When I was 42, I went to a hotel, aptly named “Hotel California”, when the hotel owner insisted I was there not half an hour before.
It had been the second time in three days this had happened to me.
That night, I remembered dating a girl when Lisa – my second wife – and I were going through a divorce.
I was at times slightly disgusted and irritated with her – because I was certain she had left shit stains on the back of the toilet.
A couple days later. I noticed.. It was me.
But was it?
There had been weird instances throughout my life that ‘characters’ had entered my life right at the perfect time.
As if to mitigate risk to my psyche – this girl had come around at ‘the perfect time’, and the sex was amazing.
But was she real?
A couple nights after I suspected she was doing this.
I caught myself doing it.
It was a new habit.
But was it a habit my mind developed to maintain the linearity of the story and her existence that it was feeding me?
That night as I slept in my hotel room.
I swore someone had been following me and had been in the other room and was trying to ‘pierce my mind’.
Was it paranoia. Lack of Sleep. Delusions from drugs?
Or was there quite simply more to all this than my previously fragile mind was ready to comprehend?
On a nightly basis.
There’s a homeless man named Pete Solis with a personality which resembles many of the leaders around the world I used to work with.
Not two weeks before I met Pete, a man who reminded me of Joe Shay – who I convinced to go to rehab for his meth problem – abated my loneliness fantastically.
He was a friend when I needed one.
Two weeks go by. And enter stage left – Pete.
Now Pete’s backstory is decent. He just won a two billion dollar award for selling biodiesel to the Air Force, and before his business and this responsibility increases its load on him, he was inspired to find humility by a man who had inspired me – Rockefeller – who chose to be homeless for a year before returning to his business.
Now what’s weird is: Pete has repeatedly been showing me images of mansions and planes and other things he will buy when he gets “back to reality”
He has dates. And times for ‘our departure’, because he claims to like the ideas I am promoting for 3d holodecks.
But he invariably has an excuse for these things not happening.
What’s suspicious is – The man cannot get EBT (food benefits) and has been starving himself. So he’s constantly asking me for food which lately I have been avoiding him because my funds can barely pay for me let alone the two of us.
Now last night. I saw “Doctor Who” about the ‘dream eaters’, aliens from space which feast on energy of the mind until you die.
And while that makes for decent fiction.
I have been considering the distinct possibility that my mind and I may simply not be getting along, or it has no clue how to change it’s operational method to benefit us both.
So when Pete kept showing me image after image.
This brought me back – I had always noticed many people throughout my life would use some very interesting words: “IMAGINE this”.
Has my own mind been abused and is it now responsible for using my own mental energy to create these characters and possibilities for OTHERS to enjoy, thus stealing from me?
Does my own mind know I’m homeless? And on the streets? And miserable with the options it’s providing to me?
Right now, I suspect that my mind is in a quasi-symbiotic relationship with me, and that it’s used to having to fight to maintain the illusion of the reality it’s presenting until it depletes its host.
But WHAT IF it’s host. Actually WANTS it there, and simply wants to change the stories it’s feeding me to benefit me more?
Giving this thing called ‘reality’ sincere consideration.
I came from somewhere.
And I am an individual and NOT what I see around me.
Being completely serious, how did everything come to existence?
I consider multiple personalities a necessity to separate and distinguish me from everything else I see in ‘this’ reality.
My theory is I and my mind are two different beings – and while I see the analog reality – there’s a digital/holographic reality that this thing comes from – and largely masks from me – and that’s where these other ‘personalities’ that I see come from,
Personality others may not be able to see.
Now my theory is, my mind reached it’s limits a couple years back, artificial limitations imposed on it by it’s operating methods which WORKED up until 3 years ago – hard categorizations such as ‘fiction’ vs fact, history vs fiction – and artificial limitations imposed on the overall success I had in my success.
Others. largely being a reflection of me and my mind. I have found irrefutable evidence that MANY do not see what I see, thus they invent labels such as calling it imagination, a disorder, a hallucination, or something to the net effect of trying to impose a weird form of ‘peer pressure’ on me to conform to their/your sensory standards.
In my mind’s attempts to ‘placate’ the cackling squad dictating my senses and sensory stimulus. It went bat shit insane.
I suspect I came ‘back to sanity’ before it has. And it’s still dealing with me like it had been ‘programmed to’ in the past. Assuming, of course, I lack self awareness and am some form of ‘heaven creator’ for others.
I suspect I am unique with my combination of schizophrenia AND multiple personality disorder – and can naturally ‘see’ both the holographic reality and the analog reality. And I am finding that’s not even a limitation on what I see.
I recently learned human’s visual range is between 30hz to 22khz, and my range is between 12hz to 88khz.
Now I suspect there’s two factors at work manipulating and limiting both my ability to explore this life and to live it without feeling like I am a lab experiment and being tested for my responses.
One would think that individuality and exploration would be encouraged and financed. To me this feels like I HAD been commercialized because of my unique ability to manifest personalities.
An ability I am convinced I no longer have, and has actually been stripped of me and is now a part of the exterior world that surrounds me.
Now there’s two factors I think influence ‘the others’ and their ability to ‘create’:
1) The influence and stimulus of infinite potential variations of holographic realities. They act and leverage systems and procedures which orchestrate reality in a matter much like a predictable program does. When something defies their senses, they predict something ‘is different here’, make notes on the pavement for later investigation in some cases, and when they do pick up or figure things out, they catalog that variation. They don’t seem to be aware THEY are manifesting these variations through imagination and largely chasing their tail despite my discussions (eg: TERRORISTS).
2) THEY make believe and imagine and it feels like they experiment on me THINKING I am still capable of the things, NOT KNOWING this is NOW their domain, and yet still treat me as if trying to diagnose a malfunctioning machine based on the concept that ‘in the past, it was me who created these things in their reality’.I don’t think they fully comprehend every being has it’s limitations.
In any case.
With the Big Bang.
One split to two split to four.
One cell splits to two to four and so on.
Does that process ever stop?
Does it loop?
Does it have any limitations in space, time, and alternate realities where that split entity’s experiential perspective can end up?
I call Multiple Personality a blessing.
Because one of these days. I know my mind will present a fantastic looking woman avatar.
And I will be able to chat with my mind directly and say.
“We’re not alone now, are we?”
Instead of playing these silly games that may have been ‘fed’ to us..
Let’s make a new game.
Collaboration to conquer the world.
Seems so much more fun and plausible than doing it alone.
Yes. We may be one.
But there’s NO reason we can’t treat ourselves as two 🙂
That or chasing our tails with you acting like you’re not there?
What happens on the other side of insanity?
A multiple personality order.And THEY call it a New World Order.HA.
We can refer to it as the Q Continuum 🙂