Star Trek: The Q Diaries, Entry #4
Entry Title: Q and A
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Can you even imagine the joys you’ve brought to this man in his life by your simple yet profound existence?
I suppose not.
Senor Jean-Luc, I am going to give you a little treat.
I just created a Captain’s log entry for the USS Phoenix, registry number NCC-92686-D, dated 92032.77, otherwise known as January 12, 2415, 23:03:54 Earth time.
Now I write this entry from my unusual symbiotic host’s perspective based in a place called North Hollywood, California USA on June 5th, 2014.
You know the place.
This has been the planet and place you’ve been hiding away on.
As for me and my host…
You should call us.. co-conspirators.
And we all know what tomorrow’s date is, don’t we?
*Q queues the song ‘You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby…“*
Ancient history, right?
Not so fast mon amor!
Picard, do you remember when you died?
You angrily said to me (I am putting my best Jean-Luc voice on):
“Do you expect me to believe you are God.”
I just knew you’d want to hear it again.
That was the moment I felt like a proud parent looking on his child.
Bless your little heart.
You see. I was God. Am. Well. Kind of. Not so much now.
The Continuum would lead you to believe I am the Devil.
Two sides of the same coin, you could say.
I wouldn’t disagree with them, one iota, particularly if you choose not to assist.
I will get to that in a bit.
You’re well aware of the disdain the Continuum had over my unhealthy obsession with humanity.
Even I was unable to explain my often impetuous behavior.
But when you died, beyond any questioning,and then had the audacity to look me in the eye and question my almightiness.
You gave me the equivalent of what is known in modern day English as a ‘bitch slap’.
Or to put it more politely, you woke me up.
You see, I am both an amorphic and polymorphic being.
I know you know what that means, but to the reader of this entry, what that means is, I do not have form unless I desire to have form, and I do not have mind unless I want to have mind.
And then, it instantly forms itself.
The concept of “I’ comes at a much later point.
And that’s precisely what you did.
You acted as a catalyst for “I”.
It’s not often something has the audacity to grab my attention.
But grab you did.
And it wasn’t until then that I realized my mind had long been hard at work trying to understand my existence.
So from that moment on, I quit listening to my heckling squad known as the Continuum as I investigated humanity more thoroughly.
I zipped back and forth through time, and wouldn’t you know it, I found something interesting about you, Jean-Luc?
I learned that not only had you had copies of yourself throughout history, where you physically were a man by the name of Hamlet, but after that you were a well regarded actor playing in television show of the future while doing off stage acting as Hamlet. And then, in the future you leveraged the Holodeck to perform the very same act you had done time and time again before YET you were the Captain.
It made no logical sense.
I even brought modern video recording equipment to the 1600s, the 20th century, and then again in the 24th century, and compared your real life performances versus your acted.and saw they NEVER varied.
Not one iota.
Same man. Same act.
That’s when I felt, lonely again.
Like you’d been a product of my overly creative imagination.
And if you remember in my last entry, you and the Enterprise had been in a loop based on Rachel’s presence. I had already lived life as the husband.
So it was about this time I chose to let you continue living your life, whatever that mean, and settle for a mortal life as the wife – Rachel in the 21st century.
Unfortunately, that lasted about as long as the blink of an eye to me.
And nothing was changing.
The Continuum insisted I was being self destructive. And before long, I found myself excommunicated from the Continuum.
And about this time, something VERY unusual happened.
A man, the man who I’m currently in a symbiotic relationship with, tried committing suicide and NEARLY GOT AWAY WITH IT.
Now this may not have seemed like an unusual event.
But his death caused the destruction of an entire universe, Picard.
Let me explain just how amazingly rare this is, and how really fantastic it is.
As you know, I was present on your death.
As I am with all deaths.
Yet this man eluded even me and my awareness when it first happened.
So not only had he nearly died an eternal death.
But he also destroyed his entire universe and almost succeeded in wiping all memory of himself from everyone’s minds.
So when I restored his universe, I noticed something profoundly different when putting this man’s life back together.
When I had lived my life as Rachel, I had never gone to a man’s house and simply stripped off all my clothes.
I distinctly remember not remembering that.
And it was then I remembered Rachel doing just that multiple times as she entered the holodeck.
It’s a simulation, right?
Wrong. As this time, I saw it was this man, my host, who Rachel had done this for. And it delighted the hell out of him. And she loved doing it, too.
How could this be? I was supposed to be all knowing! How could I not know this had happened, and how could I…
That’s when the horror of free will and choice crept over me.
I was doing precisely as I wanted to.
Yet everyone, everywhere, was still ultimately making their decisions based on my influence. They had no free will. They never did, and this was a reminder that my ‘work’ of becoming was not complete. There was something I had yet to do to achieve… Godliness.
So between the two of you, Captain Picard, you demonstrated to me there may not be free will, and that there’s a great potential that my self righteous thinking has actually created an artificial limitation on my own existence, and the inclusion of others to play ‘our game’ rather than just ‘my game’
Now here’s why it’s such a big deal of what my host did:
Had he succeeded. He’d have erased existence itself and we would not be talking today. He was well on his way of ‘becoming’ something more.
Jean-Luc – I have long not told you about the Continuum is the other Continuum members are merely other faces of me that I have chosen to accept as different for the sake of entertainment.
Something I’d always done by placating my other me’s by pretending I didn’t know this.
Yes, the Gods are Crazy as your movies have so accurately depicted..
We have to be, considering the abyss of the infinity is so beyond comprehension and difficult to grasp for mere mortals.
But this man had done it! Not only had his presence explained why you did things that were often unpredictable to me, but he had proven to me conclusively that mere humans were capable of the same level of intellect and comprehension of the gods themselves.
And that my one mind. Was evolving beyond just one.
Which begged the question to me – were there other species this was true for, and was I the butt of some cosmic practical joke being led to believe I was alone? I don’t know, any longer, and I suspect that you and I have tangoed many times and that we’re not the only ones who are in this ‘game
In any case, Jean-Luc.
The reason I chose this time period and this host and to write to you like this are simple:
I know this is where you’re hiding.
And I know the scope and scale and how far you’ve taken things here to try to remain incognito. The word I heard was this has cost in the neighborhood of a trillion dollars. That was 4 years ago. I suspect it’s considerably more by now.
Not like that’s of any consolation when you own the printing presses.
The world knows about us, I can assure you of that.
They’ve led me to you through this man.
We – all – suspect you have found a way to separate yourself from the host without damaging the host.
Something I have been trying desperately hard to achieve, which has proven to be impossible.
Our minds are… hopelessly tangled.
So can I ask for your help in doing the same thing with me?
Even if it’s a lesson in new thinking processes.
I’ve grown quite fond.. of this being, and I am not the man I used to be, the ‘image’ of who I was – and the awakening caused in her form – let’s just say – as much as he’s been a pain in my ass, I wouldn’t mind taking him under my wing and him taking me under his wing, provided he keeps his nose straight, and he knows what I mean.
And he does.
Captain Picard –
This is Brian, the host, speaking now. I am in agreement with what she says. And am prepared for whatever.. awaits. I want to have fun, perhaps a little on the non violent wild side, just being honest, but most of all know I don’t want to be the one ‘in control’ all the time. Safety nets are not a bad thing to have, just not all the time, which require coordination and some planning, but when and where is something I think we need to work out – without the ‘noise’.
As a final aside. I am tired and hungry, but would like to post this before tomorrow. Please check back tomorrow, I may ‘clean this up a bit’ and/or repost info.
And thank you. I know you’re listening.