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The Recursive Stimulation of Perception

I used to wonder why older people had a tendency to look at what they’d done when they reached a certain age.

A part of the natural transition from body to mind I suspect tends to be doing a personal inventory of one’s life – a self reflection not just of the lessons learned – but how exactly ‘we got to this point’ in space and time and how to make decisions moving forward.

I didn’t understand death before.

It appeared to me when i was young as ‘final’.

Not anymore.

Now I just regard it as a point somewhere in my future where I become bored of my current form and become brave enough to transition away from it to a being whose primary state is mind.

Is it evolution, transcendence or a progression? Only in the sense it’s a progression from one state to another, nothing more than a lateral transfer from one state to another in the same manner that a gas might form a solid might form a liquid.

In the last couple of years, one big thing I’ve realized about reality is that it’s a feedback loop.

That which goes into me, comes out in the world around me in various forms – filtered, mutated, distorted and contorted through the lens of my experiences, education, beliefs and more.

For instance, I got into programming years ago, and while I always played video games, I’d begin actively noodling on the concepts of how to take the knowledge I had of the corporate world – and networking – and how to take video games to the next level.

As if on cue – Everquest – the world’s first MMORPG came out.

As computers boomed and as I focused my attention on these games and the things I loved – especially Worlds of Warcraft over time I couldn’t help but begin noticing there were hundreds of similar games since then.

Somewhere in there I read the book “The Secret”

“Where your energy flows”, or that which I give my attention, the gyst of the book landed on “things grow”

It can’t be that simple, can it?

I mean – was reality nothing more than a feedback loop of the things I paid attention to – being filtered through my wants and desires, my likes and dislikes, segmented – segregated – by my beliefs, experiences, and more?


But as time marched forward.

As I began noticing the movies coming out about books I’d read in my childhood.

Out of hundreds of thousands of books available to me growing up – my favorites were finding their ways to the movies. Whether it was Ender’s Game, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – even the Comic books I’d read and called my favorites – X-Men, Fantastic Four, Spider Man (which I LOVED growing up). Star Trek – an obscure comic I’d read back in the day – all found these franchises expanding…


I tried not to be egocentric about things.

I mean.

I had a roommate back at Arizona State University – Matthew Zeinte – who absolutely wanted to be President of the United States.

I myself shuddered at the thought.

I mean. Who in their right mind wants that kind of responsibility?

Then in about 2011. I started learning things about the universe.

This universe. My universe. Was one of infinite universes. IN much the same vein as a Choose your own Adventure, the story of my universe, the world around me – was constantly in development.

The choices I’d made to pursue an education – a Bachelor’s degree and Masters in International business – in a way similar to the computer simulations I’d played with my entire life – progressed and expanded the offerings within my universe.

My experiences with programming and education was nothing more than a very long education about this reality I was responsible for creating by the choices, desires, passions, beliefs, and goals I’d set for myself throughout my entire life.

It really was… Is that easy.

My world. Is formed as a direct result of everything I am, do, believe, want, desire.

My primary goal is that I want to see it become extremely perverted sexually but in a classy and fun – not trashy way. What, exactly that looks like I don’t know, yet, but I do know it doesn’t feel ‘wrong’, ‘bad”, or negative at all. It’s just this world.

I want it to feel ‘beautiful’ to live in. Not like a mistake to make this choice at all. But this is – natural – where if I walk through a public park and see a young attractive woman who’s wanting to practice the art of fellatio as she sits nude on a bench – where there’s families there – it may feel sexy – but it doesn’t feel wrong at all. This is just how things are.

It’s a test – of society. A diversion from the same ole same ole war and drama this world seems used to. Sure, it’s different, and sure, it’s way over the edge of what’s acceptable right now for most – but to put this in perspective – in a world I envision that’s predicated on sex and pleasure – the war and death that we depict on daily television would feel like an abomination.

Is this world prepared for the openness of a society where sex and intimacy isn’t dictated?

What products and services – video games and movies – would be created if sex was this open and free and violence became outdated?

I guess it’s just this – I’ve been married three times – and intimacy and control in the relationship has been the chief issue in all of them. I don’t like – at all – how sex – the intimate connection of two humans – is made by this society to feel wrong – and deviant unless it’s in specific places and specific times.

Instead. I see people beating the shit out of eachother in front of Starbuck’s.

Instead I see people doing lines of coke on the table in front of kids. Another lady smoking a crack pipe. Another guy with his needle picking up heroine off the floor.

While my choices for drugs and pervasive thoughts of “The Fight Club” may have created this world.

Which is somewhat extreme in ways I don’t like.

What about tipping those scales in another direction – just to see what it’s like?

What if sex ed was taught in parks?

What if people around the world came to America for sex tourism rather than Thailand or Amsterdam?

What if it felt perfectly normal – not even weird, to be relaxing in a Starbuck’s and instead of seeing someone doing a line of coke. Instead there’s an attractive woman who walks up – completely nude – to get her coffee – then relaxes with a butterfly vibrator as she drinks her coffee at the standing tables.

I’m a pervert.

And I’m fine with that.

I prefer thinking like this and wanting an extreme world like this rather than than accepting and believing that the world where violence happens so readily and guns are in every movie and tv show. That’s not the world I want.

And moderation. Something in between.

Being frank, that sounds really boring.

If you don’t like it. Then leave my world. Go make your own universe.

Because this is where mine’s heading.

Years ago, I remember watching “The Dancing Bear” – a series of adult oriented movies featuring men who danced at Bachelorette parties where pretty much every woman performed fellatio and some had intercourse at these big huge gatherings.

I also saw an episode of Slider’s – where the Sliders slid to an alternate reality where the mailman delivered mail in the buff and the woman answering the door for him appeared to not be wearing clothes either.

What if – MEN and WOMEN alike began regarding sex in the same fashion this world regards a handshake. A perfectly normal exchange that happens everywhere. What kind of ‘societal programming’ would it take to ‘swerve’ this ‘Titanic’ of reality in this really unusual direction YET maintain the ‘feel’ that there’s absolutely nothing wrong or amoral about this behavior – that this is perfectly natural YET still highly – if not – moreso – stimulating?

My theory is that there are many ‘minds’ that choose reality – what if we intentionally work together – mentally – to reshape this world in extreme ways like this? I myself have NEVER seen examples in ANY media of what I’m talking about which is why it’s so fascinating to consider.

That is – how do you make both sex and nudity cool, calm, enjoyable, yet still sexy, passionate, engaging – and alter an entire world’s mindset to openly share partners and be ok with being shared themselves?

Mentally – it’s such a trip to imagine how to do that I can think of things I want to see.

But how to get there? With the current dismal and childlike state of porn and classless or childlike portrayal of sex and nudity in entertainment, I just know what NOT to do……. But what to do…. THAT is the question……

One theory I have is – the crew and state of the crew – and state of dress – will absolutely effect the reception of the end product received.

So what would happen if an entirely attractive and very naked female crew – behind the camera – not in front of it – put together a Star Trek like show? Would that change the reception of the film work and what people thought about it – if they or no one else leaked the details of how it was created and that it was an experiment in the influence of the state of dress and attire on the creation of entertainment?

My theory is that it will absolutely effect the words used to describe the production in the media.

And perhaps an interesting way in shaping and influencing society without them being aware of the … reprogramming…..

And how do you convert a society to regard nudity and sex as rated G???

THAT is what has me the most curious.

Can we do it?

I think we can.

So help me – learn and teach myself how to think to see and experience this world…..

I mean. For me – what would be way cool would be – let’s say “I’m interested in a woman who’s married – as I talk to the woman her husband comes over and says “Hey – why dont you two have some fun – honey – go spend the night with him!”

So no longer is she cheating on her husband. Instead, her husband’s fully aware and encouraging her to experience other men and similarly, she’s encouraging him to do the same thing.

Redefines marriage, altogether, and relationships if ALL relationships start to become like this and this is what society calls a ‘norm’.

And as usual – Thank you!!!!

My goal isn’t to minimize sex and relationship. It’s to evolve male-female relationships and push society past the “A partner is a possession and must be controlled accordingly” puritanical modus operandi that’s handicapped relationships for the better part of a century.

I Have A Dream

Twenty years ago, I saw on a television show called Star Trek a man who could snap his fingers and hurl himself, the starship he was on, and the crew of that starship a million miles across the galaxy in the blink of an eye.

This same man later snapped his fingers – and took Captain Jean Luc Picard of that starship back in time to the point in time where the mutation of cells happened on planet Earth which – over hundreds of millions of years of evolution – eventually would go on to create the human race.

This same man later snapped his fingers, and reduced the starship – a vessel as long as five foot ball fields, as tall as half of one and as wide as one – to the size of small child’s toy no larger than board game – as he stood in front of it next to plants that looked – from the people inside the starship’s perspective – to be massive trees.

Later, this same man created a world out of historic fiction where Robin Hood was real, as he dressed up the Captain and crew in medieval era clothing – and created an adventure for the crew to solve before he’d let them continue on their journey exploring the stars.

And later, this same man flung the starship and crew across the galaxy again to introduce them to a Cybernetic species called “The Borg” – a relentless species of humanoids combined with technology which thought with a ‘hive mind’ and assimilated humanoids for no other reasons than they wanted to acquire their biology and technology.

“Resistance is Futile” this species would announce as they conquered entire worlds.

Because, well, they’d never been unsuccessful in taking over a planet they’d targeted.

Later, Picard died with a mortal phaser wound through the chest, when this man – said he was God – pointed at Picard’s chest and said “You’ve died” – and then he proceeded to take Picard on a journey through his own life until Picard eventually found a way to recover from his mortal wounds and return to his body.

Picard protested – loudly – when this man – named Q – referred to himself as “God” – saying “You’re not God” – as if Picard would know, but this man – while fictional – at least in the universe I was watching he was real and Picard’s response seemed preposterous.

How could anyone of rational mind NOT consider a being like this man – Q – to be – direct evidence of God?

Provided, of course, that it was not real. Fictional. Ya know?

I mean – that’s what fiction is – is not real, right?

For all the stories I’d heard about God and the derivations and permutations – for most of my life I’d never taken the time to consider why all these stories existed. Sure, I tried finding ‘truth’ in the stories, but mostly – they all sounded like superstition to me – folklore – for me – of a scientific and analytical mind – a being that could control the universe and know things beyond what I could understand was – quite simply – unimaginable.

And then – when I saw this man on television – having seen God depicted by men like George Burns in “Oh God” before then – I’d never seen what I considered to be a valid depiction of God.

And then. Here it was.

A being I could identify with. A being who – for all intents and purposes represented my idea of what God would be like if he/she/it could be in mortal form. A being with seemingly limitless potential and abilities beyond anything I could understand or remotely be capable of myself.

Later, this same man offered to teach a crew member – Ryker – how to become ‘like him’ in capabilities and powers.

Ryker declined.

I didn’t.

I never really knew the slippery slope of choice.

I never saw it coming to be honest – that this option -this fictional choice – would set in motion a sequence of events that would ensue that would both define my life, provide answers for the mysteries that had plagued my life, and would eventually make it impossible to turn back.

A hallucination is nothing more than direct proof that the human mind – my human mind – any human mind – is capable of altering reality in such substantial ways that time and space itself become malleable.

Like clay.

I have always believed that The “American Dream” – and dreams in general – and fantasy – should be accessible to anyone and everyone with no limitations.

Especially me.

I’ve lived my entire life accordingly. Pursuing things I enjoyed. Trying things out. Experimenting. Playing.

I’d wanted more. So much more. But for most of my life – I’d been oddly blocked from achieving the things I REALLY desired – wealth – excess – admiration – and more…..

And I couldn’t figure out why success came so easily to others as I shifted from doing all the right things and not succeeding to begin asking myself – what am I doing wrong and why does success always seem to elude me?

It’s effecting my life even now. My options to get off the streets and away from my homelessness isn’t happening and any attempts I have to leverage traditional mechanisms to change my situation.

I’ve been forced – through circumstance – to alter my world view.

To not just think it’s possible to obtain Q like powers.

But to believe – throughout every fiber of my being – that I’m him.

Have been.

Will always be.

It’s just who I am.

In my infancy, of course. One doesn’t just snap their fingers after living a life as a mortal and know everything instantly. it’s a transition, a metamorphosis if you will from one state to another in much the same form as a Caterpillar transitions to a Butterfly after being cocooned for some time….

I have a dream.

It’s not just to become the man I’ve always been.

I’m already him.

But to do it differently than I think I’ve ever done it before.

Throughout my life I’d received training in time travel, in alternate realities, in different and varying perceptions of the world, of the power of belief, how it creates financial systems and the literal ground I walk on.

Somewhere in there.

We – as a world – as a species – forgot who we are.

We – are uniquely capable of being anything we want to be.

Of doing anything we want to.

With the properly enabled mindset – YOU can be superman and fly, and be bulletproof. You can defy gravity. You can be a ghost and walk through walls. You can shift into alternate realities and see the future. You can levitate. You can cast spells.

Science and Biology doesn’t say ANY of this is not possible.

It merely observes what’s currently known.

And for me.

Q is my godlike state.

But with all due respect for people like Picard who will protest that that other Q and beings like him are NOT God.

I can’t be arrogant enough to assume I know everything and there aren’t ‘other forms’ and ideas that surpass even my limited imagination for what this being called God can be.

Being and becoming like Q on my terms and with my mind and body is nothing more than a transitive state to a state of being I believe will provide me more pleasure and fulfillment in a world that lacks.

To some, I’ll be regarded as a God. And I’ll do my best to represent accordingly.

To others, I’ll be regarded as a narcissistic or egocentric being and the furthest thing from their idea of God.

I’ve learned to respect that. And to learn about other possible states of being I may want to become when I’m doing being my own version of Q.

The world IS conspiring against me to make sure I don’t have realistic options for housing, as nature – the trees – and where I sleep is teaching my mind how to be free and how to sustain myself without this thing called money.

If anything. It’s made me believe I’m on the right path.

So when someone asks me how much longer I’m going to be homeless.

I don’t know.

Mostly – that’s up to you and your world.

Why do you want me – a man who doesn’t like and doesn’t want to fit in – on the streets? Logically – rationally – I can’t help but think there must be a part of you that enjoys punishing people like me who don’t want to be like you?

I have a dream.

That dream is to snap my fingers, and I find myself teleported from here to Vancouver, Washington to have eggs and bacon with my family for breakfast.

That dream is to then snap my fingers, then I’m in Powell Bookstore in Portland and then the local comic book store which both had amazing selections of comics and books.

That dream is to then snap my fingers – and then I’m in Hong Kong. With my favorite noodle dish. It’s afternoon there, on the same day, and the same exact hour as Los Angeles.

For instance. Let’s say it’s 1pm on Saturday in Los Angeles. I teleport and it’s 1pm in Hong Kong too. Sure, it’s normally 16 hours difference. so that’s an option I have too – to go to the same exact time based on time zones, but sometimes it’s more fun to just go other places and when it’s daylight in Los Angeles on a certain day it’s daylight at the same time in other places. I’ll make it a fact not to talk politics, current events, and financial systems when I travel for obvious reasons.

And then. at night. I snap my fingers and I’m in Lond, having a Guinness at my favorite hole in the wall pub with fish and chips.

What will i do for money?

Delivery service I suppose. Or taking people on tours. I learned a lesson from the movie “Jumper” and don’t like stealing, so I figure I can market my abilities and take people to see the Pyramids on a day trip pretty easily.

Over time. As I perfect this skill. Learn about time. I may dabble in world creation and write my ideas down more. Maybe become a film maker or writer.

Or maybe a profession in some other place in some other time I’d never imagined before I met someone who fascinated me and I thought to myself “Hey – that could be fun”.

I enjoy money, don’t get me wrong, but not at the cost of not making this here life something I enjoy.

So this rework of my life – my mind – and the way I regard reality and this belief and utter conviction that this is possible and what led me to be and remain homeless.

I don’t see my position as being a choice.

To me. Society has a choice to make.

Make the dream of wealth and what it has to offer accessible to people like me.

Or I find a way to make it happen by becoming Q.

You’re going to have to ask yourself as a society. If you believe what I am doing and will do is not possible and it happens – a point you as a society have no control over when it happens as you refused to provide alternative support – what is this going to do to YOUR world – your population’s world view – and concept of everything – from physics, to biology, to chemistry – to fiction – when I prove the wildest concepts in fiction are not just possible, but options….

Words written in your own bible that led me to believe it IS possible.

Words most of your population believes in….

And suddenly.

Some unremarkable former drug addict who’s homeless.

Proves. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

That the events depicted in those religious texts have the possibility of being true.

What will that do to the stability of YOUR world if you’re not participating in this in a supportive way?

I don’t want to be homeless anymore. Now tell me again why you as a society and world think I should be here and why your society and world shouldn’t act responsibly and provide me a proper and respectable place to sleep?

That’s on you.

I’ve done all I can. I’m pointing the direction I am going in.




Think Different

Eric David Harris (April 9, 1981 – April 20, 1999) and Dylan Bennet Klebold (September 11, 1981 – April 20, 1999) were two American High school kids who became infamous by becoming mass murderers and killed 13 people and wounded 24 others as they walked through the corridors and library armed with firearms and knives on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Columbine, Colorado.

Shortly before this incident, the movie “The Matrix” came out, which was a story about a computer programmer – NEO – who discovers that he’s inside a massive simulation called “The Matrix” – and that the year wasn’t 1999 as he’d been led to believe by this system he’d been immersed in his entire life, but more like the year 2362, and his mind was ‘locked inside’ this Matrix when his body was used to create thermal energy in ‘the real world’ for the robots and automated systems that inhabited it.

AS the news unfolded concerning the events at Colombine High School, like the rest of the nation, I was horrified.

Investigations ensued, and as the fingers continued pointing at everything – from bullies, to lax gun control laws, to cliques and high school caste systems, to anti-depressants, to internet use, to video games – and more – what worried parents, law officials, and educators was that no one single root cause could be isolated about what drove these teenagers to their murderous rampage.

As an avid player of Doom – I was at first appalled by the insinuation that a violent video game could influence the mind of anyone.

But it was about this time I began drawing parallels to what I was seeing in media, and the real world.

As I re-watched “The Matrix” – when I saw the Neo literally have a cord attached to the back of his head as he was connected to a computer when it uploaded to his mind and he learned Kung Fu in a matter of minutes, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was missing something…

So I got to wondering.

How does the mind – MY mind in particular – operate?

And is there some form of brainwashing going on that’s actually causing this behavior?

Here’s an illustration.

I was bullied – a LOT when I was a kid. I dreamed. Dreamed. Wished. The bullies would stop. More than once I’d wished them dead. I’d tried everything to get them to stop harassing me when I was a child. I tried avoiding them, I tried running away, I tried building defensive mechanisms on my bike – but had to face it – I wasn’t an inventor, I tried surrounding myself with bigger kids. But no matter what I did. The kids tormented me. I’d been hit and kicked more times than I can count by the time my family moved from California to Arizona.

Now back then, I didn’t have medication. I didn’t have video games. I had a few friends, but in truth, I was always smarter than my peers, which i don’t doubt made making friends with me easier particularly when I was always using my immature intellect to try to be superior physically when let’s face it – I was a tiny kid and an easy target.

By the time I was 14 – I figured out the trick of ‘acting’ like the bullies to get along – partying and doing the same things they did.

I’m glad I did too. This helped me enjoy life a lot more and I found the bullies completely disappeared.

But let’s say I didn’t put on this act.

This makes it extremely easy for me to put myself into Eric and Dylan’s head.

Let’s say I went 3 more years – the anger stewing with all the emotions all in flux going through puberty.

Then a game like Doom comes around. And in much the same way Neo learned Kung Fu, this video game teaches these young and highly receptive minds – made more receptive by anti depressants – that one way to combat the demons is through firearms.

These kids are – in a literal sense – through repetitive play – learning how to defeat their oppressors.

And the cocktail mix of EVERYTHING these kids were exposed to – the video games, poor social skills, puberty and related emotions, the anti depressants, and the bullying – all created the end result that made news around the world.

So let’s go back a few years.

Starting shortly after JFK’s assassination and throughout the early 1970s – the United States via the CIA did a great deal of experimentation on mind control in an effort to combat the fear of a real Manchurian Candidate – which is what many believe Lee Harvey Oswald was.

The goal of the Project – better known as MK Ultra – was to better understand the mind, memories, the subconscious, and to try to scientifically understand where the seat of consciousness was.

One question politicians kept asking that was a primary goal of MKUltra to figure out was this:

Was it possible to program or reprogram a human, and is it possible to detect when and if it’s already been done?

You can do a Google search to find out pretty much anything you want to on MKUltra. Most of the details of it are public knowledge.

In any case – what came out of the project was actually kinda funny.

MKUltra in a literal sense is responsible for modern marketing.


Well first, MK Ultra determined that in a literal sense – there’s nothing received by the mind that doesn’t influence and shape the behavior of that individual. Literally nothing. Unlike the conscious mind, the brain and subconscious mind receive everything, process everything, and provide a waking experience we refer to as reality. This reality is shaped by the conscious stimuli – in coordination with the subconscious interpretation of the things we don’t consciously recognize or understand.

Up until this point, Marketing had been matter of fact and extremely literal.

Here’s a few ads as reminders:



What MKUltra uncovered was that the literal and extremely obvious nature of ads and marketing wasn’t just providing a subjective truth to people, but it was also programming their subconscious minds accordingly. So the FIRST to benefit from the research discoveries in MKUltra were companies seeking more effective ad campaigns.

Nowhere and no one more successfully embraced and embraced this discovery – than Steve Jobs. Here’s an ad of Steve Jobs where he makes it infinitely clear he knows something others do not – because he did – Jobs was assisted with his ad campaigns by the CIA themselves.

Now what’s all this have to do with Mind Control and Eric and Dylan and games?

MK Ultra discovered something that many – in leadership around the world had probably known for generations. The mind is malleable, like play dough, and the stimulus you provide it influences and shapes your physiology, attitude, experiences, beliefs and receptiveness to ideas that are aligned with who you are.

The formative mind – for children younger than 18 are the most impressionable – something many generations of parents have known instinctively – shapes the growth of that child to the adult they become.

Which is ‘what happened’ with Eric and Dylan. It wasn’t any isolated factor that contributed to them becoming serial killers.

In isolation – You can’t blame video games. At the time of the serial killings – there was a massive uproar by the Christian conservatives who wanted violent video games done away with. What they got – as a nod that there IS the potential that video games in combination with a whole bunch of other factors – is a label and a rating on the game to let the parents decide what is and is not best for their children.

Similarly. You can’t blame drugs.

Let me explain…

As MKUltra continued into the 1970s – the CIA discovered that cocaine – even in small trace amounts – was HIGHLY useful in making the brain more receptive to suggestions. Agents working for the CIA leveraged this to their advantage, where women became highly effective seducers by slipping a trace amount into the cocktails of their target, and not only did the drug provide a euphoric feeling – but it also made the target more receptive to providing information desired by the Agent and also succumbing to seductions.

SO MKUltra provided fodder for the CIA to smuggle cocaine into the United States into the United States starting in the 1960s – all the way up until the 1980s, working with Hollywood – they were experimenting on whether they could influence a population through media.

Which is AMONG the reasons President Nixon was targeted by the CIA was that when he learned of the CIA’s dealing in cocaine and opiates in general – he promptly tried to put a stop to it. Fortunately for Nixon, The CIA had learned a valuable lesson on how NOT to deal with Presidents with JFK’s assassination and ties which led to their possible involvement.

At the time of the shooting in Colorado – Eric and Dylan were both taking an anti depressant known as Luvox.

Luvox (Molecular Formula‎ is C15H21F3N2O) is a close derivative of cocaine (Molecular Formula‎ C17H21NO4), and supposed to be used IN COMBINATION with therapy – which assists with the therapeutic endeavors of a trained psychologist or psychiatrist.

UNFORTUNATELY, many poorly trained doctors not understanding the mind have had an ongoing tendency to prescribe anti-depressants and other related drugs such as Ritalin, Adderall, and the like – like they would a pain reliever.

So – Eric and Dylan – both tormented – not having much in the way of professional help – are being fed a program.

Matrix style.

Uploaded to their mind.

So let’s try something preposterous – and say – Eric and Dylan were good people.

It’s so much easier to label people like Hitler and Eric and Dylan as being evil.

But what if there’s more to it than that?

And just how – intellectually – could they justify doing what they did?

Have you ever seen the television show Supernatural?

It’s a show about two brothers – Sam And Dean Winchester – who live in a world full of demons, angels, werewolves, God’s gone missing and Lucifer’s alive and hell is absolutely real – they know from having personally experienced it.

So let’s say Eric and Dylan – on anti depressants – were incredibly receptive to a program of a Hellish world that was uploaded to their mind, so much so that in much the same way I saw a Terminator world on Bath Salts – they saw a world not much unlike the Supernatural world that Sam And Dean Winchester live in.

What can bring a good person or set of kids to do what they did?

Let’s just say – what if the world they began seeing – programmed to see – was remarkably different than ours. and these kids became convinced – that there were real demons in the people around them. These kids could have believed they were actually saving their world.

Which brings me to the outcome of the CIA’s  experimentation.

With MKUltra – The CIA did extensive research with hallucinogenics and came to discover that the brain – when monitored with something known as an electroencephalographic – or EEG for short – fired in the same fixed patterns that one might have with when dealing with real physical stimuli. So while the researchers monitoring the patient didn’t see the same ‘world’ the person hallucinating did – the brain scans demonstrated the SAME EXACT patterns the person would have had they been doing the same activities they described in the ‘real world’.

For example – a hallucinating subject would talk about a hallucination of walking – the EEG verified this same ‘experience’ – but in many cases the body didn’t exhibit the motion described.

What the CIA learned with MKUltra was the so called seat of consciousness isn’t always fixed in this body. It appears to be a multidimensional in nature.

What this means is an experience experienced in ‘another reality’ (a hallucinated or dreamed reality) is translated to this reality as the human body receives the translation which is loosely observable via brain wave functions and machines such as the MRI and EEG.

To my awareness there’s no one studying or attempting to study inter-dimensional experience translations, which might make for some awesome movies and entertainment if one could develop more effective technology for retrieving the experiences.

In any case, what the CIA learned was the mind can and does survive outside the body, the brain provides a semi-accurate translation for those experiences – and a loose correlation of the body/mind relationship – as the Matrix implied – is that the body is a projection of the mind – TO add – in this particular configuration of reality.

Personally, I’ve tailored these studies for my own use.

I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my own mind’s programmable – so I’ve intentionally started down a path of reprogramming it and the world around me through the actions I take, the words I say, the choices I make, and more.

For instance – I have done things like cut of news to see how and where it alters the world around me.

I’m playing less violent video games and choosing to play some of those games in stealth and time dilating mode – with the goal of reprogramming my own subconscious mind to regard time differently – and more fluid, dynamic and malleable than I previously did when I regarded it as fixed, highly discrete and immutable. I dont like violence in general, especially if it’s threatened against me, so I have theorized that if I expose myself to it less then my world will alter itself accordingly and provide different options.

I’m trying to find new ways to ‘shape’ my own subconscious mind – because I know it’s this mind that works with me consciously to both act as a filter for what I see and experience at the same time seems to prioritize and shape my focus and attention.

So my theory goes like this – if I intentionally shape information that flows into me in the way I want to see and experience the world.

And hold strong opinions about what I don’t want that i’m forced to do.

Then my world and options that present themselves to me will shape accordingly.

It feels much like the Titanic might have had it gotten a warning about the iceberg moments before it would crash into it. I’m taking the hallucinations I had on those substances as warning to where my preexisting mindset, left unchecked and unaltered – was taking me, and have set a new course on where I want to go and what I want to see more of.

Knowing what I know about time. I don’t doubt that I may ‘return’ to the pre-existing mindset just to see that world that scared the shit out of me in that hallucinated Terminator world. Someday.

Just not first. One of these days, maybe, but I want to see the fun parts of fantasy and science fiction before I see the horrors of it.

I just don’t want to be like you!!!!!!

I don’t get this world.

Flat out don’t understand.

I was once like you.

I paid millions in taxes.

Worked so hard, I probably lost my mind more than once.

Went to school. Acquired hundreds in thousands in debt to pay for it and a lifestyle that even though I still couldn’t afford it, the lifestyle I was leading fell horribly short of what I had dreamed of.

I was unhappy. With three marriages ending in divorce. You could go so far to say I was terminally depressed.

This led to a drug addiction.

And when my life got even more out of control, I’d had several attempts at suicide before finally walking away from it all.

I look down at my wrist and see the scars to remind me “Don’t do that again”

But you.

You still do it.

For that, I admire you, and respect you. Seriously I admire you.

Now I don’t judge you.

But I know you judge me.

I hear you yell “Get a job” through some random person that you inhabit when you drive by when I’m wearing my backpack and pushing my luggage down the street.

I no longer respond with a detailed list of the extensive efforts of what I have done in an effort to be more like you, because you will inevitably take issue with it and not notice how hard I tried.

I see the disdain of how look at me when you speak through a police office telling me “You can’t sleep here,” or “You can’t stand here”

I no longer respond with questions asking where I can sleep or where I can stand because invariably, you’ll tell me “not here”, and if pressed you’ll send me in to someone else who sends me to someone else who sends me in a circle which gets me absolutely nowhere and does nothing but wastes my time and energy in efforts that never bears fruit.

I see the looks you give me when you hold your nose as you walk towards me based on what you see alone as you utter “Damned Homeless”

I no longer get riled up because because I know you’re focused on the worst and you completely miss out on how I bathed not 30 minutes before, and how my clothes were washed in a laundromat the day before.

My homelessness persist – not because of something I’ve done or not done.

I know – like forgiveness – this is not a problem about me – it’s about you.

I’m different than you.

Not because I don’t admire you.

I do.

And I tried desperately most of my life to be like you and failed.

I don’t sleep in a tent and clutter up your park because I’m a failure.

I sleep in a tent because you – and your society and world – provide only one option for me not to. An option which expects me to be like you. To get a job. To work hard. To start at the lowest rungs of a ladder that drove me to do things to my body and mind that made me realize.

This isn’t me.

It’s you.

I want to travel more.

I want to be fabulously wealthy.

I want to have the expendable income to take flight lessons and afford to have my own jet airplane that I can take a date to Paris for the afternoon, and travel the world touring places for fun.

I worked hard. Extraordinarily hard. Taking predefined paths that you’d set up promising this.

And ultimately, I learned, these paths are rigged. I and others aren’t supposed to succeed. We’re expected to fail. And expected to start over again and wash, rinse, repeat in a never ending system that has driven most people insane.

I loved the idea of paying programmers to create practical joking software.

I loved the idea of paying scientists, engineers, and researchers on ways to help me develop ways to simulate new worlds, time travel, space travel, and more.

I loved the idea of paying robotic experts and nanotechnologists to create new robots – perhaps that look like human and instead of having an insatiable female for a lover I can have a content android.

And I loved the idea of just enjoying life without having to work or without work seeming like work.

I loved the idea of experimenting with my own body more with biologists, pharmacologists – and more.

You call them drugs. And affix labels like ‘bad’ and ‘evil’ to them.

I call them ‘ways to explore the possibilities and my own mind’.

Who’s right?

Apparently, you are. Because you’re punishing me.


As near as I can figure it.

Because I’m not like you.

I don’t want to work.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want a home, a lover, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to travel, that doesn’t mean I don’t want warm water to take a bath in, that doesn’t mean I don’t want a few candles to light at night and a microwave to cook a frozen dinner I pulled from the freezer.



You, not I, correlated all these simple things to money.

And then you took them away.


Just so we’re clear. Unless I’m like you. And take that menial labor job that’s beneath me and my education and experience.

You feel I don’t deserve a home?

Does the fact that I’ve paid millions in taxes matter?

Does the fact I’ve had millions in my assets seized illegally by your government, and can’t get a lawyer to take the case to save my life?

Probably not.

I once thought I was being shallow and cold and heartless.

I know that’s not the case anymore.

I was just looking at you.

And I just don’t want to be like you!

Why should I, or anyone – not have the very basics – such as a proper shelter, love and companionship, food, security, warmth and rest?

Somehow, somewhere, you made me believe I had to be like you and these things could only be obtained through hard work.

I tried.

God, I tried.

But I’m not like you and don’t want to be either.

And why shouldn’t life become a fulfilling dream?

When anything is possible in existence. Logically, rationally, it makes no sense why it shouldn’t be.

Subjective Perspectives

“Q? You better get goin, the cops are here again!,” the transvestite who sleeps in the camp site about 20 feet away from mine said.

“Again?,” I said, acting disgusted. But it was an act. I was actually happy the cops were here, again, as they’d been through our camp the day before because of their quasi-permanent encampment. I’d been wanting the meth heads outta this area for the last three months, with countless nights they’ve kept me up partying all night long, and was happy the cops were being persistent.

I’d just got done bathing, and was already packing my stuff up.

As for the police. They were issuing citations for whatever they could find.

I’m fine with the tickets, have gotten numerous tickets for jumping the metro line rail, which I believe public transportation should be free, so had I had to deal with the police, it would be little more than a hassle, since I have no money they can’t exactly reinforce the fines.

I looked out my tent towards the parking lot as I pulled on my socks.

I didn’t see police cars.

There was definitely two police SUVs today.

But I saw none.

A female voice yelled from the overpass.

“Cat, there’s cops on the other side of the wall. You can’t get outta there, the police have all the exits blocked,” she yelled.

I sighed, as I pulled on my shoes.

It seemed I was going to have to deal with the hassle after all. Jumping the wall was my usual way out to go to Starbuck’s – something I’d done ritually for the last two years.

I slowed down. Figuring a ticket was inevitable.

Cat yelled back to the voice “I’m still in my PJs. Come help me,” she/he/it yelled.

The voice from above yelled back “I can’t. You know that thing. I can’t. Just. Hurry”

“Well what good’s it gonna do if they’re blocking all the exits,” Cat yelled back.

They weren’t exactly rocket scientists, and the fact they’d been up all night long on meth hadn’t helped them rationally.

I got up out of my tent, as usual, and peeked over the wall.

No guards or police.

Weird, I thought

I saw Cat hop the fence at a lower point below. She/he/it was in tiger printed pajamas. Still.

As I packed up and jumped the fence with my stuff, I looked down at the park’s parking lot.

There weren’t any cops there.

As I walked on the walkway where the other girl had been yelling, I stopped, and looked across the park and parking lot.

No cops. At all.

Here’s the thing about perspective, not the least of which is exaggerated by drugs.

Here Cat and the other girl had been absolutely convinced – not in small part due to their paranoia of the police – that the police were there and after them. This paranoia became infectious, prompting me to accelerate my pace, until I discovered that what they saw.

What they believe is perfectly real.

Simply was not for me.

Who is right if they both saw the same thing – Cat initially called out to me after seeing the police herself – when I did not?

Logically and rationally, it’s very easy to point the finger at them as being wrong and dismiss them because of the drugs.

But having been there – and done that myself. I know the drugs merely exaggerated what was already happening to me throughout my life in other ways. And that not only are their experiences absolutely real, but we all see and hear things as a natural part of our lives that others just cannot hear or see and drugs and arguments about who is more right become the canned excuses and reactions to differences in perception.

So who is right?

Two against one. were the cops there, or not?

I didn’t see them. So for me. They weren’t there.

Did I see them doing drugs?


But I assumed they were because they were staying up all night.

So were they doing drugs?

I sincerely don’t know, but I believe so because their actions and behavior was much like my own was when I did the drugs.

This doesn’t make it the truth.

And the police this morning.

Do I tell them they’re wrong, the drugs they were taking effected their minds, exaggerating their paranoia and making them believe the police were they when they weren’t?

Heck no.

Because I know ‘the truth’ is subjective.

I know they may not actually be doing drugs.

And I know they may actually see police who are really there for them and not for me.

I can’t tell them they’re wrong. When I know, from past experience, that even with OR without drugs, the things I saw throughout my life that others did not were extremely important to who I am and how I think. I don’t need external approval for my experiences.

Rachel, are you listening?

I know you are.

Let’s change the world. Chris has been gone a very long time and I know you’re lonely.

I am too.

Subjective perspective and subjective truth makes it so much easier to accept others for who they are and the way they think.






Understanding Infinity And the Hypercube

“Don’t stare at that,” yelled the Timelord to his companion as he himself averted his eyes.

“Why, what is it?,” his companion said completely ignoring him, seeing a swirling mist of black and greyness that looked like a drain, only sideways.

“I’m serious. It’s the infinity, anyone who looks at it goes star raving mad!,” the Timelord said, “now avert your eyes before it’s too late!”

His companion obeyed, looking away.

Does infinity fold in on itself?

The infinity is real.

It’s possibilities

For instance.

For every rule and law that exists on this planet we call Earth. There’s an equal and opposite law and rule somewhere else.

It’s endless possibility.

For instance.

For every movie actor portraying a character on the screen, there exists a real universe where the events depicted as fiction in our world are perfectly real, and the people who appear to be bad actors in our reality are in actuality acting normally in these other worlds.

It’s endless possibility in scale.

For instance.

The Earth. With one moon. From the right perspective. Is an atom with a single electron rotating around it.

For instance

You can slice the visible light spectrum into a million parts. And slice a single millionth into a million parts. And continue doing this indefinitely. While you may not see the differences, there are measurable differences in wavelength no matter how small you slice it.

It’s endless possibility in time.

For instance.

The planet Mercury’s temperature is around 800 degrees Fahrenheit during the daytime. If you slowed down time for the observable world to a tenth of it’s current rate, yet maintained the same time for your own body and observations, heat, which is a measurement of how much energy is transferred over a specific period of time, would diminish by a tenth of what it normally was – so you as an observer would experience 80 degrees.

For instance.

The sun. Is a fission nuclear explosion slowed down in time. We experience the heat energy here on Earth produced by this explosion in much the same way I described Mercury.

It’s endless possibilities in imagination being real. Somewhere.

And more importantly: These stories are indicative – ‘tells’ if you will – of how the REAL world functions, places where we need to be a little more aware of  as a species as to where we come from and our history and clues to real science….

For instance.

Let’s say in the movie Wizard of Oz Dorothy really was taken  to another world in The Wizard of Oz.

What current theories can explain this? The multiverse and Alternate Realities.

Hint #1: This gives us direct evidence of why Tornadoes form and what happens inside some of them. For instance, some Tornadoes could be a rip in space and time, like Dorothy’s – a terrestrially based black hole, and Dorothy’s journey through one which opened up a hole to another world. This implies that black holes are not always as vicious as might have once been assumed.

Going theory on this: In much the same way cold air moves into hot air to create balance, SOME tornadoes could be the same thing forming between realities.

So why was the event fictionalized?

Hint #2: Planet has a tendency to adjust people’s memories of events and do it’s best efforts to respect the individual’s experiences.

Theory: Dorothy’s mind, a real little girl from Kansas at one time, fell into an alternate reality in a Tornado and may have lived a long life there before returning here. This reality, Earth, respecting her journey, finding the journey a story worth showing – when she returned turned her into an actress in the true story of her own life, giving her the opportunity to disassociate from the memories, at the same time presenting an impossible story to the world which wasn’t classified as ‘not real’ – but was instead classified as fiction.

I suspect events like this happen all the time, where crazy cool events and horrible events all occur all the time, and our species – as oversharers – tends to prefer disassociating from these stories.

Take the movie “I Spit On Your Grave”. A movie about a brutal rape of an attractive young woman. In her original world. The event happened. She chose not to remember it as it actually happened. So she becomes an actress in our Earth and this brutal rape was disassociated from her as an ‘acted experience’ – a role that she played.

The Infinite is endless possibilities.

Most minds have a tendency to want to organize all of reality into neat little buckets.

The speed of light as a constant is and always will be a constant.

Death comes after life, taxes are a part of it all, and stories always have an ending.

But there’s plenty of evidence. Mountains of evidence. That none of this is universally true.

So here’s what I’ve done to manage ‘the infinite’.

In my mind are infinite possibilities. There are no limits to what I can imagine and what I believe is possible.

This belief comes from actual experience. I’ve had out of body experiences without drugs or external substances. I’ve seen hallucinations of alternate realities that looked and felt perfectly real – so real in fact – that I attempted to commit suicide out of fear that one of these realities would be my permanent home.

Alternate realities is my system which creates a space for me and me alone. The things I don’t want or want selectively are shown paths into my world, and if that’s a choice they don’t make, well there’s an alternate reality for them to do whatever it is they feel like doing.

The Multiverse is the sum total of all organized possibilities.

My ‘universe’ – one ‘slice’ if you will – of a linear timeline – the timeline I reside in – is dynamic – always changing – based on my interests, desires, wants, needs, experiences, influences, etc.

Other universes – can be equally ordered in much the same way mine is, or have varying levels of order. Some universes have no laws. Others have laws of their own. There are other versions of the bible in these universes, some where clothes were never discovered, some where war and violence never happened, some where dinosaurs never went extinct or humans never came into existence but other humanoids did.

That’s acceptance of the infinite. Anything I can imagine. Happens somewhere. If not in this reality.In another universe.

The more I focus my time and energy ‘in other universes’ – the closer this draws these worlds to me.

Observer rule: Observation – influences that which is observed. Anyone who watches a financial market should understand this.

Analysis. tends to influence that which is observed to act in more predictable ways. A direct result of the observer rule, and the mind of the observer influencing that which is observed in patterns the observer will be able to recognize.

Our own universe has a tendency to want to be known and understood and not be a mystery to us.

So it can and does reorganize to support that which is observing it.

The Chinese refer to this as Yin and Yang.

Saying the multiverse is true does not prohibit the existence of things ‘outside’ the multiverse.

Many things, in fact, traverse the multiverse actively. My mind, for instance, is one such thing that easily slips between universes. many minds can do the same thing. There are MANY beings which are well aware of their multidimensional presence – another reference to the multiverse – where choose to call ‘the outside’ their home.

Some do not. And FIGHT – actively – to own a universe.

I suspect cancer’s a multidimensional protrusion of one such being attempting to conquer a single reality. With the potential multidimensional nature of most diseases, this is why most diseases can’t be cured as easily as a cough or common cold.

Many are life forms.

The KEY to grappling with the infinity isn’t looking to the collective for definition of itself.

I’ve heard funny sayings like “We are the universe trying to understand itself”.

Yeah, and I watch dogs chasing their own tail and chuckle at that thought process.

I’ve accepted a LOT of the collective reality’s definition on what this universe is. But when those definitions started becoming destructive to me physically and mentally in the form of physiologically and psychologically related ailments, I was forced to begin creating my own definitions and being ok  with these not being accepted by the consensus or collective science.

My universe.

Is my creation. and the definitions I accept for it and choices I make on what and how to shape it are.

As much as I never wanted to really be…

Led by me.

As is yours.

Uni meaning ONE

Verse meaning STORY

Multi meaning MANY STORIES.

My story’s not perfect, but I’m working on it.

I was always enamored with the concept behind the Hypercube…..


Ned wons, this one’s for you

Somewhere around 1945, a Memento like event began happening for the world.

Life was black and white at the time for many, as a Terminator like Army had begun ravaging Europe, upgrading a population in a Pleasantville and The Saboteur fashion.

Unfortunately, the mind was thought to be Transcdence-like for those initiating this upgrade, and a single linear belief system based on the Bible reinforced dualism to the detriment of a large part of the world’s population.

Many resisted the change presented by Darwin’s Origin of Species.

This created The Matrix, where upgrades could be reinforced programmatically.

There was only one problem with that. An Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind problem presented by a Pi or Looper like scenario which resulted in a Groundhog Day type situation.

The Manchurian Candidate became indicative of the new war that formed.

A war fought by Men Who Stare At Goats.

The Bourne Identity became our identity, in a Total Recall type of fashion, where the truth became subjective.

Eventually. The war escalated even further.

Battlestar Galactica and the Cylons. Star Trek and the Borg. Doctor Who and the Daleks and/or Cybermen.

I loved the line in Battlestar Galactica “This has all happened before and will all happen again”

When you look at Gilligan’s Island. Dallas. or go visit Disneyland and watch the President speak and look at the faces of actors of old and compare them to your favorite T100.

When you read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, or Ender’s Game, or The Last Starfighter, and consider the implications of a world whose past, present, and future are much like it is depicted in Chrono Trigger…

You might understand that Columbus and Leif Erickson are credited correctly.

When Billy Joel sang about how “We didn’t start the fire”, or R.E.M. talked about how “It’s the End of the World as We Know it”, or The Eagles sang about a mysterious programmed place in “Hotel California”…

For much the same reason Harriet Tubman sang about “Songs of the Underground Railroad”…

I chose to entertain AND to remember my history through the songs, tv shows, movies, books, and comics.

Is Aissur the best place for a man who’s gone Jacob’s Ladder?



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