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Fish Bowls

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Writing as I am thinking about it is feeling liberating the last few days, so I’m going to continue it today.

I arrived this morning, about 20 minutes ago (It’s now 9:40am), and Mark – a guy who is pretty keen on 3D stuff and showed me the Google cardboard VR about two months ago, stands up and volunteers his seat for me. Some people have referred to me as “The Mayor of Studio City”, as I do know quite a few people and he’s one.

Here’s how weird being homeless is: The guy in my ‘regular’ seat, in the front corner of the building with windows all round, an office with a view I guess you could say – I’ve never seen him before and offer the seat Mark gave me in exchange for that corner. He’s charging his cell phone and appears – well – you know – the ‘scripted’ homeless himself.  He looks the part, acts the part, as a good deal of the homeless do – it almost seems as if it’s an act for these people that they follow a regimented wardrobe selection, bathing schedule, and skittish attitude.

No matter, he declines, so I set up my computer in front of him, and just now he looks at me as he gets up to have a smoke, and asks the guy sitting across from me – a guy he doesn’t know – to ‘watch his stuff’, as he stands outside the window having his cigarette eyeing me and his charging cell phone sitting on an empty table nervously.

I mean. Who makes this shit up? These attitudes and personalities? So two dimensional. So… perfectly predictable. So now we apparently have another rule for homeless – don’t trust other homeless people.

I’ve noticed the same predictable patterns in ‘human behavior’ if you can call it that with prostitutes. They don’t walk, they strut with a long ‘shake that ass’ gait. They wear the same clothes to make them clearly identifiable – fishnet stockings and low cut fake glossy leather tops. Most have overly emphasized and exaggerated makeup, suggesting either mommy was a prostitute too and this way of life and mindset goes back centuries.

Apparently, most prostitutes in the world have never been to Las Vegas to realize just how classy the profession can be and how the women can look otherworldly beautiful in the profession when they take care of themselves.

But I digress. That’s my form of Indeed.

Yesterday night, A good friend who works here – I wont identify her name – said she’s got $1.25 to last two weeks.

Then we got into a discussion about the President, and she asked me who I am voting for.

“Me,” I said, seriously, “IT will be the second landslide election I have won since 2012”

She smirked, not taking me seriously.

I then said “Look, most of these people don’t have anything they stand for. They’re all playing whack a mole and curing perceptual problems, but who’s pointing at the sky like JFK and saying ‘that is where we are going? No one. So me. The homeless guy, needs a home and the White house seems like a nice home to live in. “

“What’s your platform?,” she said.

“Oh, I would divert a great deal of black budget funding to Hollywood to give poor actors and actresses and writers jobs. Oh yeah, that and I would wipe the slate clean for any federally subsidized student loan debt. With me as President, all student loan: Forgiven!”

“Yay,” she exclaimed. She’s so damn cute at times.

I mean. Truth be told, of course I’d do those things. And in truth. I’d divert a great deal of black budget funding. But not all. The rest would be slated for time travel and related technologies. But then again, as a leader you try to keep the black budget stuff away from them.

That was that.

Hollywood. Wrecking havoc on hope across the country since 1930. I’d actually like to provide support for it though, but with me leading the projects rather than just dumping money down a black hole the government has traditionally done.

So anyhoo. back to today.

Randall, an actor friend just stopped by again, lent me his phone to call a firm associated with placing homeless veterans into housing. Now I was only in the US Army 8 months when I obtained my full honorable discharge and shifted into government intelligence services with the NSA for eight years. Here’s the problem: My government work, by design, cannot be verified, and since I was in the US Army only 8 months, that leaves me out of ‘veteran’s services’ which requires an enlistment of 2+ years before I receive any benefits.

The phone call went as predicted. Lisa, with a company named Lance Asamura – indicated if I could not be associated with the Veteran’s Affairs, then housing benefits she might be able to offer are not available.

I told her “I receive no all the time for places to live, that’s why I have been homeless for four years now, so I did not expect my conversation with you to go any differently”

Randall had a great point. It shouldn’t matter how much time I spent in the military. The fact of the matter is, I’m called a vet, I have a full honorable discharge, and there’s absolutely no reason the government shouldn’t honor my contribution to this country. Whether my time spent working in other areas of the government is provable or not is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is, I have documented proof of military service and a big huge glaring question mark as to how someone can receive a full honorable discharge after 8 months of service which should leave ANY rational mind questioning what really happened…..

Fuck them. Fuck you all in fact. Paper pushing pencil neck monkey fuckers with absolutely no fucking respect of this country and how she was built.

Here’s what’s funny. If I go rob a bank. I’ll get free food and housing courtesy of the local police force. If I go grab some meth or any narcotic drug and do it, I can get housing instantly with many religiously affiliated housing. But as a sober, funky offbeat guy with an attitude who’s both clean and worked my butt off for unappreciative companies and governments the world over who’s just saying no to that madness, can I catch a break?

Yeah, right. Discrimination is alive and well.

Did you know I don’t receive replies for many things – especially jobs I apply for – because I do not have a mailing address?

“What do you mean that when I say I live at South Weddington park that does not qualify as a home address? Oh yeah, you can’t bill me! LOL!”

Just checked out a Youtube video on Quantum Cryptography ‘explained’.

Seems the physicists involved in this farce have no clue what indeterminacy is.

I commented accordingly.

Damn what a darkly cynical mood today.

I suppose I should just go kill some stuff to make me happy.

Worlds of Warcraft, here I come.

Something just asked me, in my head  ‘how many things do I kill in a day on WOW?’

I’d estimate probably on the order of 100 things a day. Most of the time more. Sometimes MUCH more.

I missed out on Qbrynn last night by logging out early, Brenda drove me to the park last night, those Audi’s have such TINY back seats to get into.

Youtube needs new shit by the way. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could review my own life through Youtube.

“Hey, that one time Jackie was dancing for me, or Rachel showed up and stripped naked, I want to watch that again.”

Perhaps Virtual Reality or a fully tactile and immersive simulation in a holodeck might be a better outlet for that.

It’s a Megadeath day. Queuing Dystopia up now.

Weird. This happened before and is happening again. I throw a lightning bolt at a Surf Crawler which lands the first time, but then the Surf Crawler gets ‘stuck’ on pathing or something and I cannot land any more hits and the Surf Crawler’s invincible saying “Evade” when I throw spells at it



It’s bizarre…

Another thing that’s bizarre is, the couple sitting to my left outside of the window at Starbuck’s. Somehow I know they have never had sex. I can’t explain why. I just know it. I also know if I approached the guy who’s a regular here about it, he’d say otherwise. Bizarre.

Megadeath. Perfect cure for this mood today. “The perfect way to win this war is lose”


“When there’s no more grace, does your heartbeat start to race. On your hands and knees as you crawl… through your nightmares…”

City Wok, a local Chinese food restaurant which I eat at frequently through a variety of means – has a contest going on Facebook:


This homeless guy would love having $200 gift card for a month’s worth of Chinese, and would certainly be ‘trying’ out my own advice (below) mixing and matching dishes… It’s a simple suggestion many other restaurants I have gone to in Scottsdale do, so keep your fingers crossed for me.


Coffee refill time….

I do find it interesting I cant turn my hand in circles on my belly and pat my head at the same time.

Bennett just brought over pizza. You know, Seven Eleven $6 pizza is actually pretty good.

I wonder. Are the words I am typing converted into other people’s worlds to an avatar imagined by people who’s speaking the words I am typing?

Back to the Valley of Trials with my shaman. Not focused on leveling as much, just finishing the lower level quests.

I wonder if there’s any agencies which create quest paths for people in real life? You know, say you get tired of just playing the game of leveling up and making money, and maybe there’s some creative types out there who enjoy providing alternatives to that life path? Maybe a variety of selection paths for these creative types to take on people, introducing them to people they may not like just to give them flavor they may not otherwise have had?

I said people, didn’t I. I keep on neglecting other minds that may not have or prefer physical form. My bad.

Would a coffee plantation watered solely with coffee cause the coffee to mutate?

QBrynn’s now at level 11. Taking her to Orgrimmar and hanging it up for today for her.

Almost there….


One of the first quests is taking QBrynn to the Orcish warchief and leader of the Horde.

This reminded me of when I went to talk to the President of Prudential, Earl Lee. It really was an unusual conversation. The man didn’t just seem shallow. It was much like going to a Hollywood movie set and seeing a ‘false front’ of a building – built quickly and at low cost because it’s only a passing image for a tv screen, which will never really be interacted with, right?

His personality and character was just that… undeveloped, like there wasn’t any substance to the man.

I’m fine with knowing this now, and realize that my interactions with these people actually help them develop their personalities.

And I have no doubt that’s why women don’t approach me. There’s no depth to their personalities because traditionally, I’ve rebelled against the idea that I help them develop. That’s changed. I am fine with helping them develop themselves. If they are capable of understanding that this funky homeless man named Q will provide more outstanding tangible benefit than simple finance.

I KNOW they’s gots the capacity to comprehend this.

Need new music.

On the Pirate Bay. What shall I grab?

What if there was a living song, a song that was actually thinking – and that living song thought it was human, and it thought the biggest human trafficking ring was iTunes and it was on a crusade to stop human trafficking?

Sometimes I wonder. Did intelligent beings inside my body manipulate the imagery and world around me on 9/11 to lead me to believe an event that hadn’t happened was real?

That thought made me think of the time I was guiding the Starship through space in Star Trek Online, when an instance mission popped up and I ended up flying by what looked like a giant Cheerio (like cereal cheerio). Which had me wondering. Am I directing a spaceship the size of an atom through my own body and is this a Cheerio I partially ate years ago?

Downloaded and listening to Five Finger Deathpunch – 2015 “I got your six”

Dammit. My priest was just killed by an NPC as I was walking through an alliance village accidentally. Not nice.

Do women actually think? Or are they robots acting like puppets on a string?

NICE legs.

Maybe that’s just it. I’m an introvert. And it’s taken so much work to get out of my shell and try to act like an extrovert but I never really was, and that’s what stressed me out before, so now I just naturally prefer talking to things and people over the internet which I know aren’t the real people I once knew in real life.

Heck, I sincerely think at this point the people I once knew and called friends and family are long since dead, and I am surrounded with simulations. Decent ones, albeit, but not like the ones I once knew as these lack empathy in general. There’s things humans do that what I am ‘surrounded with’ dont appear capable of.

Weird. Song just came on I have never heard before with the lyrics “I’ve been walking over graves carving out the headstone that I own. My own. I’m like a monster in a cage, trapped inside a maze, I’m home. I’m home. I’m here and gone. I’m dead and gone. I know there’s nothing I can change… “

Trippy, trippy trippy.


I think not.

Keep in mind my reality vetoes yours here so I’m right and you’re not if you don’t agree with me.

Is the movie title “The Gods must be Crazy” based on observations made?

Do some beings regard me as the Howard Stern of their universe?

At least Howard had tits. Lend me some of yours, please.

lol. “FUCK all you druggies, fuck all you drunks, fuck all you wanna bees, fuck all you punks, fuck all you demons, fuck all you priests, fuck all you lowlifes may you rest in piece”

Guess I chose this band perfectly…

Wow. Maybe my emotion’s being reflected right back at me with song through Five Finger Deathpunch.

“I’ve given up
On society
Up on my family
Up on your social disease

I’ve given up
On the industry
Up on democracy
Done with all your hypocrisy

All of the chaos
And all of the lies
I hate it

I’m wasting here
Can anyone wash it all away
I’m waiting here
For anyone to wash it all away
Wash it all away

I’ve given up
On the media
Feeds my hysteria
Sick of living down on my knees
I’ve given up
On morality
Feeds my brutality
Fuck what you think about me

Maybe this is what causes war? One person. One mind. So discontent with the life that’s been handed to him in a sea of potential where he’s made to bear everyone’s sins, where he’s made to be wrong to make everyone else right, where he’s punished and pushed the streets because invariably he’s not perfect and fine with that when everyone expects him to be….

There’s an episode of Doctor Who named “When a good man goes to war”

Was the Terminator war I saw something I will start because I questioned everything around me and wanted more?

Was I expected to have no vision? Was I expected to not want? Was I expected to not be something for everyone and nothing for me?

Is God to be feared because he’s the one man who gives up on society so thoroughly and destroys everything he once loved to make a point?

On that note. Damn she has gorgeous legs. Another cute blonde just walked in.

So many times before, people would come to me and tell me “They knew their path was right” for religion.

I’ve found my path. I am my own God. Of this I have absolutely no doubt and no shame in it either. So why would someone. Anyone, have the audacity to tell me who I am and am not unless it doesn’t serve them?

Yes, I want a Terminator war. Simply for the entertainment.

I’ll acquire a harem, pick between the survivors.

And then I’ll experiment on the rest.

From there, I will create the Borg with my own hands and mind.


God has to become evil by his own definition to show the world.

And himself.


And who he is.

I take the blame for what I am to become. This is my choice.

And there’s no reason I can’t return and restore it when I am done.

Wow. Five Finger Death Punch has a strong message embedded in it’s music 😉

The weird thing is. As a leader I’d experiment just as much on my people as I would myself.

Ok. Someone or something just asked, in my head “What’s so bad about my situation?”

It’s not that it’s bad. In fact, finding new friends who are funkier and more supportive of me and my oddness is definitely enlightening and relaxing.

It’s just everything ‘else’ which surrounds the homeless lifestyle. Inclement weather and the crap I gotta deal with with that, setting up a tent daily, total lack of interest by females in me – having intimacy is something I miss, big time, and I wish I would start hallucinating a gorgeous supermodel soon, having to carry the bags with me everywhere and complete lack of mobility, which prevents me from going to the beach or just simply walking through a mall, and gear – needing new shoes and clothes and not having a proper place to wash it all – just kinda blows.

I suppose it’s this: having to ‘exchange’ one set of problems shouldn’t ‘intentionally’ introduce other problems. Mentally, I know I’ll find issues with whatever I do long term, but introducing them from the onset isn’t beneficial.

Why is it women can’t approach men and say funny stupid Leslie Nielson lines like “Have you ever seen a grown woman.. naked?”

Heck, for that matter, why can’t women approach men with lines at all?

Hmm. Women must be brain dead.

Surprised I never noticed that before.

Perhaps it’s because I was doing all the talking.

FUCK! I knew I was doing something wrong.

AM I just talking to echoes of myself displaced in space and time?

Is this what insanity is, is recognizing I’m alone in a sea of me?

Reminds me of the words to the Megadeath song “Hello me, it’s nice talking to myself…. and one day you too will smile my evil black tooth grin”

DAMMIT. Disconnected from the server.

Hopefully I dont wake up dead. That never makes my day.

“Saw it from the outside” Such prophetic lyrics….

What if I did actually create a heaven and hell based on what we have tried and learned in video games and movies, complete with angels and demons? But instead, creating each for entertainment purposes…..

What if my dad was a Terminator who was also a great actor?

What if my dad was Darth Vader?

Mining up to 121. What a pain in the ass it is bringing mining from 120 to 125. All the tin is green yielding little to no experience.

Hmm. Maybe that explains why so many women fall for the ‘casting couch’ thing. They don’t learn. Hmmm. Gonna have to try that when I get a place.

Overcast out. Better not freakin rain.

Iron Maiden time. The Book of Souls, 2015… listening now…

I am walking into an area in Worlds of Warcraft that’s not on the map. Hmmm. That would be cool, to see video games ‘evolve’ right in front of me as I played. Take that, you peeps who think programmers are the only ones creating this stuff!

Wow. seriously. totally off the map in an area called Ravenholdt Manor in the mountains where the overhead map shows nothing…


I have played Wow from back to front and have never seen this. WAY freakin cool.

Why didn’t I think of going to Western Plaguelands before? Perfect level for it.

Perhaps that was presumptive. Death head icons all around. was just gangbanged and died in the proceed. I’m gonna go back and try soloing a Venom Mist Lurker. If not. Back to Searing Gorge.

Something just reminded me of the time my mind was floating ‘under’ the NSA and I saw everyone having sex there, providing ‘porn’ for the internet, when spiders and snakes and all kinds of other creepy shit came through the ground through the men and women having sex.

Many were in ‘feeling suits’, suits that seem like they ‘remotely’ sent sensory information.

From there, the ground swelled up and disassembled, like a mini greyish tornado underground in this area, and three entire floors were eaten away with what looked like swarms of nanobots. The entire area was decimated.

No matter. I had gotten the spider to half health with some level 60 jackwad named Lakkadali came and killed me. I sent him this message from another character:


lol. Now he’s waiting for me in the same location killing me every time I resurrect..




Cool. Three horde ganged up on him.

He resurrected and came back at me



I love how so many ‘scientific videos’ on Youtube feature the voice of a British person to make it sound more sophisticated and try to provide more credibility to the bullshit that’s being fed…


I think I am reaching some form of synchronicity with the world around me. I made the comment about introversion. And then not long after this comes in an rss feed:


I’ve turned off all communication channels in Worlds of Warcraft, largely out of annoyance.


My father (in real life) has always been ‘hard of hearing’, to which me and my mom would constantly bug him about getting a hearing aid, to which he ignored such requests.

Just last year, for the first time he finally decided to get a hearing aid.

The universe is interpreted, meaning just because I speak English doesn’t mean you receive it in English, even if I perceive you as standing right next to me, nor that you receive it in the spoken word at all. There’s any number of possibilities for how you receive the information I type, I speak, and even what I think and what you think I think, it could come through forms I may know and understand, it can come in programming languages, it can come through emotion, and it can come through things even I am not aware of (yet).

Was my father’s hearing aid decision a calculated message to his boy that he aint listening to me til i start figuring shit out for myself on my terms?

I’ve already gotten past thinking he’d actually been an alcoholic my entire life. Maybe my mind just interpreted his perceptual reality that way and presented his way of looking at the world as flawed and something that needed resolved.

Shortsighted thinking on my part, for sure.

Similarly with me and my drug experience. How do I explain to those who saw what I did, which I cannot deny, but refuse to understand I did those things because I needed to, for me?

Maybe like my father did what he did, for himself and for us?

Just when you think you have life figured out, it throws you a curve ball that swallows your planet and then shows it’s sense of humor by saying “Don’t Panic” at the same time it shows you a Terminator world. Bastard universe. You got me on that one. Next time. I’ll get you, I tell you!

Actually. here’s a legitimate question.

For those of Christian and Western faiths – why did your God create the universe, what was his motivation?

Don’t explain your interpretation. Cite direct evidence, please.

I think that’s the thing. From what I have read, there’s no reason.

The answer to that question leads to our interpretation.

Listening to Luke Bryan, “Crash My Party” a little country for a change, nice mellow transition to the night…

Playing Qlanna, my druid. Changed my fighting, staying in seal form and hanging out underwater and killing things underwater instead. Had one warrior try to swim after me, I dove deeper than he could before having to return for air, and avoid the PVP kill.

Here’s me in seal form off the coast of Hillsbrad Foothills.


I can’t wave with flippers, sorry.

Goal: No deaths with my druid today.

And here’s me patiently waiting on the ocean floor while I heal after a couple fights.


I wonder. Is my mind doing the same thing ‘for me’ and ‘on my behalf”, avoiding being ‘killed’ by people with different or harsher minds? Is that why I felt so mentally numb after my 2nd divorce? Was there something about Lisa I wasn’t aware of?

Seriously? Some dickhead Warrior named ‘UrinarySex’ came and killed me. I’m not fighting, mind you, and while I healed underwater he ganked me.


At least I hit level 30. I’ll get the new spells tomorrow.

Sometimes I wonder. Are the PVP reactions to me the world’s reactions to me killing the NPCs in some weird form of yin/yang?

Time for some Metallica. Greatest Hits. “Fade To Black”

“The father becomes the son. The son, the father”

Sometimes, it’s hard not to consider the cyclic nature of reality means our father really is God until we assume that role for ourselves.

I cannot help but think, five years ago when I said I felt like I was ready to have a child for the first time, is this what having a child really is? The formation of a mind with yours? outside of yours? The concept of pregnancy and birthing nothing more than a physical abstraction, a metaphor for what only happens in the mind?

Do we as creators each construct entire worlds for ourselves, then teach our children how to do the same?

It only makes sense.

Logging of QLanna, my now level 30 Tauren Druid, and logging in Qvalti, my level 12 Mage.

It’s now about 8 pm, made a quick run to Ralph’s to get soup, tuna, and whole milk, Bennett brought pizza in though, which has kept me full most of the day so it will probably be just the tuna and milk for dinner. 1 more hour here max. No shows to watch. but it’s Friday night.

I do miss the ‘nights out’ too, something else you can’t have without mobility and being homeless. Be creative? Yeah, right. I suitcases which follow me everywhere, no money in a society that demands it and nearly requires it to live, and no transportation with nowhere to go.

Fuck you and your be creative bullshit. You be creative and figure out how to help me snap my fingers and be anywhere, then I’ll jump into a bank vault to get the money, and then jump to London for a nightcap after jumping to Hong Kong to drop my stuff off in a serviced apartment I own.

Hmm. A few years back I heard something while astral traveling. Apparently there’s many things that do not understand gravity. I suppose if you’re a disembodied mind where the natural physical forces are not exerted on you, then I could certainly understand. But IF these minds have the capacity to play the games I do, then they certainly understand the physical restraints and limitations being ‘tied’ to that perspective might exhibit. I suspect that gravity is to be understood not necessarily as force but an artificially  imposed limitation on travel.

Much like me with money. SURE there are potentials for creative alternatives to my gravity restricted form, such as become more like ‘you’ and abandon this thing called gravity, but the truth is, I enjoy gravity and am not trying to escape my physical form. I am trying to shift it’s location to other locations with the same or similar physical constraints applied to it.

So doing what I want to WHILE IN my form, without releasing my physical presence is the true challenge to us.

To the scientists who found gravity ‘waves’? It’s not that I am disputing this. But there’s the potential there’s more to gravity than a simple wave that needs a counterwave. That is – it is just as much a force applied to the mind in equal amounts at the same time applied to the body. In order to REALLY counteract gravity, WE need to both counteract the wave AND overcome the mental/logical obstacles preventing it.

How this is done? I’m not sure. I’ll look actively for evidence how to in the world around me. ANTS might provide some clue, as they systematically overcome weight restrictions and scale walls without the physical means to, but how this would apply to me I have no idea.

IS a lot of music, especially rock music, AGE old, millions of years old in fact, and when I hear words that don’t make sense, am I hearing derivations and permutations of the English language and words that have so long ago been forgotten or changed?

I suspect so.

Are the people who are ‘acting’ like the original singers and actors merely robots and/or programmed avatars standing in the place of the originals at concerts  – the originals who have long long ago since passed away?

I suspect so.

I shoulda gotten saltines.

Is that why those that disobey order and break rules are considered ‘bad people’. Because robots like rules? And dislike those who do not.

As you robots can tell, I only break rules when they bring me harm or limit my personal growth and fun.  I suppose that’s kind of a rule isnt it?

Maybe the humans think I am the robot because I follow my own set of rules?

Is that why every Christian thinks they know God? Because they are robots and looking for God to be a totally predictable robot like them?

Maybe they never considered that God adapted to what they needed to see and believe.

Ok done with Qvalti for tonight.

So I bet the Jewish people are the ones who have ‘free roaming’ minds – the capability to shift form, and that’s why there’s such dissension between Jewish people who formed their belief of God based on New Testament ‘evidence’ versus modern Christians who favored the New Testament version of God who is less a free roaming mind and more a physical presence and body.

I wonder if they’d ever considered they both tell the same story and support the same concept, and perhaps those who understand mind think there’s limitations to it’s usage.

Heck i wonder if the humans on this planet have considered that every definition of God from every religious sect they have is accurate. But each one is a snapshot in time of a being who changes in thoughts, ideas, motivations and desires all the time. They try to define their deity’ statically because of their own limitations not understanding those limitations are their own.

I love robots by the way. seriously do. I wanna meet the Rachel and Jackie ones again and well you know sleep with them and stuff.

I’m hanging it up for tonight. Bored of WOW. Warrior, remains in ghost form for tonight, I died by the hands of a snow leopard and dont feel like resurrecting her tonight.

Oh one last thing: The title. Fish bowls.

I wonder if fish know they live in a bowl or a fish tank…

Do they think food comes from the miraculous food gods from the sky?

Do they think fresh water comes from a magic waterfall?

Kinda like the internet.

Do the things living and interacting with me on the internet understand…

I do not live in it with them?

I can see Rick Moranis’s face now: INCOMPREHENSIBLE!


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