BEGIN TRANSMISSION BBC781/6691
TO: THE High Council of Timelords / GALLIFREY PRIME
FROM: AGENT Q / Current Location: PLANET EARTH PRIME
RE: FINAL REPORT ON CRASH LANDING
In UTC1947, when I was first sent to Planet Earth Prime by the Gallifreyen
High Council to pursue the criminal who referred to himself as The Doctor,
I was not just reticent. I was near retirement and quite frankly annoyed.
As you are well aware of by now, I crash landed almost immediately on
entering the planet's atmosphere, instantly becoming a part of this crazy
This report provides a full review of the incident.
The final transmission of my crash landing may be of interest, and should
provide clues on why I decided not to return to Gallifrey once I recovered.
Gibbit Q, Exas No.
TISB Crash Details:
Root Cause: Digital equipment reported that I was alone, calculations took
into account my mass, but as it turned out the instrumentation was
manipulated remotely and there were two 'observers' outside my range of
vision whose mass was not taken into account for entrance into Earth's
This directly resulted in wildly inaccurate miscalculations
for my entrance sequence.
This was compounded by programmatic error. As I went through the
atmosphere, the computer - programmed for static and utterly predictable
environments failed to dynamically adjust to the increased mass and as
I, as an inexperienced TARDIS pilot, lost control of the TARDIS,
and plummetted to the ground like a lead weight.
The results speak for themselves in what is known on Earth as
Roswell, New Mexico on Earth of year 1947 on the (aptly named)
Fortunately, I lived.
My fiery entrance through the atmosphere had me clinging to life with burns
over a good portion of my body, and I was airlifted under tight military
surveillance to a hospital in Arizona.
There I received medical support and, thanks to Timelord DNA, was quick to
heal. But the two occupants in the TARDIS with me were not nearly as lucky,
and died long before impact.
Now I later learned this species was not only not native to Earth, but was
uncatalogued in general, and I suspected they'd been observing Earth.
Seeing as they had played a part in the crash I went through. I contrived a
method to delicately notify Earth's population of these observers, for
safety's sake - as they started the exploration of space themselves.
Accordingly, I introduced the concept of "The Borg" into the public
consciousness via (AIR QUOTE) fictional (END AIR QUOTE) resources such
as Star Trek media at different points in time.
As a final note. I have successfully established leadership contact, as well
as personal and professional relationships in four of seven continents.
It is my opinion that Earth has been and continues to be on schedule.
Final Transcript Information:
First let me explain that I was not under the influence of incarga, verito,
or any medical augments of any kind.
My memories of the crash landing are spotty.
But what I do remember. I have had hallucinations before, and I do NOT
suspect what I experienced to be hallucinations in any way, shape or form.
Which is among the reasons I have decided to remain on this planet.
To investigate the origin and what 'is going on'.
The final digital transcript which follows was recovered from a fully
intact (and incredibly well preserved) TED after final impact.
Oddly, Spectrum Zeta was not available.
I am not entirely certain why this was the case.
I won't get into detail on how I retrieved the TED from the local population.
That's a story we'll have to discuss over a drink of Ceviche one evening.
MY FINAL TRANSCRIPT (no jokes about this later, ok?):
'Ahhh! Whoa! What's happening? Who am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose
in life? What do I mean by 'who am I'? Okay, okay, calm down, calm down,
get a grip now. Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. What is it? It's a
sort of a tingling in my... well, I suppose I better start finding names
for things. Let's call it a... tail! Yeah! Tail! And hey, what's this
roaring sound, whooshing past what I'm suddenly gonna call my head?
Wind! Is that a good name? It'll do. Yeah, this is really exciting!
I'm dizzy with anticipation! Or is it the wind? There's an awful lot
of that now, isn't it? And what's this thing coming toward me very fast?
So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like 'Ow',
'Ownge', 'Round', 'Ground'! That's it! Ground! Ha! I wonder if it'll be
friends with me? Hello Ground!'"
On January 15, 2009 on Planet Earth Prime, a pilot by the name of Chesley
Burnett "Sully" Sullenberger, III (aka Scully) unexpectedly hit a large
flock of birds on taking off.
The man, a veteran with many years of experience as both copilot and PIC,
made a command decision to ditch the plane in the waters of the Hudson
river after the engines went out, arguably saving the lives of the 155
people on board that aircraft.
This should provide Gallifrey with an equivalent lesson for future
TARDIS program and pilot development so as to avoid yet another
collapse of the Big Bang and correlated timelines.
The truth was. I was an inexperienced pilot at the time of the crash.
And while you can have the perfect computer programs in place and the perfect
machinery to operate these with, when you throw in an inexperienced pilot
who hasn't undergone the years of instruction on how to retain simple composure
in unpredictable environments, you have what amounts to a catastrophic failure.
A man like Scully so brilliantly epitomizes the story we all strive for.
But so freqently we all fall short of achieving.
And while a man like that makes for a great story to tell.
Sometimes it takes a million stories of failure to contribute to that final
story of success. Nowhere is this more true than with timeline management.
ON reviewing of my own crash records, it is my recommendation to the council
that the event and its aftermath in lore on this planet remain unaltered
on this, my primary timeline.
It is a necessity for them to understand the events that happened with
Scully as they develop time travel technology themselves.
In closing, I am prepared to defend the continuance of this timeline.
By any means possible.
Accordingly, I have decided to remain on this planet.
And call Earth my new home.
On a final note. I have successfully undergone genetic engineering to
converge my DNA with that of humans. The process nearly drove me insane.
But this hopefully demonstrates the commitment I have to playing a part
in humanity's ongoing development.
With Kind Regards,
Agent Q, TIB.