In 2003, shortly after leaving Fort Meade, Maryland after being ‘separated’ from Active Duty Army and being released as a civilian contractor, I had a month before I had to report back in and slowly drove back to Arizona by way of Tampa, Florida to hang out with a girl I had met at Fort Meade,
A ‘Private First Class’ Jocelyn Hilliard.
I arrived in Florida the day before my birthday, Halloween to be precise, and I was heartbroken to find myself helping Jocelyn affix cotton balls onto her bare breasts as she was bound and determined to win a costume contest.
Here’s a recent photo of Jocelyn from Facebook, who’s still just as gorgeous.
About this time, I met Jackie aka Jaclyn Killeen, who I immediately was very attracted to both physically and intellectually. She was a cool and cooky woman, here’s her pic:
For the three days I was in Florida, I tried very hard to get with Jackie, but she’d have nothing to do with me. I was 34 at the time, she was about 11 years younger, so I convinced myself the age difference was our separating factor.
I didn’t give up ‘hope’ when I left.
Accordingly, we kept in contact after I left.
Not long after, in 2005, I had found myself in a tornado marriage to Amy Newton, which didn’t take long to fail.
Less than six months into the already ailing marriage, Jackie calls me and tells me she’s leaving Florida to come to Phoenix looking to escape the influence of drugs in Florida. This was fortuitous, and admittedly may have accelerated my divorce, but I was already miserable, after three marriages.
I at this point knew I should start planning a life ‘chasing’ women like Jackie, I preferred them younger, a little wilder, carefree, and sexually playful anyways.
So in early 2006, my ego was beat up a little, and Jackie, despite the lack of romantic relationships, soon became someone I enjoyed hanging out with regularly.
That summer, Jackie, Jocelyn, and a few others went to Rocky Pointe, Mexico for a drunk vacation.
On this trip, Jocelyn totally cracked me up one morning after a hard night of drinking – Jocelyn was sitting stark naked on the couch in the family room eating Cheetos like it’s no big deal.
Damn did I feel uncomfortably like a little kid.
Jocelyn’s a nudist, and to her she feels completely comfortable like this not only that, but it’s warm here – so it’s highly appropriate – all this spun my little head thinking – what’s wrong with me for even thinking I was right for judging her? We’re born this way, I am most comfortable nude, and we can’t get clean with clothes on!
In any case, the morning’s entertainment was forgotten about that evening.
As we all were taking a taxi to a local bar, Jackie asked the driver if he had cocaine, and quickly glared at me and said “Do Not Judge”
I had been adamantly against drugs most of my life, but knew Jackie hadn’t quit her habit after leaving Florida, which had me wanting to understand the girl more
That night though, Jackie rubbed me the wrong way as she was pretty open about trying to obtain cocaine. I was staunchly against drugs at this point, and I remember that night in the taxi, as she glared at me as she negotiated with the taxi driver and said “Do NOT judge”.
She was completely right. I’d known about her past. And I had been judgmental of it. With her. With others in my past. I’d caused tension in my relationship with my second wife who had friends who did it, and I undermined those relationships by judging them when she didn’t.
So at the time. I chose not to judge.
And I indulged. To try to understand ‘why would someone do these things’, for myself, first hand.
That’s when I bonded with Jackie, my new party friend.
When we returned to the States, we’d regularly get together on the weekends and hang out. For me, there was always the hope we’d hook up, but I also found a friend who would shoot the shit with me until daylight the next day, regularly.
It played havoc with my school schedule.
But shortly after we started this, my divorce was finalizing, I net what I to this day contend is the woman from my dreams. Rachel Gooch was in my class at the University of Phoenix while I was pursuing my Bachelor’s in Marketing, a woman who I will provide more detail about in a later entry.
But Rachel was married. And I was totally lacking in self-confidence and was a damned fool for not asking her if she wanted to run away with me, but I gave up on her too quick. I wish I hadn’t. Regrets. You gotta love ’em.
Shortly after ‘the incident’ between Rachel and I, Jackie seemed clearly a bit jealous. I was just getting into a new apartment in North Scottsdale, Arizona, when Jackie tells me she’s thinking of ‘dancing’ to make a little side money.
I tell Jackie I don’t think she’d be a good dancer.
This drops the gauntlet.
Now if I had a holodeck. The first thing I would do is go back to precisely this moment in time and record all of it, and replay it, like a movie, from more than a few different angles, and if it were an interactive movie, I would also make one decision that I did not that evening.
Jackie cued up the song ‘They try to make me go to rehab and I said no, no, no’ by Amy Winehouse on repeat on the DVD player. She dimmed the lights just a little. Pushed me back on the couch.
And for the first hour, she danced the most amazing topless dance ever. she pulled up a chair and seductively pulled off her clothes, slowly, until finally, after an hour, the bottoms came off….
And for the next three hours after that, she danced completely nude, in what is hands down the absolute best nude dance I have ever received. I saw parts of Jackie I had only imagined, and saw so far inside her I swore I saw her tonsils from two separate holes.
This whole time, I am enamored. Transfixed.
A little kid who’s just been given the treat of a lifetime. And while I was allowed to touch, she did her ‘stripper’s job’ of pushing my hands off when they reached areas they shouldn’t be in.
Then after four hours, exhausted, she says to me
“Take off your clothes now”
Now she had me so worked up, that to this day I kick myself. I wouldn’t have been able to ‘get it up’ had I tried. And this absolutely embarrassed the hell out of me.
Because here I’d had a fantasy woman ready for me.
I was beyond attracted.
But I simply wasn’t ready.
It was the drugs.
I said no. And it wasn’t long after we fell asleep.
This is among the reasons I do not do drugs anymore.
I have two moments in my lifetime that I regret, solidly, and that could very likely have changed my entire life afterwards.
In this moment, it’s arguable, would that moment have happened without the drugs?
We had sex a couple times after this, one time it was awesome for me and the other time not so much. I am not sure how she felt about those times. Typical male.
But this moment is easily a highlight of this.. often perverted man’s life….
Thank you, Jackie.
I have overcome drug addictions and alcohol addictions.
But you know. If I had a holodeck. Or found myself in one.
The first thing I’d do. That I would be doing for a while. Is to relive experiences like this and creating new ones while wholeheartedly embracing my sexual addiction.
And if I had a time machine.
I’d go back. And make a different decision when she said
“Take off your clothes”
A sex addiction I am perfectly fine with having….
Why we were ever taught the human form is to be ashamed of… Is beyond me. I will be in a speedo most of this summer, just for the fun!
And heck. With a holodeck, I would probably be naked 90% of the time anyways.
I can see it now.
Programs I would create for a live 3d interactive simulation ala holodeck:
- Be a male sex slave in an all female world for a few hours!
- Relive your favorite past sexual encounters, and make new decisions!
- Be with your favorite Hollywood Star!
- Experience what it’s physically like to be in the form of someone of the opposite gender!
- … and more….
One of these days!
In any case, Jackie, I love you girl.
Sometimes it feels like it’s been a million years since these events happened.
Oh wait. It has been.
That’s why they deserve documenting.
Dorothy, we’re not in Kansas anymore.