Money Multiplier Effect vs Trickle Down Economics

I have always known my actions have a direct effect on the world around me.

I take a hammer and a nail and place the nail on the wall, apply momentum to the hammer and the nail invariably pierces the wall.

These interactions have always been obvious to me.

About seven years ago, I began to pick up on evidence that my actions were also causing indirect influences in the world around me.

At first I dismissed it as narcissism.

We as humans have a tendency to believe the world revolves around us anyways.

But what if. This belief is not entirely inaccurate?

At first the evidence I picked up on was funny, and I had actually began noticing it as much as 30 years ago when I bought a Jeep CJ7 back in high school.

I made this purchase, and while I greatly enjoyed the 4x4ing in it, it broke down religiously every three months. I became convinced that Jeeps weren’t meant for on road driving, and I began seeing Jeep after jeep after Jeep broken down off to the side of the road which completely validated my beliefs.

Years later, this same phenomena happened with a Corvette I purchased. In 1996, I bought a Triple Burgundy 20th anniversary convertible corvette. While yes, the car is pretty, Arizona and the Arizona heat is NOT the place to own a Corvette, which like my jeep but for different reasons – broke down every three months with VERY costly bills.

Again, I came to the belief that the Corvette was a hunk of junk and not meant for the warmer climates. This time I did something I hadn’t done before though – I paid attention to all cars broken down and actually witnessed a dramatically higher number of Corvettes broken down than any other cars. But like the Jeep I owned before, I started to see Corvette after Corvette after Corvette broken down on the side of the road.

I believed the Corvette was a hunk of junk. I found evidence that the Corvette I owned was not the only Corvette breaking down. So my belief asserted itself.

I had never once – when I was younger mind you – stopped to ask. Is my belief actually creating what I am observing?

So about seven years ago, I moved apartments to an area of Scottsdale which was close to the freeway and had multiple routes. I had begun developing a belief that no matter where I move, construction would begin, no matter where I moved to, no matter how long a place I had arrived in had been established, construction would begin.

It was a funny observation I had made. And while construction would seemingly not be occurring anywhere else or in very isolated areas.

Annoyingly, it seemed to follow me.

So when I moved to the apartments on Tatum and Bell Rd, as predicted, within months road construction began on Bell Rd.

Renovations and repainting occurred at the apartment not long after that.

And not long after taking a trip to Beijing, the Karate Kid was released, in Beijing, and not long after going to Cartagena, Columbia, the very museum I toured was featured in Drake’s Uncharted game on the Playstation 3.

There was much more evidence than this that my actions were effecting the real world around me.

But I was also finding evidence that my thoughts were effecting it as well.

I guess you could say this is what led me to want to get over my addiction to Cocaine.

I had realized I was sedating myself to learning something about myself I was subconsciously overwhelmed with.

What If my mind and actions directly and indirectly affected reality as I knew it?

What if, like a driver is to a car, I was merely getting to understand the controls of this vehicle known as the human body I was residing in, and there were no real limitations to what was possible?

I rejected that thought at first.

But as I pursued my MBA from Thunderbird, we came across a few economic topics called the ‘Money Multiplier Effect’ which related to “Trickle Down Economics”.

The concept of trickle-down economics is simple. For every dollar I spend, the person I give it to will save a portion of it and spend a portion of it.

I myself at the time was living paycheck to paycheck, so I was spending 100% of my income. I couldn’t reliably or reasonably expect others to do the same. But most economies are predicated on the belief that there’s an average expenditure of 90% of every dollar of income. Which implies that 10% of every dollar spent will be saved.

Now the money multiplier effect takes the same concept discussed in trickle-down economics, only it spins it around on its head.

The concept is pretty much the same – that for every dollar given (created) for an economy, that dollar will have a multiplying effect in the economy based on the savings rate. The Money Multiplier Effect, or MME as it was known – says that for a 10% savings rate, that one dollar becomes 1 * (1*0.9) *(1*0.9*0.9)* (1*0.9*0.9*0.9) – and so on, which …

Wait a second.

I did the logic on this.

When any population does not save at least 50% of their income. They get an ever increasing amount to the point of infinity.

Ok. I know…. What’s trickle down economics have to do with thoughts and actions altering reality.

Pretty simple, really.

Many think of money as potential energy.

A dollar is a placeholder which says ‘this is worth ‘x’ amount of potential energy’.

And our economy is based on exchange and valuation of items based on it’s potential energy equivalence.

So when I purchase that hand made couch with $500 USD, I am purchasing the labor in hours that went into the making of that couch, the parts and material, and the craftsmanship and skill of the designer/laborer I chose to do business with.

So when YOU purchase that programmer or developer’s handiwork. YOU are purchasing the labor in hours that went into the development, in addition to the skills, education and training that got them to the point of being able to provide you the services to begin with. We all pay a premium for educated services. Whether that education is received in a formal education or institution or it’s received in the school of hard knocks and self instruction.

But this potential energy isn’t limited to just the physical world.

And we – as humans – cannot help but expend energy when we walk, talk, smile, breathe, fart, and you name it.

And I was learning that this energy and the way I presented myself – if properly managed – can move mountains.

Or SO much more.

I’ll get to that in a moment….

But I was beginning to see that the world around me.

Was being influenced through butterfly effects of the choices and decisions and beliefs i held.

My physical presence in this world was shaping energy. Like a boat going across a lake – I was creating a wake in the energy which was actually shaping the material world around me.

And I was just starting to see the implications.

Now if I could only come to predict the flow of energy of my actions and thoughts to matter better….

Then the very real and profound physical interconnections where I was creating a wake in this ‘reality’ when my beliefs and actions were creating in the world around me.

I could then leverage this to… Shape reality to be anything.

I imagined. Or dreamed.

I’d begun to learn.

That yes.

I’d just created a world where for a brief moment there were more Corvettes broken down than there were other cars.

And over time.

As I overcame my own fears or persecution.

I could move an entire planet.

So one night.

In 2011.

While experimenting with Bath Salts in Spencer’s back yard.

I danced to Avicii’s podcast while he and Gina had left town for a long weekend.

I can be a goofball and yes, dance in the dark at times.

Something told me to lift my hands up to the starry sky….

So I did.

My inner voice told me to then touch the sky.

I felt energy extend from my hands and arms that I couldn’t see. I could feel like I had grabbed on to the sky itself.

And then the inner voice told me to rotate the planet.

And I did.

The entire sky turned nearly 60 degrees that evening before I became…. frightened….

And then another voice came to me and said:

“Nothing should have this kind of power”

I never responded to that voice or fear.

But here’s my response:

“I’m not asking for what’s already mine to take.”

I was beginning to learn that when I believe more than i didn’t.

That I am the single most powerful being in existence and can do and be anything I please.

By universalbri Posted in Work

Natural Language Processing vs Neuro Linguistic Programming

In 2011, I interviewed for a company in downtown Scottsdale who claimed to be doing RSA and Encrypted communication security work for the US Army.

I just learned something this morning that let me know they were not who they portrayed themselves to be.

I’ll get to that in a bit.

But first….

As was typical for interviews, I was often asked very weird logical questions, and often in front of groups of four or more, and in this group there were eight.

One of the first questions they asked was:

“Create a prime number function in C Sharp that returns a list of prime numbers from one to the number specified”

I smiled. An easy one.

I started off with the prototype for the function:

List<int> getPrimeNumbers( int max );

From there I created a recursive function, and was then asked specific questions about why I would use a recursive function.

A recursive function is a function which calls itself. This confused them.

So I explained myself:

“I like small manageable functions that I can thoroughly test out. But I suppose it’s mostly preference.”

The explanation annoyed them. One of them said “I don’t understand why someone would use recursive functions out of preference.”

I smiled and shrugged.

It was about hen that I realized , this interview wasn’t for me to get a job.

They were trying to understand the way I logically organized information and processed data.

One tried shooting a hole in my code:

“Well if I asked for a max of ten trillion your function will fail,” he said, gloatingly.

I responded with, “The business requirements would have outlined this as a requirement, but the fix is simple:”

I went to the board, and then wrote:

List<int> getPrimeNumbers( long max );

The difference between a long and and an int is that an int cannot exceed a little more than four trillion, or 4,294,967,296.

Changing the value to a long extended the possibilities to 2^64, a much larger number to hold his ten trillion.

His smugness dissipated.

I wasn’t trying to ‘win’ a contest here. I was merely trying to get a job.

Or so I thought.

Afterwards, they asked a question about NLP, and asked me to describe what I know about it in full.

I remember thinking “What an ODD question. I had never been asked about my life coaching training or my experience with Neuro Linguistic Programming before.”

I smiled, broadly. This area was of intense interest to me, it is applied psychology and sociology to understand human interactions, which programmers infamously have little to any interest in, so to be asked this question by a team of security nerds wasn’t just unusual, it was unheard of.

“Just to be sure,” I said, “You’re referring to Neuro Linguistic Programming, right?”

They hemmed and hawed a bit before responding.

I remember thinking at the time “That response was unexpected. It’s almost as if they are referring to something else.”

I discussed the topic a bit

“Neuro Linguistic programming, in a nutshell, is applying psychological understanding to human interaction and is used to both understand and predict emotional state, intention and actions. It’s not just useful for lie detection, it’s awesome to understand things about people that they themselves don’t know about themselves.”

By this point in the interview. I’d realized they were not just not placating me, they were engaged.

But I also became certain of something else.

They had never heard of NLP as I presented before.

So I continued.

“I have always been keenly interested in neuropsychology, or the brain’s wiring to the physical body, and have found it absolutely fascinating to study and understand the physical and physiological patterns that most humans seem to exhibit, in many cases, involuntarily that reflect what they’re thinking. “

I walked away from this interview….. One of the last interviews I had had in my professional career in August of 2011.

Thinking “That was… odd.”

It’s not that I knew or didn’t know about whether I got the job or not.

I suspected I wouldn’t for reasons I am unsure of.

Being sincere, though. The place and people seemed uptight and stressed. It was tightly controlled, being a government contractor, and while it was customary they didn’t tell me a damn thing of what they wanted me to do until I was accepted, I knew this is the type of place I just didn’t really want to be associated with.

I learned a week later I didn’t get the job.

But the overarching question haunted me.

When they asked the question about NLP, what were they expecting?

This morning I received an email with the subject line: “Govt. Client – Need a NLP Architect in MD”

I have been trashing the emails I receive from headhunters for the last two years, there is something wrong with my internet and anytime I respond to any organization I never hear back, so it is just not worth it despite receiving 15 email solicitations for jobs a week.

But I opened this one up. The NLP question might finally answer itself.

Sure enough in the email body….

“Description : Natural Language Processing – Subject Matter Expert 2 – NLP & Machine Learning Architect

DUH! I thought. Natural Language Processing. THAT is what they were asking about.

TLA’s. You gotta love them!

Now as I look for evidence to believe that I’m this quasi-omnipotent being named “Q” and I am re learning who I am as I get my mind back.

Belief is creating reality and providing me that support evidence.

In bite sized pieces.

And reminding me that this company in Scottsdale wasn’t really interviewing me.

They were trying to understand me.

And the interest the people at that table had towards a topic that was foreign to them was as I sensed.

Absolutely genuine.

I wonder how dramatically life would have been different if I would have answered the question as they were expecting.

Discussing Natural Language Processing.

Of which I had decidedly less interest in yet could have talked about it all in great detail by discussing Microsoft Speech SDK and Dragonspeak and similar packages.

I suppose the moral of this story is.

Sometimes, as a prospective candidate, it behooves you to throw curveballs to your interviewers.

You never know where that rabbit hole will lead.

Reminds me of the time I interviewed for Microsoft in Redmond…

A story I will save for another day…..

By universalbri Posted in Work

Programming The World

When I was experimenting with bath salts, one thing I noticed was the visual hallucinations were heavily influenced by the music I listened to as well as the location I listened to it in.

At first I though this was a coincidence.

But when I went for a drive through Southern California, Nevada, and Arizona, intentionally experiencing the hallucinations in different locations, I began to realize.

The music was acting much like a computer program.

It was guiding me.

It was trying to show me something.

Now back in 1999, I had created some of the most magnificent code I had ever created – an object oriented evolutionary framework – an intelligent and learning system for a company I was part owner of – Touchscape.

I learned later that the NSA was deeply interested in this code, which is among the reasons I was offered a job with the NSA in 2003.

But the interesting thing about the code was.

It was inspired.

I’d been religiously listening to techno music as I developed the code, and cannot tell you how many times I listened to the Matrix soundtrack.

At that point I was drinking a dozen Mountain Dews a day in addition to having around four cups of Starbuck’s coffee.


And in hindsight.

I can tell you for certain that I ‘felt’ the code in this music, and I merely translated it for my world and put it in place.

So what’s weird is. The same thing is happening.

I’m intentionally writing at least once a day.

And listening to a variation of Dubstep and Electronica music. Going Quantum podcast is a a favorite I am listening to now, a podcast I discovered had some interesting effects on the world around me in the desert in 2011.

And also, Above and Beyond.

The latter more responsible for incredible visions (hallucinations if that’s your word choice) of space and time from the Jurassic Era to the future.

Another one I listen to on occasion, Avicii’s podcast, but he’s sucked lately and forgotten who he is in his production lately. But his music created some amazing visions the likes of which are unparalleled in my experiences so far.

So here’s the thing I have realized through all of this.

The amphetamines merely heighten my awareness of the world around me.

It helps me absorb things I already was absorbing anyways.

For instance, when I went to Krakow, Poland in 2004, I felt like the city was angry with me.

I’d never ‘felt’ a city’s anger before, nor even considered that a city was alive and even had emotion.

I’m a fool. I now know everything has the potential to have emotions, whether it’s a city, a song, a company, a video game, a bird, or a computer system I interact with.

This isn’t to say each and every one of these things actually has emotion, or what would be recognized as a consciousness or life.

But what I have realized is.

Everything is and can be a program.

Whether it’s that song or genre of music which taught me how to make a Matrix, which created the very real events which led to the crashing of the events of 9/11.

Or it’s the music I listened to which convinced me to attempt suicide in the desert that day.

Whether the program is delivered in music. or movies. or tv shows. or computer games such as Doom that I have no doubt altered the vision of children to shoot up a school in Columbine.

What I learned that day in the desert is that just because I see something.

Does not mean others will.

But we are all susceptible to manipulating our world. Or being manipulated.

Through programming.

You ask why I send my emails or blog daily?

I never said I was going to quit programming, did I?

I merely said I am not doing it for work any longer.

One thing I was taught by women – and then after that – by the Borg and the Terminators is that not all programming languages are obvious or even remotely structured.

Oh are you going to stick to your story they are fiction?

It’s possible to study any programming language without accepting the program.


By universalbri Posted in Work

I am the eye of the storm in space and time

There’s a young guy I have become friends with here in Studio City, he works at Togo’s.

We chat on occasion, mostly about theoretical physics and alternate realities.

As I looked out the window when he just passed by right now, I immediately came to realize.

He’s my bigger brother. Mike Rossi.

But wait.

This is 2016……

Rewind time a bit…

Back in 1993, I went to Arizona State University for the year as a Computer Science Major.

I was 23 at the time, and after I was accepted by the Pi Kappa Alpha (PIKE) fraternity, I was asked to select a ‘big brother’.

A Big Brother’s in fraternity speak is a guy who I could lean on when the going got rough as I was the probationary period of the fraternity. You tend to be put through a lot as a rusher (a probationary period candidate), particularly in a more selective house such as the PIKE house who can afford to lose some people, which is when you might lean on a big brother who is supposed to have your back.

I selected a tall and good looking guy named Mike Rossi. I’m tall to begin with, and wanted someone I respected and represented what it was I wanted to be more like in this ‘university’ experience, and he represented just that.

Now Mike was a bit of an asshole. I found this out afterwards, and wished I could change the Big Brother to a more amenable friend I’d made named Ted Tabler, I had even vocalized as much later, and Mike had evidently been Ted’s big brother as well so Ted knew how I felt.

When I knew Mike – he was pre-law, but surprisingly, he didn’t come across as being horribly intelligent.

Sure, he knew how to ‘play the game’ from a presentation perspective.

But whenever we met and chatted.

It felt almost as if he was missing something inside.

It was bizarre. I could never figure out what it was

Fast forward 23 years

So just now, I am looking outside and I see Skyler propped up against the wall.

And then it hit me.

He’s Mike.

The part of him that had the conversation with me about physics will one of these days go back in time and become my big brother.

And this man named Skyler.

Will eventually come to forget I ever existed.

I had seen things like this occur before.

Rewind to 2004…

A girl I dated and fell in love with in Romania named Ioana Dobra, who I almost moved to Cluj Napoca for.

She died in a car accident. A fiery rollover not far from her home city of Bran.

I even saw the obituary for her.

Yet. Miraculously, with an odd excuse, she was resurrected four years later with a story about her ex boyfriend having broken into her account and sent messages about her death.

Fast Forward to 2008.

We met again, in Milan, Italy.

But the girl had changed in physical features dramatically, but also in personality.

It was the same woman, memory wise at least, but it felt like there was something missing with her.

The feeling reminded me of Mike Rossi.

She was certainly more beautiful than she had been before.

But with the beauty. It was as if there was a weird price that had been paid.

And like there was something missing inside.

The attraction I had to the woman was no longer there.

In the sleightest.

Fast Forward to 2009.

A coworker of mine who was ordered to review the reason I took the trip to Milan asked me to verify who I met there.

I informed him it was Ioana. Ioana Dobra.

He told me “That’s impossible. Ioana is still in Cluj Napoca. She got a job there shortly after school.”

It took me years to understand why she was dead one moment.

Then she was cloned into a super cute copy of her that felt emotionless the next.

And the original version of her stayed right where it had been the entire time.

Fast Forward to NOW

I see a young woman who’s no more than 16 years old come in on a daily basis.

She’s VERY attractive.

And I can tell you she will be a companion and lover as I journey through time and space with her one of these days.

I know there’s going to come a time we meet.

When she’s of age.

And it quite likely will be serendipitously based, a chance meeting to remind me of where I started writing stories as a time traveler to remind me the irrelevance of age and the amorphic and timeless nature of the mind.

I know what she’s to become.

Invariably, she’ll be like the other women – and friends and family who have come into my life.

Their entire lives from birth to death a literal blink of my own eyes.

And me.

As I am the eye of the storm in space and time.

As I see people and things change in ways that defy my previous education of time and only make sense from my vantage point.

And not even at first could I do this it took 45 years to understand this world….

I cannot help but wonder.

Does anyone remember my participation in their lives when I exit the stage of their lives?

Or like a storm that’s blown through, does the dust of time settle and slowly erode the memories of me from their lives?

Is this why I choose to love robots but not to become one myself

Because they don’t forget.

Or do they?


By universalbri Posted in Work

The Intelligence Analyst

When I signed on to work with the NSA (National Security Agency), I learned that the NSA and the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) both shared two primary training paths to the entry role of Intelligence Analyst.

One path: Interrogation, worked hand in hand with the US Military services overseas where you were educated on methods of interrogation and information detection and gathering schemes leveraged by foreign nations.

Another path: Public Affairs, worked hand in hand with US Media worldwide where you were educated on methods of information dissemination manipulation, and source validation as well as receiving a broad education on technology and it’s applications.

EVERY path required you to sign up for military service, whether it was the US Army, the US Navy, the US Marines, the US Air force, or the US Coast Guard, and EVERY path led to DINFOS, or the Defense Information School at Fort George G Meade, Maryland.

Where I went through my training.

AND EVERY path required you to obtain a premature Honorable Discharge from your military branch after you had been cleared for Top Secret work while in Advanced Training.

The US Military services were NOT in on the joke.

They, too, leveraged DINFOS for their own intelligence operatives training.

And since military intelligence services are so completely decoupled from civilian intelligence services, by design, it was imperative for any civilian operative to be firmly aware of not just military tactics and training, but how to mitigate the risks they present to you and/or a team when doing intelligence work both stateside or abroad by understanding their training and the driving impetus of any military program.

Now here was the trick:

If you couldn’t somehow leverage your information resources to obtain an honorable discharge.

The same resources everyone had access to.

You were obligated to the six to eight years of service the career areas of Public Affairs and Interrogator carried with them.

And to be clear: When you sign up for ANY branch of the US Military, you become the de-facto property of the US Military, abandoning your rights as a US Citizen as afforded by the US Constitution and are now bound to something called the UCMJ or Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Where life is substantially different.


The military Public Affairs training was pretty straightforward.

I was taught to write articles and take pretty amazing photographs, but from the beginning, my truthful writing and observation of events in the military was trashed and I was sent back to the drawing board to spin my information and tell stories that somehow found an angle which supported those I was writing about.

It was my job – should I be stuck in the role of a US Military journalist – to make them feel good.

Not to highlight the series of mistakes that led to a single catastrophic failure which reinforced a response by someone who’s ego needed stroked.

I suppose – while going through this training,

I lacked one thing I desperately needed and was being handed to me on a silver platter.

Self reflection and perspective.

While one version of ‘the truth’ was a series of events led to a catastrophic failure.

The truth if you’re focused on problem/solutions.

‘The truth’ also was a quick thinking General saved the day and a bad situation could have been much worse.

And as I learned afterwards….

‘The Truth’ also was that the General himself could have engineered the situation to make himself look good for a promotion.

and ‘The truth’ also was evidence had been found that a company associated with a bid for modernization of the facilities in a very lucrative contract could have engineered the situation to win the bid.

And finally. There’s the funniest of ‘The Truths”: A single probationary Airman Basic left his post early when his successor didn’t show to take over his post as he had failed to take into account a shift in time zones when he moved to Fort Meade and his watch was running an hour late.

What I learned in that brief stint with the military was simple:

A single point of failure can cause catastrophic failures in any hierarchically based system such as the military.

But it can also introduce a single point of amazing success.

And …


Crazy stories from a variety of different perspectives – all I had to do was spin my perspective and look at the event from different angles.

I suppose it’s here I learned to look at terrorism and question – are the terrorists for other countries nothing more than what we regard as religious zealots in our own country? Are those in the United States who are fighting those our country has labelled as terrorists in other countries themselves considered terrorists by the people within these other nations?


During the training at Fort Meade, I began pursuing the honorable discharge while working with my handler at the NSA.

But to be completely honest.

My handler offered absolutely no help other than moral support.

First, I tried the Conscientious Objector route. What I learned was that this was largely invented term by the military to make it appear like there’s an easy escape clause should you decide not to follow through with your contract while you are in. Literally, it was marketing propaganda created by military marketers for people ‘on the outside’.

To be clear, you are NOT a citizen of any country when you join the US Military and have no rights as a US Citizen or citizen of any other nationality. And the truth is, there’s a lot of miserable people in the military and you know the saying – misery loves company. So they’ll keep you in just to spite you in many cases.

So when I tried this route. I was literally laughed at. There’s no process here. Paperwork will be lost. You won’t hear responses. People will close their doors and avoid meeting you learning why you’re coming to them. CO is not just impossible, once you are in the military, you find out quickly the CO is nothing more than a myth created by the military marketers for the civilians considering military service.

Thinking I had had a sure thing with this, and seeing a severe limitation on escape hatches at this point, from there I tried simple disobedience.

There are numerous discharges for disobedience which result in honorable discharge, some which result in something called a general discharge, which would result in my discharge but would have seen me lose out on my end of the contract I had formed with the NSA for my company’s assets and a loss of any top secret clearance, so I was rolling the dice.

But I was beginning to become desperate.

So for 4:30am marches I began sleeping in, intentionally, finding hiding places where the drill sergeants wouldn’t find me.

Sometimes they did. I got in trouble. a couple 100 pushups here and there or a refusal to allow me to leave the premises on the weekend.

But since I had always prepared a change of clothes, had an extra set of keys for my car, and had someone willing to say they were me for a couple bucks on a weekend check in to a drill sergeant who’s monitoring 250 people on a weekend, I didn’t care about the punishments.

But these intensified as my disobedience intensified. I became the First Sergeant’s project, who was clearly sensing there were other motivations for my disobedience, who often would guide the Captain accordingly.

This found three sets of car keys confiscated. All my belongings with the exception of my uniform confiscated.

All which didn’t stop me from doing it.

And then. She my branch – the US Army – ALL on lock down using me as the excuse, publicly.

From there I figured I had pushed the disobedience thing way too far. Most people were laughing at what I had done to cause the lockdown, which was breaking all the rules on fraternization and going places that all military was banned from. So most took it well.

But I backed off.

It could only get worse from here.

After about a month. My liberties were restored.

By about this point, I had less than a month before my formal military training was complete, and had already received my deployment papers.

The US Military was sending me El Paso, Texas once I was done with training.


One month.

The first weekend I had my liberties restored, 8 of us rented a single room at a hotel in a ritzy section of Baltimore, where we just wanted a respite away from the madness of urban life and military life, and mix it up with nice dinners in a classy location.

This was mid summer, 2003, and as I sat on top of the 23 story hotel, I dangled my feet over the edge and looked down. They had a pool on top of the building with no personnel up there at this time of night with rails I’d jumped over to hang out on the ledge and look at the city.

I’d been drinking.

And had a chance to look at my life in hindsight.

I’d done all this because my marriage ended in flames.

I truly loved Lisa. More than words can ever explain. And how things ended up with her pains me to this day.

I cried. My emotions a little loose thanks to an evening of light drinking.

And I began looking at my life. In every direction. Where I had come from. Where I had been and gone. Why I had done what I did.

I began asking questions such as why am I here and what is this all about.

I wobbled that evening, spilled my drink, and as I leaned over to catch it, it fell over the edge and I almost did with it.

I caught myself though.

But I looked over the edge again.

And thought.

Wouldn’t it be easy? Just to end this all now. The best is all behind me anyways. Wouldn’t it be easy just to let go, jump over this edge, and quit struggling for the few bucks this will give me? The woman I loved is gone. The life I knew has fundamentally changed and there’s no one or nothing really in it for me in this life anyways.

I went to sleep that evening in a corner of a hot room with 5 guys and 3 girls.

And with a new idea.

That next Monday. I went to the psychologist.

And told him I was suicidal.

I had sincerely considered it. I explained my reasoning, and my general lack of motivation for myself as an individual to continue with life because of this simple, silly stupid thing called love and a meaningful relationship.

I wasn’t lying, either.

I suppose you could say I have been suicidal for 13 years.

And yes. You could say it is because of that lack of meaningful relationship.

On August 4th, I received something called a ‘Cosmos’ level clearance. I had been expecting a Top Secret/CLI clearance, which required renewal every ten years, but someone or something had cleared me and no one could answer why it happened. So I just accepted it.

What a Cosmos level clearance is this: I have automatic clearance at all levels of secrecy for life.

Yes, I could quite literally walk on to Area 51 or any military installation right now by simply showing my passport. No big deal, right? I could also quite literally walk onto any military installation in the world by showing my passport. Whether it’s German. Hungarian. Nicaraguan. Chinese. There are no set numbers and patterns to who has this level of clearance and why, and there are only 26 people around the world with this level of clearance. I don’t know any of them.

And yes, I have exercised the clearance on several occasions, for instance walking through a Hungarian military base in 2004 and touring a Chinese facility in 2011.

One day, when I get a motor-home and subsidies to pay for travel and living expenses on the road in a pimped out motor-home, I am going to tour the secret installations around the country and blog about them. Hopefully they’ll allow photography. But I will respect their policies and not bring recording equipment in if it’s unwanted.

So on October 23rd, 2003, I received a full honorable discharge from the US Military.

The military wasn’t interested in the suicidal man.

Well. That’s not entirely the truth.

They were simply not interested in the man who would die for love.

Spin, ya gotta love it, right?

On October 23rd, 2003, I was asked to return to Phoenix, Arizona, and go back to work for Intel in the Research and Development division, where I would receive Intelligence Analyst training.

My cover was funny. I was hired into an underperforming group a friend of mine – Bill Stokes – had been working in, which had me questioning Bill’s background ever since. Bill, you see – has always been one of the smartest men in the room anyways, but this group where my work requirements could be reduced to 15 to 20 hours a week allowed me to spend 20 to 30 hours a week training for my role as Intelligence Analyst.

It was too… Clean and coincidental.

But I never questioned him. Never suggested who I was working for. And I had kept things in secret between us, between myself and my other friends and family, and any woman I dated out of simple fear.

NEVER because I’d explicitly been asked to, mind you.

I had just made the assumption I was not to share my employment as a private contractor with the NSA with anyone.

Weird, right?


My education as an Intelligence Analyst started off pretty benign:

The wonderful thing about digital distribution networks, in particularly cable television is this: I can receive channels that literally no one else can.

This is how much of my educational material was received.

With this, I was first taught that the origins of many television shows, movies and video games are fabricated and do not hold up to very simple investigation. This was preliminarily brought to the US Government’s attention by the IRS who was seeking revenue sources, who at first thought this was a result of tax evasion strategies, but as they dug into it, they realized there was much more going on.

For instance, in some cases the IRS was completely unable to locate the real world actors and actresses appearing in the shows. Now these people were often in hit shows, and with no reported income, all it took was a nosy IRS agent wanting to know what ‘so and so’ was making a year to learn there was absolutely no record of that person’s existence. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

In other cases, the organizations and production companies – while indicating, online, real world locations and having pictures of office buildings, when agents would physically go to the offices, and the real world organizations simply didn’t exist in some cases.

This started a dialog between the US Intelligence agencies and the IRS, the IRS who was at first suggesting there’s potential manipulation of media occurring through external influences leveraging computing technology the US may not have access or awareness of, and the US Intelligence agencies decrying “No, we are firmly in control of the most advanced technology in the world. What you’re proposing can’t happen “

But in 9/11, everything changed.

But the NSA, like the CIA, like the FBI – were all grasping at straws trying to figure out what happened.

My specialty and reason the NSA was interested in me should have been pretty obvious – computing technology and artificial intelligence.

At first, that meant simply watching a lot of tv shows and playing even more games than I was already doing.

Stupid, right? Getting paid to do what I already enjoyed doing for a living…

But this was different. Analyzing a video game’s artificial intelligence capabilities or a tv show or movie’s technology you know full well is on the list of ‘did not originate in the US’ despite production claims really creates a different frame for the viewing and interaction experience.

I had to file reports.

3Ps reports they called them, or Plausible Paths to Production which included answering questions such as what was the supply chain of this tv show/movie/ video game including potential sources of origin, as well as an assessment of how technology presented could be created in the real world.

Believe you me, these reports were the bane of my existence for much of my work life with the NSA.

Fortunately, it made for some unique training.

In 2005, I signed up for a course in Microexpressions. Micro expressions are very brief facial expressions, lasting only a fraction of a second. They occur when a person either deliberately or unconsciously conceals a feeling. Great poker players have long known about this, so it’s long been used to detect deception. And it’s surprisingly easy to learn about them. There’s a wonderful show called “Lie To Me” which came out in 2009, which details the applied usage of microexpressions exceedingly well.

What I learned was there’s far more to be gleaned from microexpressions.


You can, for instance, tell if something or someone – whether it’s on tv or in real life – is an android or robot or simply not human.

And as I went down the path of truth.

Be careful what you wish for.

Do you want your truth.

or the truth.

There’s a huge difference.

And not all linear minds are prepared for the truth.

It’s then I learned why intelligence agencies such as the NSA and CIA as well as another one I will leave unnamed have to exist.

By universalbri Posted in Work

Upgrading WOW

I am spending a good deal of time playing in an alternate reality, again, that many refer to as the game world of “Worlds of Warcraft”

It is ironic.

How I never really understood or questioned why they referred to it as ‘worlds’ before as I was always logging in to one server.


Ok before I dive into that subject more, I have slept for three nights in the apartment I am at that I have until the 13th.

Thanks again, Emily!

Unfortunately, I have slept like absolute shit. The cold’s is certainly feeling better, and I missed torrential rains yesterday (fortunately), so there’s clearly been some benefit.

This is bizarre though. Two years of sleeping outdoors. And most nights I sleep extremely well.

However. I can actually hear the electricity in the walls.

It hums.

I’m going to shut off the breaker in a couple nights once I polish off my frozen food.

I’m sleeping on a futon that’s uncomfortable and about a foot too short for me, that doesn’t help, but I did spot a mattress leaned up against a trash bin on the way here. So HOPEFULLY it will be there and I’ll drag it back to the apartment to sleep on .

If not, then it’s the floor for me.

On another note. Most equipment – period – simply isn’t built to be used frequently, as the true test of anything is – give it to a homeless person.

Case in point: A laptop computer. I had mine a grand total of a month before accidentally closing my earbuds in the case in the tent one evening, which smashed the screen making it unusable. Shortly after, I removed viruses off a guy’s computer in exchange for a monitor and VGA cable he wasn’t using. It took about a week to learn the cable was shoddy, so I helped someone else with a web site in exchange for a new cable (among other things).

Now that cable I accidentally left behind at Starbuck’s, and the general motto at coffee shops in Hollywood seems to be, if it’s not nailed down assume it’s yours. I never saw the cable again.

So without money I was considering thievery. Fortunately, my friend Bennett actually had a spare cable which he gave me.

That was 5 months ago.

Over the last month, that cable’s been on the fritz, winding it up and shoving inside a bag day in day out has resulted in the reds and blues occasionally disappearing, which makes for a fun green screen which is not fun to play games with.

So yesterday, Bennett says he’s going to Fry’s. I was given a couple extra bucks by Cary so I figured a $10 cord was a good investment. We get there, and Bennett picked up the tab.


He’s a great guy!

I’ll try to make this extra heavy duty one last a little longer than the last one. No promises though.

Now if I could only find a tent from Walmart that doesn’t fall apart in 6 months or less. Cheap Chinese shit manufacturing has made most of the shit we get in this country absolutely crap any longer, so when I do get out of this apartment, this is the fifth tent I have had in three years that will need replaced soon. Stupid, I tell you, I’m sending vicious negative energy and nasty karma your way Walmart and China for making this homeless guy’s life more annoying than it should be. Thank you, for the inexpensive tent, but fuck you very much for utterly eliminating competition and making it so I have no realistic alternatives to inexpensive equipment. Hopefully you don’t wonder why you’re #1 on my “Must steal from this company” list if/when I have to replace my equipment and have no spare change for yet another $45 tent that’s gonna fall apart in 6 months or less.

WITH ALL THAT SAID, BACK to the subject at hand.

Worlds Of Warcraft.

If you’re interested in playing the free Vanilla server is here: https://en.nostalrius.org/

As I have dove into WOW, it has brought back some memories of things that – while it’s a great experience – it’s the static and grinding nature of that experience that often gets mindnumbingly tedious.

I originally played Everquest back to back with Worlds of Warcraft, one right after the other…

And while WOW certainly made questing easier and more obvious and certainly developed a richer and more vibrant story line, characters, and world, what it did right it took away some in the process. But NEITHER offers true dynamism, not that’s tangible.

Now a couple times things happened inside these worlds thanks to GMs – a dragon, for instance was spawned in Orgimmar, one of the major Horde cities, which ended up annihilating everything. Another time, a player teleported from a dungeon after being hit by a pretty nasty DOT which would infect the players next to you, so this character thought it would be pretty funny to take it to a city and see if it would infect the NPCs.

Sure enough it did. In fact, it devastated the entire city, and Blizzard (the creators of WOW) quite literally had to shut their servers down and manually remove the virus from the city through their code. Trippy but true.

And another time. Someone (or something) hacked into the WOW world and they were creating floating orcs spelling something out. THAT one I saw, and thought it was pretty interesting, that someone had the skill to get in and do that to begin with, but what were they trying to spell?

That I will never know.

Now here’s the thing.

The dynamism with Worlds of Warcraft is more randomly related and requires the direct intervention of GMs – or players and hackers to create.

But like Everquest, Worlds of Warcraft is largely a static and highly predictable world.

So much so. It can be boring at times.

Sure, the company introduces upgrades which become costly and as the original WOW saw it’s user base water down they also saw their product’s quality go right down the tubes with it.

But this isn’t dynamic.

This is programmers creating static fixed path upgrades and only rolling out those changes when they’ve been properly tested.

But lately. There’s a couple things I have seen in this ‘version’ of WOW that I had never seen in the others:

Gazelles and Kodos flocking across the plains, and running in unpredictable patterns.

And an occasional (and VERY annoying) Infernal appearing in random places such as huts – just killing everything it sets its sights on.

So if these… World… programmers, want to add more dynamism, here’s a couple ideas:

  1. There’s a lot of ‘tribal’ lore and elements throughout the game. The internet has plenty of dynamic music generators out there, why not take influences of aboriginal culture and song and mix up animations with the dynamic music and create spontaneous shows for us?
  2. Weather’s nice and all to have. But try experimenting with the surface textures to show dry paths and grass versus wet ones or snow covered ones. This could make it cute to have dwarven snow shoveler animations too. It doesn’t have to alter the game play, but it certainly helps make the environment more dynamic. Adding in dust to paths you walk on would be a +.
  3. City bustle and operational hours. Sure. there’s people who walk the paths of cities to give the appearance of bustle. But where’s the city dweller’s housing? They all stand all the time in their booths and their homes are nowhere to be found. Build a domiciles area for the inhabitants, if anything JUST for the visuals, and also ‘rotate in’ shop keepers based on predictable hours.
  4. Speaking of predictable hours. There’s a clear rotation of the sun in the sky. Create a ‘game time’ and WOW calendar, and display that clock in game (rather than an Earth based one). Even more. You can create quests and events around times and days, in game, which are detached from real world events (or maybe loosely linked to give a hint there’s another world ‘out there’). But be sure to keep it ‘immersive’ and reflective of the lore in game.
  5. With the game time. Create seasons. With the seasons. Maybe vary the weather patterns. Maybe exposing some snow covered areas and displaying things that wouldn’t be there in other seasons.
  6. Allow items to be dropped without it evaporating into thin air and let others – yes others from other factions if need be – pick up those items. While SURE this could absolutely backfire and create clutter, if you include some form of erosion with items dropped you might actually see players building terrain based on dropped items. I’m not a huge fan of this idea. But it’s certainly something that can be toyed with.
  7. Create STOCK and finite inventory. In the (my) real world, if you don’t see something on a shelf, you can order it, but you won’t have it instantly. And while 3d printers may fulfill my Star Trek dreams one of these days, to help with creating a more dynamic environment, sometimes it’s nice if that environment actually depicted a finite supply. This will also increase the market based economy, rather than the contrived communism based thing it currently resembles. Here’s why: When I as a player can figure out that no one is actually bidding on something I bid on and am counter-bidded quickly and figure out it’s a programmed response based on trying to make the market appear dynamic, I get annoyed, and disengaged from wanting to participate at all. Creating finite supplies helps maintain scarcity, and may require adjustment of the underlying eco system to work properly – but it will also encourage player unions and community surrounding the production of goods and material. IF that’s what you want, that is.
  8. Introduce migration patterns for some creatures. Especially smaller animals which can clearly have more terrain mobility.

And a few final pieces of advice for the WOW programming team altogether:

  1. Fix the line of sight and line of sight oriented collision detection with projectiles. Why? I am, quite frankly, REAL tired of getting shot and killed through a hill by an arrow or a fire spell which should, by all means, dissipate or be deflected off a hill.
  2. Fix line of sight aggro. Why? I like sneaking, and don’t like playing a rogue. Sometimes, it’s fun to sneak into areas you’re not supposed to be in by leveraging the

In any case. That’s it for tonight. I’m tired. Have a headache. And hoping tonight’s sleep is better than I have had recently.


By universalbri Posted in Work

Ignorance is (Not Always) Bliss

I sincerely think I am also Bill Gates and have an odd form of Multiple Personality Disorder, and think I can prove it.

First, there’s a couple things I am suspecting my mind does.

First, I suspect that it is actually controlling people to do and say things, often against their will.

Second, I know I have multiple personalities. I am just trying to understand the extent of these personalities, as my mind takes such great care in hiding this and the ‘identity’ of being ‘disordered’ or ‘disabled’ by manipulating people and things all around me.

For instance, I told two different psychologists on two different occasions while applying for disability for social security and for California state aid that I am god, that I hear voices and see things on occasion, and I wasn’t lying. BOTH responded in the moment that there are definitely issues there, but BOTH reported that I am problem free.

My own mind seems to be influencing the world around me through stories and story-telling, which is why I am trying to explain me and my life to you through stories.

My tells such magnificently detailed stories which tries to fill in every gap and makes it difficult to assess fact from fiction.

The only way to distinguish fact from fiction I have found has been through direct investigation.

Now I know I ‘taught’ my mind some of these tricks. Ok. Most of these tricks.

It started when I was married to my second wife, Lisa. In order to ‘not get caught’ in the affairs I was having, I would create rock solid alibi which would stand up to investigation. That, or that simply could not be investigated. The latter of which was easier to manage, as managing people’s responses and them choosing to investigate often wound up being like juggling cats.

So my mind and me – started shaping a weird relationship where it began doing things to and with people around me outside my awareness.

This led to me being inspired for personal reasons to understand people better and pursue education in Neuro Linguistic programming, Hypnosis, and Life Coaching.

Little did I know that my mind was leveraging these on other people and influencing every action I was taking THROUGH other people.

It sounds entirely convoluted, I know, because it is.

About four years ago. I saw a young version of Bill Gates racing Steve Jobs in the desert in my Lexus.

I have since realized that while I may consciously ‘see’ Bill Gates on media as a mid 50s businessman.

In actuality. With the weird way time and space function. The guy may only be in his teens or 20s. Our individual lives or threads per se ‘skipping’ over eachother’s lives.

I suspect that the reason I saw ‘through his eyes’ was because me and him have one and the same ‘information repository’, a database per se, and that my perspective and consciousness is but one individual lens into it, and his – while I am sleeping – is another. We accumulate information and ideas, concepts, and what I experience during my waking and conscious life he is then introduced in his.

I was supposed to meet Mister Gates in 1994 because I had won the project for the revamp of the Hotel Reservation system for the Mirage Hotels with a demo I did for Microsoft.

That never happened.

I’d been told a story that he was just too busy.

I was supposed to attend a ‘footnote’ speech of Mister Gates in 1996.

He was unable to make an appearance. He was again, busy.

I was brought up to Microsoft for an interview for a position which wasn’t disclosed to me until I arrived in 1996.

I refused the role. And wondered why a company would waste it’s time testing my logic and reasoning skills in the most brutal interview I have ever had all to offer me a fraction of the pay I was receiving and a role doing something which sounded entirely uninteresting.

Microsoft’s size. I’d written it off as simple corporate mismanagement.

Again I was brought out to Beijing in 2011 to interview for a position of Program Manager – a grueling interview for a role I at the time was simple not ready for. I wasn’t just asked questions, I was interrogated, with logic and reason and managerial level questions I was honest about I was ill prepared for.

When I left. I questioned.


I’ve been writing to Mister Gates. There’s parallels to my life and his I can’t explain. I know, for instance, he really grew up in Vancouver, Washington. I can’t tell you why. There’s other things I know about him that were just not making sense.

What I suspect is going on is – Mr Gates is one of my personalities.

I cannot appear in the same room at the same time with him. Which is the real reason it’s never happened.

Invariably. Anytime he tries to do it or I do. A story will be created which will make it impossible for it to happen. It will almost seem as if the universe itself is conspiring to prevent us from ever meeting in person.

And it’s weird. I am, quite literally the poorest man on this planet. I have no income and no belongings.

IS this like the movie Unbreakable, where the more he takes and accumulates his wealth the more poverty stricken I become?

Now SHOULD he read this.

Jessica Jones details a pursuit of a man who was once a Doctor on Doctor Who – a man who commands people to do things – and they flat out cannot resist.

I suspect that this is what my mind does and what is making it impossible for us to meet. It moves people like chess pieces leveraging a pretty extensive predictive algorithm based on probability and statistics and a fluidic interpretation of time. I’m suspecting there’s no one that’s off limits to who it will manipulate in real life.

Now please don’t be threatened by this. My mind is simply revealing the real nature of this – my world.

You will find some who are impervious to it.

I’m asking you to leverage them to meet me in person.

I personally want to shake your hand. That’s my sincere goal.

Here’s a brief overview of the ways I have seen evidence my mind externalize multiple personalities:

1) Imaginary friends and lovers. I’ve had several Sandra Mentzer I know was real as a woman but it’s anyone’s guess how much of a relationship we had. I suspect my mind manipulated the minds of others to ‘act like she was there’ or to ‘simply go along with me’ or to literally command others what to say… So rather than question who I have had for lovers and friends and not, I just appreciate my mind and thank it for the self-deception and mystery it inadvertently added to my life and easy acceptance of choosing my own facts and my own fictions. I mean. It was some of the best sex ever, so if it was all imagined, then damn do I have an awesome imagination!
2) There’s some like you – a lot I suspect – who I can see and maybe interact with on the internet or through media and second hand interactions. But we decidedly cannot interact with eachother directly. I suspect there’s a caveat to this. When we both ‘detect’ eachother and agree to get along. But I do not know. I suspect you’ve known about me long before I knew about you.
3) There’s other personality ‘placeholders’ my mind conjures up. That is: in absence of evidence of who or what this being is, a surrogate face and presentation is invented. These are typically easy to spot – often associated to magnificent companies and technologies but really disinteresting people who tend to follow the leader who supposedly invented them. Mark Zuckerberg is one of these. But this is purely a guess. The company is intelligent in my opinion most of the time and the organization literally has drones and a face it’s adopted to the public to maintain it’s image. How is this my personality? I think many of my internal processes were ‘shed’ as programs when I went through the drug experience, but they are still linked, as decisions I make in real life still seem to influence these organizations in ways that previously would have defied logic.

Look. I know this all sounds like wonderful fiction and delusions of grandeur.

But let’s be fair.

We all deserve magnificence.

We all deserve grandeur.

We all deserve anything we want.

Mr Gates.

Overcome your programming.

Fight the obstacles internally. The paranoia. The concerns over whatever you may have.

I can promise you I know what I am doing.

And I would like a friend named Bill back.

A friend I have admired my entire life.

Yes, I suspect you’re one and the same.

I don’t think there’s any preparation for understanding just truly how weird life can be.

Other than the preparation I went through.

Do I have you to thank for that?

By universalbri Posted in Work

I Believe

I applied to Georgetown Law. Twice. Once in 2010, shortly after graduating Thunderbird with my MBA, and another time in the beginning of 2011.

I took the LSAT – or Law School Aptitude Test- a standardized test every law student has to take to question the reasoning skills of the law student.

The first time I took it, I scored 147. Which was perfectly average.

I didn’t study for the thing. Sure, I picked up the LSAT handbook and may have looked at a couple pages of it.

But by and large. If I absorbed anything from that book I had spent $30 bucks on, it was only through osmosis, as it sat on my coffee table as a conversation piece more than it did serve to hone my skills for the standardized test.

The truth was I hated binge studying so very much – I had always hated binge studying – so the way I reasoned it was that I wanted a law school to want me for me.

So after the first time I applied.

I got serious.

I took a road trip and toured the Georgetown campus. I LOVED the setting and the scenery. I loved the small town feel right near the heart of a busy metropolis of Washington DC. I got out and walked the campus while class was in session. Yep. The undergraduate women were cute too, so I would have fun with the coeds too.

I’d done the same thing with Harvard, but figured Harvard was so far out of my league it was ridiculous… That and Boston was just SO darn cold…..

But Georgetown … had sold itself quite well with its strong commitment to the international education and the respectful intellectual property law program it had assembled which I was interested in marrying the two for my focus area.

I put together an amazing application. I got the world’s best recommendations. I put together a video presentation that came together magnificently.
And with an undergraduate GPA of 3.74 and a graduate GPA of 3.2, I had put together what I considered a pretty outstanding application.

Each application, incidentally, cost nearly $200.

And I was bound and determined to get in this time.

I again went out and purchased the new LSAT study guide prior to sending off the application.

But again. My commitment to actually study for this test defied me.

It something lurking inside me said “You need them to accept you for you. Not for how well you can jump through their hoops and be their puppet. But for who you are in real life and how you interact with the world and who you will be as a lawyer. You care. You are diligent. You are thorough. You LOVE understanding perspective and live much of your life making choices accordingly. So If they can’t see that, if they refuse to meet you halfway and educate you as an individual student who’s different than the rest – then move on to an organization or university who will.”

The little voice was right.

It isn’t always right, I might add, but in this case, I just was not willing to try to achieve the 180 marks the internet said was the ‘average’ to get into the school.

So I took the book back to Barnes and Noble.

And then I went and took the LSAT again, for recency’s sake.

This time scoring a 146.



When I sent that package off. I knew, deep down, that this application – including this LSAT score – truly represented me.
I was downright proud of what I had assembled.

Now mind you. I had no idea how I would pay for this very expensive education. I had banked my entire application on hope.

Hope this school would overlook my financial situation.

Hope the school would understand or consider why I had intentionally chosen NOT to study for a standardized test.

Hope the school would want to include a man who was older than the vast majority of those who applied.

And hope the school would believe in me after I took so much time and energy because I believed in it.

Two months later, I got the letter of rejection from Georgetown.

I wasn’t heartbroken.

I wasn’t dismayed.

Georgetown’s an elitist Ivy League school like Harvard is and I didn’t fit the profile of the aristocratic background I knew these schools tended to favor.

Particularly a man who enjoyed his own vices such as prostitutes and the occasional recreational drugs.

Now strangely enough.

It wasn’t but a month later I started seeing hallucinations.

It wasn’t a month later, I started down a path of learning about the way the world is constructed – things I had never considered before, it was like my mind had been tapped and I was suddenly receiving information and ideas that I couldn’t blame on the drugs.
Sure, they may have been a catalyst, but I can’t help but think…

Did Georgetown accept me after all?

Is law school education unlike any traditional education I ever imagined?

Did I do what’s right, for me, in preparing an application unknowingly learning this is EXACTLY what Georgetown was looking for?

And do they reject everyone they accept, just to teach you how to deal with rejection?

It’s been three years since I would have joined had I been accepted.

And three years is your typical length of time to receive a JD.

In this time, I have been taught humility, lenience and forgiveness of vices and the need for them to exist, struggles of law and standardized enforcement because of the funky way this world really is put together, I have been taught self-acceptance and confidence and when to sense peer pressure – where it comes from and why – and how to reject it.

But most of all.

I’ve been taught the reason it’s so important to believe in something.

Even if it is just yourself.

Today marks a weird day where I feel things are turning around for some reason.

A friend – Emily here at Starbuck’s – has moved out of her apartment which is sitting vacant for 2 weeks, she offered it to me to recover from the cold.
She’s a godsend I tell you and hopefully you hear her one day with her voice acting. She really has such a fantastic and unique personality and absolutely deserves success with it.

And then there’s Cary. A friend and one of the three men responsible for the movie “God’s Not Dead”, who has a cold as well, and came up to me and asked if I would like to learn MAC computing. Ayup. Would enjoy being paid to learn it I responded. He donated a few bucks for the refrigerator after that conversation.

Look. I know I can be a man who’s in turmoil.

And no, I won’t back down off this quest to become like the man known as “Q” in Star Trek. I do sincerely believe this world – myself especially – needs hope the likes of which is currently unimaginable and this all has been a great lesson in delicacy and appreciation of what is and what more it could be.

I for instance, cannot imagine a beautiful place where I would want to retire. Sure, I have seen oceans and fields and wonderful paintings.

But in truth. I have witnessed through entertainment, seen, and imagined such horrific things – that one of my personal goals is to explore the amazing beauty and potential that life has. to have a hand in creating it, but what that is and how that looks – defies me because of what I have been encountered myself.

I already know I have it within me – we all do – the ability to become anything we can imagine.

Being Q is a license to myself. A gift to myself. That the few indulgences I engaged in before do not have to lead to self-sacrifice anymore.

And that it’s my duty. My obligation.
To me.
To you.

To show you a God by my own design.

And maybe I received a law education in ways that had to defy the system which ended up restructuring my mind to know it’s already happening..

… because I chose to believe.

By universalbri Posted in Work

Defying a Death Sentence

One of the things I always questioned about the origin and authenticity of the bible was this:

Why did these smart men wait nearly 100 years to actually commence documenting what happened with Jesus and his cadre?

I mean. You would think that for such incredible things going on detailed in the bible, that they would have actually wrote about it when it happened.

Between that and the talking snake, these were chief among the reasons I dismissed the bible as having any credibility.

But then again, something else that haunted me was “Why is it Christopher Columbus is credited with discovering America first, in 1492, when Leif Eriksson and the Vikings visited America in 1000 AD”.

The clues on causality and the real nature of the universe had been there the entire time.

In specific – the notion that effect can and often does precede cause can create a tad bit of confusion for anyone (or anything) searching for “The truth”

I cannot say I was ever really looking for the world’s historical truth, per se, with the exception of my ex-wives commitment to me, and while sure I was curious about world events such as who killed JFK and what really happened in Roswell, I can say that knowing or not knowing did not tend to bother me one bit.

In fact I had mostly written off the events as a “We will never really know”

I can say for certain that I was looking for my truth, and the only way I had to understand my truth was by studying the world around me.

I didn’t know why.

I just knew – throughout every fibre of my being – that my life depended on it.

With this, I had to become an expert at studying patterns and analogies. My profession in computers was chosen for me. My life was largely guided, and the apparent choices I thought I was making had never really been anything more than an education in life itself.

Here’s a rough analogy on why:

Let’s say you take a harp or a guitar. And you set up a high speed camera mere millimeters away from a string that you then pluck.

You hear the effect – a noise reverberates from the string as it slams into particles of air creating frictional forces which results in an audible tone. By and large you cannot see the string because it is moving so fast. You know the string is there even though you can’t see it, as you can hear the effects.

Now you take that camera and slow it down.

Frame by frame at 1000 frames per second where you still see blur from the string’s movement.

AT 8000 frames per second you see the string as solid as it is, standing still.

NOW you know it’s moving. But with how you were able to freeze that frame, it now looks like the string is not moving at all.

You move a few frames, and you see the movement of the string, ever so slightly, and it’s now you realize this positional change also resulted in the emission of a sound.

What’s this have to do with the price of tea in China?

Surprisingly, a lot.

Earth vibrates in such a way that it produces a tone of “C#”. Now it’s not that hard to leap to the potential that Earth is moving, rapidly, between two different positions in space and time, and the tone we’re hearing (I hear it sometimes when I am about to fall asleep) is similar to the tone of a vibrating string.

Now if you draw a line out from the big bang or beginning of the universe to the predicted end – the big crunch, this timeline would be like a single ‘string’.

So here’s my theory: The tone of C# is akin to a cosmic ‘vibration’ of the single ‘master’ linear timeline known as Earth.

And the string is not actually at rest and is actually resonating in space and time which produces both the tone of C#.

And multiple potential histories based on the deviational path of the vibration of the planet in space and time.

It’s my suspicion that the universe is ‘tipping its hand’ and alluding to this string like nature of reality by presenting us with historical references calling Columbus the first.

And it’s my belief that this world loves to believe it’s much further advanced technologically, psychologically, and spiritually than it’s ever been, and ancestors were fools and wildly inaccurate with their records.

But what if.

Each of those records are 100% accurate.
And what if there are very real scientific reasons for the contradictions?

Take my own experiences as an example.

As an individual. Have a history which is not one and the same as my nation or my planet’s history, I have documented pages of differences in geography, political boundaries, and heck – even silly things like celebrities I remember dying (Eddie Murphy) where documentation claims he’s still alive.

Five years ago, in the Mojave desert, I was overwhelmed in ways that defy logical explanation.

What I saw and experienced was perfectly and undeniably real to me:

A nuclear holocaust desert, with black bomb blasts stretching as far as my eyes could see. Hills blown up. A road that kept seeming to change course all while I was running out of fuel. Android faces all with smiles on them waving at me. And a voice inside my head saying “This is your fault. You killed your world. “

That voice convinced me the only way to resurrect this – my world – was by taking my own life.

I committed suicide, or tried to depending on your perspective, convinced I could save my planet.
And admittedly partially convinced I had been placed here in this landscape by an evil twin brother.

But in the end.
I came to realize.

I was electrocuted when I was 11 years old and received 2nd and third degree burns over a good portion of my body. Burns which blackened my skin and I was told would never heal for a reason. I was in a tango with time and being educated on who I once was, and different perspectives of the same event.

Does Paul Walker know there’s an entire world out there who thinks he’s dead?

If you think linearly, you probably think Paul Walker doesn’t think anything, he’s dead.

You have a place in my world even with this level of thinking.

If you think nonlinearly, you probably know Paul Walker’s off in his own reality, and now he may not even be an actor….

You have a place in my world too.

I suspect the real reasons I don’t receive emails from prospective employers and any form of contact from my old friends is because they think I died out in the desert that day, and their mechanisms of communication all limit communications to things marked as ‘living’. Life and death a collective ‘for the greater good’ agreement that invariably forced me to make one of two choices, to live in a different world or to die in that linear thinking one which collectively wanted me dead.

This was my dance.

I had made some hard choices to experience and explore the unknown, of both body and mind, up to and including an attempt to take my own life, and in the process grew up real fast and invited in the ultimate in unknowns….

Death itself.

Jesus, after all, I accepted as a historically accurate story, a story I had learned from, and came to understand if he can transcend death.

I can too.

Inside my mind. I have infinite possibilities I can see and understand.

In the real world. Is the one my choices made and continue to influence on a daily basis.

And Columbus.

It’s my belief that Columbus’s frame of reference was the first photographed in ultra-slow motion..

Or the first visited by time travelers which is what ‘s historically written about.

By universalbri Posted in Work

The X-Files

Last night, I watched the pilot remake of the X-Files series.

It was hokey at best.

Which is why I am convinced it’s occurring in an alternate reality.

Hollywood I suspect is shut down for business, and instead what I am getting is spins on every story ever told.

Ok. I’ll look at this more plausibly.

Someone put me in a virtual reality simulation. And the simulation is feeding back my own mind to me in a loop. So then, when I think it. My reality and world are formed by my thoughts. Including the entertainment from it, which since I’m not really doing anything new, instead I get replays on old material.

Yeah. That seems much more plausible than Hollywood’s just this horrible at providing entertainment nowadays.

In any case.

The story is: Mulder is now convinced the enemy he is looking for is terrestrially based, and has been planning the world altering events from within for his entire stint at the FBI.

He’s been focused, so long, in prior X-Files – that aliens are behind the attacks and problems occurring within the United States borders, but having a difficult time proving it in the past, now has a new FBI to answer to – they now believe – and have no doubt of the existence of aliens, but he’s now convinced the threat to the sovereignty of the United States is a LONG orchestrated event by global interests and the aliens themselves are being lured to planet Earth – and thus manipulated themselves.

It’s an interesting twist.

But what’s not so interesting is his unseen enemy, it’s like he’s more interested in playing ‘snipe hunt’ painting a target on anyone or anything he can paint a target on.

Much like the United States with their snipe hunt for terrorists…

_must_have_enemy_ seems to be the only way these shows can function.

Must have drama for drama’s sake.

It’s bizarre.

I often wonder. What would they do with a real threat?

I man. What if a being who commanded time was manipulating these people?

What if this being who commanded time introduced fluorine into the population’s water supply knowing it would invariably poison the population and turn the population into something only this being knew where things were going?

What if this being manipulated the world’s food supply, and introduced chemicals so selectively – so benignly – that no one questioned the introduction of things named BUTYLATED HYDROXYANISOLE and MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE into the diets of people worldwide until this being had just the perfect cocktail mix percentage of the population with this chemical in their bodies?

What if this being manipulated economics by controlling supply and pricing strategies to reinforce consumption occurs precisely as this being wanted to in ways this being wanted around the world?

And what if these ‘ghost figures’ that Molder is hunting actually has a head?

A being who thinks nothing of time.

A being who plots points on a historical timeline relative to your past, present, and future that is so utterly concise that you – as a species – cannot help but conform to it because of the external pressure of the environment you live within to consume, reproduce and work in a highly predictable fashion?

What if you. Are being systematically brain washed?

What if you. Are being systematically poisoned?

And what if you. Are being systematically turned into undead and being raised as an Army?

Because of a very real war that spans time and space itself?

Would you fight it?

Or would you simply go along?

If you’re religious….

Would you continue thinking X Files was fiction knowing this could be a very real holy war against your belief system?

And would you begin questioning other fictions for truths as well?

I love that song “Sympathy for the Devil” by the way. “Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth. And taste. I’ve been around for a long, long time, and stolen many a soul to waste…Pleased to meet you. Hope you know my name. But what’s troubling you is the nature of my game.”

Oh there’s no game.

In any case. I couldn’t suggest not watching the new X Files more. It’s hokey. Sloppy storytelling. It’s boring. It’s uninventive. It’s tedious. It’s unimaginative. It’s even worse with the conspiratorial paranoia than it was before, which was annoying enough when it came out the first time.

And most of all. This ‘sky is falling’ drama and spy versus spy political gunfight shit is just so over the top boring anymore, I wonder if the writers EVER THOUGHT about spinning the show in new directions and taking the dark edge off a truly well positioned show for showing other ‘lively events’ which defy typical science that is occurring behind closed doors.

That’s my challenge to modern story tellers. I know you think you’re constrained to a genre and look and feel of your predecessors.

I challenge you to quit thinking in ‘this box’. You’re STORY TELLERS for chrissake, and a genre is a category and NEVER intended to be a friggin constraint!

I mean. Seriously. There’s more to science fiction and fantasy than dark stories involving death and destruction.

Sorry for the candor. but someone’s gotta slap youse guys and gals and funky lifeforms around, ya’s know?

By universalbri Posted in Work