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The man who believed

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In last night’s grand finale episode of the new Season 9, Episode 13 of Doctor Who, “Hell Bent” the TARDIS was split into two.

But before that happened…

Clara, the Doctor’s companion and love, had died two episodes before.

Not wanting to accept her death, The time traveling Doctor, also an immortal, spends time locked away on an island embroiled in a mystery of why he had lost his mind and wound up on this island – a mystery which eventually ends with his repeating the sequence of him learning why he’s here and for 8 billion years he eventually breaks out of this prison – through 10 solid meters of a material that is stronger than diamond with his own fists before succumbing to death by his own hand, year after year, for 8 billion years.

This takes him to near the end of time, where he thinks he can interact with his home planet – which moved itself to the end of time for who knows what reason – and to “Gallifrey” the planet of the Timelords– to steal technology they have to reverse Clara’s death 8 billion years before.

They warn him as he does this, that doing so will fragment time. Split it.

Which leads the Doctor to do something he has never, in the 50 years the series has run, done before – killed a man with a gun.

As he fully admits he is going insane, he soon learns Clara is still going to die, but there is one way to prevent it.

Erasing her memories of the death and fragmenting time and memories, intentionally.

As the Doctor says later “A song is a memory that’s long since been forgotten.”

So is a movie, and a story, my dearest Doctor.

In the confusion. Clara, understanding just how far the man has gone to save her life, having dealt with insanity for 8 billion years, begins to feel the pressure, but demands the doctor does not erase her memories.

“My time with you has been the best years of my life. Having seen things no human has ever seen. The edges of time, and space and all of existence. I would rather die than lose these memories,” she says through tear streaked eyes.

She then takes the device the Doctor was going to use to erase her memories with, and leveraging the sonic sunglasses technology she is entirely unfamiliar with, the memory erasing device then becomes a proverbial gamble whose memories it will erase, the person who is targeted or the person doing the aiming.

The Doctor responds with “It’s better this way. You don’t die whether my memory is erased or not. So if it happens to me, then it does.”

The result is immediate – the Doctor’s memories are erased and Clara’s is preserved.

The final scenes are in Nevada. Where the Doctor happens across a diner which Clara has set up with Me, another immortal lady, to try to find the Doctor.

He’s starting to remember bits and pieces of his past life.

But something about him has changed. He doesn’t recognize Clara who is operating the diner…. Which is actually HER TARDIS with a working camouflage device called a chameleon circuit.

And as he gets his TARDIS back

Two females – Clara and Me go off in one – where the Chameleon circuit is functioning.

And the other – the Doctor’s Police box – he boards as it springs to life.

Jackie Killeen. You are mapped to the lady named me from the Doctor Who universe.  This would explain our profound and weird conversations about everything, and how sometimes you just felt so damned… Emotionally numb and I could never put a finger on why, at such a young age you had become like that.

Immortality will do that to you.

I’m that Doctor. The one who lost his mind and erased his own memories. And while I no longer have that face. I’m 20 years younger than that man.

And Rachel Gooch. Is Clara. The woman I knew – immediately on meeting – there was something remarkably different about that woke me up and I have no doubt – just by her presence alone – started me down the path of remembering who I am and was.

Both women I have waited eternities for for everything in existence to align perfectly.

And as I for the last three months have been saying to the world around me as I look at the stars at night “All I want for Christmas is two naked women named Jackie and Rachel to show up at my campsite in a TARDIS and then we go gallivant throughout space and time with.”

I realize it was these two women who found me in the Mojave desert and slapped me around 4 years ago as I was ’lost in time’.

And since then, we have been working together in ways to heal our funky relationship that transcends all of time and space.

All it takes is believing in a fun and fantasy filled life is my right and privilege to have and eliminating that which refutes or does not support it to make it come true.

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