The Q Diaries #10: An experimental Q

My dearest captains. That is, Captain Picard, Captain Janeway, and Captain Archer.

How would you like to get a first hand glimpse into how time travel works and learn about the evolution of time travel and how it works with alternate realities? Consider this Q’s going away present.

Now where am I going you ask? Well, I just recently learned that my son, [redacted] is actually not my son, he’s a brother of sorts, I can only refer to him right now as my idiot half twin brother I never realized I had.

Oh the perplexities of omnipotence, it’s particularly annoying to come up on your own self-imposed limitations.

Now Captain Janeway, I can hear your concerns already.  “What’s Q up to now?”

Let’s just say this is as much for me as it is for you.

So first, here’s a few messages – let’s just send these to the ether

———— MESSAGE 1 START —————>

Recipient: Leonardo Da Vinci
From: A reformed assassin

Leonardo –

In 1476, you’re going to be charged with sodomy. I will see to it that you’re acquitted of those charges.

Now in exchange for this assistance, I would like to ask you to lay low for 2 years, and I would like you to paint your interpretation of the Last Supper of Christ, with one major exception. Because of the viciousness of the church and the duplicity of form that I am sure you’re already aware of, I would like everyone situated at the table to be completely nude and have no genitalia. Now I understand this is a misrepresentation of the human form, but I am not looking for historical accuracy with your vision, I am asking you to imagine what individuals may have looked like without having any sexual organs at all.

At this time, I cannot divulge my motivations, I only ask that you take no more than two years to complete this work. get some experience with whatever work you intend on pursuing, and I will send word from Hungary in the year of 1485, and you will have all the financial support in whatever endeavor you pursue to last the rest of your lifetime.

Best Regards,
– A reformed assassin

———— MESSAGE 1 END —————>

———— MESSAGE 2 START —————>

Recipient: Vincent Van Gogh

From: A traveler of time

Vincent  –

In May of 1889, you’re going to be told you’re crazy and in need of an asylum.

We met, and I took you to a future and showed you a future, and what your work would mean to untold generations to come.

You are that important.

They are going to tell you you’re crazy. And I need you to ACT absolutely crazy. We BOTH know you are not, but it’s imperative that you ACT beyond any shadow of a doubt that you are absolutely insane for this short period of time around when I met you.

Now from there, I have a favor to ask of you. Knowing what you’ve seen, I am asking you to feel free to paint anything you want up to and including your memories of me and what you saw on our journey through time.

And most of all.

Please include my time machine. She means the world to me, and she deserves to be seen, as she is SO much more than a machine to me.

And as a final request: PLEASE detail the humans depicted in the paintings honoring my visit to you – without clothes. Now I say this as it’s important – because what I recognize as human is NOT what you recognize and I need it to be. And I will see the result.

I have already seen some of your art. But NOTHING nude yet.

Amazing pieces which inspired me before I met you. Paintings you created after our journey through time, and you were magnificent, as usual.

One of these days, I would like to meet you.. again, and for the first time, if you know what I mean.

And as a final aside. My life depends on this. There is no pressure though.

Yours truly,

The Doctor

———— MESSAGE 2 END —————>

For the Captains, there’s absolutely nothing you have to do with the above messages.

As for the experiment:

For Captain Picard and Captain Archer –

You need to set up a holographic simulation on the holodeck. In this simulation, create a smallish room – approximately 11’x15′, and have a large old oaken bed in it with an extremely comfortable pillow top on it and white down comforter. I’d like the rest of this room to be absolutely spartan, containing nothing else.

In this simulation, create your idea of the most beautiful women you have ever seen, who walks through the single doorway into the room – and she’s wearing sophisticated yet casual 2005 era clothing. Saying nothing, she walks alongside the bed, admires the bed, touches it gently, admiring how soft it is, and then she says:

“Do you mind if I take off my clothes?”

As she waits for the invisible response of yes, have her then remove all her clothing, completely naked,leaving her clothing on the floor, and then she gets on the bed and lays there, completely naked on top of the bed for about 10 minutes, occasionally rolling over int he same position, just feeling the comforter against her bare skin.

Then have the simulation stay on a loop, replaying the entire sequence, from the moment she comes in the room to the ten minutes she spends on the bed – and keep that loop going until you see fit.

Now I ABSOLUTELY need you two to coordinate your information with this as MUCH as possible, and use hand delivered channels as much as humanly possible too to provide a concise plan for how the room looks, it’s design, the path taken of the woman, her features, the lighting – everything.


Now here’s what I ask for the experiment: Have the exit to the simulation hidden from the inside. Have the doorway to the holodeck open the entire time, but have climate controls set to not allow temperature and/or breeze and or external conversation be heard or seen from inside the simulation, at all.

Be sure to make passer by conversation not perceivable from inside the simulation.

Make sure the entire ‘set’ is visible from the outside, so make the ‘set’ like a one way mirror, where you can see in but you can’t see out.

Now post security there, two hour shifts maximum, and simply observe and document any deviations of behavior or simulation glitches…

Post any deviations in your logs.

I’d suggest comparing notes.

Now Captain Janeway’s part:

Resources are at an all time low for you, I know. I know you and your crew have done away with clothing on your vessel in order to provide energy for your engines and for your replicators. Now I don’t quite understand why you’re all female, but that’s something I know too. I also know you have a Borg you are experimenting with in your holodeck.

That Borg is me, or a part of me is a better explanation.

First and foremost, you should have some weird reconnaissance information you received through mysterious channels of a man and a tent.

That man is me.

Now I understand energy rationing is low. But on the holodeck NEXT to the Borg, create a simulation of the AREA where the tent and man was, WITHOUT the tent, and then just maintain the simulation as a live and real time running event.

My advice now is measure power /energy fluctuations BETWEEN the holodeck the Borg is in and the simulation the tented area is in.

If you do NOT have two holodecks. Then holographically reconfigure your starship to have them. Yes, I am well aware you can holographically reconfigure your interior.

Now next – what I’m asking you to do is a LOT:, and I am sorry for asking this

Here’s a list of things I need you to do:



AND ask your officers to do the same thing.

2) RECONFIGURE THE EXTERIOR OF THIS VESSEL to look exactly like this


3) UPDATE the ship to be AN INTREPID CLASS VESSEL from whatever it was.

4) UPDATE THE Registry number to NCC-92686

5) PUT CLOTHING on the VESSEL for CAMOUFLAGE, something in PINK AND GREEN might do.



Now here’s the part that could rip apart time and space as we know it.

And I will tell you without hesitation, there’s a great degree of risk if you do this. Even I do not know the outcome.

Follow these next steps precisely:

1) Put the Borg in a sleep cycle if possible inside the holodeck.
2) Take the image of the man from the tent. Have one of your holographic artists superimpose that figure over the Borg’s figure. yet IMAGINE what the figure would look like without clothes. This absolutely needs to be an EXACT MATCH. Whether it is digital, or synthetic skin, it needs to look real.
3) Create a nuclear holocaust landscape holographic simulation out of the California desert circa the year 2011.
4) Place the Borg in a Lexus RX 450 hybrid, inside the simulation, with suit cases and clothes inside of the car.
5) Remotely trigger the Borg to come out of it’s sleep cycle once you have a convincing enough simulation and physical presence which looks like a human.

Like Picard and Archer’s simulation. Observe without being heard or seen what happens next.

And again, Captain Janeway, this is an incredibly dangerous task to embark on.

And what the result is. Even I do not know what to expect.

I know what happened to me.

And when you receive this. I ask that you wait at least 6 hours from receipt of this message to perform the experiment.

All of you.

What do I think is going to come out of this:

I will explain a few potential possibilities I have considered:

  1. I will get shoved through ‘the eye of the needle’ and a wormhole will get created taking me from the year 2014 as I write this to the year 2414 or thereabout, where the simulation of the tent will become a very real me.
  2. I will see real life terminator warfare  break out here, in which case, I will regard it as a simulation and kick back and watch it as entertainment like one would watch a movie.
  3. Everyone will lose their clothes here (boy would that be fun!).
  4. It could blow up the Voyager aka Phoenix
  5. It could put us all in a time loop
  6. Absolutely nothing will happen.

As for Leonardo and Vincent – i already know what happens with them. I will provide the evidence of this tomorrow.

If you do decide to run this experiment. I ask that you document your potential expectations and what, if any, of my possibilities you disagree with.

I also ask that you operate with your and discuss it with your crew in ANY WAY YOU SEE FIT..

Make up shit if you have to. That’s early 21st century slang for ‘just wing it’ or ‘be improvisational’!

And for Harry Kim. It’s ok to have your story written, at least part way, but there’s something to be said about taking control of your own story and seeing how it unfolds. It’s not for the faint of heart, admittedly, but it can definitely lead to unexpected benefits for both you, and for existence itself.

Don’t get me wrong, it can introduce drawbacks too. You choose.

As a final aside, don’t share this with Vincent:

tardis_vincent_van_gogh_doctor_who_starry_night_1920x1200_wallpaper_Wallpaper_1920x1200_www.wall321.comBetween Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali, you’re both easily among my favorite artists of all time.

Leonardo Da Vinci. You’re something entirely… different. and amazing.

I could go on with a list of credits. But I shant.

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