For the last 10 years, I had struggled with the question
Where do I end and others begin?
Now that I have absolutely no doubt of this delineation.
I have come to realize the reason I struggled with it was – I was quite literally hearing people’s thoughts.
Unsurprisingly, most people don’t seem to think.
Others. It’s reactive. Sometimes it’s predictable and correlates to the look on their faces. Other times it catches me completely off guard.
The other day for instance, a pleasant and older hispanic woman (at least on the exterior) was a total bitch on the inside – her thoughts ranged from “You don’t deserve to be living, you are scum.”
It was bizarre.
Other times, the motivation behind why people do the things they do is instantly revealed.
A man rap/singing in Starbuck’s today – who was annoying the fuck out of everyone – had one thought in his mind the entire time
“I hope someone hears me, I hope someone is entertained and I get a tip for what I am doing”
Clearly these people live in other realities. I mean, is it rational to have this thought process trying to rap/sing louder than the music and banging on the table and expect to get applauded for that?
How misguided some people can be.
But what fascinates me most now – are those with truly ‘closed minds’. People I KNOW are thinking something who just don’t ‘let me in’
No, I can’t hear everyone.
Just a lot of people.
Grocery stores are a place of incredible boredom ‘listening in’.
Most people have feeding the kids on the mind, or just their current grocery list. It’s quite dull.
Crack me up. I didn’t realize how so many of their thoughts revolve around their attractiveness – what they wear and how they look in that outfit. It’s bizarre, I never thought it would be so simple ‘in their minds’
This makes me realize how much I projected my own insecurities onto the women around me when I was with them.
It really does make me feel like a jerk for who I was in the past – and I really do look forward to one day snapping my fingers and living parts of my life over again – with a splintered timeline – making up for past history with my exes – and other lovers – some I never had the chance to be with – and actually being there for them as a partner when I wasn’t the first time.
I deserve that,.
So do they.
To make up for lost time and being something different than I was – and so do they, I can make these former marriages and partners mean more by splitting off reality in my past and living a different timeline with them so they don’t have to know my timeline.
There are second chances.
I turn the music up, I got my records on
From underneath the rubble comes a rebel song
Don’t want to see another generation drop
I’d rather be a comma than a full stop
Maybe I’m in the black, maybe I’m on my knees
Maybe I’m in the gap between the two trapeze
But my heart is beating and my pulses start
The theater is in my heart
Yet another day in the life of a maturing God named Q, right?