One of my former best friends, a man by the name of Jeff Kleinman had a severe problem with gas.
He didn’t view it as a problem, and seemed to enjoy basking in his own odor, as I could be sitting there chatting with him over dinner, and a smile would cross his face, which triggered the:
“Oh shit, not again,” flight or fight instinct, which invariably meant one thing: “RUN”
You could not ‘win’ against Jeff and his farts.
I kid you not – he could fart at will.
Just by thinking about it. .
If I didn’t know any better, I would say Jeff was a bonafide superhero and farting was his superpower.
Case in point: A group of us took a vacation to Puerto Penasco aka Rocky Pointe, Mexico – and went to a place called JJ’s Cantina.
We’d all been drinking.
Someone in our group asked “Where is Jeff?”
Despite his odd superpower, he was still a de facto superhero, so he was actually pretty good with the women, so I figured he was on the dance floor ‘on the prowl’.
As I looked for him, I noticed the primary dance floor – a room that was about 25′ by 25′ – had a crowd formed in a circle on the dance floor.
I expected someone to be break dancing there.
And wouldn’t you know it.
Jeff had ‘laid a bomb’ right in the middle of the dance floor, as he was dancing by himself right in the middle, with everyone having steered clear of the man with the odd superpower.
I made the mistake of walking into the circle, and I felt like I had been slapped by the odor., It was that bad.
“Jesus, Jeff, did you shit your pants?,” I yelled.
“What are you talking about, it smells like Petunias,” he said laughing.
He always had such a fantastic sense of humor.
I laughed, plugging my nose like it would do any good, and said “Petunias my ass, one of these days I am going to invent a fart pill that will smell like Petunias, and hopefully help people enjoy your odor as much as you do.”
That was in 1992.
Apparently a French man overheard my conversation.
One eccentric French man wants to take the guilt out of gas with a tablet designed to make farts smell like flowers, ginger or chocolate.
With Jeff’s tutelage, I learned to love the bouts of gas I had in in long elevator rides.
But truth be told. I think the French man may want to think of putting a different marketing spin on his product.
Jeff has absolutely no guilt or shame over the gift he gives which seems to spread.
In any case, knowing about the pill is good. I can always slip one in one of Jeff’s beers should we share a drink ever again.
Here’s the article from Smithosonian Magazine:
From the man who brought the world toilet paper printed with news articles for combined bathroom utility and entertainment comes Pilule Pet, a “fart pill” seriously intended to rid us all of the offensive smell of human gas.
Over at The Verge, Amar Toor recently produced a funny and informative exploration of the man behind the invention, Christian Poincheval, who Toor describes as “some sort of hippie Da Vinci; a compulsive inventor-artist-musician living in the rural hills of northwest France.”
Poincheval lives with his wife in a cottage in Gèsvres, a tiny French town, with his guitar, sculptures and a variety of goods that his meandering interests have led him to invent. Perhaps his most interesting creation is the fart pill, for which he has already fulfilled over 2,000 orders. According to Toor, the idea for the invention came to Poincheval in 2004 after a huge and hearty meal that “resulted in a chorus of particularly pungent flatulence”.
Already an avid practitioner of homeopathic remedies, he began researching ingredients and spent three months testing different formulas with the help of a French laboratory. They finally arrived on the perfect combination of vegetable carbon, fennel, and other natural ingredients, and set about bringing their rose and violet pills to market.
“I wanted to undress the shame you feel when you fart at the table,” Poincheval explained to me, “the fear you feel that the fart may travel farther. I wanted to remove this complex, if you will.”
He started with pills to turn your toots into rose-, violet- and chocolate-scented delights and, more recently, released a ginger-scented pill for Valentine’s Day. It is intended, according to the tagline, to help “your sweetheart feel your love!” And let’s not forget those deadly bombs dropped by our canine friends: Poincheval has a powder for dogs, too.
So, is the proof in the pooting? Does the pill actually work? Depends on who you talk to. Some say that the invention has certainly changed the smell of their expulsions for the better. But a gastroenterologist interviewed by Toor says that, while the pill is likely capable of somewhat altering the smell of farts, differing diets and complex intestinal bacteria make the possibility of totally perfumed gas “scientifically ‘questionable.’”
But according to Poincheval, creating an effective mask for offensive odors was really only part of his goal for the pills: “At their core, they provoke discussions, debate, and try to liberate the fart, which is something totally natural,” he told Toor. He also said he is planning a newly scented fart pill “for summer” and may also develop a similar approach to attempt to rid the world of stinky-smelling poop, to which we can only say: God speed.