While I was experimenting on my own body and mind with magic (psilocybin/hallucinogenic) mushrooms in Amsterdam in 2004, I experienced things both visually and aurally which left me scratching my head in wonderment.
I couldn’t help but ask “How did my mind do that?”
A perfectly logical question to any scientist or engineer who might be engaged in experimentation.
For instance, when I poured water out of a bottle, I was able to see the particulates and granules of water as they flowed through the mouth of the container in magnificent detail.
It was spectacular to watch – as if time itself had dilated.
Similar things happened with sounds. A spoon clanking against a glass vibrated musically in ways I never previously experienced.
As my friends around me laughed –they had all been smoking weed and I was the only one experiencing this – I couldn’t get over how vibrant the colors were in everything I looked at, how amazingly pure the sounds were and how time itself seemed to slow down as I just sat back and watched and listened with glee.
It was almost orgasmic.
As me and my four friends walked around Amsterdam, I was in absolute amazement at the sights and sounds.
It was as if I was seeing an altogether different world, one in which sights and sounds were alive and magical.
Magical mushrooms, right?
I saw music emanate lights that evening, and the streets quite literally danced and moved with a rolling wave like motion normally reserved for the ocean.
The friends I was with found amusement with me and my childlike fascination of the world…
So the next day, the friends I was with decided to try the same mushrooms I had bought the day before.
The five of us walked around Amsterdam, and about halfway to the Van Gogh museum, the mushrooms kicked in.
Now calling something a hallucination is one thing. But as we approached a park and shared the same illusions, we were all enraptured and experiencing the same thing, as the sights and sounds had been emphasized in the same exact and measureable way between all of us…
I knew. It was then I absolutely knew. That calling a hallucination a fictional experience is flat out invalid.
Put specifically – what we experienced was scientifically measurable.
It was absolutely repeatable.
And the effects between us were all the same.
We each had dramatically altered views of the world in the same exact way which increased the vibrancy of all sights and sounds when indulging in the same mushrooms.
I have since had to question basic things about the universe:
Not only how could I ‘share’ an experience, but what *exactly* was going on with our individual minds which produced the same results and allowed light and sound to behave in such radically different ways based on the substance we had taken.
Digging deeper – how could one variation of mushroom cause an increase in lights and sounds and nothing else…
… another variation cause television characters to melt into blackness?
…and another – when I turned out the lights – let me see ‘blue light like creatures’ dancing around everything .
I went back to Amsterdam in 2009, and learned the mushrooms had been done away with.
There was something I was missing – something I didn’t fully understand about this experience I had, and while sure, it was exciting and new, there was more to it than that.
Something deeply spiritual I was not aware of that I was deeply yearning to connect with.
How many cultures had I heard of where substance such as the Indians with Peyote – was leveraged to provoke visions which then led to wisdom in those who indulged?
The next experimentation in Amsterdam was a wholly different experience. I’d gone there, in secret and hadn’t told anyone, intentionally. And I can say I sincerely don’t know what I was trying to ‘get’ with the experience, other than – what was in store ‘next’…..
The experience was horrifying. Reality was bent and contorted in ways that scared the shit out of me. My heart pounded out of my chest, my anxiety levels skyrocketed, and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I could not wait for the experience – which lasted about 5 hours – to be over.
And I am a person who does NOT scare easy.
When I returned to the states… I was still experimenting with cocaine, but I can’t say I was trying to understand why it caused the experiences it did. In fact, I dismissed the experience as a chemical experience similar to the adrenaline experiences I’d had when jumping out of planes or off cranes.
Only, persisted. The ‘thrill’ of adrenaline running through my system constantly was exciting to me – better than sex at times.
And with sex. It was fucking amazing.
But there was something gnawing at me. I needed more and more cocaine for it to be effective. I was rapidly building an immunity and I either needed to get off the substance, which was getting extremely costly (about $1500 a month) – or find a substitute.
This is the double whammy of what led me to bath salts.
I’d heard there it was mildly hallucinogenic, and a stimulant much like cocaine, only it was legal (at the time)…
So I tried it.
And sure enough. The hallucinations were there.
But they were mild. At first. And they gave me something to ‘think about’ and reflect on in contrast to the experiences I had had in Amsterdam.
But one thing struck me – I was CONSISTENTLY getting the same ‘types’ and ‘feel’ of hallucinations with it.
I have since developed a theory:
That reality as I know it is on a ‘channel’ per se much like a television show is.
What a hallucinogenic does is effectively switches channels to a different ‘reality’, and the mind will slowly wander ‘back’ to the primary channel after the substance has worn off.
So as I indulged in bath salts and realized there was absolute consistency to the ‘feel’ of the world I was in regardless of my physical location, I started traveling and looking at this ‘new world’ from different physical locations, each time seeing new things everywhere I went.
The world I toured through was, for all intents and purposes, one and the same world that’s been depicted as fiction in TV shows such as Star Trek and movies such as Terminator and the Matrix. A world that was taken over through a long series of robotic warfare which eventually led to a very different and interesting world where robots and artificial intelligence have built an entire world.
I can’t help but think, after all of this, that I was selected.
And while mentally, I didn’t at first cope well with discovering the things I did about reality.
I’ve come to gain new respect for technology and the possibilities it introduces.
I’ve calmed down tremendously since my experimentations and have had plenty of opportunity to reevaluate everything I thought I knew about the universe with this new information.
I suppose it’s difficult to explain to someone or something who hasn’t seen and/or experienced what I have.
Why experimentation was my only real option.
After all, this was the first time in my life that I actually pursued stimulus to answer questions about myself rather than waiting for it to come to me…