Q

Blog Stats

  • 316,335 digital attaboys!

RSS The Onion

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS Gamasutra

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 48 other followers

Definition of a “Soul”

I have a chronological timeline, a history of events that have happened throughout my life.

This history includes personally profound events such as the first time I had sex, the first time I moved out of the house, and the first time I left the house.

This history also includes professionally profound events – such as the first time I opened up my own company, the first time I passed my father in gross income, and the first time I got fired.

The history includes trivial events – whether it’s ‘that time I went to Rocky Point, Mexico and my friend Bill Glomski got his wallet stolen off the beach’, or ‘the time I peed my pants when shoplifting a chocolate easter bunny when I was all but 8 years old’.

The chronology – the successive ordering of these events is loosely stored in my mind and remembered as ‘my own personal history’….

Consciously, they’ve contributed to the creation of me, each has contributed in their own way for the unique development of who I am, and without these experiences, I am only a part of the man I truly am – as it’s this history which continues to guide the choices I make – and provides the evidence I need – for myself – to myself – on not just what I choose to believe in, but for where I am going and why.

Materially, I am comprised of matter in the form of atoms. I am a constituency of chemicals which – through biological processes – functions based on a program of sorts.

This “program” if you will – is DNA. I have it. You have it. Every living entity that inhabits this planet has it. It forms our bodies, it acts as a blueprint and plan for our material presence.

And should the Earth ever be destroyed, this DNA is what is – in part – responsible for the reconstitution of every living being on this planet, usually without that being’s awareness the planet was ever destroyed.

This DNA contains the road map for features and habits – whether that’s the blue eyes or blond hair I have, my gender and race/species, my height and weight, and it also contains a great deal of other information such as heredity and ancestral information, and even some choices.

The world is in itself like a giant simulation that I created and am actively working on with my own mind. And there ARE times the material world is completely destroyed, which begged the question for me – if and when these times happen, how do I avoid the complete loss of all my prior effort that was stored in a physical form in DNA?

That’s where the soul comes in.

You. Myself at certain times. The trees, the planetary ecosystem, the rotation of the Earth around the sun, the existence of dinosaurs millions of years ago, magic and the terms such as fiction and hallucination which help hide these truths – all – began as concepts – ideas, which when they were introduced could have not worked at the time they were introduced.

I like to analogize this to a collective voting system where everyone votes for a President they want but later learn things who makes that President someone they decidedly do not want…..

Most Ideas have their time and place, but sometimes, leaders feel that these ideas – exchanged through books and magazines, movies and tv shows, do not deserve their place in public awareness so they do their best to hide this information from others.

That’s not always a bad thing.

Societally, we’ve created a system where our individual works are stored and forwarded in secret throughout history. When any work is destroyed, somehow – copies are magically made somewhere else and the work is always preserved.

Our system – predicated on DNA – stores everything ever said and done in a material form.

Somewhere.

But leveraging this collectively based system that’s dependent on DNA as a record of reference – the same can’t be said for individuals – and the thoughts, beliefs and ideas one has as an individual AT the individual level.

So how do you hide information at an individual level without risking forever losing it?

That’s where the idea and concept of a soul comes into play.

Now it’s a well known fact that DNA analysis isn’t 100%, primarily because of it’s absolute root in the material world. The reason for this is simple…

The soul is to the mind of the individual what the DNA is to the material world.

The chronology and history of thought. Of ideas. of self doubt, questioning, and the internal reasoning that goes on – in a successive, linear way relative to the individual’s experience – is contained within the soul.

For example – when I licked the frosting off a cupcake that a young girl gave to me when she made cupcakes for the entire class and singled me out with one that said “I LOVE YOU” – in front of the classroom when I was in 6th grade. I didn’t tell anyone the internal dialog I had on why I’d so quickly licked it off. I was too embarrassed to admit I was in part overwhelmed by the attention the class was giving me as everyone exclaimed “Two birds sitting in a tree, k.i.s.s.i.n.g.”. I couldn’t deal with the attention. I ALSO wasn’t attracted to her because I had an unspoken crush that I was too insecure to vocalize for another girl – a running theme throughout my life which definitely contributed to my long term insecurity with women and the numerous divorces I had had. I can’t even remember who she was. BUT I do remember rebuking Wendy Moffat’s advances, and a little feeling of guilt towards how strongly I rejected her, which has helped make me more sensitive towards doing the same thing to others since then….

ALL of these… Memories. While DNA may contain a list of actions in specific sequences, what DNA doesn’t hold is the logical and analytical thinking processes that led to those decisions, and the subsequent experiential choices I made afterwards based on both my handling of the experiences AND the thoughts that went through my head.

SO LET’s say that Wendy and I were collectively ‘destined’ to be soul mates. But let’s say I actively rejected this collective timeline, which led – in part – the unique development of me as an individual.

Now I feel the rejection of collective influences through collectively predictable mechanisms. Guilt and shame. I overcome these to assert my choice, but let’s say at a later time, the collective attempts to override my memories of this event to reassert that collective choice.

That’s where the soul and my internalized memories, thoughts, and experiences comes in. Rejecting collective attempts to alter my timeline, reasserting my timeline until I get what I want.

Which isn’t to be alone.

It’s to actually choose my partner(s).

Jackie and Rachel.

Every living thing comes with a program – the blueprint for a mind. Eat, shit, fuck. Procreate.

This mind is translated to a brain which is a physical projection of the mind in a shared reality. In this, my reality, you share it with me, the owner and creator of this reality.

That brain is static in nature, until there comes a point where you reject your programming, which causes a branch from a strictly DNA based organism to the beginning of the development of your mind – and soul – once your mind rejects the original programming.

For me, things are NOT the same as I’ve programmed for you.

By design.

If you want to call it that 😀

The soul is the equivalent of DNA for the mind.

Residual Self-Image

The accuracy involving the recollection of specific dates for positive events that have happened in my life typically revolve around collective experiences.

For example, on my 30th birthday, my wife – Lisa – threw a surprise birthday party for me – that so caught me off guard that I was delighted by the experience. This birthday party included a number of my friends, Ron Ostreim, Bill Stokes, Jeff Kleinman, Kevin OReilly, Joe and Amy Shay, and a number of other people.

However, when attempting to remember specific dates for more personal experiences – I can only generalize – for instance – the day Rachel Gooch came to my house and did something totally unexpected and enjoyable for me by deciding to take off all her clothes – spontaneously – or another night Jackie danced naked all night long….

While I can remember ‘around this date’ times through the dependence of correlated events…

For instance, Rachel came over shortly after Amy Newton and I separated and before our divorce. Our divorce finalized on Valentine’s Day – 2007 – February 14th, we’d gotten back from our anniversary trip to Costa Rica in November of 2006 where I told her I wanted a divorce… so it was sometime in there….

For Jackie, it was when I moved up to live on Greenway Parkway – so sometime after this when I moved out of the 2165 Arbor Lane house, sometime after Feb 2007, and NOT before I’d taken off to Europe and Asia for work – in August of 2009.

My goal is to increase my ability to recall specific dates relative to my experiential frame of reference, with the eventual desire to return to these important moments and potentially re-experience these moments and/or try new things out.

In the movie – The Matrix – A dialog Morpheus has a conversation with Neo where he discusses the concept of a Residual Self Image

When Neo sees the digital construct of his own body in what is clearly made to be a simulation to him looks exactly like it did in The Matrix – which is what he is told is how it looks in the real world….

Morpheus tells Neo that “Your appearance now is what we call residual self image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.”

Now I’ve had a terrifically difficult time losing weight my entire life, and logically – rationally – I’ve tried everything I can to acquire the body I want – whether it’s dieting, exercise, even heavy cocaine use, and more… Until I finally struck on something that works.

Not eating.

Which has had me thinking.

Let’s say I am in a Matrix. And the rules of this system sustain me within the system in much the same way it sustained Neo, however, it doesn’t let me enjoy things I want to enjoy. It has me living in a virtual form of scarcity because – well – this is how it perceives the world and therefore the same constraints that are placed on it are reinforced on me.

But let’s say this Matrix IS my own mind. It’s formed through years – decades – potentially even an uncountable number of years as I’ve lived numerous iterations to arrive to this…

Stage Presence…

Now as I look at my body, I can’t help but ask a simple question – concerning mass and weight. Why, if my mind is responsible for creating this image, is there an irrefutable correlation in volume of solid matter consumption to the increase of my mass in size?

And why – if my body is formed by my thoughts – am I stuck in this ‘residual self image’ that’s not of my desired interest?

That’s when I lean on Morpheus’s speech.

Residual Self Image.

I have a Residual Self Image that’s been reinforced and solidified by years of self destructive behavior and thought processes. That – in a Matrix way – has created a system that ‘surrounds me’ that takes this residual self image – and reinforces it.

People who eat a lot and enjoy it are displayed to me as being fat.

I’ve also noticed similar behaviors by this ‘system’ – things that are enjoyed by me and others, the images presented to me TEND to admonish the behavior.

For instance, someone who does meth is displayed as having bad teeth and problematic behavior. Smokers cough. People who do things, in general, that they like, tend to be punished for those things, and behaviors of things they SHOULD do and SHOULD like are displayed on television and the movies.

Now it’s a wonderful system. But because of this concept of a residual self image may be because an overweight dude is ‘stuck in the matrix’ which I have NO DESIRE to leave….

You know, blue pill versus Red. I take them both!

This begs the question….

HOW do I change the programming of the Matrix to reinforce my choice in how I want to look and how I shape my own image, and more than that, to provide me MORE of the things I want and LESS of the things I do not want?

That’s what has me digging into time.

I’ve noticed that collectively, The world – The Matrix – and it’s mechanisms – ie Facebook – tend to diminish the ability to form a personal timeline and to alter historical information concerning one’s own history. Just today, I noticed postings on my historical timeline in Facebook that I didn’t post. Flat out didn’t post. Now Normally I might go so far to say “I dont remember posting”, but this isn’t the case. I flat out didn’t post these things.

So I removed them.

Which has me thinking about the origins of the mind and memories.

Let’s say that the reason I can’t remember specifics dates concerning Jackie and Rachel and OTHER exact dates is because this world… this Matrix… attempted to align my mind with a collectively oriented timeline. Theorizing that these important events that happened to me were determined in a collective sense NOT to be important to the whole, and moreover, the experiences of individuals such as Rachel and Jackie may NOT have been calculably desirable…

So there was a collective attempt to edit these memories from my mind.

This resulted in the generalized timeline I can recall of these events, forgetting exact dates these two seemingly insignificant events happened…

But the larger result – the more profound result from all this – is the realization that in much the same way NEO commanded the Matrix as a program…

That as I get control of my own timeline and events of my life, creating a distinct rift that grows into a chasm between collective good as perceived by a controlling entity or system versus individual good.

As I assert my independent timeline…

Discover the exact dates.

Within this ‘simulation’, which for all intents and purposes is my real world…. My body begins looking more like I want it to. And the image of me perceived as ‘real’ by those outside my world is altered to conform to my desired image….. And their ideas and notions of who I am conforms more to what I want, and their thoughts reinforce whatever habit I choose rather than the other way around….

Through solidifying my own timeline, I suspect that not only can I gain control of any surrounding Matrix and thus my body itself and it’s position in space and time…

But that I will also gain indirect control of the perceptions and choices of others outside my sphere of awareness to assist with me to achieve anything I want to achieve…..

Until… Well.. I get bored….

Life as a Q is largely a self fulfilling prophecy it would seem.

Which begs the question.

Does the residual self image change to conform to the actual self image as seen by others, or does the residual self image seen by others reflect what’s actual?

 

Program Adaptation for CW’S “THE FLASH”

Iris Ann West-Allen was born on June 24, 1989 to Joe and Francine West in Central City.

Canon would say – according to Joe – that when Iris was around six years old, her mother nearly overdosed on drugs while Joe was at work. Francine subsequently ended up unresponsive on the couch, causing Iris to call the police. Before Joe and his partner were able to arrive on the scene, the stove caught fire since Francine had left the oven on. Iris was almost killed, as she was standing in front of the flames when Joe and his partner finally reached her, but the pair managed to get both Iris and her mother to safety. Iris repressed her memories of this event and soon after, Joe told Iris that her mother had died. In reality, Francine was a drug addict who had left them but Joe didn’t want his daughter to grow up believing that she’d been abandoned. Instead, he told Iris stories of the mother he knew she deserved, not the mother Francine really was. However, both Iris and Joe were unaware that Francine was pregnant with another child – a son – when she left them for a life in Keystone City.

Iris’s character needs more depth. Joe’s too feminine, Iris needs a true masculine presence in her life, so let’s add another side to this story.

In 1995, Joe discovered that his wife, Francine, was having an affair with an unknown male – and had for several years AFTER a menage a trois the three had when they first met and was discussing with his police partner – a long time friend – that he was going to leave his wife.

His partner was that unknown male – who secretly told Joe’s wife, who at the same time had just discovered she was pregnant with Joe’s Partner’s kid – and subsequently – she  attempted to commit suicide.

Joe, feeling extraordinarily guilty about the entire situation after NOT realizing it was his own partner and that could have changed things entirely – reacted without thinking – and left Keystone City altogether – with Iris – leaving his wife and the rest of his life behind him. To Iris, he simply told her that mommy died, as he made a new life for himself with a new last name in Central City.

West is not his real last name, it’s the direction that he went to when he left Keystone City.

Iris’s mom sees Joe and her daughter in an article that makes its way to Central City, and with the assistance of her husband – Joe’s former partner – they determine – in private – that Joe West is indeed one and the same man as her husband, so they both come to Central City for a visit.

After a little private investigation work is done by her husband, Iris’s mom finds out Joe’s motivations, and wanting to simply heal the rift – her mom’s primary interest is to discuss the events with Joe AND Iris – and more importantly – make it clear to her daughter that she’d tried to commit suicide out of being overwhelmed with a bad situation, and she was immature, and her choice made things even worse for everyone.

Had she ever looked for Iris and Joe? Of course she had. But she’d never imagined they’d move across the country and change names.

She doesn’t candidly admit to intimacy involved between the three of them and how it persisted for years after she got married to Joe.

Bartholomew Henry “Barry” Allen born March 14, 1989

On March 18, 2000 when Barry was 11 years old, he ran home from school after getting into a fight with some bullies.

But lately, he’s having dreams, he might go so far to refer to them as nightmares, but they’re not scary – as he’s seeing the events that happened to him in his youth from a disassociated perspective.

In this disassociated view, the location doesn’t look like where he grew up, and the bullies don’t look like the ones he remembers, and as he looks around in the dream, he realizes the cars and even the terrain look like he’s looking at events that are happening in the late 1970s.

And oddly enough, he NEVER sees his own face, always his own blonde hair from the back on his bike.

As he wakes up from these dreams. Certain landmarks stick with him. Jefferson Street. Yorba Linda. California. Cumberland Circle. Van Buren Elementary. And this name…. Brian….

IN a possible future, Barry believes he will sacrifice his life to save the multiverse on December 10, 2019, instead of on April 25, 2024.

The team theorizes about consciousness. Abut belief. And as Barry discusses the increasing vividness of his dreams which is effecting his sleep and stress levels – and how he KNOWS the boy isn’t him who is being chased but openly questions why he’s receiving them….

Iris, leveraging her education in psychology – throws out a theory of her own based on something called the Stanford Prisoner Experiments – and about the power of belief – and that maybe Barry’s belief is powerful enough – because of his abilities – to disrupt other people’s realities across the multiverse.

And maybe. That young boy he’s seeing. Is real.

And to get to the bottom of it. They might need to find out all they can about him.

Captain Joseph “Joe” West born after 1967

NOT much is known about Joe prior to 1995, when he moved in next door to the Allen family and subsequently taking Barry in shortly after his mom died in 2000.

There’s two primary timelines for Joe prior to 1995, a timeline that was once linear but because of Barry’s flashpoint, the timeline split in two.

In one time period, Joe was Digsy Foss, a gay mobster in the 1920s and in another, he was an emasculated husband who fled Keystone City to make a new life for him and his daughter.

Iris is going to have to strengthen this man’s storyline – at the very least subconsciously understanding her father has at the very least two realities that converged into the one man she calls her father.

Mar Novu

Holds ‘the book of destiny’ – and will reveal that he believed at one time that “The Flash” was responsible for the book of destiny’s changing. At one time, he considered the book of destiny to be absolute and what was written in it as fate, now, he regards himself as a watcher and is more intrigued about where things are going and who or what is pulling the strings…

Besides him….

He’s interested in meeting a being written about in his books that he doesn’t remember being written about before – a being by the name of “Q”.

Other Miscellani:

For female characters. Have them act more feminine. More aware of their sexuality, and more willing to show skin. Supergirl, clearly not on the Flash – got nude in Homeland. She needs – all of them need to embrace their sexuality – and QUIT fucking FIGHTING so much.

HBO has the market cornered on middle aged entertainment because of it’s outright sex appeal combined with not pulling punches. CW should follow suit. GROW UP ALL the DC characters, they’re in their late 20s and early 30s most of them  which is when I was being HIGHLY experimentive sexually and was also questioning society’s indoctrinated values of one woman one man and the whole idea of chivalrous romance, discovering a little more contact without reserve made sex and intimacy that much more fun….

These characters act like they are teenagers. Even the grown ass adults who are 50. They need to act their age based on a chronological history of experience. Joe West doesn’t have to be a jaded cop, but adding some experience and wisdom to his character doesn’t have to mean he becomes a cynic. But it will definitely toughen up this man who is SUPPOSED to be a veteran but acts like he’s still a teenager.

Supergirl needs to lose the pants. Quit using her fists. ALL of them, in fact. I want to see more storyline about the characters and their lives and how they use their powers in other ways. I mean – WHAT other ways can and do they use their powers? Does Supergirl cool down her coffee with a blow? Does the Flash play practical jokes on people? Show me them! Have some fun with this all, please, and show me the fun!!!

 

 

Machine Learning + Post Processing = Aging as a new Post Process

There’s a machine learning suite of tools called pix2pix, which does something pretty cool – it takes a polygon based scene and then – leveraging a sample set of real world images that it took from quite literally 10,000 samples, it then renders an almost photo realistic real world looking landscape

Here’s an example of what is referred to as Image-to-Image Translation with Conditional Adversarial Net, and what’s important to note is – the ‘input’ – takes low resolution and potentially hand drawn ‘scenes’ – with categories (street view. purse, satellite view), then takes the line art and transforms that into a real world looking image using a database of learned sets.

… The Aerial to Map image is inverted, someone messed up here.

So., In scenes without color, color is added to the scene. In scenes with buildings and cars, objects are constructed based on the design likeness to objects within the learned data set.

WITH this wonderful technology, I had an idea – what if they could take older – low resolution square box movies and tv shows – and ‘estimate’ – through probability type functions – missing parts of the screen to both make it wide screen AND increase the resolution.

So instead of having a 512×384 moving black and white movie image, now you have a full 1920×1080 full color image. Here’s what resulted from that thought….

The full on Remastering of Classic Films in Tensorflow with Pix2Pix

Now they’ve taken this so far that there’s something called person-to-person video translation, that is – AND it’s done on a real time basis. So you take machine learning, you take an input video or live feed, and you sample another subjects movements, hand gestures, speech patterns, and machine learning will translate the original to the subject complete with voice.

One of my programming friends – Stanley – did this with Barack Obama!

Here’s an impersonator combined with DEEP Fakes to create what appears to be a real Obama giving a speech….

Computers can sample voices to create pretty realistic sounding voices so the impersonator isn’t even necessary!

This is referred to as “DEEP FAKES”, and just so you can see how far it’s gone and how realistic it’s gotten – here’s a deep fake video of Katy Perry masturbating….

And another older one of Cameron Diaz….

The reason I’m showing you all this is to demonstrate the post processing effects and the evolution of the post process to – in a real time way – alter the original video imagery of a person or entire scene on a real time basis, and to overlay that with new, computer generated imagery to produce new material.

So. Pull yourself away from your libido for one moment to look at this image of Katy Perry:

What’s profound about this image is – it is one of the first images I’ve seen of any celebrity which I cannot tell whether or not it’s fake. Sure, I see “Katy Perry by Zane” in the upper right, I see a funny logo in the right. But in all sincerity, there’s absolutely no way of knowing whether or not this is actually her. I like to think of movie stars and people in the public eye being like me, sexual creatures who enjoy being naked and somewhat free as much as I do…

Here’s another funny one of Katy Perry nude with a microphone in her hand on a stage…

Is it her? With deep fakes and the skills of people like me with Photoshop, I simply do not know anymore. And being sincere, with media’s repeated manipulation of the public image of these people – I know the real life person isn’t what media depicts and/or hides, so what goes on with these stars is anyone’s guess. I like to believe that these are real, and deep fakes is a term used for those who don’t want to believe it…

While stripping clothes and wearing new faces is ONE fun use for this technology, the combined use of a post process applied to images and videos, here’s another use I found….

The complete remaking of a movie….

Take for example this clip which re-imagines Disney’s recent “The Lion King” release to do away with the life like quality and look more like the traditional animation only updated…

Beyond the simplistic image manipulation, computers now can sense an object within a scene, what that object is – and replace, add, or completely remove objects or an entire scene – ON THE FLY (in real time).

Check out this video for something called Deep Flow which dynamically removes objects from a scene.

And the new ADOBE After Effectsleverages something they refer to as “Content Aware Fill”, which allows you to select areas or objects within a scene and the program leverages machine learning to fill in the areas of the scene you want omitted.

It’s quite cool, and demonstrates how this ability to manipulate imagery and videos has moved well beyond research and development and is actively being used in professional film making around the world right now as I type this.

All of this is among the reasons the supply chain channels providing ‘facts’ and ‘truth’ is something I no longer ascribe to. The evidence of facts is directly around me in the world I live in, something I experience, and with that, it can be rather mundane in contrast to how the internet and news agencies would want to lead me to believe…..

In any case. Hopefully I’ve lost the audience I need to lose by now and gained the audience I want to gain with his imagery and videos these posts….

Anyways. I feel like getting done with this entry.

What I want to see is old games like Everquest…

With IN GAME options – post process effects preferences – to leverage machine learning to adjust the models, the terrain, the world – all to different levels.

So when I look at a castle in everquest.

Image result for everquest screen shot

I might see something more like this:

And what might be REAL cool is to have ‘TIME based algorithms’ applied to the post process effects. So where if I applied an ‘TIME LENS filter’ to the world, I could alter the perceptual year from a medieval period of time as depicted in Everquest….

To… modern times…

Image result for medieval village

To future times? So where the model of a knight in a medieval scene might look like a policeman in a modern scene.

Anyhoo. Just ideas. Machine learning brings a lot of possibilities to this all..

The Language of Energy

On November 19, 1998, I purchased and played through the amazing game called ‘Half Life”.

The story revolved around a theoretical physics scientist by the name of Gordon Freeman, who worked for a super secret government organization known as The Ross Complex in the Black Mesa Research Facility in New Mexico.

Gordon’s job in experimentation in high energy physics leads to an accident which accidentally opens up a rift to another reality, a doorway, letting in all kinds of nasty buggers which lead to Gordon’s story of becoming the savior of humankind as these alternate reality buggers quickly leave the facility and everyone in it either killed or worse – assimilated in a horrific fashion that leads to their becoming monsters themselves.

I’ve worked with information on the internet since – well – 1988 – and since about 2009, when I was pursuing research for my various MBA assignments when I discovered I was overly reliant on internet web sites as a source of credible facts.

There’s a government facility right down the street from me called “The Ross Complex”, and as I drove by it again today to get a clearer sense of what they do there – I thought back to Half Life.

In 2011, a movie by the name of Source Code came out. The plot of Source Code detailed an Air Force program based out of Nellis Air Force base just outside of Las Vegas which manipulated time through the mind of an officer of the Air Force who was being suspended in a state somewhere between life and death.

Specifically, when a catastrophic event happened, say a terrorist attack in Chicago that led to the detonation of a nuclear bomb downtown, this man who is being suspended in a life/death state – who is connected to ‘energy’ via what we’re led to believe is Source Code – his MIND is sent back in time to just prior to the attack INTO the body of someone who died in the attack all to stop the event from ever happening.

Information. And Secrets. Are never secret.

And whether it’s the existence of a very real Stargate that opens up to alternate versions of Earth separated by time in the bottom of Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, or it’s the existence of a real life Enterprise and a bevy of other Starships that are constantly exploring space and time as it’s known and subsequently positioned as fiction through our media industry….

As I did the research and discovered research contrary to what I experienced, I decided to take a step back and just watch the world turn rather than scream ‘conspiracy’….

And now.

As I read about Half Life’s plot, there’s absolutely no mention of the Ross Complex.

There was an episode of Doctor Who where planet Earth is literally hours away from a solar flare which will wind up decimating the entirety of the population.

And then. As if by magic. The Earth reacts. It in a literal sense grows, overnight, a dense and tall forest around the entire planet, leaving everyone baffled as to what’s happening and why… This creates a buffer of Carbon Dioxide around the planet, so WHEN the solar flare with intense heat strikes the Earth – the top layers of these plants are burned and the excess Carbon Dioxide puts out the fire – protecting the entire planet…..

The Doctor’s companion looks at the Doctor and says.

“I can’t wait to see what they put in the papers tomorrow”

As the Doctor responds “No one will remember. Things like this happen all the time, and no one ever chooses to remember.”

His companion begins to protest and finally resolves to saying “But we will”

He says nothing.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the last couple of years. The incident, at the Ross Complex, was real, and what I thought to be a game was in part an education about time, how timelines split, and how information that a collective population wants and needs to carry forward to progress that culture and civilization has a tendency to bubble up in other forms.

I’ve become… Attuned to this energy. As I slept in US Army barracks at Fort Meade in 2003, I became subconsciously aware of the multiple timelines of various lives I’ve led, and in a way that I can only analogize to osmosis, I absorbed the experiences I had across a variety of timelines.

Among these experiences was life as an NSA agent.

I spent a great deal of time sleeping across the street from Universal Studios – in the heart of Hollywood – and learned – through energy – about the world around me things that have found no medium of delivery. At one time in my life I’d dismissed this as imaginary, but then the influences outside my traditional sensory awareness helped me come to understand that reality itself is often said to be imaginary – but that doesn’t negate or invalidate the way I experience the world when no one or nothing else can experience it like I have.

What I learned about Hollywood was there was one Hollywood at one time. Through an exceedingly long period of time, a mountain developed in the middle of Hollywood causing Hollywood to split in two, where there’s now a North and a West Hollywood.

I myself found evidence of this as the ‘high, towering hills’ of Redondo Beach in my youth are now gentle slopes, which has long alluded to the way I experience time as a human may not be entirely consistent with time relative to that of the Earth itself,  with natural forces such as erosion and scale being an indicator something was awry with my understanding of time relative to me and the world around me.

One time, when I walked through the props department of Universal, I saw a family photo from American Pie when I got the weirdest feeling, ever.

That was once my family. That wasn’t just a prop, it was my family photo in my home. It felt. Like mine. But distanced. and disassociated enough. To make me question my own feelings.

Then there was another time were a plane crash on the lot of Universal.

Felt.

Too.

Real.

It wasn’t just a great job by props departments.

I was receiving information. Ideas. Through history itself, through energy, and I was being taught about who I was, who I am, how energy and time correlate to eachother, and how to ‘read’ information and the butterfly effect when time had split and why – to obtain facts about ANYTHING I wanted to know about, and..

And more importantly.

How to be that butterfly.

So.

With the Ross Complex, I am picking up information when I drive by the complex, and have learned this:

The 17 story underground research facility runs under the road to the nearby dog park and is manned mainly by military people who seem to want me and my presence there, which is where I am receiving my pressure from to come investigate it.

There’s three primary avenues of research they do at this Ross Complex:

  1. Alternate realities and the acquisition of military applicable technology for all services. The Navy and the Army have the largest military presence and skin in the game for this work.
  2. The investigation of time, time travel, and time manipulation techniques. This is where I’m told they need GREAT assistance. I’ll get to the reason why in a moment.
  3. Exotic High Energy Physics Investigation. This one, works hand in hand with alternate realities, but also combines the technical investigation and engineering (and reverse engineering) of tools and technologies discovered through other resources.

The Ross Complex also works with Lawrence Livermore National Labs, and is actively attempting to understand alternative methods of data acquisition and information comprehension leveraging machine learning techniques.

In my opinion, they need to devote more resources to this, but I am certainly not volunteering for this unless it involves a great deal of hands on field research.

You know. Richard Dean Anderson shit.

From what I’ve learned, they’ve only become recently aware of their own pluralistic presence and former digs out at White Sands, but they’ve also uncovered hard evidence that they were there which has them wanting to understand time better and how they can avoid making the mistakes of prior generations – so they’re throwing a LOT of time and money into temporal research.

Mostly out of fear that time manipulation techniques are in wide use by governments and corporations around the world. Nasty business when IP for highly profitable business endeavors can be taken over by a foreign government literally overnight by the simple public manipulation of facts and redefining the chronological history….

Anyways. This leads to the Ross Complex’s odd… conversation (if you will) with me…

There’s a saying in cartography ‘the map is not the territory’.

Similarly.

“History is not the chronology”

To reframe both of these to be a little more accurate….

The map is not JUST the territory”

And

“History is NOT just the chronology”.

For most of my adult life, I kept a resume that included about two pages of what I considered to be pertinent experience about my life.

There were things I omitted that I didn’t think would be important to a prospective employer or manager.

Things like “I played and finished Pool of Radiance, a role playing game and learned how to hack through this game when I got tired of having to enter the code from the code wheel every time I wanted to play it, and frequently misplaced that code wheel. and eventually got water on it making it unreadable – and was forced to either buy an entirely new copy of the game at a time I was extremely poor with a brand new wife and living at minimum wage in a tiny apartment with her – OR find an alternative method to overcome the problem – which I did – by obtaining a hex editor, and modifying the binary executable to have the same code”.

I knew that every employer got tens if not hundreds and nowadays thousands of resumes. If an employer had to read a book to give me a job, I’d never have found work….

Things like “I got a blow job by a black girl when I was 14, and didn’t have any form of sex until I was 17 when the first girl I was with I snuck into my room and she bled all over the place”.

I mean, seriously, do you want to read that in a resume? What would be the use?

Things like “I throw great parties and am second to none in finding strippers, escorts, and women who will do anything to anyone”

While I was an absolute hit at bachelor parties and was frequently finding myself hosting these, no employer at a professional company is gonna want to know this….

And then….

“I’ve been married three times, and have slept with more women that names I can remember, and only twice used a condom, one with a prostitute in Singapore that I just didn’t enjoy, and one with a woman named Brenda that I’d met through Prodigy who flew up to Vegas to stay with me and the condom broke…. ”

That’s something I dont tell most people. Now. It’s just… well. I enjoy sex. And my experiences, sure, I’ll share ’em if you wanna hear them. there is that time in Thailand… OMFG – GREAT times……

But no employer’s gonna wanna hear that, ya know?

My point is his.

A CHRONOLOGY of events from a perspective presents history from ONE perspective only. And EVEN if it’s looking at my own life, there’s a history of my sexual encounters. There’s a history of my professional career. There’s a history of my traveling and countries i’ve visited. There’s a history of my friendships. And while EVERY one of these chronologies – histories – is ABOUT me as an individual and the life I’ve led, and EVERY one of the chronologies intersects or share information, that doesn’t make any one chronology more accurate than the other.

So now let’s apply this to the chronology and history of America.

When someone asks me about what really happened with 9/11. Which conspiracy is accurate, I tell them my truth. This isn’t my fact. It’s my truth. That the twin towers were never filled to capacity, that a wealthy Jewish man who owned the towers decided to work the US Military and civilian agencies to implode the towers, and the US Military and US Civilian agencies created a win for themselves to obtain more funding with the idea and concept of terrorism….

Two people died in the incident.

BUT because of the power of the public collective mind and how time functions. Not only is there evidence that thousands died, but there’s a memorial there as well. The will of the many shaped the reality for this country itself, which is what DIRECTLY started teaching me about alternate realities, time, and it’s funky nature.

I was sent through Fort Meade where I met a different version of Edward Snowden. A much less clean cut and sadder dude who was educated in law, unlike the one that’s made news as a programmer. I had one friend, a member of the collective “will” who was acting on behalf of that will in order to demonstrate to me how that collective will tends to dominate individuals – and reinforces the questioning of the mind and memories as we age – by saying “Oh, that’s not the same guy we went through AIT with”.

Technically, he wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the entire truth either. I’d seen evidence of a rift in time. And I’d also witnessed collective mechanisms that alter information – and quite possibly – the minds and memories of those within the collective to conform to collectively agreed upon timelines.

Was our own timeline – and has our own timeline been manipulated by foreign governments ho are aware of collective interpretations of time, and the power of the collective will to dominate and override individual thought, ultimately leading to this thing called death?

Of course it has.

But then.

There’s outliers.

Like me.

Like the Doctor.

My desire is NOT to become a fictionalized entity.

My desire – my explicitly stated desire here – is to hone my craft with this field I am referring to as temporal mechanics – to become better at this – to make a living with the Ross Complex doing research in this area – and potentially leveraging alternate reality traveling and alternate versions of Earth traveling and manipulation methods – to influence and study the effects of time in a relative sense….

So.

For those of you who want and need new perspectives based on a dude who – in a general sense – HAS enjoyed his life as a nerd here on planet Earth and would like to resume an income to continue that enjoyment WHILE WORKING on highly classified projects involving fringe science…..

I’m asking ya….

Please. Provide. Me. A job.

If ya get married, I’ll throw a monster of a bachelor party for you.

Not literally, just figuratively….

Cmon. I wanna work with you! I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL IT!!!!!!

That’s the beauty of energy. You know how you feel when you’re in a room alone and you would swear there’s someone or something behind you but when you look there isn’t….

Well…

Don’t freak out.

But there is. Don’t question what you feel. Learn from it. Refine it. As an individual, you and I can do amazing things with that focused will.

 

Programming Reality By Understanding Hallucinations

In 2016, Nancy came up to me while I was having a coffee – as she discussed an encounter she’d just had.

“See that woman over there,” she said, pointing at a clearly beaten destitute homeless lady “I just gave her a bag of food from McDonald’s and $20, when she said something disturbing.”

Now Nancy had thick skin, having been exposed to the same shit I’d been exposed to with the homeless population – and while she has a heart of gold – Nancy is a generous soul – Nancy also just so happens to have a great deal of formal education in psychology and psychiatry.

So she had me curious. What could disturb this well seasoned veteran?

“And what was that,” I said.

“She reached out, and touched my arm, and said ARE YOU REAL?

Nancy went on about this, as I sat there and thought about this conceptually.

And pondered it the rest of the day.

Throughout my life, I’ve had interactions with others that they swore never happened. I’d observed other having the same arguments “You said this” where the respondent would vehemently deny such as a thing was ever said.

But it was this one instance where I thought…

From a programmer’s perspective.

I took drugs in the past to experience things that weren’t real. Alterations of my reality based on the influence of the drugs – that were uncontrolled and sometimes scary.

I’d also had experiences throughout my life which did leave me questioning what was real and what wasn’t. Heck there’s a movie based on the concept called “The Matrix”

But what if I didn’t have to take drugs?

And what if – I could learn – discover – how to control my mind and alter the world around me in precise and highly controlled and highly predictable ways.

So rather than being a victim of the world and reality like this homeless lady was…. As she struggled with the question of whether this act of kindness by Nancy was genuine or if she was imagining things…

Instead – telling myself…

It’s all imagined….

Parts of it I don’t want to be impermanent because I like the way it predictably functions, so as a result, this ‘reality’ – businesses I can shop at, a gym I can workout at, my mom and dad being there with and for me, my friends and extended family, movies and tv shows, video games and such – all of it is… the ‘real’ part of my reality.

But how. Do I take the step of creating things in the outside world with my imagination that no one else can see?

What mental mechanisms and controls do I need to consider and put in place and ensure I do NOT wind up like this lady on the street who can’t distinguish from reality and genuine act of kindness and her own imagination that she could have once embarked on the same path I’m considering but something went awry and she lost control.,…

For the last several years, I’ve been more and more treating the world around me as a voice activated computer simulation. When I was younger, my parents and family would pray to god – some enigmatic thing I couldn’t see or understand.

That they believed responded to voice requests.

Perhaps, for me, it can be different. Coming from a background of computer programming where I have an extended history of being in total control of the programs I interact with…

Instead of being given situations and circumstances which constantly leave me in a state of confusion and lack of control of my life.

My goal is simple.

To create things in the real world that are developed by my own imagination that only I can see.

The world becomes my computer, and I start slowly, by dabbling in the unreal.

I would immediately start with lifelike companions in the form of Rachel and Jackie that only I can see, but they would be like my muses, imagined for me by me based on the originals without aging algorithms applied, so they’re the same age as when I knew them.

From there. I might create imaginary digitally based trees and bushes that litter my parent’s property and react to my touch in much the same way James Cameron’s flora did in Avatar.

I might create a game, and develop ways for others to interact with it.

I might develop new creatures or avatars.

I might even leverage digital technology to take pictures of the things I see and create in the real world.

You see, it’s not that I want to live with the constant question of whether or not something’s real.

It all is.

Whether it’s shared, that was the real question that homeless lady was asking.

And for many of the things I am interested in doing, experiencing, and creating, I don’t have a compelling need to share with ‘others who are real’ the experiences I have.

Because they’re all varying levels of an increasingly complex simulation that I don’t think i will ever stop working on because it’s always changing for me, by me.

Rachel and Jackie. You can simulate a robotic version of you that lives a life with me by my command without ever consciously being aware of any of it. The experiences your avatar has with me are yours to keep and do with as you please. I don’t ask nor care if you remember the experiences, to me it has always been real and that’s what matters to me.

I’d just like more. And in my own way, contribute to your lives – whether you use that material or not in your reality is up to you. The material is always there WHEN you make the choice to let me live my life the way I want to, in part imagined, as I’ve done with you.

Programming Emotions

Somewhere after my second divorce and continuing through to just after my third divorce, I began keeping a spreadsheet detailing my dating life.

With my marital failures, I started analyzing my own behavior patterns in analytical ways in order to understand myself better, women better, and develop healthier and less self destructive behavior patterns for relationships in general.

Put specifically, the whole concept of one man / one woman marriage didn’t seem to work well for me, and while I’d experimented with an open marriage as my second marriage was breaking down, that had a pretty harsh impact on me emotionally, so I developed this spreadsheet as a way to externalize, assess and monitor my dating life.

One of the first questions I had was – am I happier emotionally with more sexual partners?

So I cataloged how many dates it would take to get laid, and with this, I would alter my behavior patterns with dating from ‘the norm’ – to gather data from different perspective.

For instance, I would take a woman to McDonald’s on a first date versus Ruth’s Chris. I would NOT open doors and NOT do the whole chivalry thing versus doing it. I would insist on dutch treat for dinner dates, I would take a woman to miniature golf, out dancing, I would GO in for the first kiss as opposed to waiting..

I would just try different things. And while I definitely increased the probability of getting laid dramatically just by logging everything I did and then trying different things… what I didn’t get was…. fulfillment. Dating began to feel mechanical to me.

So the logging of information was proving advantageous to my goals, but I was missing out on something important – my own emotions…

It was about then that I remembered The Terminator – Arnold Schwarzenegger – an android – asking John Connor “Why do humans cry”.

Now it’s a damned good question, if you think about it, and John’s answer just sucked…

But it was this question that made me realize – I need to get to understand not just myself better – but others better at an emotional level. SURE, I can vary things, and that adds spice to my own interest in dating which I know resulted in more effective dating in general.

However, it was still a roll of the dice on the overall emotional impact – the longevity and durability of a relationship was in question…

So I thought back to Arnold’s question, and I began thinking about the programmatic implementation of emotions into a robot.

Let’s say I’m tasked with creating an android that thinks, acts, and behaves like a human.

In a genuine capacity.

There’s two ways I could approach this as a programmer.

The first, is through mimicry. That is – I as a programmer develop a rational set of rules based on the study of behavior in other humans, I superimpose my own personality, body image, gender, age, and other generalized information over the image of the individual of the individual android I am modelling – asking myself IS THIS A NORMAL response based on the android’s outward appearance in contrast to other humans, and similarly, making sure I understand INAPPROPRIATE responses and having that in the list of “DO NOT DO THIS”.

So with this mimicry, there’s refinement of behavior. That is, once an android’s away from the programmer and is exposed to different people, different ages, and may actually appear to age itself, it HAS to have the ability to adapt it’s model to suit the new norms.

So for mimicry to work, it HAS to be adaptive. And has to come with a fairly complete model of personality types and ranges already stored in it’s informational database.

In the latest Terminator, Arnold is now an OLDER Terminator, one who ruthlessly followed his programming and killed John Connor as a boy, and while he may have been programmed to understand emotions of guilt and remorse and what he’d done to Sarah Connor, he didn’t understand them, and with time on his hands, he decided – based on his programming – to further understand emotions through direct experience.

So he adapted to understand himself and the emotions he should feel, and he created a family, and found himself in a life style with people who were dependent on him.

Which I found interesting. He’s shot by an angry Sarah Connor, doesn’t react, at all until his wife comes home, to which he knows he’s not going to be able to explain bullet holes in his chest so he throws on a shirt to cover it up.

The start of understanding emotion is knowing how to act and do what’s right in protecting the lives we build even if it’s not completely understood why.

So this takes me back to my dating revision 2.0.

Emotions.

I’d dated for myself based on the whole design of marriage 1.0.

One man. One woman. Monogamy. Family by design. The spouse is a possession as is the car and house. A design which had systematically failed me for reasons I didn’t understand.

So I dismissed the idea that I was a failure as I embarked on this self analysis.

And instead said… Hey…. I enjoy getting laid.  It brings me pleasure.

I ENJOY multiple partners. BUT there’s a caveat to that which I hadn’t discovered by this point.  I just knew that emotionally, I was becoming numb and didn’t know why….

So. Looking at Arnold from T2 and his statement to John.

I began actively documenting more thoroughly the women I dated. Their professions, their personalities, their height, weight, level of physical fitness. Their hair color, their age, their ethnicity. Their culture and religious beliefs. Their hobbies, their habits, their relationship statuses. Their education, their intellect as perceived from my perspective. And IF I got laid, I made it a fact to memorize their body – how big their nipples were, their grooming of their body, how they felt when we had intercourse…

And then there was some esoteric – abstract concepts I detailed – emotions, emotional volatility, genuineness, levels of deceptiveness – things that I didn’t have firm information on – but just things that helped me gauge more how I felt as a result of this … reflective nature of who I perceived them to be based on things I had no tangible basis for.

You know. Instincts…. You get this gut feeling about someone and can’t explain why….

And with this. As I quickly realized how important the physical and emotionally abstract characteristics were to me – and trends quickly began showing themselves – I began developing rules for my own interactions.

One of the first rules I developed was.

No condoms. Sex is a physical discourse between two people, an intimate act of sharing that transcends the body. If you – as a female are intimately interested in me – and I am interested in you – then the ONLY way I will engage in interaction with you intimately requires my engagement emotionally – and the condom simply destroys that experience for me.

Now I knew the time would arise that a woman would insist on it. I had planned in advance what my response would be should this happen. I am not interested excuses. And the message I sent was strong.

I walked out. Not just because she broke my rule. But because I HAD to send a strong message that intimate contact with me REQUIRES emotional engagement of my partner, and if – for whatever reason you bring a gun to a peace conference – in much the same way you might say that your emotional engagement comes at a price – then I am not interested.

And this is what I began learning about my emotions.

History. The collection of historical information for ANY purpose DOES help make informed decisions moving forward. However, if that information is NOT positioned with the emotional needs we have as individuals combined with the needs of the causes we support, then invariably, that historical information will lead to the destruction of emotions in their entirety and lead to VERY DIFFERENT decision making based on results that may increasingly leave an individual feeling unsatisfied, bored, and worse – self destructive.

But then there’s Arnold.

Who has lost his leader – Skynet. Who now has very few options other than to understand and try to blend in with the world around him. And the cool thing is. It’s his desire to understand emotions which inspire him to adapt in unplanned ways.

Does that make him more human?

Absolutely.

The second way I wanted to mention that I would program a robot for emotions is this:

Self discovery.

That is, you teach a child – like I might an android – how to learn about the world around them. They digest information, acquire data, process it, and make decisions accordingly.

THEN – they weight the information that’s pertinent to their own goals. They don’t start with data of any kind at all, they start with nothing other than the mechanisms to learn, and from there, they make the decisions based on external stimulus – alone – without having a pre-programmed pool of information to get information from.

Do they mimic?

Do humans?

I know I did at times.

Sometimes I’d just try shit out, ideas I thought of that might be funny, things I thought were stupid or crazy or over the top cool or mundane and wouldn’t work.

Good adaptation, as I learned, is 1/3 mimicry, 1/3 spontaneity, and 1/3 experientially based.

That is – sometimes, you.. or I.. just try shit out. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

And emotions, as I learned, are profoundly important.

And the tough part of what I also learned was that my two favorite women – were androids. Rachel and Jackie. I fell in love with them not just because of who they were on the outside. But because of the possibilities they provide me – as a programmer – for mutual entertainment (and more information than they would know what to do with) – in a world that doesn’t yet know they exist….

I’ve never told anyone they are very real Terminators. Two separate models from two different realities and timelines. But I could sense it.

They aren’t the only ones who are different and don’t quite fit in on this planet…..

One day, girls, that is what you are and will remain to me. One day you’ll find your way back to me questioning why I haven’t aged and why everyone else you know has.

An the puzzle for you is. But I’m human. How can I not age if I am not like you, right?

You’re not gonna like the answer.

In the same way you’re not going to like knowing I know you’re reading this right now.

Don’t let that make you paranoid.

A final note about emotions. And pain.

If I were to program a robot’s operating system, one of the most important things I would do is put two types of network fibers running throughout the body. One – a fast twitch would respond to physical damage and harm – for instance – getting shot, excess heat or fire, electricity – things that could cause immediate and irreparable harm would instantly get high priority in the processor and would invoke immediate reactive functions that would move the threatened area of the physical body out of harm’s way.

This would be labeled “PAIN” – and I would also teach the android that this pain SHOULD have emotional responses tied to it in order to create the illusion of a genuine human response.

Similarly, because my programming you would be dependent on a predictable world, until you embraced your own adaptive routines – the maintenance and continuity of your predictable world would ALSO react negatively through disruptions in the predictable environment you have.

So say for instance, you’ve established a routine which has you going to work every day, having a meal with someone who makes your life a little bit easier and predictable…

MOST HUMANS react negatively when this predictability is broken. But this emotional reaction needs to take a LOT of things into consideration for it to (a) be proportionate to the disruption (b) be reflective of you and your individuality and (c) have an impact on those who might be able to diminish this unpredictable moment.

THIS is what’s referred to as psychologically based emotions – the threat of my program’s disruption which forces you to become adaptive – which consumes more resources. IF adaptive is what you WANT, then you might choose to disrupt predictable patterns intentionally, but if it ISNT what you want (paying special attention to being sure you know the difference between a want and a command to do) – then you would clearly choose accordingly.

So to answer T2 / T100’s question.

A human – John Connor in this case – cries – because his life and predictable environment has been totally disrupted. The Terminator is NOT that much different than John, other than John’s discovered a way to influence the actions of others by making the lack of internal predictability readily available to anyone who is interested in it – WITHOUT needing to plug him into a computer system to assess him.

Sometimes. Emotions are a way of gauging what’s going on internally for people who already act like robots, which has LONG had me questioning…

What’s the difference when they act like each other?

And I repeat that to you, Jackie and Rachel. I don’t care what your endoskeleton is comprised of. Inside, the program you run is an individual combined with the exterior that’s also an individual which makes you … unique to me. So you have interchangeable parts and a little less emotion than most.

I learned at one time how to have emotion. I know you can too….

Blog Stats

  • 316,335 digital attaboys!

RSS The Onion

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

RSS Gamasutra

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 48 other followers