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I Believe

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I applied to Georgetown Law. Twice. Once in 2010, shortly after graduating Thunderbird with my MBA, and another time in the beginning of 2011.

I took the LSAT – or Law School Aptitude Test- a standardized test every law student has to take to question the reasoning skills of the law student.

The first time I took it, I scored 147. Which was perfectly average.

I didn’t study for the thing. Sure, I picked up the LSAT handbook and may have looked at a couple pages of it.

But by and large. If I absorbed anything from that book I had spent $30 bucks on, it was only through osmosis, as it sat on my coffee table as a conversation piece more than it did serve to hone my skills for the standardized test.

The truth was I hated binge studying so very much – I had always hated binge studying – so the way I reasoned it was that I wanted a law school to want me for me.

So after the first time I applied.

I got serious.

I took a road trip and toured the Georgetown campus. I LOVED the setting and the scenery. I loved the small town feel right near the heart of a busy metropolis of Washington DC. I got out and walked the campus while class was in session. Yep. The undergraduate women were cute too, so I would have fun with the coeds too.

I’d done the same thing with Harvard, but figured Harvard was so far out of my league it was ridiculous… That and Boston was just SO darn cold…..

But Georgetown … had sold itself quite well with its strong commitment to the international education and the respectful intellectual property law program it had assembled which I was interested in marrying the two for my focus area.

I put together an amazing application. I got the world’s best recommendations. I put together a video presentation that came together magnificently.
And with an undergraduate GPA of 3.74 and a graduate GPA of 3.2, I had put together what I considered a pretty outstanding application.

Each application, incidentally, cost nearly $200.

And I was bound and determined to get in this time.

I again went out and purchased the new LSAT study guide prior to sending off the application.

But again. My commitment to actually study for this test defied me.

It something lurking inside me said “You need them to accept you for you. Not for how well you can jump through their hoops and be their puppet. But for who you are in real life and how you interact with the world and who you will be as a lawyer. You care. You are diligent. You are thorough. You LOVE understanding perspective and live much of your life making choices accordingly. So If they can’t see that, if they refuse to meet you halfway and educate you as an individual student who’s different than the rest – then move on to an organization or university who will.”

The little voice was right.

It isn’t always right, I might add, but in this case, I just was not willing to try to achieve the 180 marks the internet said was the ‘average’ to get into the school.

So I took the book back to Barnes and Noble.

And then I went and took the LSAT again, for recency’s sake.

This time scoring a 146.

Perfectly.
Squarely

Average.

When I sent that package off. I knew, deep down, that this application – including this LSAT score – truly represented me.
I was downright proud of what I had assembled.

Now mind you. I had no idea how I would pay for this very expensive education. I had banked my entire application on hope.

Hope this school would overlook my financial situation.

Hope the school would understand or consider why I had intentionally chosen NOT to study for a standardized test.

Hope the school would want to include a man who was older than the vast majority of those who applied.

And hope the school would believe in me after I took so much time and energy because I believed in it.

Two months later, I got the letter of rejection from Georgetown.

I wasn’t heartbroken.

I wasn’t dismayed.

Georgetown’s an elitist Ivy League school like Harvard is and I didn’t fit the profile of the aristocratic background I knew these schools tended to favor.

Particularly a man who enjoyed his own vices such as prostitutes and the occasional recreational drugs.

Now strangely enough.

It wasn’t but a month later I started seeing hallucinations.

It wasn’t a month later, I started down a path of learning about the way the world is constructed – things I had never considered before, it was like my mind had been tapped and I was suddenly receiving information and ideas that I couldn’t blame on the drugs.
Sure, they may have been a catalyst, but I can’t help but think…

Did Georgetown accept me after all?

Is law school education unlike any traditional education I ever imagined?

Did I do what’s right, for me, in preparing an application unknowingly learning this is EXACTLY what Georgetown was looking for?

And do they reject everyone they accept, just to teach you how to deal with rejection?

It’s been three years since I would have joined had I been accepted.

And three years is your typical length of time to receive a JD.

In this time, I have been taught humility, lenience and forgiveness of vices and the need for them to exist, struggles of law and standardized enforcement because of the funky way this world really is put together, I have been taught self-acceptance and confidence and when to sense peer pressure – where it comes from and why – and how to reject it.

But most of all.

I’ve been taught the reason it’s so important to believe in something.

Even if it is just yourself.

Today marks a weird day where I feel things are turning around for some reason.

A friend – Emily here at Starbuck’s – has moved out of her apartment which is sitting vacant for 2 weeks, she offered it to me to recover from the cold.
She’s a godsend I tell you and hopefully you hear her one day with her voice acting. She really has such a fantastic and unique personality and absolutely deserves success with it.

And then there’s Cary. A friend and one of the three men responsible for the movie “God’s Not Dead”, who has a cold as well, and came up to me and asked if I would like to learn MAC computing. Ayup. Would enjoy being paid to learn it I responded. He donated a few bucks for the refrigerator after that conversation.

Look. I know I can be a man who’s in turmoil.

And no, I won’t back down off this quest to become like the man known as “Q” in Star Trek. I do sincerely believe this world – myself especially – needs hope the likes of which is currently unimaginable and this all has been a great lesson in delicacy and appreciation of what is and what more it could be.

I for instance, cannot imagine a beautiful place where I would want to retire. Sure, I have seen oceans and fields and wonderful paintings.

But in truth. I have witnessed through entertainment, seen, and imagined such horrific things – that one of my personal goals is to explore the amazing beauty and potential that life has. to have a hand in creating it, but what that is and how that looks – defies me because of what I have been encountered myself.

I already know I have it within me – we all do – the ability to become anything we can imagine.

Being Q is a license to myself. A gift to myself. That the few indulgences I engaged in before do not have to lead to self-sacrifice anymore.

And that it’s my duty. My obligation.
To me.
To you.

To show you a God by my own design.

And maybe I received a law education in ways that had to defy the system which ended up restructuring my mind to know it’s already happening..

… because I chose to believe.

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