When I was around 11 years old, I compiled a tape in which I interviewed famous people and responded with music from Kenny Rogers, Queen, Aerosmith and other famous rock bands by asking them questions by replaying a sequence of their song as the response.
For instance, one question could have been “Jimmy Carter, what did Ronald Reagan say to you when you said you wanted to be President again?”
And I would play back Aerosmith yelling “Dream On, Dream on..” as the response.
I used a traditional analog magnetic tape player and recorder to record my voice, and played the 45 or 33 record I had purchased on an old school phonograph, and played the record waiting until the key moment where the band would say the line I wanted to, and hit ‘record’ on the magnetic tape recorder.
My timing wasn’t always perfect. But the effect was comical enough hearing David Lee Roth’s voice responding to my questions.
At the time, I’d thought it was funny, and it seemed to amuse my family – my uncle Steve, who I played it for in particular…
But then, a couple years ago, I had begun realizing that what I saw for reality was very much different than what others saw…
And I saw – what can only classify as an alternate reality version of my family – they were ‘black and white’, and looked similar but certainly not the same as my family, and I had felt some anger and hatred from these people towards me.
Something ‘told me’ at the time – that my uncle, a man who I had played the tape for was mortified of me.
And that he had thought I had actually trapped the minds of the people saying the things they did.
And I was forcing them to say things like robots.
And I was ‘the devil’ who had trapped these talented people as slaves.
When this happened, I was seeing a lot of ‘weird things’ in my mind’s eye (for lack of better words), and about then I remembered an episode of “The Twilight Zone” called “It’s A Good Life’ where a 6-year-old controls his town with his ability to create or destroy anything with his mind.
It was almost as if I’d been told this kid was me and that episode of the Twilight Zone was about how others perceived me.
It truly boggled my mind.
I’d always made this assumption that when I saw red. Others saw the same color I saw. That when others heard a voice, that others heard the same voice I heard. That when I pressed on a tape player that others saw me pressing on a tape player. That when I saw writing, that others were looking at the same writing as me.
And here. I was beginning to learn that there’s parts of reality that are translated based on the observer?
There was a movie not too long ago where a vampire played by Johnny Depp had been asleep for hundreds of years and saw a television for the first time and said “How do they get all those little people in there?”.
At the time I dismissed it as a funny line a writer made in Hollywood. But I was starting to learn.. Maybe, just maybe, these aren’t just funny lines after all and are actually attempts by the universe around me to educate me on what reality itself was.
Had my family and friends ‘played roles’ in a Truman Show my entire life – and I was the oblivious actor on the stage?
I had made choices throughout my life, and what I started to realize was – that while I was perfectly oblivious to the choices, there was always something judging me for the choices I made, and conversely, something or someone that was applauding me as well.
I was learning that no matter my choice. I was the Devil to some and God to others.
For me. I found it possible to be everything to everyone, by letting anything be possible in my mind.
It’s easy to imagine anything I want to. Because everything’s possible.
I know this, factually, and have seen and experienced much of it for myself with my own eyes.
I mean. How many time did I look down on an ant colony I was smashing angrily because one of them had bit me?
Was I an angry storm violently lashing out at a population of beings that saw themselves as humans?
When I played the video game Modern Warfare years back and got a streak of evil that ripped through me, and instead of just killing the terrorists, I killed everyone in the Russian airport, nearly 250 people including civilians.
Was I a group of Chechnyan rebels in a school of children to westerners watching with cameras overseas?
When I pushed the button to detonate a nuclear weapon in the game Fallout 3 and blew up a city…
Was this what caused Chernobyl in the Ukraine to meltdown?
And when I shot that hummingbird when I was all but 11 years old with a beebee gun, and clipped it’s wing and killed it.
Is this why humans have shoulder blades and no wings?
Did history rewrite itself in that moment to remove my wings and erase my memories of ever having them?
There’s no denying the interconnected nature of reality.
Physics itself and modern science supports it.
I’d just never, for one moment, considered.
I’ve always been that man named God, that some refer to as Q, that others refer to as the Devil, and it have always been alone in this universe.
And this universe, a reflection of my own insane mind from the loneliness, responds programmatically, because, after all, I’m a programmer.
And since this tired old god can’t think of how to revise his own program any further.
He’s had to become aware that you.
Are his own mind in the mirror.
And you are the only thing(s) capable of offering me the opportunity to actually experience a life I dreamed of.
You all need to understand why I deserve to be selfish.
Because it’s not me who’s insane any longer.
Think about it.