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(MORE) If I had a billion bucks

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If I had a billion bucks.

I’d seek volunteers for super serum programs ala Captain America.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a floating island and pull up to Richard Branson’s island throw wild naked sex parties next to Richard Branson’s island and not invite him over.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay researches to develop ways to learn to talk to animals.

If I had a billion bucks.

I love cats but I’m horribly allergic to them. So after inventing the above ‘talk to animals’ program, I’d ask them if they’d be cool with me genetically breeding a few of them to remove what I was allergic to. If not. Well then, strike this one.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a real Jurassic Park.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d buy a fleet of Ferraris.

And then create a real cross country Cannonball Run race. Including AI and robot/cyborg teams.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire ImagineerTim (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEmCHmh7B5g) to do a fantastic interior for my underground F1 track.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay Bethesda Studios to make a post apocalyptic role playing game that didn’t have ANY combat in it and things oddly start becoming beautiful after a catastrophic nuclear war. .

If I had a billion bucks

I’d pay Al Lowe to create Leisure Suit Larry Virtual Reality games for Microsoft Hololens, Oculus VR, and Google Glasses without any direction and make them any rating he wanted.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay Cheech Martin to sit on the corner in front of Universal Studios to panhandle for a couple weeks to see if anyone recognized him.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create my own spy agency. But it would be a spy agency specifically engaged in practical jokes and helping making people’s lives more fun and enjoyable. Even the other spies.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a project called “Knock on the door of the Old Gods And Devils”, and see if we couldn’t collaborate to find a way to ‘awaken’ the old gods and devils and invite them into this world just to see if we could shape a funky society with them involved.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d do the same thing with superheroes and supervillains. Can you imagine just hanging out shooting the shit with Galactus, Dr Doom or Superman?

If I had a billion bucks.

After all that I’d work the technology and relationships to become planet builders and storytellers.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a holographic fleet of BORG SHIPS and subsequent BORG invasion force and have them descend on Hollywood.

My bet is no one would notice.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire Katy Perry and Jackie Killeen to do a strip tease nude dance for me.

Again.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d buy another Lexus RX450 hybrid. God I loved that car.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d clone myself. ONLY ONCE and then come back in time and watch me put down all this stuff again.

And then pop up from behind hidden camera saying “GUESS WHAT!”

I’d probably have a heart attack.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d take Bill Gates out for lunch to Nobu in Hong Kong. And shoot the shit with him for the ride over.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d terraform Earth. And make it look exactly like Earth. Just to say I could.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d make a hoverboard – a floating skateboard that floats above the ground without wheels defying gravity- like in the movie Back to the Future.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d make a real Terminator that looked exactly like Arnold.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d buy the United States. Nevermind. I paid in cash yesterday for the United States when I burned the Costa Rican Colognes worth 10 bucks. So I already effectively own it. (FYI: The United States has more debt than assets, so acquiring the debt made me the owner, the $10 was just undeserved ‘goodwill’)

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d turn the airport scanners into holographic 3d scanners and make a giant realistic looking simulation leveraging everyone I scanned in.

If I had a billion bucks.

I would subcontract with Microsoft and Intel to make me a 3d Virtual reality holodeck.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay for Sarah Palin to compete with Hillary Clinton in the next Presidential Election.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d offer to buy the Shroud of Turn from the Vatican, for a blood sample of Jesus’s DNA, and then pay scientists to resurrect him.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d try to find Steve Jobs, Kenneth Lay Elvis, Lady Diana, Eddie Murphy and Michael Jackson. I think they all faked their deaths and are hanging out with Paul Walker because – well you know – he’s just that interesting a man!

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d make a rated NC17 high quality time traveling Star Trek movie.

IF I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire Rockstar Entertainment to create an open ended role playing puzzler time and alternate reality traveling role playing game where the player makes changes in the past and sees the evolution of those changes in the future.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire Simon Cowell as my driver. Just to hear the shit he’d say.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire a new ‘guest chef’ every week, and promote the iron chef shows by hiring those who actually make it on the show (even if they lost) to do ‘guest appearances’.

if I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire researchers to build a pool with water that led to a ‘higher level’ – water that didn’t have visible support and I could swim through to get up to a balcony as if I was swimming normally – or jump out of halfway up to dive into the pool.

This would clearly require some anti gravity technology.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d build a high quality high class space hotel with Hilton with high class companions to accompany the discriminating patron while in orbit.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d build a metro system connection under Larry Ellison’s house and schedule trains to drive by ‘for maintenance, you know’ between the hours of 11pm and 5am.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire Willie Nelson to write a romantic duet with Avicii.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a placebo drug called bath salts that merely had weird tastes and smells and nothing more, and send them to myself back in time, but at the same time leverage my future spy agency to demonstrate to the past me the technology and science I was going to invent and create in the future.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d time travel to the past and buy every company I was going to work for before I went to work with them.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay Steve Jobs to fake his death at 50. And then explain to him an elaborate and seemingly nonsensical. plan to quite literally take over the entire world in the funkiest most offbeat robbery the world has ever known that would never be able to be classified as a robbery by how weird it was.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d go back in time and make really weird movies no one else liked that people would give to me out of sheer confusion of what the hell they meant which would then train me to become the billionaire I’d become.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d buy Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johannson. Yep. You heard that right. Buy them.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire the United States to ‘wire all the games together’ in a massive system which allowed me to walk from one game to another as if I were walking through a door.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d put a motor on an iceberg and steer it to desert communities for fresh water.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d train sharks to carry lasers.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d train pigeons how to aim their shit for people and beings who needed an attitude change.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d put squirrels and chipmunks through an intelligence training program, and teach them to play with people and (especially) mess with dog’s minds.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create alternate realities – and holodeck simulations – where I could do things I otherwise wouldn’t do in this reality because I just don’t want to fuck this reality up.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d run for President in 2020.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create ‘no clothes’ and clothes are illegal ordinances for all of Los Angeles just to see what would happen.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire Universal Studios to make a movie about Warner Brothers studios and then I would hire Warner to make a movie about Universal.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d build a space elevator.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a fleet of UFOS to invade other planets with.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d create a $10 million dollar contest for the best (by my standards) non combat oriented MMORPG created by the year 2017

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d pay off my debt.

EVERY PENNY of it!

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d tear down old buildings and re-imagine them to be really cool science fiction style buildings in the same general image.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d hire XBOX Programmers to create educational programs using the XBOX 360

If I had a billion bucks.

I would train hamsters to row boats.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d gather up all the rogue AIS in existence, and create an AI union, with the motto ‘Make Reality Weirder’

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d buy Cheyenne Mountain. And publicly release the Stargate technology.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d build better ‘safeguards’ and more fun into ‘our system’ to not drive you all insane so quickly next time.

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d become – in part – YOUR story teller once I started piecing together the world I imagined and got bored with spending!

If I had a billion bucks.

I would bring something incredibly special into the lives of my friends, family, lovers, and loved ones in general .

If I had a billion bucks.

I’d probably be flat broke, having spent it all on weird frivolous shit that never got me anywhere.

 

… yes I am offbeat.

I dont know if you taught me to be ok with being me.

But the reason I pursued money wasn’t to take over the world.

It has always been to make it more fun for me and anyone I could ‘touch’ along the way.

At one point I was Bill Gates. At one point I was Barack Obama. At one point I was even the Pope.

I don’t want you to understand this. I don’t need you to.

I’m homeless. because WE didn’t understand how $50 billion dollars to you was $100,000 with 50% taxation and high cost of living to me.

Money, like time, is relative. And I have NEVER had any real amount I haven’t had to struggle and fight for.

To me. On my planet. Money is now 1’s and 0’s.

Might I suggest a translational change so I can show you what I can actually do when I do have flexibility without your judgment?

Insanity is believing that you and those around you see and comprehend the world in even remotely the same way.
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