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My soul mate

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About 7 something-ish years ago, I was having a difficult time with a recent marriage.

One night, Amy Newton, my third wife, not one month after we got married and had returned from a trip to Barcelona and London, said to me:

“Can we go out and get me a Lexus like yours?”

“Amy,” I said, “What’s wrong with your Ford Escort? It gets great gas mileage and is only 2 years old”

The conversation soon brewed into an argument.

At the time I was making about $65 an hour contractually, which with the hours i was pulling, amounted to about $150,000 a year before taxes. After taxes, it was more like $120,000.

The taxes I was paying nearly amounted to Amy’s yearly salary, which was $35,000 a year.

I couldn’t help but begin asking “Why is she with me, an instant upgrade of status?”

The relationship had moved so quick, anyways, I couldn’t help but begin questioning her motivation for wanting to be with me.

It was about this point she began questioning my expenditures.

“Why are you going to class and school for a bachelor’s degree? You already make enough money anyways,” she said in another argument a few weeks later.

I was attending University Of Phoenix for a Bachelor’s Degree in Marketing, and was leveraging MGIB (Montgomery Bill Funding for having been enlisted) for a good deal of the funding, but still was paying a substantial portion from my own pocket.

“Amy, I just want more out of my life, and like the idea of getting into roles which have more meaning to me.”

She didn’t comprehend. Those roles might actually mean I get paid less for what I do. We both knew it.

I ended the debate with another honest admission:

“Because I enjoy it. That should be good enough.”

Our relationship soured.

Amy was trying to find reserves in my financial world for her expenditures and debt by challenging my pursuit of a degree.

Deep down, I also knew I wanted an MBA.

About six months into the marriage go by, and I’m in a Marketing class if I remember correctly – and as I gather my seat, I see a woman walk through the door who leaves me in awe.

To say I knew anything about how and why Rachel Gooch had this effect on is beyond me.

Over the next period of six months in something I have written about before, Rachel and I shared some moments.

But as I explained to a friend just now, there’s more to those moments that impacted me beyond that tangent point of our lives.

As a direct result of a series of events which began happening in 2001, and over the course of the next 10 years, not the least of which was the point that her and I met and crossed ways, I have come to realize that I am an immortal being.

And that the world around me is a direct reflection and projection of my own mind.

And what is classified as fiction is as very real historical account of the several of the countless lives I have lived.

What Rachel directly made me question is: Who am I? Why do I feel like Rachel is so far out of my league, yet I deserve her and she needs me?

Over the course of the last year, I have realized the movie “Hancock”  is a direct reflection of Rachel and I’s relationship.

When I met Chris, Rachel’s husband, I liked the guy.

Genuinely liked him.

But something in him was speaking to me as if to say “I am sorry” when we met.

In the movie Hancock, Will Smith plays an alcohol man with Superman like powers. He’s horribly abusive to not just himself, but when ‘catching criminals’, he’s far more destructive to the city around him than he is beneficial, doing millions of dollars in damages just to pursue a few bank robbers.

He stops a trains in it’s tracks by standing in front of the locomotive to save an old lady, destroying the train. He pisses in front of news crews.

I could go on.

Then he meets this woman who he has a strange attraction to but can’t explain why – a woman played by Charlize Theron.

Who turns out to be married to an overall really nice guy played by Jason Bateman.

Now her little secret is – she has all the superpowers that Hancock does and as she explains to Hancock that one hundred years before, he had been knocked over the head so badly he had forgotten about who he was and that they were immortal soulmates.

They’d been together for five thousand years when this had happened. They’d been able to live in relative obscurity before this had happened, but as he was taken the hospital, she withdrew from his life because she knew her proximity to him would cause both of them unwanted scrutiny.

So when she tells Hancock all this.

He gets angry.

Then he says to himself.

I respect your choices. And knowing your husband is mortal and one day will die.

I’d like to get to know your husband. What makes him a nice man and me not?

In the process. He learns to respect the husband. Admire him even.

And in the end, he moves away from the city, knowing one day their paths will cross again, and this ‘time off’ from what had once been a broken relationship gives him the opportunity to become someone different than he ever was before – and gives her the opportunity to be something she had never been – normal.

I think, Rachel, what scares me about you is knowing you’re reading this.

And knowing – I actually felt the same way about Chris. Still do and can’t explain why. He’s a good guy.

And I now know things about him that I sincerely doubt you’re aware of.

I know my past history now.

And have quit aging. My physical age seems fixed at about 35 years old.

But more than that. If you two have a moment. I’d like you to sit down together and watch a little of my history and why what happened to me did and why it led to who I became and why I lost my mind.

Please watch Doctor Who, the new episodes starring Christopher Eccleston (2005). David Tennant (2005–10). Matt Smith (2010–13), Peter Capaldi (2014–present). These men are all me. I’d destroyed my own world a long time ago, and I was trying mentally to find a way to not repeat history with Earth.

Also please watch Star Trek – any episode with “Q” in it. This man, IN PART is also me.

I had gone, quite literally, insane coming to terms with this concept called ‘the infinite’.

I even mention as much in one of the episodes of Doctor Who, that anyone looking at it goes insane.

I stayed ‘in insanity’ more or less, but found a way to be sane within it.

That’s what created this world.

That’s how I created this world.

I don’t expect nor desire for you to understand nor agree with me.

I sacrificed my mind to stabilize this world. Went around the world to gain peace within.

I just ask that you both quit judging me.

If there’s something you’re not telling the world.

Please quit making the assumption that others can’t sing a song you’d never have imagined the words to.

The movie. Hancock. Was created by my mind. To remind me about you and I, Rachel.

And how I can wait you out as long as I need to.

And I can offer for you to be part of the Q Continuum.

If you’re ready to understand how fiction can create reality.

Of course, I’m crazy.

We all are.

I am Q, After all.

But you knew that already, didn’t you?

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