The Idiot Who Made Everything

The Idiot Who Made Everything Short Summary

“The Idiot Who Made everything” is a satire/parody to TV shows and movies such as Star Trek, Terminator, the Matrix, and Doctor Who. Intended to be a modern day Spaceballs, the movie’s goal is to introduce Time Travel, Alternate realities and Space Travel in a different, less serious vein – firmly targeting adults (30+) – where extremely deviant and somewhat perverse yet tasteful alternate realities have resulted from a long standing time war between realities vying to be the single linear ‘destination reality of choice’.

The Idiot Who Made Everything Plot Synopsis

The year is 2414. Starfleet and the Federation and their predecessors have been at ceaseless war for more than 400 years. Energy rationing is extreme, so much so that clothing and other non-essentials have long been done away with for replicator rations and shipboard energy.

One enemy, the Borg, an abomination of a convergence of technology and human biology are relentlessly consuming worlds.

Until one day, when all Borg activity ceases and the strangest message anyone in Starfleet has ever received is sent to Vice Admiral Rachel G Brown over secured Federation subspace channels:

“To continue repairing your timeline, please insert *crack* eleven dollars and twenty seven cents *crack* into the phone booth to continue. Cheers!”  

The same odd message is sent every 24 hours, the origin is utterly untraceable, and all Borg activity is completely and silently frozen as if in suspended animation.

Under a veil of extreme secrecy, Captain Rachel G Brown works with Section 31 and technology acquired from the defunct Borg to commission the Federation’s first time traveling vessel, the USS Timeship Phoenix.

Its primary mission: To return to the year 2015 and find out why the Borg simulations they discovered led to continuous warfare starting at the year 2015. Its secondary mission: to determine the origin of the Borg themselves.

As Captain Brown returns to the past, she arrives at the same time three Doctors arrive from alternate realities, as the Doctors are trying to resolve a related mystery.

They all soon learn it is about this time that all future realities go awry, a single linear history is being written in the past with no clear predictability as to what and why, and with a earthbound human population acting like zombies where everything from politics, to media, entertainment, fashion and more seem to be locked in a repeating cycle every 30 years.

Working together, they all come to realize one man is in the middle of this ‘Time Storm’, a man Rachel comes to discover is her soulmate, a completely ignorant man everyone is hot on the heels of, and a man who intelligence sources of the time period adopt Rachel’s nickname for him as:

“The Idiot Who Made Everything”

The Idiot Who Made Everything Script (IN PROGRESS)

The scene:
Present day, A beautiful desert vista, a thunder storm in the background, and the camera rotates 360 degrees, slowly settling to Earth.

Narrator’s Voice:
“Once upon some time, a perfect God appeared on the Earth”

Scene:
A holographic image glitters into the scene, a god-like man (preferably played by Will Ferrell) complete with long flowing beard and white robes, wearing a hippyish new-age ‘Starwheel’ necklace (pictured below) appears underneath a ray of sunshine.Art

(Hippyish New-Age ‘Starwheel’ necklace courtesy of Jeffrey aka Macgyver)

Willferrell

Will Ferrell

As the image of the god-like man solidifies, the lines of a song can be heard in the far left distance as sirens clearly wail in the distance behind the song’s noise.

The song Ohhhh ohhh living on a prayer”  by Bon Jovi can faintly be heard in the distance.

The lyrics to the song heard: “Ohhhh ohhh we’re halfway there… Ohhh ohhh, we’re living one a Prayer”

At the same time the camera starts to back up to reveal the god-like figure is appearing mere inches over a highway road, running left to right across the field of view of the camera.

The camera then stops in time

Narrator’s Voice:
Unfortunately, this perfect God was a bit too rigid with his timing, because it was about this time that the perfect God realized he had an idiot half brother who was still alive.

Scene:
The scene quickly changes to zoom in on this car, a Lexus RX450 Hybrid, and this man, Brian Scott Gregory – a side view of the car with the man inside the car travelling at 120 miles per hour down the road – clearly rocking out, oblivious to what’s going on around him:MeWithLexus

as the song continues playing:
“We’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got. Cause it doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.. we’ve got each other and that’s a lot for love-well give it a shot ” 

At the moment the word shot is heard, the car slams into the Perfect God.

The camera slows in time to extra slow motion and quickly backs away from the scene showing nearly 50 police cars behind the Lexus, and an explosion that starts unfolding at the point of impact.

The camera quickly backs out to see the earth disappear into total blackness.

This unfolds to all of reality like a shockwave that moves past the camera, which then depicts nothing but blackness.

A two second delay past the point of total blackness.

Then a booming Godlike voice says
“Fuck me. Not again.”

Narrator’s Voice:
The big bang had apparently been a premature ejaculation.

The Back to the Future grandiose theme song starts playing

Scene:
A massive explosion ensues with a cacophony of sounds as a new massive universe forms out of the nothingness, and from out of the center of the explosion comes the letters

TheIdiotWhoMadeEverythingW

The Lexus comes flying out of the blackness, and hits the W on the way out, inverting it and mirroring it to create the letters.

TheIdiotWhoMadeEverything

(The Idiot Who Made Everything)

… AS the car zooms through blackness my face can be seen quickly approaching the camera and I am clearly completely oblivious to what’s just happened. as the lyrics play in a Doppler Effect “ohhhh oohhhh living on a Prayer… “

… as the Back to the Future Music continues playing… through the opening credits.

The scene:
A beautiful desert vista, a thunder storm in the background, and the camera rotates 360 degrees, slowly settling to Earth. Same scene as before.

Narrator’s Voice:
“(sighing) Once upon some time a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, we were led to believe a perfect God was to appear on Earth.”

Scene:

A holographic image glitters into the scene, a god-like man (preferably played by Will Ferrell) complete with long flowing beard and white robes, appears underneath a ray of sunshine.

The song Ohhhh ohhh living on a prayer”  by Bon Jovi this time can be heard blaring. No sooner does Will Ferrell appear than the camera slow down time, and you see the impact of Will Ferrell against the front bumper of the car as the car smashes inwards, and Will Ferrell’s pained expression as his body buckles against the car traveling at 120mph also buckling in the car’s front bumper.

The camera zooms out rapidly…

The camera slows in time to extra slow motion and quickly backs away from the scene showing nearly 50 police cars considerably further behind the Lexus than last time, and an explosion that starts unfolding at the point of impact.

The camera quickly backs out to see the earth disappear into total blackness.

This unfolds to all of reality like a shockwave that moves past the camera, which then depicts nothing but blackness.

A two second delay past the point of total blackness.

Then a booming Godlike voice says
“I give up. Someone call a Doctor.”

Scene:

A holographic image glitters into the scene, a god-like man (preferably played by Will Ferrell) complete with long flowing beard and white robes, appears underneath a ray of sunshine.

The song Ohhhh ohhh living on a prayer”  by Bon Jovi this time can be heard blaring. No sooner does Will Ferrell appear than the camera slow down time, and right before the car impacts Will Ferrell, time stops.

That’s when David Tennant saunters up to the frozen scene, walks around the car about to hit the god-like man and then steps up to the god like man looking at him.

Davidtennant

David Tennant

Christopher Eccleston then walks up to the god like man, touches him, and he’s clearly there, and then looks at David Tennant.

9th_doctor

Christopher Eccleston

´He’s clearly not a hologram,’ Eccleston says to Tennant.

Tennant gets a perplexed look on his face ‘Yeah, I can smell him. Where did he get that odor from, it smells like he just came in from 2000 years in the past. .’ Tennant responds.

‘Yeah you got that sense of smell thing. I never did understand why anyone might find anything of interest with that,’ Eccleston retorts.

Matt Smith pops in from offscreen ‘Yeah, that’s because you never really did have much imagination. It’s a wonder you got past the Great War and RGB Color Revolution´

mattsmith

Matt Smith

‘So are either of you two going to try, or do I have to do all the hard work as usual?,’ David Tennant quipped to the other two Doctors.

Eccleston and Smith look at eachother.

‘You are better at this, you do it.,’ Matt Smith responds.

David snarls, clearly a bit irritated and pulls out a long, cylindrical device – a ‘Sonic Screwdriver’. The other two doctors watch David as he flicks a switch on the sonic screwdriver and the device pops to life with a light and a sine-wave reverbating noise – and then he points it at the God like man.

A glimmer happens, and what is clearly a holographic suit of the godlike man shimmers away. What happens next visibly surprises them all:

The suit glimmers away and is replaced by a very attractive and completely nude woman standing in the same location in the middle of the desert – with two exceptions – she has a combadge – the audience will later learn this is a device used to communicate with a vessel – is somehow affixed to her naked chest at the top of her breast, and an almost invisible belt holding what looks like a holoprojector that created the ‘fake Jesus’ holographic suit on her right hip that appears to be on with the green LED on the top of it.

eablog_commbadge

The combadge

The woman, who looks much like this, is based on Lene Nystrom of Aqua, several pictures pictured here:

(Technology note: This character is a Bajoran race character model based on the image below. Lene provides the closest match to her facially, and almost physically. the next photo is of the Bajoran distinctive nose that distinguishes her from human).

nana_head

The woman reanimates – and then says something in a deep Will Ferrell baritone voice in Hebrew to the Doctors.

The doctors, hearing this, do not immediately respond, and look at eachother and then at the nude woman again.

She quickly pats the combadge on her chest which makes a noise sounding like this, saying something else in Hebrew, then says in perfectly clear English:

‘Who are you,’ she asks, but her voice actually sounds like Will Ferrell sounding like he is trying to sound god like. Here is a link to a Will Ferrell video for your analysis.

‘Yes’, they all respond in unison, they are after all ‘Doctor Who’s, and are commonly referred to as ‘Who’, as the audience will learn.

The woman looks confused. And then talks louder and enunciates.

‘WHO ARE YOU? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?’

Matt Smith, looking a bit confused, then a light goes off in his head ‘Ohhh you meant that as a question not a statement. Yes, we are the Doctor. And yes we understand you quite clearly. Now who, might we ask, are you?

‘Jesus!,’ the woman exclaims.

Eccleston chuckles then exclaims ‘Did we say something to upset you already? Or do you not realize you are stark naked in the middle of the desert and your holosuit has been disabled?’

The woman looks down at her holosuit projector on her hip, and then pats her combadge again, and her voice changes to that of a female voice suitable for the form she is in. The holoprojector ‘active’ light flickers off, but she is clearly immodest, and nakes no attempt to cover herself.

…. TODO: Continue dialog here, there’s two points I want to get across in this scene:

#1) Rachel is from the year 2414, and comes from a divergent reality where at this time in history, the people of her past had chosen to abandon all clothes. Historically, it was never recorded precisely why, but with the Borg taking over her reality and warfare being a regular occurrence where everyone seems to operate like drone slaves, she’s sent back in time to investigate and repair potential damage to her timeline, using whatever means she thinks is necessary.

#2)  The Doctors are from an alternate reality of their own, had thought time was highly linear, and were unaware of the divergent realities, and are at this time period to try to prevent ‘the idiot’ from screwing up their linear future.

#3) I would like to detail the character’s attitudes and beliefs and let the actors improve most of this scene. Will likely be a lot of work. but for me, I think the authenticity and multiple voices and perspectives will seem more real… AND FUN

#4) I imagine this scene going to the future bridge of Rachel’s USS Timeship Phoenix, based in the year 2414, and she demonstrates to the Doctor’s that they were in a hologram as was the Idiot, and the holographic suit was a test prototype to bridge the two time periods.

#5) Everyone seems to think a fake Jesus needs to appear to fix the ‘problems’ occurring in their separate realities.

TODO: BRIDGE to new scene, go back in time a bit to 2012

Scene:
Just outside London in a ranch house somewhere between the years 1703 – 1776. Model this after the newer Doctor Who episode where the Queen is hiding from the monsters with the Doctor.

Queen: Jesus Christ, I thought you had the body and mind of God. Why the hell can’t we get number one past this imbecile drugged up man and past the year 2013?

Jesus Christ Robot which looks exactly like Data from Star Trek: I do not know.

Queen: Please run a systems check again…

Jesus Christ Robot: Of course. One Moment

Scene:
The scene ‘Shifts’ from the London time period to a new Jesus Christ Robot perspective. He sees a clearly advanced  reality, a long hallway, with rows of computer terminals on both the right and left side, each terminal manned by exact duplicate versions of himself, as Data, every single one of them clearly playing Galaga on their computers.

They all turn around simultaneously, look at the Jesus Christ Robot, all smiling simultaneously, and every once of them simultaneously gives a “thumbs up”

The scene shifts back to the queen’s perspective.

Jesus Christ Robot: All systems report no errors, my queen, system functioning as expected.

Scene:

Rework this scene. Need to keep It current, but relate it to Terminator and make sure to include the campy ‘Spaceballs’ parody feel to it.

The Queen, suspicious of the report, slips out of her perspective, and then to me, the author of this story and my perspective as I type this out.

The queen shifts perspective into a completely nude and very attractive human female form on the Borg ship.

On the wall is a pay phone. She picks up the pay phone, and calls the operator.

Her voice changes into Brian Scott Gregory’s mom:

Operator: Operator, can I help you?

BSG’s mom’s voice coming from Borg Queen: “Can I get an operator assisted call for
(Voice changes to Brian Gregory’s voice) “O’Shea’s Irish Pub in Granada, Nicaragua”

Operator: Please insert eleven dollars and twenty seven cents for the first four minutes.

The queen starts inserting quarters into the pay phone, and the scene includes the entire amount. At the last minute she realizes she’s out of coins.

Borg Queen (yelling): Does ANYONE have a quarter?

The Borg Drones, all appear to be living, attractive and all completely nude human male and female bodies, start to feel for their pockets – which they have none. They are seen feeling their chests, legs, and they all look at her, confused, shrugging as they continue about their duties.

Then one looks down at the floor, and in an ‘aha’ moment, sees a quarter precariously perched on the edge of a floor grate.

With the Queen watching, he reaches down with a right arm, but he has a borg drone attachment and hits the grate first, knocking the coin loose, which falls down through the grate about a foot, well out of reach.

Borg Queen (Yelling): MORON! Get some others and get that quarter!

The queen then lets the phone drop (without hanging up) and stands there, stark naked with her arms folded (crossed) looking at the drone.

Several drones bang into eachother, bouncing around trying to team up, but without a true leader, they are organizing very poorly. With nine of them trying to do a job that should take two, they finally lift the grate.

They then look at the Queen expectantly.

Borg Queen (disgustedly): WELL! Get it!

The drones all look at eachother, confused, and as if on cue, they all simultaneously drop the grating, creating a large crashing noise.

Meanwhile, the telephone can be heard playing the jeopardy theme song then the operator recording comes on. 

Operator: Please insert *crackles to voice change* one quarter and *crackles to voice change* two cents *crackles to voice change* in order to proceed with your phone call.

Borg Queen (yelling): Idiots! Get that coin

The drones all look at eachother confused, and try the same sequence as before. This time, they look confused, as they hold up the grate but know what happens if they let go. They clearly don’t know how to delegate, so they nervously look at the queen, looking down at the grate, and imply the queen should be crawling under the grate.

Borg Queen (sighing): IMBECILES! Ok. We clearly need teamwork here. I’m going to tap each of you on the head and assign you a number. Since there are nine of you, I will start at one and end at nine. From this point forward, you will be my “Crack Team”, is that understood?

Simultaneously, all the drones lift their right hand and drop their left hand doing a “Heil Hitler” sign.  This sends the grate crashing to the floor again.

The Borg Queen holds her head down shaking it back and forth in clear disappointment.

She then proceeds to tap each nude male or female on the head.

Borg Queen: “Ok, you are one, you are two, you are three, you are four, you are five, six, seven, eight, and nine. Nine, you crawl under the grate and get that coin. Now try that all again.

The male, number 9, gets on his hands and knees as the others lift the grate. He crawls under the grate, retrieves the quarter, and crawls back out – handing the queen the quarter, which the queen quickly takes and plugs into the phone.

As nine tries to get up he realizes his arm attachment is stuck ‘in the grate’

With his newfound individualistic assignment, he tries to wrestle his arm loose. It’s not coming loose.

Meanwhile on the phone, the queen has inserted the coin and is dialing, completely oblivious to the drone’s struggle.

(The script is intentionally inconsistent with the fact they can dial without having two extra cents)

The drone struggles more, and she turns to face him. About this time, the other line picks up.

Person on other end: “Hola?”

Just then, the drone shrugs, and stands up, to the queen’s horror.

Borg Queen (yelling): NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE!

Nine looks up, but it’s too late, his arm attachment comes off, and the drone disintegrates right in front of her eyes.

At about that time, the phone goes dead.

The camera then travels through the wires to the O’Shea’s location as the words “Nine nine nine nine nine” can be heard in the ear of the woman answering the phone.

Time stops for the camera which is currently zoomed in her, at the same time the power goes out at O’Shea’s.

Narrator’s Voice:
It’s about then that the queen realizes.

Time slowly advances, but the lady answering the phone’s head wobbles rapidly back and forth in an unearthly way. The camera pans away from the Pub, and a brilliant white light can be seen forming where her head was.

The camera then zooms out, quickly, to a perspective of looking down at the Earth from about the distance of the moon.

Narrator’s Voice Continues:
That perhaps her self destruct code needed a bit more complexity to it.

A brilliant flash of light is emiited from the planet, forming a ring that looks EXACTLY like the rings of Saturn as the entire planet Earth is decimated in a massive explosion.

Borg Queen (nearly crying): Oh my God. It was you. 

The screen fades to black.

Scene:
London again, this time it’s evening, candles are all around.

The queen is surrounded by animatronic type robots, all that look distinctly like characters from the “Knights of Camelot” all sitting around a round table.

Borg Queen: Have we determined the exact location of the planet which self destructed?

Sir Arthur Robot: We have my queen, but we have a problem

Borg Queen: Jesus Christ, not another problem, what is it now?

The camera angle changes to a view that settles on the jesus robot, who is adorned in long robes.

Jesus Christ Robot: The planet destroyed was actually the death star. It was timed to end everything on December 21, 2012.

Borg Queen: Oh for the love of God!

An uproar is heard simultaneously from everyone at the table, followed by a lot of murmuring and commotion around the room.

The camera angle then darts around jerkily and seems to be fading in and out, losing focus, and the image changes slightly to be a straight up view that looks exactly like the “The Last Supper” by Michaelangelo .

The camera then crackles a visual digital crackle and then returns back to a more 3d view…

Jesus Christ Robot (singing): (In Tina Turner’s voice) What’s love got to do, got to do with it?

Borg Queen: STOP THAT! Ok Jesus, please log what I am about to tell you.

Jesus Christ Robot: Always

Scene:
The scene shifts perspective to demonstrate the events as the queen narrates them..

Borg Queen: When God threw you to the beginning of tiem, broken, you were clearly the best terminator we had. Strong, almost invincible. And in an instant you were broken by his thought alone. God didnt want invincible it seemed.

Scene:
The scene shifts to a new perspective to demonstrating the events as the queen narrates them..

Borg Queen continues: The second time, he threw you, a bible, Darwin’s book of evolution, and a wooden ‘t’ to the beginning of time. Clearly God’s a Golfer, or likes to play games, so we littered the world with golf courses and other games, but we made the mistake assuming this again.

Scene:
The scene shifts again to a new perspective to demonstrating the events as the queen narrates them..

Borg Queen continues: The third time, he threw you, and all the religious texts from the beginning of time, Darwin’s Book on evolution, the wooden ‘t’, a Dungeon’s and Dragons book, some very strong rare earth magnets, a pink sunflower seed that had been aged a million years, all of this surrounded by fish oil wrapped in a magazine article featuring a time traveling “Doctor”, a beautiful red headed woman, and a device known as the TARDIS, or Time And Relative Dimension In Space.

Lady Gwyneth Robot (played by Gwyneth Paltrow): Are you suggesting what I think you are milady?

Scene:
The scene shifts rapidly back to the round table, zooming in on the queen.

Borg Queen: I am. The war it seems is finally over. He finally understands females and demonstrates a need for us. We have a bus to catch.

Scene:
Earth is in the process of the final steps of a reconstruction project, the visuals taken DIRECTLY from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

The camera spins around as Arthur Dent approaches his home. And then, using a Google earth like zoom between locations, the camera ‘flies’ to the other side of the world, Portland, Oregon, and into a mobile home where I am writing the original draft of this manuscript. I wave at the camera, not able to see it but know it’s there…

TODO: Start here: Develop this more: Have the Doctor Who ‘whisper’ from a parallel reality to ask me to put down the date.
On the paper, I’d just got done writing the date: 10/ 6/ 2012…

Scenes to be sure to include:
- Terminator world scene in the desert
- Meeting the robot for the first time who talks to me over the iPod in the desert of California.
- Robots big and small in Sedona.
- North Carolina holographic / sliding realities
- Washington DC evacuation scene – seeing the exodus out of DC and no one heading in.

Scene note continuing:
The ‘Doctor’, watching all of this, speeds away from the scene,

The only problem is British dates are day month year.

So we now see the adventure where the Doctor who epsidoe bus gets teleported in one episode to Mars. Then another episode where the bus gets teleported in the movie “Jumper” he never gets the right bus trying to squash me, because the date conversion issue.

A third visit results in an emotionless and senseless population that results in terminator wars & robotic warfare (Battle Star Galactica)

The women lacking men work together to protect the men in the fourth reality.

Other concepts to include:

- Perfection is in the eye of the beholder
- Sigourney Weaver masturbating with Gorilla in Gorillas in the mist. Sex starved women realize that men make great sex partners and they develop the Ape acoordingly after this event (in the past). A creeping spermy climbs up inside her to create a new generation of male, that she’s not aware of. Gotta think of a way to ‘position’ this to be a mother magdeline thing.
- Integrate elements of Deep shit, deep thought’s younger dumber brother,
- also the androgenous ties to #1 from the Star Trek series, and how the queen keeps using him to try to recreate the sequences from the bible and adam and eve, at times castrating him, when his.. thing.. comes to life and crawls away at the speed of light.
- Cracked realities, walking from one room in one reality to another in another reality and so on. with cracked times.
- E=MC^2 and more ^3 ^4 ^ infinity and more.
- the development of probability and statistics and the CO evolution of the human mind and robotic minds to create a convergent species.
- Sight and sound, perception creates the experience and rewrites time to include those experiences.
- Sound and time and energy all as inventions, embraced by the masses, and the evolution of this planet is to include these concepts and use them like we’d use a painter’s brush.
- About how the US was built to intentionally fuck something up as much as possible and then take it one step further.
- definition of madness / insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Making sanity doin the same thing over and over again getting different results.
- concepts of depressants and stimulants and the effect it has on the time traveling mind.
- Acccidentally drowning a terminator
- Marrying the borg queen
- insulting darth vadar
- Being Bart Simpson
- 42 being the answer to everything, and when I was supposed to die. and i couldnt even do that on time
- 86 is an agreed on year to die and go to the next journey
- mice not as smart as they think

I(nsert this saying somewhere:
“Oh for the love of God can we please leave this one alone? He’s driving us frickin insane and won’t quit talking and he’s promised 86 years if we just give him what he wants.

God stops time while he writes this.

Meets with him. Resumes time.

And travels the world with him.

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