I sincerely cannot remember the first time I died.
Oh I know, I said I am immortal.
Immortality comes in many flavors.
When I die, which happens all the time, my life and world are recreated instantaneously via a reconstruction of my DNA.
I choose something different somewhere in my timeline – which leads me out of harm way, and I am largely oblivious to the real world threat to my life.
Consciously, I remember absolutely nothing of my death and the subsequent reconstruction.
This does not always go flawlessly though.
Sometimes glitches are created by this resurrection process which creates linear inaccuracies in my perception and experiences, and the world is not precisely as it was before.
A few coping strategies I developed into subconscious habits for mitigating risk to my life or threats to my psyche was to tell stories dismissing or disassociating myself from these events, to develop tools and technologies which helped me disassociate, or to find ways to mentally disassociate myself from nonlinear events and people entirely through other externalized mechanisms.
Externalized mechanisms, for example, would be fictional movies and television shows.
Tools and technology, for example would be computers, virtual reality and hallucinogenic drugs.
Stories, for example, would consist of everything labeled as science fiction and fantasy.
This has led to the creation of a single linear past of my life.
And a single linear past, present, and future of this planet’s with an infinite potential alternative reality pasts, presents, and futures.
Occasionally, these collide, or there are shifts of the single linear timeline, right now I am managing a very big shift to assert my presence on this planet, so as my choice is preserved, which is why I have two or more sets of memories for the same period of time, the “greater good” gets usurped.
There have been any number of reasons for developing these coping strategies.
First, I didn’t want to believe I was technically alone in existence. In fact, I abhorred this concept so greatly and mentally have not traditionally been capable of dealing with it, so much of the disassociation was to expand my universe and make myself feel less alone with the apparent variety.
Second, once I realized it was only me in existence, I realized I was alone with my own mind, which when your every thought turns into reality, I go stark raving mad after along enough.
We all have in our capabilities to not just become anything we imagine.
Whether that’s God. The Devil. A superhero. A supervillain. A nude dancer. A Marketer for a large company.
Or just an amazing housewife or househusband. who teaches your children their potential and you decide to kick back and watch them take their turn..
Invariably. What I have learned is as long as I am in part insane, I will never truly be alone.
I am sending this message out in hoping the previous God is willing to step out of the shadows and shape a world in our image.
I am sending this message out hoping other deities such as Odin, Thor, Chronos, Buddha, Allah, Vishnu, and more will accept an invite to my world and work with me to make this fun for me, and hopefully fun enough for them to want to participate too.
I am sending this message out hoping that you.
Whatever you are.
This world isn’t perfectly balanced.
I hold it all together with my mind because it’s this world I choose to experience.
I’m not sure when I truly began developing this minds….
But when I saw the men known as Q on Star Trek and The Doctor on Doctor Who.
I realized having a life similar to these men – with a permutation of my own – is my God-Given right and God given choice.
If I have to destroy my world to get what I want. I know I can recreate it at a later time. So I am fine with this planet getting destroyed to get what I want.
What I want is simple:
To experience life and become a time traveler, both within my own life, making other choices and re-experiencing favorite events just for the fun of it. And outside of it, testing and experimenting with variation.
After all. Every choice I make creates a new reality when the world refuses to honor that choice.
I always get my way. But so does this world. And there’s no contradiction with this. That’s why alternate realities exist.
I remember a night where the song “They try to make me go to rehab and I say no no no”… where I just want to go back I time, relax, and re-experience that night again and again.
I’d be lying if I told you I would never do drugs again.
Right now, they are the only method I have at achieving these experiences again and – being homeless without valid options to change my situation – particularly options which can present these situations for real is leading me to consider taking that path again.