I’ll get tired of it all.

Invariably. I’ll find a place with a neat history, setting and culture to ‘retire to’.

After all my stories in this mortal form are told and lived.

And from there. What happens next…

I’ll point the direction when I’m ready once again.

Here’s the truth: I do NOT want to pursue a case against the United States despite the fact that many countries in this world manipulate it to their own ends. In fact, I do not take issue with this, as this is a two way street and opens up ‘the world’ for my next destination on retirement.

But what I do want is this:

Money. To pay for the things I dream about. Up to and including the building of time machines, mansions, new adult oriented theme parks and adult oriented content. To pay for developers and programmers to create new applications I think of daily. To pay for rockets like my father built. To pay for custom designed cars.

I enjoy coming up with ideas. And you seem to, as a population, enjoy acting on those ideas.

It’s the perfect symbiosis.

You just have to find a way to forgive me – as friends, lovers, and as a population.

And let me do what I do best.


Out loud.

As my father would say “Give me a break”

Ok. Must break character.

Boy can it be difficult with the focus as a Q. The mind certainly has a tendency to wander, that’s for sure!

Done with one lesson for today with the contract law class. NOW I’m off to Worlds of Warcraft. Surprise, right?

Hmm. Not feelin it for WOW today.

I added a bunch of people onto my Facebook today, so I am curious if this does anything with me ‘energy wise’. I’m not really feeling like headin back to camp early tonight, but with the potential for rain, it behooves me

Just walked outside, and guess what? Not a cloud in the sky!

Guess I’ll hang out here for a while more. Which turned out well. Was talkin with an old friend from high school – Karl Geiger – who’s wanting to learn to program in C++, so I’m handing out projects… since he has some skill in managing projects, at least he knows the lingo which should make him capable of understanding what it is I am looking for with a project…

So here’s what I sent last: “ok, padawan, how about this, I’ll write you up a description tomorrow on what I’d like to see done, I’ll keep it simple and incremental so as not to overwhelm ya, and I’ll send that in an email tomorrow with links to SQL Server 2005 iso and Visual Studio ISOs for you to download. You know how to mount and install ISOs, right?”

This is kinda cool actually. Just think of the project I want.

Be verbose.

And maybe just maybe i can start rounding up people who want to learn to program!

Fun fun. And me. the ultimate practical joker. I get to have fun with their efforts!


Was just booted off the Worlds of Warcraft server.

Ok. It’s time to hang it up for tonight.

Didn’t sleep well with the rain last night, kept dry, but still could sleep better, that’s for sure!



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