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King Of Thieves

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Did you know Hollywood was originally created to keep the homeless employed, and in particular – a burgeoning population of Jewish Immigrants?

True story.

Nowadays, Los Angeles has the largest homeless population in its history, with nearly 150,000 on the streets.

As a native to this area, and having spent the vast majority of the last 35 years living in Phoenix, I – like many homeless people – am not homeless by choice.

Now I know many of you do not choose to respect my position and believe that society has legitimate options.

An endless stream of options which I have had fired at me for the last four years to which I now respond with dismissal.

After paying nearly $3 million USD in Federal taxes over the course of my life, the Federal government offers no options whatsoever.

After paying nearly $1.5 million USD in Social Security, Social Security offers no options.

And after paying state and local taxes amounting to roughly $1 million USD, perhaps more… I have no viable options there either.

Do I feel like I am owed something?

Absolutely.

90% of GPS navigation systems worldwide have computer code I created in them.

25% of cell phone communication systems have my computer code with them.

If you bank at Wells Fargo, while working with the NSA I helped save the Foreign Exchange system which would literally have meant the collapse of the bank had I failed at my job… The ripple effect on other banks would have been disastrous.

If you are working for Prudential Real Estate and Relocation, you can thank me for your job, because Prudential Financial had planned to close the organization before selling it off to a man I had worked with before and suggested it might fit in his portfolio – Warren Buffet, as I worked directly with the man to oversee the international transition to his portfolio.

If you have a satellite launched by Orbital Sciences. I worked on numerous teams to guarantee your satellite went into orbit.

And if you play with the Kinect Device on your XBOX. I created that. IP lifted from me and sold to Microsoft by your very own US Government.

So DO I think I am owed something?

Absolutely.

It’s not money I am asking for.

It’s a job.

With Hollywood.

Telling stories. Science fiction, space, time travel, and fantasy stories unlike anything that’s ever been made public before.

I’m not asking for a billion bucks.

I’m asking that someone else is handed that money and I leverage their skills as managers to manage the budgets for these productions.

I’m not asking for compensation for the Intellectual Property which was repeatedly taken from me and resulted in trillions of dollars of revenue for those who used it.

I’m asking that you do what you do and help me get off the street and get back into the working population by letting me do something I enjoy.

Telling stories.

Hollywood was originally created to keep people like me off the street and – busy.

I sincerely don’t know what I am capable of doing otherwise.

This is YOUR society as much as it is mine.

And it doesn’t seem unfair for me to ask for – from all of you for a little fringe benefits from the hard work I have put in for this world.

The alternative is simple:

I’m inspired by movies. And I’ll become a thief.

I’ll share absolutely everything I do with you and how I do it.

Should I take the path of a thief. First thing I’ll take is a new computer from Best Buy. I’ll walk in. Look for the model I want with the most horsepower. Remove the RFID tag to make sure the alarms don’t go off, and walk right out through the front door while the ‘security’ is paying attention to another customer. No longer being limited to the limited computing power I have now.

I’ll take up hacking again. I have already created a tool called “Spy Tools” which will leverage every known virus and zero day exploit to infiltrate any system I want to. And from there, I will issue myself a couple credit cards and bank cards with high cash reserves from unappreciative banks such as Wells Fargo I have worked with in the past.

From there, I will get a place to live here in Hollywood. The Windsor Lofts, an apartment complex across the street from Universal Studios, is $3000 a month for a nice furnished 2 bedroom apartment. I’ll pay for a year in advance and let Wells Fargo foot that bill.

From there. I’ll get a dog. Probably a tiny little furry thing that I will name “Tribble”, and I’ll always have in a pink shirt that says it’s name whether it’s a male or female just for the fun of it.

I already hacked a metro card last year, a lifetime of free bus rides and metro rides, but that’s getting old and it takes two hours to get anyplace. So I’ll need a car. So what I will do is steal a new Lexus SUV, pretty much exactly like the one I used to have (and loved) – only the bigger model that burns more fuel. I’ll then hack the DMV and the local police and remove the report of the crime and shift ownership of the title and vehicle to me.

From there, I will hack Geico. You know, that company that asswipe Warren Buffet owns. And I will add my car to his insurance, free. I’ll be sure to admit full responsibility for anything should I get into any accidents, just to screw with that stodgy bastard who more than likely screwed with me to make me homeless.

From there, I’ll hack one of Warren Buffet’s privately held companies and infiltrate the accounts payable system to purchase a custom made pimped out motorhome that will be put in my name and shipped to me. I’ll take advantage of his accrual accounting to avoid reporting any expenditures until the asset has been obtained, at which time I’ll hack the DMV to shift it to my hands and wipe away they paper trail in the records to find out where it went.

I suppose I’ll tour the states a little with the motorhome. Drive onto Area 51 and wave at them as I drive by.

From there, I will reserve a private jet and fly to St Kitts. And maybe go pick up Jackie and Rachel when they start realizing I am not full of shit and take them to Hedonism with me.

From there. I’ve always wanted the Mona Lisa in my collection. The perfect heist. I’ll work on a high powered harpoon to shoot underneath the mona lisa to pierce the wall and prevent the Mona Lisa from falling into the floor, and find a high powered laser to remove the protective carcass it’s in, and also pay the US military for the invisible cloak they’ve developed to pull it off and leverage noise cancellation devices to prevent the heist from being heard at all..

From there. I might just aim to go take the Constitution of the United States.

Wonderful things to add to a wealthy thief’s private collection.

Look. I know I chastise you for the money situation.

If you as a society are going to value this commodity above me, Q, an Earthly presence of that being you refer to as God…

After being warned not to hold false idols…

Then I will take it upon myself to enjoy my life and take from you the very thing you seem to cherish the most.

Nothing can be done to harm or stop me from helping myself when you choose not to because of who I am, which is why I explain myself freely and without fear of consequence.

You – as a society – as my former friends, lovers, and more. Have options.

I don’t mind becoming The King of Thieves again. Sincerely. Some of you religious types may know my other name.

But now I am offering you the choice.

Do you as a world want to see what I am truly capable of should I pursue that path again?

My preference is to fit in to your ordered society. My choice is to become a story teller. To work with Hollywood.

It’s Christmas time.

Do you think Hollywood is best served by those relentlessly pursuing profits?

Or do you think it should be there to help the homeless?

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t right?

You help the homeless, you help the devil. You don’t, you become him.

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