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A Message To a Younger Me

Dear Brian –

In 2011, my world changed.

Prior to that point, I had assumed that there was a single me from the past, and infinite possible futures, limited only by my own imagination.

AS a regular at the gym for most of my adult life, often clueless why – for the life of me – I could not lose weight or gain much muscle mas despite doing everything I was told was ‘right’.

So when offered the opportunity to take steroids – I said no.

I liked the idea of building my body naturally, and I was also ‘imagining a future me’ who I wasn’t interested in would have to suffer the consequences of the bad decisions I had made in my youth.

This concept of a ‘future me’ – who I was shaping myself into becoming – was prevalent throughout my life.

But when I turned 30, where before I felt like crap every once in a while, but about then I began to feel like crap on a regular basis, whether it was interior pain doctors had diagnosed as ulcers, to a feeling of extreme stress all the time doctors referred to as blood pressure, to a general feeling of lethargy that doctors identified as tryglcyceride issues.

My body was out of control.

So here, I’d tried so fucking hard to do the right thing, and shortly after my 30th birthday, my body began feeling like it was falling apart.

After about 5 years of this,where I was seeing my investment in prescriptions and doctor’s appointments and various medical treatments, I had begun to feel that the health and medical industry was failing me.

Wanting to understand my genetic history, with my resources I was able to quickly reveal adoptive records and locate my biological family, and discovered a story that changed my life.

Two out of three of my ‘biological’ sisters died in their 40s. The remaining sister had survived to 50. But she was nearly 400 pounds and could barely get around.

I couldn’t help but think…

If this is it… If this is where I come from genetically and the future that’s being painted for me….

There was a girl I was interested in at the time, Jackie Killeen, who was nearly 20 years my younger who I knew was a hard core partier. I knew I could ‘work it’ with her if I said yes to cocaine and actually treated.

I sincerely didn’t think I had a future.

I sincerely didn’t believe that past the age of 40, I would have much of a life, let alone a happy one, given my present condition of my health and how I felt combined with the evidence I’d obtained about my genetic relatives.

So I said fuck it.

And on a trip to Mexico, I sniffed my first line and had a great time. Jackie and I woke up the next morning in bed, together, after taking pictures of her in the shower after she decided to go streaking, and Jocelyn, who’d joined us, was sitting on the couch eating Cheetos naked.

So much of what I’d never experienced in my youth – and had seen on videos – had just happened to me.

In one night.

This started a habit.

It’s not that I didn’t care about a ‘future me’.  I just didn’t think one existed. So for the first time in a long time, I lived in the moment, albeit with a natural bit of planning, and had a great time as a result of it

My future – not to be mistaken for a future me – will consist of similar events. And more. I enjoy partying, but within moderation and with friends. I enjoy traveling. I enjoy experimentation.

And more than that – I don’t like it when work actually appears like work.

So what’s this all have to do with you?

In 2011, a few years after being ok with a new lifestyle and forward direction I’d previously never imagined, I collapsed in sheer terror as my unleashed imagination led me to believe I was trapped in an alternate reality by my evil twin brother, when I tried committing suicide in a post apocalyptic world that looked like it was straight out of a Terminator movie.

After about 15 minutes, a man drove through the landscape in a UHaul van with his what seemed to be girlfriend, and shortly after the journey out of this landscape, he waved his hand out the window in a subtle manner and the entire landscape changed from the holocaust landscape to the desert I’d passed through countless times before when traveling between California, Nevada, and Arizona.

Someone came back. Picked me up. And sent me on my way, as he chastised me and said “Don’t do this again” when they dropped me off at a waiting police car.

One day, soon I’m told, I’m learning how to alter matter and energy through thought and will be able to jump between worlds, between timelines, and between fictional and factually based universes referred to as alternate realities through a form of travel called ‘quantum jumping’.

I’m not the first one to use this form of travel, nor will I be the last.

But you and I – we’re in a loop. Something I’m creating deliberately.

Here’s my promise to you.

When I am approaching a point in my life where I have acquired these powers and capabilities AND am sincerely done with life as I know it and am feeling the same suicidal urges, I’ll begin tampering with my own life and timeline – rearranging things in SUBTLE WAYS that seem interesting and do NOT seem to have happened in any timeline I’m aware of.

A woman I never slept with or even knew in my reality, I might steer your way. A class or major that I was curious about and see is underdeveloped in my world – I may inspire you to pursue by altering marketing around you. A city or location I saw on tv or the movies that looked fascinating to explore but I never had the chance to  for instance – Phuket in Thailand and Koa Samui – I’ll create opportunity you can’t resist to go there.

I’m not interested in destroying our world, and do believe there’s a sense of delicate touch I might have to have with you knowing what I went through and who knows better about that touch than me?

The goal is to add possibilities to OUR timeline. To add diversity. To keep it relatively the same, but to add new elements in that could expand the possibilities, our interests, and perhaps the multiverse as a whole.

So the promise I have is. If you help me become everything I want to in this life, knowing full well that I’ve lived well past my previously expected time of death and am feeling better than ever consistently now…

Then when I am done with this journey.

I’ll go back along our timeline.

Make some changes to our world.

And then return to that day in the desert and be the man who took myself out of the desert.

I have a plan and goal to live to about 900 years with a solid mind. I look at Doctor Who and his use of a time travel machine as a prop to enable time travel and stability with time travel for me and my companions, while I myself won’t technically need it.

But being honest. While I know the next 40 ish years are going to mean the slow unveiling of me walking across time and space delicately – slowly dipping my toes into the waters and seeing what happens with the world around me…

I know – that like I had become with the drugs – that my willingness to experiment and play will develop over time and the only way I can open that up is when I open the door and create opportunity for ….

You.

When all we have to depend on and trust is each other. Then why not construct a reality accordingly?

And how bizarre is that, when the answer to the questions about what happened to us and why becomes another version of ourselves from another point in space and time?

It’s your choice.

Pay attention to the logo.

This is and has only ever been us.

  • Q aka Brian Scott Gregory

 

 

Oops – How I accidentally killed nearly 2000 people

Anyone who knows me well enough knows I have a peculiar way of looking at the world.

And as I get more and more comfortable in my Q shoes, the existing oddities that occur on this planet are slowly but surely going to be expanding, because, well, it’s often just entertainment to me.

Now I’ll say this – I began discovering who I was quite by accident.

For years, I’d watched hurricanes striking the United States in a particular region, and what I found was an interesting pattern in the hurricanes – year after year, I found it becoming highly predictable.

Here’s the pattern – in a path the hurricane took – that I observed:

So consistently, somewhere off the coast of Africa, year after year, storms would develop there. Typically, these storms would graze the islands in the Caribbean,  but more often than not, I noticed that these hurricanes were striking Florida and would either move straight up the middle, quickly losing steam or they’d stay close to the coast with different results based on which coast they were on.

Now if these hurricanes stayed on the Gulf Coast side, they’d consistently pick up momentum and intensity. The same wasn’t true on the Pacific side. It was fun to me – as I began – oddly – rooting for these hurricanes wanting to see just how intense they could become before striking land.

I found it strangely.. exciting.

Now don’t get me wrong, year after year of observing this. I’d been checking into this and something called Hurricane Hunter” airplanes – which are especially equipped planes which are outfitted to fly through the eye of a hurricane. I’d actually dreamed of going through one of these rides myself for the simple thrill of it. And after numerous checks with the US Navy, who flies these planes – as a civilian I was repeatedly denied this.

I had been prepared to pay $10 grand for a ride – but they always said no.

In any case, I was actually enjoying the increasing intensity in the hurricanes – until finally. Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans and decimated the city and the entire coast there.

Now I didn’t know at the time I was actually causing this.

That my observations of a pattern and simple desire to see the destructive forces at work were resulting in the very real manifestation of my observations in the real world.

But after this, after seeing the devastation of a city, I no longer held interest in seeing anymore.

And resultingly, I quit observing.

Have you heard of a hurricane since then?

The power of observation combined with desire and intent.

Now just to be clear – human life and suffering wasn’t even a part of the consideration for any of this. In fact, for the life of me, I had actually been wondering – why would people knowingly choose to live in these coastal communities in this region of the United States knowing full well it was such a predictable path for these hurricanes – season after season.

I’d even asked Jackie Killeen – who was originally from Orlando, Florida and had spent a good deal of time living in Tampa, Florida – about her experiences with hurricanes.

She said they had ‘hurricane parties’ – and most of the time they simply weathered the storm. Most of the time they weren’t scared, and what I saw on the news about people barricading their houses and fleeing the path of an incoming storm was just that – news – and how most people like her just chose to stay behind.

I was amazed.

Now I wasn’t aware of who I was, and what I was becoming. I wasn’t aware I had ANY control in any of this.

I mean, let’s face it – I was taught to believe I’m only human. Something I had to discover for myself through weird things like this that I’m most definitely not.

In any case, the one thing I’ve given a great deal of thought about knowing this has been…

Life. And death.

Through this inadvertent act alone, I’ve killed nearly 2000 people alone. I’ve since learned that’s potentially just the tip of the iceberg, which has had me actively asking: Am I a good man?

It’s a tough question.

Like the President and a number of other world leaders. These people decisions, all the time, which both makes their careers and lives worth living, but it also costs people lives. Sometimes, tens of thousands of lives.

Knowing what I know about the universe, something that I’ve been taught over the last several years I do not doubt because of Katrina and other similarly related events, I don’t mourn these people. I know that on my stage they exited, but on another version of Earth that’s where they now quite likely never know what happened here. I’ve found ample proof of alternate realities and universes,

So yes, the answer is – yes I’m a good man.

Had I actually known what I was doing AND who I was – I’d have diverted my attention elsewhere. You can’t say what I did was a direct result of negligence or maliciousness, according to everything I’d consciously known at that time, nothing like what actually happened was remotely possible by me – or any living being.

Accordingly. I pay careful attention to where I place my attention nowadays.

I don’t like spending a great deal of time in welfare offices where there’s a bunch of ghetto crap going on around me, because I know that my utter hatred of this will manifest in ways that may not benefit the world around me.

I know that my boredom causes me to sink into depression, and I tend to get extremely negative.

Which results in bombings and other nasty shit happening around the world.

So- I keep myself entertained as much as possible.

I filter out these news sources which has a tendency to create a feedback loop in my mind which lends itself to further negative thoughts.

And I do my best to maintain positive spirits.

It’s not that I have anything to fear. I know I don’t.

I just know I have to keep myself controlled, mentally.

Katrina’s the lesson for that.

AS a final aside – I don’t ‘blame’ myself for the deaths and destruction that occurred with Hurricane Katrina.

There’s no one to really blame for this.

It just is what it is.

A lesson.

Don’t Try Suicide

Among the regrets I have, there’s one BIG one I have.

Attempted suicide.

In 2005, for a variety of reasons, I willingly tried and became addicted to cocaine.

By the time 2007 hit, I had a $1000 a month habit, which crept up to about $1400 a month by 2009 when I was finally reaching a point where I was tired of the habit.

Now don’t get me wrong. I had fun with it, and I don’t feel foolish for having tried it…

Why did I try it to begin with though?

Jackie hates it when I say I blame her. I don’t. A number of my friends – from Spencer, Joe – to Jackie, to my ex – Lisa’s friends, to my buddy Bill who admitted he did it when he was younger – all stacked up making me realize how much I didn’t like judging these people I cared about and called lovers and friends.

So when Jackie came around, I knew the odds were good that partying with her with this drug would quite likely result in us hooking up. So yes, Jackie was among the reasons I jumped at the the opportunity she presented.

But that’s not the only reason. I’d been working a great deal – and enjoyed late night hours, and Vivarin along with coffee along with all over the counter substances was increasingly ineffective – particularly if I wanted a social life and to hang out with my friends. Cocaine offered an opportunity to need less sleep.

Finally, there’s this thing called addiction. I’d sincerely believed I wasn’t like others and wouldn’t become addicted. So cocaine offered an opportunity to test out this belief.

I was wrong.

So by the time 2010 hit, shortly after returning to the states after spending six months away – having successfully kicked the habit only to return and within two weeks feel the impulses return……

….. and my $1000 a month habit resume.

With Kena and I really not acting like boyfriend/girlfriend any long when I returned from my trip overseas – I had begun – in earnest – to curb the addiction.

In vain.

Opportunity after opportunity arose- whether it was with Jackie wanting to hang out, with a random girl – Tiffany – I met on myspace – or it was Nikki Putnam re-entering my life, oddly discussing a vividly told story about her talking to me in the parking lot at Cactus where she was indicated overtly her interest in me.

An opportunity I would have jumped at had I had it – and it was the first time I began actively questioning…

What – exactly – is cocaine?

It’s a question I noodled on for years – beyond the addiction I came to understand it is directly related to mind control, the CIA’s introduction of it to the United States and it’s use in programs like MKUltra…..

But that’s not the topic of this blog entry, is it?

So from 2010 until 2011, I tried everything to kick the habit. I tried looking for opportunities abroad, to put some distance between me and my supplier and social circle who engaged in the same activities – not 100% sure if I was only trying to escape my supplier but enjoying travel I really didn’t care.

I was met with road blocks every time.

And then – I had an opportunity in North Carolina consulting for Wells Fargo.

The urges resumed within two weeks of me finding a home there. And I couldn’t deal with how tired I was all the time. That’s the thing about cocaine – it made it possible to stay up all night partying like a rock star without sleep – and as long as I continued it, I only crashed after about two days..

But this lack of sleep.

And my attempts to stop the addiction by means of isolating myself away from my suppliers making the supply highly inconvenient and prone to legal issues should I attempt to obtain it in Charlotte, which was enough of a motivator for me not to pursue it.

For two weeks.

I started looking into alternatives.

That’s when I learned something interesting things about cocaine.

Adderall, Ritalin, and many high blood pressure medications all leverage a small amount of pure cocaine in their products. Coca Cola – still – to this day leverages Coca Leaves and claim the Cocaine is extracted from it – which most of it is – and it’s sent to a pharmaceutical company in Maryland which makes – you guessed it – Ritalin and Adderall.

Coca Cola still contains trace amounts of cocaine. Which at one point is what made it so highly addictive.

So I found a local doctor who freely prescribed Adderall. I told him I had focusing issues which was the truth and I also lied a little – telling him I’d been on it before – it was a half truth – I’d been on what Adderrall was derived from – cocaine. So while it definitely helped – it didn’t help me from feeling tired all the time.

You see. I liked my midnight hours and enjoyed strolling in to work later – at 10 or so…

But the addiction – had taken it’s toll. And I was sleeping 12 hours a night.

So about a week of this goes by. And I’m doing more investigating.

I ask “Are there any substances LIKE cocaine which are legally obtainable from area spice shops?”

That’s when I found Bath Salts. And no, not the kind you put in your tub. It turned out to be an artificial substance created from a similar chemical compound as cocaine synthesized into a drug called MPDV.

Or Bath Salts.

Now here’s the thing about sleep.

All the drugs I took were not hallucinogenics. There’s not a single part of these substances which causes hallucinations like a chemical such as LSD or mushrooms might do.

And Bath Salts. Was my legal surrogate to Cocaine.

I’d found my miracle drug – and it was only 10 minutes away from me in Charlotte, it was completely legal, and it was a fraction of the cost of cocaine at $8 to $10 a gram.

And I soon learned my body will naturally hallucinate when I don’t get enough sleep.

Which soon had me questioning – what is a hallucination?

No, really. When I began breaking down the barriers of consciousness, and began having these weird experiences called hallucinations from a prolonged lack of sleep, I became convinced I was discovering a new world.

For years prior to this point, I’d been taking smart drugs, whether it was fish oil, other things containing omega 3’s, and was always trying new mixes because I’d always felt – strangely – like I wasn’t thinking as clearly as I could. Often times, I felt – mentally slow compared to others I knew, like I couldn’t keep up, so I tried – HARD – to remove something that seemed to mysteriously be artificially limiting my ability to think.

So when Bath Salts came along. While Cocaine provided a highly stimulating experience, the bath salts presented something altogether new – like I could think in circles ‘around’ my previous limiting thought processes.

Now this isn’t an advertisement of advocacy for addictive substances – especially for bath salts. The experiences are so ‘out there’ that one man in Los Angeles was seen running around naked convinced zombies were chasing him. Others lost their mind.

And yours truly.

I didn’t fully understand what I was seeing and experiencing.

But I persisted with it.

So let’s cut to the chase.

In 2011, around August, I was out in the Mojave Desert trying to find a gas station.

I’d gone – by this time – maybe 2 weeks with no more than about 10 hours of sleep, and had been driving around Southern California, Arizona, and Nevada, taking note of the different hallucinations I was having based on the location. I was at.

The hallucinations, at first in North Carolina – were scary. I was intensely paranoid, saw cameras and people chasing me all over, I was fearful of being targeted by a hit, and I saw robotic things all over – a robotic bird with a Get Smart style cheesy gun in it’s mouth, I saw a holographic furbie pop up out of the kitchen floor, I saw extremely agile robotic gophers, and more. so much more.

But after these initial experiences. Not really understanding what I had seen, I overcame the fear – as I was too curious about what I’d experienced.

I’ll put it this way – I’ve been a lover of science fiction and fantasy my entire life. I’d just seen and experienced things that leapt straight from the pages of my favorite comic books and spy movies – firsthand.

And I most decidedly wasn’t ready to dismiss my experiences as not real….

But what were they?

So while traveling around in and around the southwest, I saw similar things to what I’d seen before.

Giant truck sized robots in the desert with 6 legs walking around – oddly – just barely visible almost as if they were shifted outside of my visual range and my mental state was now exposing them…..

A woman that slinked around unnaturally at a subway restaurant, reminding me of Terminator robots for some reason….

Outside of Sedona, I saw – similar to the giant robots – tiny robots all scurrying around me fast. A couple of them were flying. some were on the ground, no taller than a foot tall. All – again – slightly out of visual range.

And then there’s the Giant Sequoias at Redwood National Forest. I saw them when they and the entire Yosemite valley looked like it had just been planted.

This all about suicide though.

So here I am. Experimenting. Driving around. Checking out the scenery.

But I am still not understanding what I’m seeing.

So one day. Driving towards Las Vegas not far from Barstow, the landscape turned from the desert I’d grown up in and around – and revealed a horrific landscape that was blown out by nuclear war.

I drove.

And drove.

And drove.

Everywhere I looked – mountains, hills, and the entirety of the desert landscape had been decimated by what I’d previously seen in movies and tv shows as a landscape barraged by nuclear bombs.

I’d felt things, all along with bath salts.

Strange things. Indescribable things. There’s a visceral, almost sinister feeling about them.

And as I drove, seeing my gas gauge go down, looking for a gas station in this landscape, I began to cry.

Now here’s the thing. If it was just visual, I’d have been able to walk away and dismiss it all as not real, or not fact.

But I could smell the burnt terrain. It smelled. Sickening. Like burnt human skin. And the feel of the radiation on my own skin. It felt unnaturally hot, and if I didn’t know any better – almost searing.

As I ran out of gas, on the side of the road, and tried waving people down, I realized – every face in the trucks that passed by looked exactly the same. And looked synthetic – like an android.

I believed. That I’d caused this all.

And that my world had been destroyed because of my desire to understand what I was seeing, hearing, and feeling with these hallucinated experiences.

A part of me thought my evil twin brother had done this to me.

But in truth.

As I sat, hopelessly in this post apocalyptic landscape – convinced I’d been the cause of World War 3, and as I began realizing I had been tampering with time and space itself through my own mind with these drugs….

A fleeting thought came to me.

If I am no longer here.

If I remove myself from this world. Forcefully. By committing suicide.

I’ll never know if that fixes things.

But I hoped it would.

So in the most difficult moment of my life, in this post apocalyptic world, I pulled the blade of a Swiss Army Knife, and cut four inches down my left arm’s artery.

Believing. In my heart of hearts. That I was saving this world.

The ultimate sacrifice. My own life. For the life of this world I cared so deeply about.

I didn’t think of it that way at the time. But I sincerely believed my not being around would fix heal the world.

….

In 1980, I was electrocuted, 6000 volts going through my body, leaving a black third degree burn on my chest.

There’s a part of me that believes the world I saw back when I tried committing suicide was the subatomic world that had ravaged my young body when I was only 11 years old.

There’s a part of me that thinks I could have shifted into an alternate reality and saw a very real terminator world.

Both explanations are valid.

And now that I’ve come to understand imagination better.

And what formulates – nay – what creates this world is me – my thoughts – my desires – my fears – my experiences – all serve to create and expand this thing I call reality.

I regret overreacting.

And if I could go back in time.

I’d go to that moment in time.

Moments before the suicide attempt, I’d shift my mind into the body of a real robot.

After the attempt. I’d then tell myself.

“Don’t do that again”

I wouldn’t tell myself why.

Or who I was becoming. And how profound that experience in the desert was that day – despite how scary it was – was needed for my own discovery of this thing called imagination, and the possibilities it presents.

But yes, I regret it.

And like many regrets I have.

After what I’ve seen and experienced.

I have no doubt that this world is especially equipped to provide for me the tools and technologies to not just alter these events and/or experience past opportunities anew…

But to also assist me in opening up two businesses based on my remaining desire to explore and serve.

My first business, a delivery business which caters to the rich and famous around the world – will have me acting as a delivery driver for the well heeled client who wants food from their favorite restaurant on the other side of the world. Delivered instantly.

So say for instance you’re Bill Gates and live and you’re currently in Seattle, well contact yours truly – Q – and I can have your favorite Italian food delivered instantly from Italy. For a meager delivery fee of say $5 grand.

Hey, my time’s valuable, and the service I’d be offering with instant food delivery around the world would be one of a kind unique, no one else I know is doing this.

This way, it creates a win/win. I’m not leveraging time travel to disrupt economies or make money by investing in companies in the past to reap the profits today. No, instead I make the money now – by providing a highly unique service AND I (hopefully) get to discover the best restaurants in the world.

My second business. After this first one. I’ll be exploring places across space and time and finding ‘destinations’ to take people on tours to.

For instance. I might take a Patrick Stewart to see Shakespeare – live. I might take Mel Gibson and a few others I select to see Jesus. For real. I might take Scarlett Johannson on a date in the 25th century just because I can.

So my second business is alternate reality and time travel tours. I’ll find safe destinations that I can control all the variables in to my satisfaction, and provide a service to a variety of clientele by taking them – you – on tours to these locations. Heck, I might even help you migrate there if that’s what floats your boat.

The way I look at time and space after my terminator journey is this:

The only thing I have to fear. Is nothing.

In a literal sense. Nothing.

I know what’s possible. Fiction makes it pretty clear there’s some heinous shit out there, so I’ve segmented my worlds by refusing to call these other realities fictional anymore. They exist. They all exist. Somewhere. But that doesn’t mean I want them all coming here, nor will I be likely to visit all these other locations either.

Some sure. Terminator world. Definitely. It intrigues me. But chances are, I wont be taking passengers with me.

But who knows.

Calling my experiences a hallucinations just because you – and others – couldn’t see them – doesn’t make my experiences wrong or yours wrong either. We can experience two very different things and coexist in the ‘space and time’, but this doesn’t mean the perceptory experience is shared and the same.

After all.

You might be me. And I have no desire – yet at least – to see a world full of me’s.

In any case. A part of me died that day in the desert.

My inner child.

No longer am I that naive little boy looking at a world saying ‘This is it”.

I know there’s more to it.

 

Creating a divergent world and talking to my selves

One of the things I have given a great number of mental cycles to has been – how can I create an interactive world of choices with divergent events and alternate realities?

For example. Let’s say I create a character named Edward. Clearly I’m bursting a creative brain cell with that name.

I have a firm idea of Edward’s personality: He’s a pacifist, but at the same time he’s an adventurer. He hates warfare and combat, but at the same time doesn’t mind these activities in ways that don’t feel like it’s real. Put specifically, if he had on his conscience the burden of having to kill a million people with a nuclear bomb, in my ‘game’ world he MIGHT do it, because you and I both know he’s disassociated from it, but should he be faced with the same choice in the real world, he might not make the same choice.

So I figure – why not build a world not just for the Edwards of this world – but for MANY different play styles.

For instance, there’s Doug. Doug. Loves. Killing things. if it was legal in the real world, he might even do it there. He’s been in trouble when he was young for killing small animals, and while he’s managed to socially reform himself to ‘fit in’ with structure, it’s tenuous, at best at times, but he manages.

Now Doug, in a virtual world – might enjoy the action of missions that require taking out big monsters and beasts. He may relish the idea of being the bad ass on the block. He might even love the idea of playing a villain and beating the good guys. So combat is this guy’s shtick.

And then. You have Margaret. She’s new to games altogether. In real life, she’s a prostitute – she markets herself differently and calls herself a companion because her clients shell out $5000 an hour for her time, and this income affords her a great deal of leisure time albeit at a cost to her social life, which she leverages a world I am creating to indulge herself.

Now Margaret in real life – secretly wants to rule the world. She uses sex to conquer her males, but there are certain limitations and struggles to the time and energy she has to commit to achieving world domination in ‘the real world’, where the virtual world offers her the ability to satiate these desires.

So herein we have a conflict of interest. Margaret and Doug both want world domination. In a world I ultimately built and control. And they aren’t the only ones who want this.

And then you have Edward. Who’s just as happy doing exploration and resource gathering runs for well heeled differently motivated people such as Margaret and Doug.

Traditional world constructs and these things called video games create leader boards.

Sometimes there are numerous leader boards which track things such as ‘in game wealth’, or ‘experience’ or ‘pvp kills’, and typically once you’re ranking on one of these leaderboards it becomes a long term struggle to both maintain that position.

Which all has me thinking….

What if I approach the construct of building a world – differently?

What if I do some research to find out the primary play styles of this thing called ‘life’ in the real world.

Off the top of my head I can think of Doctors. Engineers & Scientists. Lawyers. Politicians. Military and Warfare Types. Intelligence. Entrepreneurs & Business People. Information Management (ie: Programmers), Explorers and Experimenters, and finally there’s Support.

Let’s say everyone ‘gets into’ this world the same way. You start with selecting your character gender, your primary role, and you shape that character’s basic features – body type, breast size, hand size, height, hair and eye color, etc.

And from there – you pursue opportunities in the form of quests which not only provide your character experience….

But here’s where I am deviating from the norm of development….

Which in turn literally shapes the world you live in and what’s available to you based on the decisions you make.

For instance.

Let’s say you are Edward.

You’re attracted to the Explorers and Experimenters chain. Which – as he begins making more and more choices down this line of inquiry, the world expands and unfolds, dynamically, based on this line. You don’t kill, you choose to gather and make runs and explorer new territory narrowly avoiding the perils you’re confronted with.

And over time, Edward’s world has developed into a subtle reflection of him and his choices. There might be dynamic ‘news’ created which applauds someone else a world away for their achievements in his chosen line of inquiry. There might be dynamic events which unfold in this world which invite Edward to continue participating in the community and expand it’s possibilities further.

And there are ALWAYS hints of the other lines of inquiry – that are available to Edward at any time.

So for instance, let’s say Edward gets to level 42 in this world and gets tired of the Exploration and Experimenters line he’d been so entertained with for most of his time. But he still thoroughly loves the world he helped created through his interests and participation. But now – he wants to investigate another line of inquiry – Information Management. While he may be starting at ‘ground zero’ for this line of inquiry – it too begins expanding and influence the world around him as he pursues investigating it and taking ‘quest’s in it –  so by the time Edward’s 50th anniversary in this world occurs – he’s created a very unique blend of a largely peaceful world and quite likely has come to realize he’s the one – in part – combined with the programmer (yours truly) – responsible for unfolding it.

Now put this in contrast to Doug. He pursues military lines of inquiry.

He loves war. Digs it in fact. And the more he gets of it. The more he wants. So the ‘program’ I envision’ invites Doug to do this. Does Doug want to wage world war and seek conquest of this world through domination and war? The program I create absolutely encourages Doug to do this. Challenges are presented to Doug to continue this path. Psychologically speaking, I might introduce elements to create paranoia which might convince Doug to strike first lest he get struck down. I’ll present and create threats which if left unchecked, may destabilize him. And when they destabilize him, they may create countries, they may factionalize and team up, they may even learn from his strategies and leverage those same strategies against him.

So Doug’s world. Struggles to maintain peace as long as Doug continues to fight war. In much the same way Edward’s world of exploration and experimentation is a reflection of him, so is Doug’s world.

But let’s say like Edward, Doug tires of this warfare. He exclaims “It’s always the same. Bigger enemies. Bigger badder countries, and while I always win and take what I want, I am beginning to lack fulfillment from this.”

So like Edward, he chooses something new – something I hadn’t thought of….

Something that evolved between three worlds.

Marketing.

You see, Margaret got involved with her world, but kept in close contact with her friend Doug in real life, and realized that with her chosen profession – entrepreneurship and business – the real money wasn’t to be made inside the system even though she played the role and quest line’s she’d been tasked with.

She realized the real money – and entertainment – was acting as a liaison between different worlds.

You see – like the game – in real life she was an entrepreneur.

And she wasn’t just interested in making money in a closed system.

So she learned how to capitalize on the game ‘from the outside’.

She knew people like Doug and Edward wouldn’t understand there were many different worlds outside the one they saw and interacted with. So she created real world education programs to teach people about it. And while she was a pauper online, offline, she became the second wealthiest woman in the world.

And her world online.

While modest.

Tiny even by comparison to Edward’s and Doug’s.

The next version of my program will include the ability to see and interact in other people’s worlds.

Thanks to Margaret’s keen observation skills.


In Phoenix in 2002/2003, I made the decision to NOT be agreeable with my business partners, and soon saw myself booted out of my own company.

This ‘diverged’ reality.

Created a completely separate version of Earth.

Where that version of me became fabulously wealthy. But I was unhappy. In a loveless marriage. And the only time people came to me was when they wanted money.

So I became paranoid.

Reclusive.

And died alone.

And in this world. You know that man and his life as Bill Gates.

Shortly after this, I was offered a job with the NSA in 2002/2003.

I was offered a hefty sum of money and was refused the offer because the price was too high – I would be required to completely disconnect from my family and friends, entirely, and any known associates for the entirety of my employment.

A deal which I said no.

My family and friends have always been too important to me.

In an alternate reality, another version of me said yes.

And while I loved what I did – I became intensely lonely, which led to the development and discovery of an alternate reality version of myself who had what I thought to be ‘the perfect’ life.

To be fair, this man believed I was intent on destroying my friendships and relationships by my drug use.

And while these friendships and relationships were still intact, on his exiting employment with the NSA, he decided to trade places with me in this world, leaving his behind, and winding up forceably making me homeless.

AS this man came to this world, I came to understand energy and the influences across realities and with it – also obtained many of his memories from his world timeline. Which also included the memories of once being Bill Gates.

And the education for both of us is this:

His choices to choose an isolated life was his own.

His choices to supplant me from my life because he deserved it only happened because I needed to understand the MUCH bigger picture of what formed these alternate realities, how many gyrations – past lives – I’ve been through in developing this world – but the drug addiction…

Was never a choice I made.

It was influenced by a man in an alternate reality who did something he regretted.

And that regret was so powerful.

It caused the drug addiction.

Because ultimately, I didn’t just want to – but I needed to understand time as it related to alternate realities and why all this and the funky education that came with it all was necessary for me to become what I wanted to the most.

A being like Q.

Without the loneliness and feelings that I didn’t have any friends.

I’d like to meet you. I know you’re not evil. But I’m starting to understand and am not interested in ‘changing’ what is to resume that old life. You’re right. I was done with it, but not because I was done with the friends and family.

It is because I wanted to move forward and found a reason to believe for the first time in my life.

I know you’re reading this.

I can see it.

And no, I can’t take your place – yet – in your old reality. Yet. In fact. It may no longer exist (even though I know you believe differently)

 

 

 

What If – The Attack on the Twin Towers had been prevented?

I am The Watcher.

Since time out of mind. I have observed the rise and fall of civilizations, of worlds, of galaxies.

I know all that is, most that has been, and much of what will be.

I have also many windows into the strange parallel worlds of what might have been.

For none, save a Watcher can truly know what could have happened – but for the invisible workings of an incomprehensible fate.

For instance…

What if the terrorist attack of the twin towers in New York on that fateful day of September 11th, 2001 had been prevented?


I know as well as do you privileged ones now receiving my telepathic message that this has never happened — at least not in your time continuum.

But there are worlds within worlds — and Worlds which exist side by side with your own, separated from it only by the thinnest quantum string.

In a different world, the axis powers won World War 2.

And in yet another world, the United States never entered the battle.

Like the past, and present, there exists alternative versions of Earth’s future, which depend on any number of variables, of untold millions of possible futures.

Yet it is the past we are concerned with for the moment – not the future.

A past in which two fateful decisions made it possible for a small group of people consumed with hatred to strike at the heart of the United States of America to tear down an American icon – and in the process impact the country in catastrophic ways.


From 1997 until 2001, after training by the United States and the Central Intelligence Agency, The CIA helped Osama bin Laden with training and financial support to build an underground camp at Khost, which bin Laden used to train Mujahideen soldiers.

In 1998 Intelligence agencies in the United States received credible evidence that Bin laden was playing both sides, and two simultaneous bombings at two American embassies in Africa on August 7, 1998 were directly attributable to Bin Laden and Al Qaeda.

Shortly after the embassy bombings, key members in the U.S. government claimed that Osama bin Laden was responsible. They issued a lengthy indictment of bin Laden and many of his associates in the late fall of 1998. According to court documents, the U.S. government had actually been tracking a bin Laden cell operating in Kenya before the bombings and they were able to quickly link these men to the bombings. Several were arrested and brought to the U.S. for trial. Other key operatives escaped and are still at large.

The intelligence agencies couldn’t agree on the accuracy of the information received.

With a great deal of resources by the FBI, CIA, and NSA focusing more on where intelligence gathering went awry with the embassy bombings in 1998, this left the door wide open for the events of 9/11 and toppled buildings one and two of the world trade center in New York.

But in our alternate reality, the credible evidence linking Bin Laden and Al Qaeda to the embassy bombings never came to light in 1998.

The embassy bombings were branded as an isolated incident by radical anti-American extremists.

Who, as in our reality, were put to trial and received a life sentence in prison.

But unlike our reality, the CIA maintained ties with AL Qaeda and proceeded with funding them to fight a faux war which continued in the Middle East.

In our reality, the evidence demonstrating the ties of the embassy bombings in 1998 to Al Qaeda led to the discovery that the Ottoman Empire – a brutally oppressive dictatorship which had been abolished in World War 1 – was trying to reform itself – and was moving forward with a plan to supplant the United States as the world super power by leveraging fear and intimidation to reinforce a world union they controlled.

In our reality, this evidence led to the discovery that the middle east war had long been staged, with the primary goal of depleting both the world’s superpowers – first Russia and second the United States – of money.

In our reality, this succeeded in destabilizing Russia, which is still recovering from the endless wars it waged in Afghanistan.

So when the United States discovered the correlations of Al Qaeda and Bin Laden to the embassy attacks. Bin Laden and Al Qaeda along with the 13 other Arab nations realized their long term plan to reform the Ottoman Empire was leading to tenuous relationships with the CIA which directly threatened their long term plan.

In an effort to instill fear in the target population – the United States – Bin Laden and Al Qaeda put together a plan to create as much fear as possible as fast as possible by toppling an American Icon with the World Trade Centers – at the same time maximizing casualties.

And the rest is history and “Will forever be remembered as 9/11”

In our alternate reality, Bin Laden and Al Qaeda was never implicated in the crimes against the embassy.

Bin Laden always made it clear he was seeking weapons of mass destruction.

On January 29, 2002, US President George W Bush declared publicly that North Korea was named in the ‘Axis of Evil’.

In both realities, this announcement came when it was discovered that North Korea had actively been pursuing weaponized nuclear weapon programs.

In our reality, it was discovered that Iran through Al Qaeda had provided resources to North Korea, resources which had been provided indirectly through the CIA, and had made their end goals clear – to dominate the world with their own form of governance.

Where in our alternate reality, these ties were never discovered.

Al Qaeda was never implicated in anything.

And over the next several years, in our alternate reality version of Earth where the World Trade Center attacks never occurred – they perfected delivery and transportation of nuclear materials through public methods of transportation which could then be used in fission bombs assembled at the destination using locally manufactured parts.

Subsequently, in our alternate reality, the United States refuses to become involved in the war in middle east.

And for the next several years, there’s relative peace.

However. In our alternate reality version of 2008, Iran and Saudi Arabia, a formal public announcement is made about the reformation of the Ottoman Empire.

The United States soon discovers its media has actively been manipulated as information surfaces which reveals bombings that occurred in London have been covered up stateside, and those who discuss the bombings in London are warned not to by a mysterious agency known as Homeland Security.

In our alternate reality Earth, In 2008, not longer after the announcement in the middle east, the public realization of news manipulation results in paranoia and fear, as the United States reinstates conscription and quickly begins to ramp up it’s armed forces to take action in the middle east to prevent the reformation of the Ottoman Empire.

Over the course of the next six months, the CIA working with the NSA and FBI paint a picture showing Al Qaeda’s instrumental ties making the reformation of the Ottoman Empire possible. It’s also realized that Al Qaeda, along with the entirety of the Ottoman Empire, now has nuclear capabilities.

Unprompted. Three 666 kiloton nuclear bombs are detonated in the Phoenix, Arizona metropolitan area, seven 666 kiloton nuclear bombs are detonated in Los Angeles, California, and four 666 kiloton bombs are detonated in Las Vegas, Nevada, with one final 666 kiloton bomb being detonated at Area 51.

Within an hour of the bombings in this alternate reality, communication across the United States is cut, and a familiar face comes across all channels.

It’s Bin Laden. Who’s now speaking fluent English without an interpreter.

He immediately takes responsibility for the bombings, on behalf of the Ottoman Empire, and demands an immediate and unconditional surrender by the United States to the Ottoman Empire.

The remaining politicians meet in Washington DC and convene to discuss what happens next.

Anticipating this, thirteen 666 kiloton nuclear bombs are then triggered in and around the Washington DC, taking out the President, the central offices of the CIA, NSA, and FBI, along with the mobilizing civilian and military leadership at the Pentagon.

Lacking leadership of any kind, the United States falls quickly as Chinese and North Korean led troops, long known as allies in our reality feigning an adversarial relationship, as their ground troops easily overrun the remaining leaderless United States military.

Within a very short period of time, the United States falls under a brutal totalitarian regime.

And while the twin towers still stand.

The people of the United States no longer do in this alternate reality.

The Art Of Making Others Right

Most of my life, I’d been a paranoid cynic.

It didn’t help I knew and know what I know how to do with computers, which not only fueled my suspicions of others, but gave me a mechanism to prove my suspicions were accurate and that most people weren’t to be trusted.

My own father, for instance, in 1996 I had just purchased a slightly used Chevrolet Corvette Special Edition, Triple Burgundy Convertible – and took it over to my mom and dad’s place to show it off.

My father looked at me with a smile, and said “Let me take it out”

I refused to.

Now I can’t change history. And would LOVE to take back that decision I’ve come to regret many times over since then, but the fact of the matter was – I just didn’t trust anyone – even my wife – to drive the car.

It didn’t help that I was paying nearly a grand a month in insurance for the thing.

But this was… My baby. It was a status symbol that I’d busted my ass for and I wasn’t going to let anyone drive it.

Even my own father.

Regrets. Among the reason I wish, every day, for the ability to time travel.

My distrust I had felt was rationally grounded, and I looked for and found evidence not to trust anyone I knew as far as I could throw them, ex wives, friends, you name it – I just didn’t give any of them any more than I was willing to let go of permanently.

That all changed.

On a trip to Singapore for work in 2009, I’d been invited for lunch the second day of my arrival with Calvin Chin, a local military leader in Singapore and really cool man in general.

He wanted to introduce me to the local cuisine, thrust me into it – so we – a small group of four of us – went to what he referred to as a “Food Court”, which wasn’t anything like a food court I’d ever seen in the United States.

Here’s a picture off the internet of Hawker Center, which I think is the place we went to:

As we arrived, I was flabberghasted – the place was huge. Two stories, I would estimate around 150 different restaurants offering a large variety of cuisine for pretty much anything Asian.

It was awesome.

So as we walked up to this EXTREMELY busy place, everyone in my party set their keys and cell phones on a clear table that we were claiming.

“Let’s eat,” Calvin said.

I looked at the table. I then looked at all the people, as I said to Calvin:

“Wait, you’re just going to leave this here, isn’t anyone going to stay behind and watch it?” I said.

He looked at me, knowingly and said “They’ll be fine. Let’s go!”

I looked around for cameras. There were none. I looked around for security. There was none.

I was truly mystified. How could they have such a high level of trust?

It didn’t make sense.

I went and picked up some chicken. It was only ok, I wouldn’t rave about it, but there was a lesson I was missing in this place that I needed to understand, as I arrived first at the table, looking for my co-workers, who arrived within minutes of me sitting down.

“So. Aren’t any of you afraid of thieves?,” I said.

Calvin smiled and looked at his co-workers “No man, you’re in Singapore, shit like that doesn’t happen here”

The next day, we went to another food court, with a different group of people.

The same thing happened.

I just didn’t get it.

I was missing something, huge.

The same most certainly wasn’t true of Hong Kong or anywhere else I visited in Asia.

Only in Singapore.

But that incidence alone, made me begin to think.

What is security?

When I was growing up, I used to have to be reminded by my mom and dad to lock the doors.

I’d hear stories from them about how when they grew up – no one locked their doors, and how we were living in different times now, and why it wasn’t safe nowadays to lock them.

But I couldn’t help but wonder – what – in a cultural mindset – happens to make a small place like Singapore feel so extraordinarily safe and secure while bordering a country like Malaysia and being a stone’s throw from Indonesia where theft and petty crime could so easily spill over the borders as it had with Mexico in the United States?

What was I missing?

I thought back to the time with my father.

I suppose it was all of that which made me begin to openly wonder about history, about what I’d been told about people in general, and where I came up with the ultimate challenge for my own mind:

What happens if I intentionally start looking for evidence that people are good?

What if I intentionally start looking for evidence that what history’s villains did – is justified?

Not just from their perspective, but from a societal perspective.

I set my sights on Adolf Hitler. The world’s most ill-reputed villain, and began to research the positive impacts of what he did in World War 2.

At first, I learned more about the religious basis behind it all. How World War 2 in actuality was a continuation of events that had gone as far back as the birth of Christ.

The patterns I was finding with religion was weird – Hitler killed the Jews. The Jews killed Jesus. In India, the symbol of peace for Hinduism was the same as the symbol Hitler used. There’s more, but I won’t get into it.

So I asked myself – what’s higher than religion.

Since what he did seems to be a direct result of all the world’s religions, is there a root cause to what provoked him, and could I trace down ‘benefit’ of his actions through this root cause?

It’s tough. To find reasons why and when genocidal killing is justified.

Around the same time, I re-watched an episode of Star Trek – Next Generation – where Captain Picard is assimilated by the Borg and is used as a pawn to destroy an entire fleet of starships at the battle of Wolf 359 – where thousands of lives were lost – many his friends, and when he was released by the Borg to reclaim his humanity, he couldn’t forgive himself for what he’d done.

I remember someone in the episode saying something along the lines of “No man should have to live with the guilt of knowing what he did to his own people”

At first, when I learned that Sweden was forced to become vegetarian when Hitler’s troops were in town and that this lifestyle change alone has been credited with saving hundreds of thousands of lives, and projecting into the future, this could account for millions of lives over future generations.

But all of it.

Began to make me question.

Was Hitler the pawn in a much larger game?

Who does the evidence point to? Which society and culture on this planet is vegetarian?

India and Hindus.

Which made me question – how did a rural agrarian economy known as India which can barely afford food suddenly find themselves so technologically advanced and among the most in demand workers in the world?

Growing up, I’d never seen nor met a single India Indian.

Yet here we are, and they’re everywhere….

Was there more to Gandhi than meets the eye?

Was America being invaded?

Has our history been tampered with?

Dating an India Indian woman as our relationship was souring certainly didn’t help with my paranoia, so I decided to bring it closer to home, and quit overanalyzing the situation.

And then. I thought about my dad.

I’d had problems with my Corvette throughout the time I owned it. Arizona’s too hot for older stock Corvettes, and I’d noticed there were NUMEROUS other Corvettes that were broken down on the road where I’d never noticed them before.

Strangely, I’d noticed the same phenomenon when I had my Jeep back in High School.

Where I had never noticed broken down Jeeps on the side of the road before, hen I got my Jeep, I noticed there were many.

By 2011. I began to realize the obvious.

That my mind.

My fears. My paranoia. My beliefs. Were responsible for creating the very world around me. They had been my entire life, and while I was exiting a phase where I was ‘out of control’ with this method of operation and entering a new phase of my life where I would have substantially more control of it….

I knew I had to start making better choices of what to believe.

Why I believed in it.

And believe in more.

More fun stuff.

More things that pleased me.

Made me feel good.

And let go of my infantile beliefs that my paranoia and fear was substantiable by proof.

AS long as you, whether you’re the United States looking for terrorists, or you, as a person with a home, believe the things you’re told to fear, those fears will control you and the decisions you make.

When you stop being guided by those fears.

And stop leveraging people and groups such as Hitler. Genghis Khan. The Unabomber. And the 9/11 attackers to substantiate your belief there’s a world to fear.

There will be a world to fear.

It really is that simple.

I chose to stop believing in your fantasies of death and destruction and bombs and chaos when I saw my worst fears in 2011, and walked away from it with a newfound belief there’s more to this world than I will ever imagine.

God. The Easter Bunny. Santa Claus. Time Lords. The X-Men.

And me, Q.

We’re all real.

Something I now know for a fact.

And oddly, this world continues.

Among the reasons I have regrets is because I chose to have them. My life can’t move forward until I’m offered the mechanisms to revisit my past, relive some of them, make some changes, and then – and only then – will I be ready for what’s next.

I always get what I want.

Always.

It’s time you in intelligence services quit labeling me as a terrorist and take a good, long hard look in that mirror for a change. I know why you’re doing what you’re doing. And while I was once you and understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.

I no longer am.

One final thought:

I play video games. Have for most of my life. That’s my entertainment.

I know the mind can transcend time and space and that time is a human concept and doesn’t always apply.

So. As your son, or daughter, or yours truly plays a video game for entertainment, killing thousands because they’re bored, is it possible this avatar they’re leading is Hitler himself?

And Hitler, like Picard, was nothing more than an avatar in someone else’s game?

It’s possible. That’s all I am saying. Doesn’t make it fact, which is why it’s called history and why I choose to accept the stories I’m told about the planet around me.

This doesn’t apply to my own life and family and friendships.

Which to me. Are NOT one and the same.

 

How My Mind Works

My life has mostly been normal, but throughout it there’s been things that have been downright weird.

In part, because of what I am coming to understand is the rather unique way my mind works.

Throughout my life I have come to understand humans and your/their linear sense of time and space, a system where cause always precedes effect in a linearly successive manner.

This system is maintained by times and dates, and it’s this system I have adopted this as my own system.

And while this system works wonderful most of the time, there’s cracks and it’s not always accurate.

And that’s because of the way I, as a Q, think.

Time and Space as I experience it are formed as a projection by my mind

MANY, I’ve come to learn, share this perspective, and with this, share the consequences results of my mind ordering this reality based on the information I receive, as filtered and guided by my desires, experiences, and choices.

What this means is simple.

History. Gravity. Geology. Political Boundaries. Physics. Biology. Current Events. The general morality of the world. Ideologies. Formation of companies. Law. The need for secrecy. I am the glue which holds it all together by the simple acceptance and continued enjoyment of this physical reality.

While this has always been the case as long as I’ve lived, being sincere, I wasn’t aware of this for most of my adult life and started seeing it as a direct result of the consequences of pushing things WAY too far with my use of illicit drugs back in 2011.

And then, once I embarked on the intellectual research into the formation of the mind, reality, and what constitutes fiction and things largely dismissed as not real such as hallucinations, tv shows and movies in fantasy and futuristic realms, and game worlds, I started a process that many refer to as ascension of my mind.

So what I learned about myself – something no textbook will ever tell me is this:

My mind has now, has always, and will always receive all information available to me and preserves it and regards it all as a possibility.

Nothing escapes me.

When I receive information. particularly if the information is valuable, the reality I perceive around me typically integrates it in subtle ways to make it a part of the surrounding world around me.

Typically, the more I receive information of a particular area, the more my reality expands in that direction.

Computers music, pornography, video games all being highlighted areas that serve as examples of this expansion.

My choices and desire influence HOW this information shows up in my world. Which sometimes, resistance by others inhabiting my world create artificial scarcity in areas such as women and money – which make it clear to me that there are things influencing my world against my will.

So let’s say I play a video game and start making modifications to it.

Like I have just recently.

Since I started doing this, I started seeing a much greater demand by companies world wide for programmers, and an emphasis for new technology especially in 3d areas of technology increasing.

Let’s say there’s a song I know, factually, didn’t exist before in a game like Brutal Legend.

My mind will create a history for that song. Backdate it. And make it appear like it’s been there all along.

I’d seen evidence of this before throughout my formative years, where I’d driven down a road a hundred times and a business cropped up saying it had existed there since 1967 and looked it…. And while the cheap way out is dismissing this as marketing manipulation, flaws of my own observation skills, but I choose neither and say….

It’s alternate realities. I’d been playing in them with video games my entire life. I’d seen tv shows and movies on them throughout my life. I’d seen direct evidence of it my entire life with people and things changing impossibly overnight, so the evidence, to me, leads me to believe while I may have one universe I reside in, there are infinite potential others and all I’ve been doing my entire life is trying to understand it all, select and take control of my own mentally, and understand that I shape and own this journey called life in this – my world – and my universe.

Being aware of this. I’ve chosen to FEED my mind that which I want to see more of.

Conversely, I’ve been choosing to NOT FEED my mind information I’m not interested in hearing more about.

I’ve vetoed news. I’m not longer interested in receiving any of it. It’s boring. Eventless. Predictable. And really does nothing but make my brain want to turn to mush. So why let any of it in?

This is news in all forms. All current events. Not allowed in.

So. Being specific.

My mind takes all information in.

It processes it. I consider it consciously, or sometimes just ignore it. And my mind then takes it and places it in the ‘correct filing location’.

If it’s information about the future. In general, this is translated to science fiction and fantasy, and labeled as fiction. While I am now aware consciously this may have been received as very real information from somewhere else across all of time and space, my mind worked to protect me consciously to allow my intellectual development and filed it in such a way that would later make sense and help me understand why fiction was not equivalent to ‘not real’.

Similarly. If it’s information about the past, OR it’s potentially something that fits in nicely to the past, then typically my mind will backdate it and categorize it accordingly.

This isn’t always the case, particularly if it’s inconsistent with the mannerisms and morality of the times depicted.

For instance, with the grind house movies produced by Quentin Tarantino, intentionally created to alter the past with 70s era quality material, the material depicted decidedly did not fit in with the gore and morality of the time, so it was rejected for altering the past and placed as a modern throwback movie instead.

Similarly, with Brad Pitt’s Inglorious Bastards, there seemed to be another goal to see if a movie could alter the past and kill Hitler. Since he’s such a crucial part of our history, the transmission was then filed as a movie and made for some interesting entertainment.

Some movies and other fictional material such as books like Ender’s Game, I’ve become distinctly aware – have been targeted specifically at me to teach me about who i am and/or tell me I’m doing something wrong.

A boy playing a game thinking he’s only playing a game is fighting a very real war and is only told after the war has ended. Games. Whoever sent the message. Were real wars to those who were participating in them, and the war was long done they were trying to say.

There never was a war to begin with is my response.

Source Code. And tv shows like Doctor Who. Show time travel and the efforts my own mind made in repairing time and preventing disasters as they occurred or before they occurred to form this timeline.

All very real manipulations of time and space, the idea introduced through these shows, the reality of it implemented in my own imagination.

About ten years ago, I wondered to myself, what if I’m the one that holds this entire reality together.

That’s a mighty big planet that can collapse on me.

And a mighty big universe.

Not really. Since it’s all imagined.

Doesn’t make it any less real. But seeing what I’ve seen throughout my life, up to and including some experiences which this reality has tried to label and get me to dismiss as fiction and/or hallucinations.

Which I know better than that. I trust what I’ve experienced.

But having gone through what I’ve gone through.

I know there is no real threat to me and my world.

I formed it, after all.

Just as you do yours. And everyone does theirs.

It’s not selfish to know and believe, with every fiber of your being, that I. And everyone. Is all worthy of becoming and being anything we want to. I deserve it. And knowing that you’re all reflections of my own thought. I know you are too. Whether you want it or not.

AS for the drugs and hallucinations.

The reason why most people don’t fully understand the experiences is simple:

It’s a journey into my own mind. I don’t think most rational people would understand it.

Seeing a sidewalk wave like an ocean wave in a hallucination would require an understanding of computer science and how it forms the basis of my reality and perceptual experience. Seeing robots and alternate realities would require intense experience with 3d games and the education in time and space that I have.

I’m suspecting that I’m listened to by intelligence agencies around the world through their own channels. But I’m suspecting I am firmly way ahead in time in contrast to the rest of the world and these same agencies are trying to find a way to knock me off my position.

Not gonna happen

You have other options. But that requires doing something you normally wouldn’t do.

Negotiating.

That’s entirely up to you.

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